魔多客（2021）

呼叫霍尼（饥渴）医生！
Paging Doctor Horny!
你跟那个傻缺果冻男还真是一拍即合
You really nailed it with these friggin' jigglin' jelly guys.
谢了 达利斯正在开电♥话♥会议
Thanks. Doris is going into a teleconference now.
原计划只开30分钟
It's only scheduled to last about 30 minutes,
但我们得让她在里面待至少两个小时
but we need to keep her in there for at least two hours.
我有个主意
I actually had an idea for that.
嘿 各位 我是保罗
Hey, everyone. This is Paul speaking,
旁边坐的是米歇尔和杰达
over here with Michelle and Jada.
你好 嘿 大家好
Hi. JADA: Hey, everybody.
开始之前
And before we begin,
我想说 很开心能参加这次的会议
I just want to say how excited I am about this meeting.
你好 下午好 保罗
Hi. Good afternoon, Paul.
我是达利斯 运营主管
You're on with Doris, Head of Operations.
和我在一起的有何塞和迪尔曼
And with me are Jose and Dillman.
你好
Hi!
他们能听见我们说话么 不是说连上了么
Can they hear us? I thought it said they were connected.
- 呃 我们能听见你说话 - 你能听见我们说话么
Um, we can hear you. Can you hear us?
嗨 达利斯 嗨 何塞和迪尔曼
Hi, Doris. Hi, Jose and Dillman.
很好 这样 关于第四节
Wonderful. So, about the fourth quarter--
我是米歇尔 可以 我们能听到你的声音 请继续
This is Michelle. Yes, we can hear you. Go ahead.
好的 我 是这样 我刚说到第四节
- Yeah, I-- Okay. I was saying the fourth quarter--
嗨 米歇尔 我是何塞
Hi, Michelle. This is Jose.
何塞 闭嘴
Jose, shut up!
好像我们这里有延迟
Seems like we have a delay happening here.
- 嗨 何塞 - 好吧 我想我们应该
Hi, Jose. PAUL: Okay, so I think we should--
达利斯 你刚才是让我闭嘴吗
Doris, did you just tell me to shut up?
呃 不是的 我在和何塞说话
Uh, no, no. I was talking to Jose.
你好 这里是何塞 是让我闭嘴来着
Hi! Jose here! I was supposed to shut up.
我觉得好像有
I think there's some kind of--
我觉得有延迟
I think there's a delay.
嗨 何塞 很遗憾达利斯叫你闭嘴
Hi, Jose! Sorry Doris told you to shut up!
- 我让他闭嘴是因为 - 闭嘴
- I only told him that because-- Shut up!
嗯 好吧 我默认为刚那句“闭嘴”是说给杰达听的
Um, okay, I assume that "shut up" was meant for Jada.
不管怎样 我觉得最好的办法是
Anyways, I think maybe the best thing to do is--
抱歉 那个“闭嘴”是说给杰达听的
Sorry, that “shut up” was meant for Jada.
闭嘴 保罗 达利斯在讲话呢
Shut up, Paul! Doris is talking!
所有人 闭嘴
Everybody, shut up!
我想大家应该重新启动服务器
I think we should try to reboot the server.
别叫保罗闭嘴 迪尔曼 你才应该闭嘴
Don't tell Paul to shut up, Dillman! You shut up.
我听说你找了小三
I heard you cheated on your wife.
- 没错 - 我觉得
I did! JOSE: I think this is--
- 闭嘴 - 闭嘴
Shut up! PAUL: Shut up!
等等 谁在哭呢
Wait, who's crying?
嘿 达利斯 嘿 保罗
Hey, Doris. Hey, Paul.
我是罗德尼 从凤♥凰♥城打来电♥话♥
Rodney here, calling in from Phoenix.
我也很开心 我觉得有延迟
I'm also really excited about--I think there's a delay
罗德尼是谁
Who is Rodney?
我是米歇尔 只想说这简直就是地狱 让我死了算了
Michelle here, just saying this is hell and I want to die.
我也受过折磨 但这也太狠了
I've done my share of torture, but this shit is evil.
没错
Yeah.
现在我们得把达利斯的秘书达芙妮和部门其他人引出去
Now we gotta get Doris' secretary Daphne and the rest of her sector out of there.
达芙妮是派对策划委员会负责任
Daphne's the head of the party planning committee.
明白了 我们可以让加里假装今天是他生日
I got it! We can have Gary pretend today is his birthday.
哦 今天还真是我生日 看到了没
Oh, well, today is my birthday actually. See?
没错了 加里 就是这意思
Yes, Gary, way to sell it!
人们真的会来替他庆生吗
Will people really show up for him?
他可是加里
He's Gary.
大家都喜欢我 我可是加里
People love me. I'm Gary!
这是我们计划中最冒险的部分
It's the riskiest part of our plan,
但我们得赌一把
but we're gonna have to roll the dice.
