魔多客（2021）

哦 找到了
Oh, here we go.
他们把我的发明弄烂了
BOY: They broke my invention.
他们还 还叫我“大头”
They... they called me "Big‐head."
总有一天 你那个大大的 漂亮的 差点把子♥宫♥撑爆的
‐ One day that big, beautiful, womb‐wrecking head of yours
脑袋会生出一堆奇思妙想
is going to dream up fantastic things.
你将改变世界
And you're going to change the world.
是时候改变世界了
‐ Time to change the world.
打得丫跪地求饶
By bringing it to its knees!
进攻
Attack!
莫多克
‐ M‐MODOK?
你知道莫多代表什么吗
‐ And do you know what MODOK stands for?
独家打造的精神有机体
‐ Mental Organism Designed Only‐‐
逃出来喽
‐ For Kill‐‐ PILOT: Made it!
杀戮特♥供♥
‐ For Killing!
等我的先锋科技军队摧毁了证交所 颠覆经济之后
After my AIM soldiers destroy the stock exchange and topple the economy,
我 莫多克 将以我的形象建立新的技术乌托邦
I, MODOK, will build a new technological utopia in my image‐‐
钢铁侠
Iron Man?
打中了后脑勺 不用你说
‐ Cheap shot to the back of the head, I know.
本来我瞄得是你身上的其他部位 但是
I was actually aiming for literally any other part of your body, but‐‐
什么鬼 玛丽·贝瑞 那个派的饼皮也太薄了吧
Oh, come on, Mary Berry, that pie crust was next level flaky!
我要你血债血
‐ You shall pay for‐‐
你是在我们战斗的同时
Are you binge‐watching The Great British Bake Off
通过头盔看英国烘焙大赛吗
in your helmet while we fight?
错 我这叫细细品味英国烘焙大赛
‐ No. I'm savoring The Great British Bake Off.
存着慢慢看
Making it last.
一天绝不超过两集 顶到头看三集
No more than two episodes a day. Three tops.
埃德·金伯靠姜味馅饼夺冠了
MODOK: Ed Kimber wins with his ginger tart!
先锋科技 全名 先锋科技机制
COMPUTERIZED VOICE: AIM, Advanced Idea Mechanics.
打破科学 酷刑
Pushing the boundaries of science,
以及高精尖武器之间的壁垒
torture, and advanced weaponry.
先锋科技 以科学之名行科学之事
At AIM, we do science for science's sake,
我们为征服世界而存在
and we're settling for nothing less than conquering the world.
拿到钢铁侠的靴子啦
MODOK: We got Iron Man's boot!
干得漂亮 莫多克
MAN: Yeah, MODOK!
咱虽然没成功破坏世界经济的稳定 但钢铁侠
‐ We didn't destabilize the world economy, but Iron Man kicked me so hard
使劲儿踢了我一脚 靴子卡悬浮椅里了
his boot got wedged in my hoverchair,
所以 这把算咱们赢了
so... victory!
袭击纽约失败
‐ The assault on New York was a colossal failure.
全部归咎于你
Because of you!
斯塔克早知道我们要去了
Stark knew we were coming.
你竟然发了推特说 “目前心情 即将袭击华尔街”
You tweeted "Current mood: about to attack Wall Street."
成吧 我算是明白了
‐ Okay, I know what this is.
你这就是嫉妒我拿到靴子了
This is boot envy.
别这样 莫妮卡
You're better than that, Monica.
我来先锋科技是要和带着脑子的莫多克共事的
‐ I came to AIM to work with the brilliant MODOK,
那个做了无数试验改造自己
who mutated himself through experiments.
那个曾经逆转地球的引力 把人变成恐龙
Who once reversed the Earth's gravity, made people into dinosaurs
然后又恐龙变回成人的莫多克
and then dinosaurs into people.
你是要改变世界的人
You were gonna change the world.
循序渐进 莫妮卡
‐ Baby steps, Monica.
慢慢来
Baby steps.
谁想在我拿靴子的时候摸摸我
Who wants to touch me while I touch the boot?
- 我 - 我想摸
MAN 1: Oh, me. MAN 2: I wanna touch that!
让我摸一下 莫多克
MAN 3: Let me touch it, MODOK!
莫多克*
* MODOK
耶 耶 *
* Yeah, yeah
耶 耶 *
* Yeah, yeah
他晚上去哪
‐ Where does he go at night?
鬼知道
‐ Nobody knows...
就没人知道要把罐子单拿出来吗
‐ Ohh! No one took the cans out?
加把劲儿
Come on!
我 靠
Ah, shit.
就是这样啦
‐ And look at that!
只要努力多那么一丢丢
With just a little more effort,
袜子就可以折成巴伐利亚椒盐卷饼的形状
your socks can be folded into the shape of a Bavarian pretzel!
完成这个只需要 要十个小时吗
And it only took us ten hours?
天 不管怎样 如果喜欢这段视频
Jesus! Anyway, if you like what you saw,
- 可以去看 乔变你的生活 这本书哦 对了还有 - 乔迪
check out my book Jodify Your Life and‐‐ ‐ Jodie!
- 好了 妈妈们 - 你家爷们儿拿到靴子啦
‐ All right, moms‐‐ ‐ Your man got boot!
