冒牌牧师（2015）

Impastor S01E03

Part 3 March 31, 2021, 2:55 p.m.

我提议教区投标表决
to remove Pastor Barlow.
是否撤销巴罗牧师的职务
You know very well
你应该也清楚
you need the approval of the church council.
这需要教堂委员会成员的同意
And since it's us,
也就是我们
clearly, you're not getting the votes.
而显然我们不会同意
I may not have the votes,
你们不同意也没关系
but what I do have is the home number
但是我可以去找我的朋友
of my friend, the regional Bishop.
他是地区主教
Alden. Gonna tell on me?
奥尔登你要打我小报告?
I'm gonna invite him to your welcome party.
我叫他来参加你的欢迎派对
Five minutes alone with Bishop Perkins,
和珀金斯主教单独待五分钟
and you'll dig your own grave.
你就会迫不及待去自杀了
Oh, please!
哦得了吧!
More like two minutes.
两分钟都撑不过啊
It was crunch time.
紧急时刻到了
If I was gonna fool the Bishop,
要唬住主教
I had to learn the Bible from cover to cover.
我得把圣经从头到底看一遍
Turns out the covers weren't the problem.
结果发现看懂封面和封底并不是问题
It was everything in between.
只是其中的东西难住了我
Come in.
进来
I am so sorry,
真是太抱歉了
but that Alden Schmidt
那个奥尔登·施密特
does not know what he's talking about. Now,
完全不知道自己在讲什么
Bishop Perkins may be kind of old-school,
就算珀金斯主教可能有些老派
but I have faith that he's gonna see you
我也相信他会实事求是地
for who you are.
评价你
Which would be...
我是怎么样的?
A caring and progressive leader.
一个负责开明的领袖
And religious scholar to boot,
还是个神学专家
Mr. Two-time Central Florida Bible Trivia Champion.
两度夺得弗州中部圣经知识大赛冠军
Okay, let's...
那个...
let's not bring that up at the party.
那个派对上别提这个
I don't like to brag.
我不想太招摇
Oh, you. You know, I'm kind of a buff myself.
真谦虚其实我也是个圣经专家
Maybe I could take you on some time.
有空我们来较量一下
We have a ton of Bible trivia games here.
我们这里圣经小游戏有很多
"Brother Bob's Bible Bash."
"鲍勃教友的圣经大挑战"
Oh, no, but that one's just for kids
算了这是给一点都不了解
who don't know anything about the Bible.
圣经的小孩子玩的
Thank you, Brother Bob.
多谢了鲍勃教友
Buddy.
巴迪
Buddy.
巴迪
FYI, Alden and the Bishop just arrived.
提醒一句奥尔登和主教到了
FYI part two... homemade cupcakes.
还有就是...我做的小蛋糕
Thank you!
多谢了!
I'd crammed my head with all the Bible trivia
我脑中已经塞满了一个小学生能记住的
a third-grader could possibly hold.
所有圣经小知识
I was ready to box with the Bishop.
准备好和主教过过招了
Ooh. He looks mean.
他看上去不是省油的灯
Hey, Russell. What ya got there?
嘿拉塞尔你带了什么来?
My world-famous oversized Swedish meatballs.
我的招牌菜特大号♥瑞典肉丸
And I brought Dijon chicken breast from Celestino's.
这是我从塞莱斯蒂诺买♥♥的第戎鸡胸
I think I'll start with those.
我还是先吃鸡胸吧
Ah. I had a feeling you were a breast man.
我猜你就喜欢胸
There you are.
你在这儿
Uh, Bishop Perkins,
珀金斯主教
I'd like you to meet
这位是
Pastor Barlow.
巴罗牧师
How do you do?
你好
I do pretty great, thanks. I mean,
我很好谢谢
I haven't healed the number
圣经上说耶稣治好了麻风病人
of lepers that Jesus did in the Bible...
有11个之多
that answer is 11... but things are good.
我没这本事...其他都还好
You all right? You seem a little nervous.
