魔多客（2021）

你好 我是贝基 我很喜欢适应体
Hi, this is Becky, and I love the Adaptoid!
天啊 你听起来就像一团烟雾
Whoa, you sound like an absolute smokeshow!
算你说对了 我看起来就跟适应体一模一样
Guilty! I look like the Adaptoid!
爸爸好喜欢呢
Ooh, daddy like!
跑 阿甘 快跑
Run, Forrest, run!
一溜烟儿就没了
S-s-smokin'!
天啊 他到底想要干嘛
My god, what does he want from us?
让你们打电♥话♥啊
For you to call in!
只需在电♥话♥上拨通 1 适应体 现在
Dial 1-ADAPTOID-NOW...
你不是听众吗 为什么要给我们电♥话♥号♥码
Why is the caller the one giving us the phone number?
呃 抱歉了
Uh-oh. Uh, sorry.
好吧 我还是把他关了吧
Okay, I'm just gonna turn his volume off.
不 魔多客 别关
No, MODOK, you can't!
我爱你啊 我得了克罗恩病
I love you! I have... Crohn's Disease...
他才没得这个病
He doesn't have Crohn's Disease.
就算有人得了未确诊的克罗恩病 也该是我 而我确实得了
If anyone has undiagnosed Crohn's Disease, it's me. And I do.
好吧 等一会儿接上旋风犰犰 我们就开始抢劫
Alright, once we get Armadillo, the heist is back on.
我们结婚了 这对你一点意义也没有吗
We're married! Doesn't that mean anything to you?
帮帮忙好吧 我们已经离婚8年了
Ay, por favor. We have been divorced for eight years!
你都没送我戒指啊 你忘了吗
You don't even give me a ring, remember?
但这就是当时我想送给你的那枚戒指
But that's the kind of ring I would have gave you!
你把它当了 简直太戳心了啊
And you broke my heart when you pawned it!
你活在梦里吧
You're delusional!
兄弟 你再缠着她我就对你不客气了
Buddy, if you don't leave my wife alone, I'm gonna kick your ass!
山猴
The Mandrill!
矮油 看来艾琳好动物恶棍这一口
Ooh, Irene certainly has a thing for animal villains.
行吧 把你的睡衣系好 咱们过两招
Okay, tie up your robe and let's fight!
这是和服披风
It's a kimono,
就该这么穿
and this is how you wear it!
等 好了 好了
Hey, wha... ah, okay, okay, ow!
旋风犰犰 快上车把
Armadillo, get in the van!
再也别来了
And stop comin' around here!
我还以为你看到我喝得烂醉大发雷霆的样子
I just thought maybe if you saw me all drunk, throwin' a tantrum,
会赢得你的芳心
it would win you back!
山猴 进来吧
Mandrill, get inside.
- 好吧 - 旋风犰犰 走吧
- Okay. - Armadillo, go away.
这门是他找人定做的吧 就为了显摆
He put in that kind of door just so he could do that!
很抱歉你碰上这种事
I'm sorry that, that, um... happened to you.
很痛苦的
It just hurts.
要接受爱着爱着就不爱了的事实
Accepting the fact that people are capable of falling out of love with you.
- 你懂吗 - 懂
- You know? - Yes!
我是说 不懂 我是个幸福的已婚男人
I mean, no! I'm happily married.
幸福得像花一样 每天晚上都高♥潮♥滚滚
Super happily. I back up the orgasm truck every night.
天 这你都告诉我 还挺大方的
Wow. That's really brave of you to share that with me.
我抢劫不下去了 各位 我要回家
I can't do this heist, guys. I'm goin' home.
等等 我可以帮你出气
Wait! I can fix this.
不 谁干的
No! Who did this?
怎么做到的
And how?
10条士力架挑战
Ten Payday bars?
都是他们在油管上学的 我也不懂
Some YouTube stunt, I don't know.
魔多客也是个废物 是吧
And MODOK is useless, I take it?
他唯一不废物的地方 就是打开我的大型强子对撞机
The only thing he's useful for is turning on a large hadron collider.
这可不是我小妹妹的昵称哈
Which is not what I call my vagina.
没想到我还挺喜欢你的
Well, you are very cool.
不 我就是个大烂人
No, I'm a jerk.
我把魔多客耍了 可我跑到这里
I'm bagging on MODOK, but I came here
求着他帮我弥补谎言
to beg him to fix my stupid lie.
我希望他可以把视频从网上删掉
I was hoping he could wipe the video off the internet
或者释放一种什么神经病毒来清除所有人的大脑
or release a targeted neuro-virus that would erase everyone's mind.
你懂得 很简单的
You know, somethin' simple.
别管魔多客了
Forget MODOK.
我们有世界上最棒的遗传学专家
The best geneticist in the world is on staff.