妈妈们明儿见
i‐ "Hasta mom‐yana!"
我所有视频结尾你都会蹦出来
You're at the end of all my videos.
无所谓了 大新闻
Whatever, big news!
我的书登上了自助出版的自助名单列表
My book made it onto the self‐published self‐help charts.
我正在和一些大厂
I'm getting approached for sponsorship deals
接洽赞助的事
with huge companies.
- 油管啊 谷歌♥啊 叨咕叨 嘀咕嘀 还有 - 靴子闻起来有花香
Youtube, Google, GRUMBL, GRIMPL, and‐‐ ‐ This boot smells like potpourri,
有秋天的味道
a fall scent.
你认为他会随着季节而改变香味吗
Do you think he changes it for the seasons?
那个啥 冰沙机坏了
‐ You know what? The smoothie machine's acting up.
又坏了
‐ Ugh, again?
这回别拿拳头砸了
‐ And don't just bang on it with your fist this time.
刚那个一身便宜货的玩意儿是不是叫我冰沙机来着
‐ Did Ross‐Dress‐For‐Less over there just call me a smoothie machine?
人家是超级机器人 拥有艺术家灵魂的高科技机器人
I'm the Super Adaptoid: a high‐tech robot with an artist's soul.
我
I‐‐
这是您的蓝莓爆爆冰
Enjoy your Blueberry Blast.
呃
‐ Ew.
太甜了 差点忘了
Too sweet. Oh, I forgot.
卢 下来一趟 你得跟你儿子谈谈
Lou, ven ahorita! You need to talk to your son.
啥事儿啊 今早我俩谈过了
‐ Why? I talked to Lou this morning.
我让他给我拿卫生纸来着 不带卷筒的
I demanded he bring me toilet paper. Solid convo.
卢 麻烦向你父亲解释一下为什么我们
‐ Lou, please explain to your father why we spent all day at the mall
在商场耗了一天 都没买♥♥到成人礼礼服
and you still don't have a bar mitzvah suit.
我想找高档货
‐ I am looking for something classy,
但没有一件衣服有超长的燕尾
but none of the suits had extra‐long coattails,
德古拉款项圈 或者有能装鸽子的袖子
Dracula collars, or sleeves wide enough to house doves.
剧透预警 我打算在读摩西五经的时候放鸽子
Spoiler alert: I plan to release doves during my Torah reading.
变魔术 卢 你怎么就不能挑个正常青少年的兴趣爱好呢
‐ Magic? Lou, why can't you just pick a normal teenage‐boy theme?
比如运动或者开拖船
Like sports or tugboats?
这日子过不下去了
‐ I hate my life!
梅丽莎 排练发生什么事儿啦
‐ Aw, Melissa, what happened at practice?
特里西亚·卡茨基的新花滑服是蛋白色的
‐ Tricia Katzky's new figure skating costume was egg white,
和我的云白色服装只差两个色度
which is only two shades away from my cloud white costume!
所以我拿小号♥钓她 爆她有糖尿病
So I catfished her, leaked her DMs,
现在学校里所有人都知道她有“血液紊乱症”
and now everyone at school knows about her "blood disorder."
但是为啥我却被留堂了
And somehow I'm the one who gets detention?
梅莉 我们已经谈过了
‐ Melly, we've talked about this.
不用翻墙隐藏网络地址
You can't catfish people
就不能拿小号♥钓别人
without using a VPN to disguise your IP address.
大家听好了 妈妈有个大新闻要宣布
Now listen up, everyone, Mom's got big news!
你们老妈自愿睡沙发
Your mother's about to volunteer to sleep on the couch
这样我就可以在婚床上和钢铁侠的靴子过夜啦
so I can spend the night in my marital bed with Iron Man's boot!
机甲悬浮摩托花费800万美元
AIM ACCOUNTANT: Eight million on the hoverbikes,
激光炮花费2000万美元
20 million on the laser cannon,
飞艇花费3000万 在录像里
30 million for the airships, and 49.95 for the software
加价签的软件花费49.95万
that lets me put price tags on video footage.
那个 最后那个 把那个预算减掉
‐ That! That last thing. Let's cut that.
我算不算 很会做生意
Am I... good businessman?
关于这个组织由谁领导 咱们得好好聊聊
‐ We need to talk about the leadership of this organization.
你竟然敢挑战我的权 那
‐ How dare you question my‐‐ Wha‐‐ What‐‐
那是个什么鬼东西
what the hell is that?
实验品 现在是时候
‐ An experiment. Now it's time you‐‐
天 它竟然用嘴巴尿尿
‐ Oh Jesus, it just pissed out of what I thought was its mouth.
不重要 但先锋科技伤亡惨重 就因为你没能
‐ It's fine! But AIM is not. Because you have failed to‐‐
好吧 它刚刚油毡上划了个“杀了我”
‐ Okay, it just scratched "kill me" into the linoleum.
我说了 不重要
‐ I said it's fine!
你该下台了 应该由我来接管先锋科技
It's time you stepped down and let me run AIM.
是啊 关于这点
‐ Ah, yeah. About that.
如果这些数字没问题
Uh, if these numbers are correct,
那先锋科技很快就要玩完了
soon there won't be any AIM to run at all.
- 什么 - 没钱了
‐ What? ‐ We're completely out of cash.