你还还好吧? 你看上去有点紧张
Yeah. You're not all...
是啊你不会是...
hopped up on those poppers, are you?
嗑那些什么药物了吧?(Poppers-一种非法药物)
What? No!
什么? 才没有!
Where would I even find amyl nitrate?
我上哪找硝酸戊酯去呀?(Poppers的主要成分为硝酸戊酯)
I mean, if that's what poppers are... are they?
我是说如果你说的是那种药...没错吧?
I don't know.
我不知道
Gentlemen, care for a martini?
先生们要来杯马提尼吗?
Yes!
当然!
I don't drink. Neither do I.
我不喝酒我也是
Oh. Me neither.
噢我也不喝酒的
I assumed this was a water martini.
我以为这是兑水的马提尼
Alexa!
阿莉克莎!
You know better than to offer us alcohol!
你怎么会想到给我们拿酒的!
She means well.
她是一番好意
Oh... I'll take two. Thanks!
哦...我要拿两杯谢谢!
Alexa, do me a favor.
阿莉克莎帮我个忙
Keep an eye on Steve the Mailman.
多留意下那个邮递员斯蒂芬
Don't let him drink too much.
别让他喝高了
Could be bad for Buddy. For Buddy? Why?
可能对巴迪不好对巴迪?为啥?
Well, you didn't hear it from me,
别说这是我告诉你的
but the other day, I walked in on him and Steve
但就是前几天我进门撞见巴迪和斯蒂芬
having relations.
在滚床单
Of a sexual nature.
用他们的嘴巴
With their mouths.
做一些XXOO的事情
Oh, my God! Yeah.
哦我的天啊!是嘛
Yeah! So if he gets soused, I mean,
是的!所以我的意思是如果他喝多了
who knows what kind of holy heck
谁知道会发生
could break loose? And we do not
什么鸟事?而且我们绝对不能
need a scene in front of the Bishop.
让主教看到这一幕
Not my cat, not my problem.
事不关己高高挂起
You know what I mean? It's like...
你明白我的意思吗?就像...
Excuse me.
打扰一下
You are not going to believe this.
你绝对不会相信
Buddy had oral sex with Steve the Mailman.
邮递员斯蒂芬口了巴迪
What?
啥!?
I always had my feelings about them.
我一直觉得他有问题
I told you this. I know,
我告诉过你的我知道
but I didn't believe you.
但是我原来不相信
It's a good thing Jesus isn't with us right now,
还好耶稣现在没跟我们在一起
or he might change these waters into wine.
不然他可能会把这些水变成美酒
He did that, you know. Yes.
你知道他以前就这么做过是的
We're aware.
我们都知道的
Pastor Barlow,
巴罗牧师
Alden has concerns.
奥尔登有些担心
Grave concerns.
非常的担心
About whether your liturgical methods
关于你做礼拜的方式
will mesh with the...
是否能和
wholesome traditions of this community.
这个团体的健康传统相一致
Of this community.
和这个团体
Well, just because I do things a little differently
但是仅仅因为我做礼拜的方法有些不同
doesn't make this town any less wholesome.
并没有让这个镇子变得一丁点不健康
No wonder you can't get it up for me.
难怪你跟我啪啪啪的时候硬不起来!!
You're blowing the Pastor!
你的力气都用来给牧师吹♥箫♥了!!
Honey...
亲爱的...
Stop, honey, come on, stop.
别闹了亲爱的别这样别闹了
Pastor,
牧师
your study, now.
立刻去你的书房♥
You've gotta believe me.
你必须得相信我
What that woman said is totally untrue.
那个女的刚才说的都是鬼扯
I have never blown... Sit.
我从来没有吹...坐下
You know, I have a joke.
你知道吗我有个笑话
Who's the funniest man in the Old Testament?
谁是<旧约>中最搞笑的人?
Samson.
参孙(<旧约>中以力气大而出名的人物)
Because he brought the house down.
因为他把房♥子掀了个底朝天
Thou shalt not kill, but you killed on that one.
不可杀人(kill也有征服之意) 但是你这个笑话真的绝了
That's the Fifth Commandment, by the way.