魔多客（2021）

总而言之 我要把托尼·斯塔克这个杂碎
In closing, I am going to blast that wet bitch Tony Stark
炸成黑洞
into a black hole.
黑洞枪 到来吧
Black Hole Gun, won't you come?
到来吧
Won't you come?
我走了 我给我老婆戴绿帽子呢
I have to go. I'm cheating on my wife.
很不错 摩多客
DORIS: Impressive work, MODOK.
我很乐意批准你的请求
I'll be happy to approve your request,
只要等叨咕叨西部
just as soon as it gets sign-off
叨咕叨北部 以及叨咕叨餐馆分部 叨咕叨棒球联盟
from Grumbl West, Grumbl North, Grumbl restaurant division,
叨咕叨狗狗乐园批准了就行
and Growl-mbl, the Grumbl for dogs.
预计要等三个月吧
It should take about three months.
不公平啊
This isn't fair!
我现在就想杀掉钢铁侠呢
I wanna kill Iron Man now!
好辣
Ugh! God, that burns.
我要的是柠檬汁啊
I wanted lemonade.
抱歉搞了个原力场
- Huh? - Oh, sorry about the force field.
是拿来驱赶害虫的
I use it to keep out pests.
以及白♥痴♥
And total shitheads.
厉害了 我来跟你说更多和好消息啊
Dope! Just came to give you some more great news.
我让人力资源的风云人物查了你的档案
I had the rockstars in HR check your file.
结果发现你都在这边十年了 都没有休过假呢
Turns out in your 10 years here, you've used none of your vacation days.
没有风云人物这样过呢 你个风云人物
No rockstar's ever done that before, you rockstar!
- 然后呢 - 然后明天开始
- And? - And starting tomorrow,
你要用光所有的假期
you have to use every single one of your vacation days.
三个月的狂欢哦
Three whole months of fun in the sun.
好了 各位乘客
All right, passengers,
大家该在一起吃吃龙虾
time for everyone to fun-gregate for lobsterritas
看看雷鬼主题的表演了
and some reggae-themed improv.
求不要
Please, no.
抱歉莫妮卡 这是达利斯的命令
Oh, sorry, Monica, this comes straight from Doris.
太不好了啦
Ah, this is the worst!
我如果不吃午饭 也不给海牛打镇定剂
I guess if I skip lunch and don't sedate the manatees,
今天之内应该就能把他们的骨骼都取出来
I should be able to get most of their skeletons out by end of day.
还有好消息哦
B-b-b-bonus news!
这些你都办不到
You don't get to do any of that
因为所有高层员工
because all upper-level employees
都要参加一个五小时的强制性工作场所情绪安全研讨会
have a mandatory five-hour workplace emotional safety seminar.
如果你不同意 你就吃我的屁吧
And if you have a problem with that, you can eat my ass...
研讨会上会教你们不要说这种话哦
is the kind of thing they'll teach you not to say at the seminar.
拜呀
Byeeeeeee!
- 摩多客 - 我要把你的网站炸掉 傻屌♥
Hey, MODOK-Blow it out your web portal, dick.
研讨会会很精彩的 你们现在要去了
That'll be great for the seminar! Which you now have to go to.
你又咋了
So what's your problem?
我没有枪 没有丰功伟绩
I got no gun, I got no legacy.
一转眼 我就会变成腐烂在森林里的尸体
Before you know it, I'll be a rotting corpse in the woods
等着小破孩把我找到
that a bunch of kids find,
然后推动他们长大成人 并永远巩固了他们的友谊
propelling them into adulthood and cementing their friendship forever.
他们逼我休假
They're making me take a vacation.
天啊 我从不会强迫员工休假的
Good God. I would never make an employee do that.
也不会允许的
Or let them.
真的 你还记得以前这里啥样吗
Seriously, remember how it used to be around here?
乱七八糟 毫无章法
Messy. Disorganized.
天天出搞笑的工伤
Hilarious worker deaths.
以科学之名 行科学之事
Science for science's sake.
你可以的莫妮卡 一定行
You can do this, Monica. You're gonna get the job.
你可以和你的英雄共事了
You're gonna get to work with your hero.
太好听了
What a song!
马上回来 继续本年度2009年一个周五
We'll be right back with more of our all-'80s Friday
更多80年代的金曲
in this, the year 2009.
这个问题问得好啊
Oh, what an interesting question!
如果我需要干掉一个超级英雄
I guess if I needed to take out a superhero,
我会折叠暗物质离子 让它们通过一个显微镜棱镜
I'd fold dark matter ions and channel them through a microscopic prism
制♥造♥一束能摧毁敌人所带给我们
to create a beam capable of destroying
最强大威胁的光束
even the most powerful threat they could throw at us.
很好的回答啊
Great answer!