- 谁 - 我啊
- Who? - Me.
嗨 融化哥 我给你的烤奶酪卡车想了个好名字
Hey, Melter. I was thinking about a name for your grilled cheese truck.
水乳♥交♥融
Manchego Winnebago!
我已经想好一个完美的名字了
I have a name already. And it's perfect.
我不会告诉任何人的
And I ain't sharing it with no one!
好的吧 我也是想帮忙嘛
Fine, I'm just trying to help.
好了 现在要开始我们第一阶段的计划了
Okay, it's time for phase one of our plan!
- 第一站 - 深夜肉糜
- First stop... - Night Loaf!
深夜肉糜不是关门了吗
I thought Night Loaf was closed.
不是的 今天是满月 他们会为了狼人们开门的
No! It's a full moon, so they reopen for werewolf hours.
什么 好吧 那先抢劫
What? Alright, first the heist
然后我们去光顾下这个传说中的深夜肉糜
and then we'll see if this Night Loaf place is even real.
深夜肉糜
Night Loaf!
我们需要来点音乐
We need some tunes that jam.
回望77年的夏天 简直就是我们甜甜腿乐队的天下
Nothing jammed harder in the summer of '77
到处都在放着我们的专辑《小心点》
than my band Sweetleg and our album Look the Hell Out.
这不是我一家之言哦 《克劳老爹》也是这么认为的
That ain't just me talking, that's Crawdaddy magazine,
那期的封面可是亨利·维克勒呢
with Henry Winkler on the cover.
很摇滚呢 老爷爷
Rock and roll, grandpa!
老爷爷 是谁口出不敬啊
Grandpa? Who's insulting me like this?
把我老花镜拿来 让我好好看看这帮小混混
Give me my cheaters so I can look these punks in the face!
- 好多皱纹呢 - 好恶心啊
- He's so wrinkly! - So gross!
好像戳到某人痛处了
Oh, someone's self-conscious!
- 一下子就蔫儿了呢 - 赶紧进棺材吧 老不死的
- Yeah, looking all ashamed and shit. - Just die already, you old bag.
不如你教教他们怎么摇滚
Why don't you show them how to rock?
密西西比刺痛
* Mississippi Tingle
- 抓住他 咱们走 - 什么鬼
- Get him! Let's go. - Ah, what the hell?
他们有十字弩 快跑
Oh, that's a crossbow! Go!
跑 跑 跑
Go, go, go, go, go!
天哪 我中箭了
Oh my god, I've been shot!
永别了 我要死了
This is it. I'm dying.
这就是我的临终遗言
This is my death rattle.
只是射中了车牌而已
It hit the license plate.
太好了 那不属于我的身体
Oh good, that's not actually a part of me.
快 拐到这里 拐进来
Oh, oh. Turn here! Turn here!
安加 你乐队已经解散30年了
Angar! Your band's been broken up for 30 years,
你要放手了
you've got to let it go.
不要再活在过去了
Stop living in the past...
天啊 这高中是我母校
Oh my god, this is my old high school.
我得进去 快啊
I have to go in there! Move!
你认真的吗
Are you serious?
这是史上最长的第一阶段了
This is the longest phase one in history!
打完就抢是没有第一阶段的
There's no phase one in a smash and grab...
闭嘴啊 融化哥
Shut up, Melter!
门斯特干酪小吃车
The Muenster Truck?
门儿
Not even...
都没有
close.
我需要那个盾牌
I need that shield.
退后 青少年们 我是高科技机器人
Back off, teens! I'm a high-tech robot!
我不止可以
I'm more than meets the...
我天 忘记锁门了
Oh god, I forgot to lock the doors!
我打破了所有州的田径记录
I had every state track and field record,
但我永远不会在这些奖杯上看到我的名字
but I'll never see my name on any of these trophies.
对哦 你不识字
Oh right. You can't read.
那我也知道我名字长什么样啊
I know what my name looks like!
侧边马蹄铁 甜甜圈
Sideways horseshoe, the donut,
横档破掉的梯子 扭扭蛇
the ladder with a broken rung, the twisty snake.
重点是 药检之后
The point is, they took my name off the trophies
他们就把我名字从奖杯上拿掉了
after the drug testing.
你吃兴♥奋♥剂♥了
Oh, you were juicing.
没 但是血检显示我有变种人能力
No. The blood tests showed I had mutant abilities.
奥♥运♥会 再见了 一切都再见了
Goodbye, Olympics. Goodbye, everything.
我这些还是很努力得来的
I still worked hard for these.
抱歉啊
I'm sorry.
这样好点吗
Does this help?
厉害啊 磅饼
- Whoa! - Nice one, Poundcakes!
不
No.
要不今晚就到此为止吧
Hey, maybe we should just call it a night, huh?