冒牌牧师（2015）

Impastor S01E03

Part 1 March 31, 2021, 2:55 p.m.

I couldn't get over
我仍然无法接受
how much had changed.
我的世界改变了多少
Last week, I was a godless lowlife on the run,
上周我还是一个心中无神论的在逃屌♥丝
and now I was the moral leader of an entire community.
现在我是整个社区的精神领袖
One thing that hadn't changed...
只有一件事没有变...
I still had needs.
我仍然有需要
Just so you know, this isn't part of last night.
我得和你说一声这可不算在昨晚之内
It's gonna run you another hundred.
是要多收你一百块的
Do I get a discount for your snoring?
你昨晚打呼噜了能给打个折不亲?
I have sleep apnea.
我有睡眠窒息症
So you want it or not?
你到底想不想继续了?
Yes.
想想想想想
Ooh, that sounds bad.
天啦撸发生了什么可怕的事情
Buddy, are you o...
巴迪你还好...
Oh! Oh, Lordy Lord. Oh, God!
我的亲娘嘞!
God damn it!
小生去年买♥♥了个表!
Was that your wife?
是你妻子吗?
No. I'm gay.
不我是同性恋啊亲
This was bad, real bad.
这下可不妙了真真不妙
If Dora knew I was lying about being gay...
如果朵拉知道我撒谎说自己是同性恋的话...
Come on!
天！
It wouldn't be long before she found out
她早晚会识破我其他的谎言
what else I was lying about...
我关于什么说谎了呢...
which was everything.
所有的一切
Dora?
朵拉?
Hi! I'm so sorry.
不好意思
I'm so, so sorry.
太抱歉了
It's just when I got here this morning,
只是我早上来的时候
I heard this horrible moaning,
听到了可怕的呻♥吟♥声
and so I-I...
所以我....
Oh, I'm so sorry.
我真的很抱歉
Listen, about what you saw...
那个啥你看见的...
Don't you worry.
不用担心
Your secret is safe with me.
我会保管好你的秘密的
What... what secret?
啥... 啥秘密?
Well, that you're having sex.
恩... 就是你啪啪啪的秘密
And I won't even ask who the mystery man is.
我都不会问那个神秘男森是谁
Thank you!
谢谢!
Because he and I wanna keep this private,
因为我和他都不想让别人知道这个
you understand? Oh, of course.
你懂吗? 当然啦哈哈哈
Of course. Is it Steve the Mailman?
嗯哼是斯蒂夫那个邮递员吗?
'Cause I've just always had my feelings about him.
因为我老感觉是他
What can I say?
我能说啥呢?
I never could resist a man in uniform.
我从来都抵挡不住制♥服♥诱惑
I couldn't believe that Dora thought my hooker was a mailman.
我不能相信朵拉以为我找来的妓♥女♥是个邮递员
Ha.
Ladner was the hottest craps table I'd ever been at.
拉德纳是我上过的最棒的赌桌了
I just kept rolling 7s.
色子一直滚出七(7表示赢了)
Hello, uh, uh...
你好呃...
Oh. Yeah, no,
恩那啥
I was just out on my morning power walk.
我刚刚在外面晨练健步走呢
I thought I'd stop by to wish you good luck tomorrow, huh?
然后我觉得应该顺便过来祝你明天一切顺利哈
Uh... tomorrow?
明天?
Sunday. Your first service.
星期日你的第一次布道
Oh!
哦!
Right, yeah, of course.
恩对当然
Hey, Thanks, Alden. Yes, I trust
谢谢你啦奥尔登嗯哼我相信
that you will give us a service
你会像前任牧师一样
that will uphold the dignified standards
保持他神圣庄严的
of your predecessor.
风格和标准
You don't have any of those services on video, do you?
你不会碰巧有之前布道的视频吧?
'Cause I'd kinda like to see how it's done.
我想看看都是怎么布道的
I mean... how it used to be done.
我的意思是... 前任牧师是怎么布道的
Uh... uh... no, I don't.
呃呃呃...我没有
Well, then...
好吧那...
off to walk the second 1/2 mile
我就继续再去走个半英里啦
to the energizing beats of Mr. Neil Diamond.
跟着凤♥凰♥传奇有力的节奏走起来
It was panic time.
吓死宝宝了