你就像电视剧《豪斯医生》里的豪斯
You're like the character House from the show House,
在2009年非常流行的
which is very popular in this, the year of our Lord 2009.
好吧 让我成为第一个恭喜你加入团队的人 科学无人机HB86号♥
Anyway, let me be the first to say welcome aboard, Science Drone HB86--
我想说我是您的死忠粉呢
I just want to say that I'm a big fan. Ha!
你说的好快啊
Wow, you said that really fast.
穿上工服吧
Now suit up.
因为今天我们有牛逼的秘密项目呢
‘Cause we're taking on a hella sweet secret project today.
我们要杀掉一个复仇者
We're gonna kill an Avenger.
太好了 我得到梦寐以求的工作了
Yes! I got it! I got my dream job.
这是我办公室
This is actually my office.
我不知道我♥干♥嘛要走 你走
I'm not sure why I left. You leave.
好的
Okay!
你说得对 这地方以前好多了
You're right. This place was better before.
我们可是全世界最厉害的两位科学家了
We're two of the most brilliant scientists on the planet.
当然有一位比另一位更厉害
Huh, one of us more brilliant than the other.
同意
Agreed.
是我把
Me?
我们当然可以比这些大公♥司♥的傻屌♥们聪明了
We can outsmart these corporate dillholes.
你是说 我们要吝啬的合作
Are you saying that we should begrudgingly work together
来达成我们重复的目标吗
to achieve our overlapping goals?
没错 你会拿到你的枪 杀死一位受人爱戴的超级英雄
Yes. You'll get your gun to kill a beloved superhero--
就能换来一世英名
Thus securing my legacy...
嗯嗯 然后我也不用放假
Sure. And I won't have to take a vacation.
合作吗
Team up?
合作
Team up.
莫妮卡 你的血管都膨胀了
Whoa, Monica, your veins are popping!
我的咋没有啊 等我一下
Why aren't mine doing that? Here, give me a minute.
马上就膨胀
Here they come.
我靠 我好丢脸
Come on. You're embarrassing me.
先锋科技所有的最终决策都要经过达利斯的运营部
All the decisions made in A.I.M. eventually go through Doris in Operations.
如果我们可以偷偷接触到她的电脑
If we can get to her computer, unseen,
你就可以黑进去 立刻批准你拿枪
you can hack into it, get immediate approval for your gun,
然后销掉我所有的假
and erase all my vacation days.
假期 你最不想要的东西
Vacation, all you ever didn't wanted.
但是如何逃脱强制的办公室探讨会呢
But how do we get out of that mandatory workplace training?
如果摩多客和莫妮卡在那边 其实又不在呢
What if MODOK and Monica were there, but we weren't?
无需多言
Ah-ha! Say no more!
还需再多多言
Uh... Well, say way more.
这些是基于硅酮的人形替身
These are silicone-based humanoid body doubles.
我本打算用它们来进行高级间谍活动的
I was going to use them for high-level espionage
但是一直没搞明白咋弄
but could never quite crack it.
它们只能记住大约100个预先录好的单词
They can only be programmed to remember about 100 prerecorded words,
而且大约两小时后 它们就开始分解了
and after about two hours, they start to decompose.
不过应该足够骗到那些傻缺了
Still, they should be enough to fool the morons around here.
莫妮卡 我没注意
Monica, I wasn't paying attention,
现在怎么有两个你了
and now there are two of you!
你是女巫吗
Are you a witch?
我已经给我的替身准备了一堆通用商务话术了
I've already loaded mine up with a bunch of generic business talk.
你也照做
You do the same.
我得在海牛生殖器腐烂之前 给它们裹上保鲜膜
I've gotta go Saran wrap some manatee genitals before they spoil.
或许正好可以利用这个机会
Or maybe this is the perfect chance
试试我一直在练习的一些新式流行语
to try out some of the new catchphrases I've been working on.
流行语
Catchphrases!
噢 不错不错
Ooh, that one's pretty good.
在一个要求我们都戴面罩的公♥司♥里
How do we address diversity
该如何传递多元文化
in a company where we're all required to wear masks?
也许我们已经够多元的了
Maybe we're already diverse?
数到三 每个人都喊出他们是什么种族
On three, everyone yells out what race they are.
如果这让你觉得不舒服 就说“不舒服”
If that makes you uncomfortable, just say, “Uncomfortable.”
好吗 一 二 三
Okay? One, two, three.
不舒服
Uncomfortable.
啊 魔多客 莫妮卡 感谢
Ah, MODOK, Monica. Thank--
好了 稍后再说
Yes, let's circle back on that later.
这个大男孩喜欢很大 很大的汉堡
This big boy likes big, big burgers.
感谢你的分享 魔多客
Now, that's a great share, MODOK.