所以给你所有的厨房♥用具起名字
So it's very important to give all of your kitchen utensils
是件很重要的事
first and last names.
强制参加休息室的庆生活动
Mandatory birthday in the break room!
我没时间买♥♥蛋糕
I didn't have time to get a cake
所以我要用低脂陈年奶油做生日糊糊
so I'll be making birthday paste out of Sweet'N Low and old creamers.
好了 要黑进去了
All right, hack time.
她的密♥码♥肯定是她整天看的东西
Her password must be something she looks at all day,
比如“书桌”
like "desk."
不是 密♥码♥错误
No, that's not working.
也许是“书桌1”
Maybe "desk1."
不对 ”书桌2 ”
Nope. "desk2."
- 你能快点吗 - 为什么 时间够用
- Would you hurry up? - Why? We've got plenty of time.
只要一切顺利
So long as nothing goes wrong.
莫妮卡 魔多客 你们没事吧
Monica? MODOK? Are you okay?
驴蛋蛋
Donkeytastic...
好吧 我应该把员工死亡事件上报给达利斯
All right, seems like I should report these employee deaths to Doris.
来吧 各位
Come on, everyone.
这个 也许她的密♥码♥是我的生日
Well, maybe her password is my birthday.
- 为什么会 - 哦 等等 看 就是那个
- Why would it be-- Oh, wait, look, it's right there.
哈 你知道个啥 好吧 进去了
Huh, what do you know? Okay, I'm in.
就在那时我才意识到
And that's when I realized
我不必继承我父亲的酗酒问题
I didn't have to inherit my father's drinking problem.
嗨 保罗 我是何塞
Hi, Paul, Jose here.
这真是一个突破
That is such a breakthrough!
应该没人能听到我说话 但说话的感觉真好
I don't think anyone can hear me, but it feels good to talk.
好吧 见鬼去吧
All right! The hell with this!
我要回办公室了
I'll be in my office!
是啊 迪尔曼 闭嘴 我是罗德尼
Yeah, Dillman! Shut up! This is Rodney.
祝你生日快乐祝你生日快乐*
* Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you
生日快乐亲爱的*
* Happy birthday dear...
祝你生日快乐*
* Happy birthday to you
今天真是个特别的日子
This is such a special day.
你们怎么知道我最喜欢的糊糊是灰色的
How did you guys know my favorite paste flavor was gray?
这是UNIX系统 我知道这个
It's a UNIX system. I know this.
达利斯 两个员工融
Doris, two employees melted--
憋回去 我走进大厅
Save it! I walk in the halls,
在隔间里撒尿
I piss in the stalls,
在墙上写字
and I talk in my walls.
这就是我称之为办公室的地方
Which is what I call my office.
快点 他们来了
Hurry, they're here!
我们做到了
We did it!
现在 我们去拿枪
Now, let's go get that gun.
轻轻的 我们走了
And like a whisper, we're gone.
等等 莫妮卡
Hold up, Monica.
在这令人不安的结盟结束之前
Before we end our uneasy alliance,
我想说 我知道我们处不来
I just want to say that I know we don't get along,
但就像我很多计划一样
but just like a lot of my plans,
如果没有你 这次计划是不会成功的
this one never would've worked without you.
谢谢你帮我保护我的英名
Thanks for helping me secure my legacy.
现在 让我们把托尼·斯塔克送到有钱人的地狱去吧
Now, let's go send Tony Stark to rich guy hell!
什么
What?
两个莫尼卡 又来
Two Monicas? Again?
第三季度收入
Q3 Revenue...
我要把这个拿走
I'll take that.
是这样的 魔多客 当莫妮卡来找我
You know, MODOK, when Monica came to me
告诉我你是如何一手策划颠覆公♥司♥政策的
and told me how you singlehandedly hatched a plan to subvert company policy,
还要偷走叨咕叨的设备时
and steal Grumbl equipment,
我的反应是 “八可能 ”
I was like, “Nah way.”
但不幸的是 现在看来答案很可能是
But now it seems like the answer might be, tragically,
“还真是 ”
“Yes way.”
莫妮卡 你竟敢背叛我 为什么
Monica, you dare betray me? Why?
我靠 本想随便杀个复仇者 但你竟然把主角之一干掉了
Holy crap! I wanted to kill an Avenger, but you took down one of the main ones.
- 如果 如果这是 系列电影的话
- If-- If this were, say, a film franchise,
你会因为杀了个大人物就毁了整个系列
you would've just ruined it by killing a huge character.
我甚至都不用说他或她的名字 反正大家都知道
I don't even need to say his or her name. We all know it.
没错 打工仔们 我 魔多客 杀了这个至关重要的复仇者
Yes, peons, I, MODOK, have killed this incredibly essential Avenger!
享受胜利吧 孩子们
Soak it in, my babies.
如果大家认为是魔多客干的
It's just better for everyone at A. I. M.
先锋科技的人会更容易接受些
if they think MODOK did this.
莫妮卡 你怎么能这样
Monica, how could you?