I could BS my way through a lot of things,
我可以忽悠过去很多事情
but a church service wasn't one of them.
但是布道可不是我能忽悠过去的
How's everybody doing?
大家都怎么样?
So, Jesus...
所以说耶稣...
am I right?
对吧?
That's probably not gonna be enough.
这样估摸着不行肯定得露馅
Hey! Prepping for your big debut?
嘿在为首次重大亮相准备吗？
Just... checking out the sight lines and exits.
就是... 就是看看过道啊出口呀啥的
Um, I wanted to ask you something.
恩...我想问一件事
Are you allergic to any foods?
你对什么食物过敏?
Because your welcome party is a potluck,
因为给你的欢迎派对上大家都要拿来自己做的食物
and we don't wanna kill you.
我们都不想杀死你哈哈哈
Green peppers make me fart, but other than that, I'm good.
绿胡椒老让我放气除了这以外真没啥
Um, here is the program for Sunday's services,
恩... 这里是星期日布道的程序
if you wanna take a look.
你可以看看
Looks like it's got the whole thing laid out for me
看起来你把所有的东西都写下来了
word for word.
一字一句的
Yes. Reverend Willis used to call it "Pray by numbers."
威利斯牧师以前把这个叫做"用数字来祈祷"
When he wasn't criticizing my margins.
如果他没有批评我的页边距
So it's all here. All there.
所以这都全写下来了啊所有的
Yeah, baby, another 7!
啊哈又是一个七!
Uh, pastor... Buddy. Sorry.
恩牧师... 巴迪那啥
I was wondering if you had given any more thought
我就是在想你有没有想过
to the personal matter that we emailed about
那个我电邮给你发的私人的事情
prior to your arrival?
在你来这之前的时候那个?
Uh... right. The email.
对那个邮件
You had a very clever subject line for that email.
那个邮件的主题特别有意思
What was it again?
是什么来着?
"Personal matter"?
私人请求?
That's the one!
对对对对! 就是那个
Yeah. I-it tells you all you need to know.
恩那个邮件里包含了所有你需要知道的
So what do you think? Will you do it?
那你怎么说呢? 你会帮我吗?
It's just... it would mean so much to me.
就是... 如果你能帮我的话对我意义重大
Yeah, sure.
恩恩当然啦
Thank you. You're welcome.
谢谢没关系
For whatever the hell I just agreed to.
我刚刚tm答应了啥
Whoa. Is that the Bouquet of Enchantment?
嘿那是魅力之花吗?
Good eye! They're for Buddy,
好眼力! 这是送给巴迪的
to wish him luck on his first service.
代表了祝他第一次布道好运气
Okay. Let's get one thing straight.
呵呵咱们把这件事说清楚
He is not.
他性取向不是女啊亲
I'm not so sure about that.
这你可说不准
I have a pretty strong gaydar.
我可是有个不错的识别同志的雷达的
Then maybe you want to get your antenna checked.
也许你得检查检查你的触角了
The other night he called me very sexy.
有天晚上他说我是个磨人的小妖精
Buddy called you sexy.
巴迪叫你小妖精
Very sexy. Okay.
磨人的小妖精呵呵
In what context?
语境是啥呢?
In the context of me being very sexy.
语境就是我是小妖精
Oh, yeah? And then what happened?
呵呵之后呢?
I... That's what I thought.
我... 我就知道
You got talk. I prefer action.
你嘴上说说而已我可是行动派
Very sexy!
磨人的小妖精!
Good to see ya.
很高兴见到你
You are rockin' that hat.
你戴这帽子真好看
Congregation has waited a long time for this day, Pastor.
全体教众一直都在等待这天的到来牧师
All eyes are on you.
你是万众瞩目啊
And my eyes will be on this program,
而我会瞩目于这个小册子
which I will be reading from
一会我会读里面的内容
to all of you.
对着你们所有人
Inspiring words.
鼓舞人心的话语
Hi, Pastor, I'm Steve, your mailman.
牧师你好我是斯蒂夫你的邮递员
It's great to meet you.