冒牌牧师（2015）

Oh, yay! Everybody, Janie gets a Luther Rose.
哦 耶! 小朋友们 詹妮得到了一枚路德玫瑰贴纸
I'm next!
我是下一个!
Oh, everyone, I think we see our special visitor.
哦 小朋友们 我想我们迎来了一位特别来宾
It's Martin Luther.
他是马丁·路德
Wow!
哇!
Ho-ho-ho.
吼 - 吼 - 吼
Merry Reformation Day.
宗教改革日快乐
Ha, that sounds sort of like something Santa would say.
哈 你说话口气像个圣诞老人
You want to say something that Martin Luther would say?
还是说点马丁·路德想说的话吧?
Right. Right, um...
好的 好的 呃
I have a dream!
我有一个梦想!
Oh!
啊!
You nut.
傻啊你
But will his bloodlust end there? Who knows?
这个杀人狂会就此收手吗? 谁知道?
The Shepherd Lake Lunatic could be right here among us,
那个在牧师湖出现的疯子 可能就在我们中间
ready to kill again!
随时准备再次行凶!
Nobody wants to bob for apples?
都不想玩啃苹果游戏了吗?
Hey, been looking for you.
嘿 找你半天了
Great job on the costume, by the way.
对了 服装道具搞的不错
Oh, thanks. You wear it well.
哦 谢谢 是你穿着好看
Thank you for making it well.
感谢你做的这么好
Okay. What's wrong?
好吧 到底什么事?
Tiny thing... you know Alden?
一点小事... 你知道奥尔登吧?
Turns out, he saw me at the lake the day I dumped Kenny's body.
原来 那天他看到我在湖里处理肯尼的尸体了
Isn't that funny? What?
多好笑? 什么?
I don't mean "ha-ha-ha" funny, more like he wants me
我想说 不是那种能笑出声的好笑 而是他想让我
to go to the cops with him kind of funny.
去自首的那种好笑
Okay. You know what's not funny?
好啊 你知道什么不好笑吗?
What I am gonna do to you if you rat me out.
你要是出♥卖♥♥♥我 我就让你看看什么是不好笑
Okay. Okay, first of all, how,
好了 首先 你能把我怎样
and nobody's ratting anybody out.
其次 咱谁也别出♥卖♥♥♥谁
We'll figure this out. We just gotta stick together.
只要一起努力 这事我们肯定能解决
Tick-tock, Martin Loser.
倒计时了 马丁·撸货
I got to go.
我得走了
All right, kid, here's the plan.
好了 骚年 计划是这样的
As soon as you pin the feces on the door,
你把这纸条定在门上的一瞬间
turn to your right and reach for the gold.
立刻向右转 抓你想要的咪♥咪♥
Okay? Spin, spin, spin.
行吧? 转圈 转圈 转圈
Go!
走!
Oh! I've been stabbed. I know too much.
啊! 我被捅了 我知道的太多了
Oh, and here's your prize.
喔 这是你的奖励
Time's up, Pastor.
时间到 牧师
Attention... I just want to say,
注意啦... 我想说两句
it's... it's been a great fair so far, hasn't it?
这个... 这次展会目前为止非常成功 对不对?
Come on, give it up.
来啊 来点掌声
Yeah.
耶
And we owe it all to one person.
这都归功于一个人
No, not me... not MLK.
不 不是我... 也不是马丁·路德·金 (囧)
I'm talking about the person
我要提的是这个
who put this whole thing together...
组织这次活动的人
Dora Winston!
朵拉·温斯顿!
Yeah. Thank you.
是的 谢谢
If anyone deserves a sticker, it's her.
最应该得到奖励贴纸的 就是她
In fact, let's give her two!
其实 我们应该给她两个!
Russell?
拉塞尔?
Now, who should bestow this gift upon her?
那么 谁愿意把奖品授予这位女士呢?
Oh, my gosh, me, me, me! Pick me!
天啊 我 我 我! 选我!
Me! Me, please! Who's it gonna be?
我! 我 选我吧! 该选谁呢?
Well, how about you, young quiet fellow?
嗯 就你吧 安静的骚年
All right, kid. Here's your shot.
好了孩子 你机会来了
Stick the landing.
贴对地方
Oh, it's a little low there,
噢 贴的有点低了
but, um, thank you.
不过 呃 谢谢你
Awesome!
太爽了!
Hey. Hey.
嘿 嘿
That was very sweet of you. Oh...
你真的很贴心 喔...
You know, I was actually starting to wonder
你看 本来我都开始怀疑
if you still needed me, you know,
你是不是不需要我了
now that Alden Schmidt has a direct hotline to you.
因为奥尔登·施密特和你直接用热♥线♥电♥话♥联♥系♥
Hotline? Yeah.
热♥线♥电♥话♥? 是啊
What are you talking about?
你说什么呢?
Well, it's no secret. Alden told me all about it
其实这不是秘密了 奥尔登都告诉我了
when I saw him buying the burner phone.
就在我看见他去买♥♥一次性手♥机♥的时候
Did he? Yeah.
他真买♥♥了? 对啊
Interesting.
有意思
But you know what?
但是你知道吗?
This makes up for...everything.
这个就足够弥补...一切了
It's just nice to know
真的很开心
I haven't been killing myself for no reason,
还好我没有糊里糊涂的自杀
that there's somebody who really appreciates
因为有人真心的欣赏
everything that I've been do... where are you going?
我一直以来做的一切... 你要去哪?
Hey, I have a plan to take care of our Schmidt problem.
嘿 我想到搞定施密特的办法了
I'm gonna need your help.
不过要你帮下忙
After I dumped Kenny's body in the lake,
在我把肯尼抛尸湖中之后
I'd kept a little souvenir.
我留下了一点纪念品
Uh, Pastor Barlow?
巴罗牧师?
I just didn't think I'd have to use it so soon.
只是没想到这么快就又用上了
Come in.
请进
Are you ready to go to the police?
准备好去警局了吗?
Before we do, I want to talk to you for a second.
我们去之前 我想跟你说几句话
Close the door.
请把门关上
Look... as a pastor,
听着 作为一名牧师
I've had some dealings with troubled youngsters,
我和一些问题青年打过交道
and I've noticed the police have a way of twisting things.
而且我注意到警♥察♥善于曲解事实
Is there a point to this jibber-jabber?
你在瞎说这些做什么?
Well, Alden, I'm concerned for you.
唉 奥尔登 我很担心你
For me? Yeah.
担心我? 是啊
On the day this man was apparently murdered,
在这个男人被谋杀当天
you were at the lake. Yeah.
你就在河边 是啊
As was I... me performing my pastorly duties and you...
就在我... 给别人洗礼的时候x7f
Well, you saw me. I was fishing.
你看见我了 我在钓鱼
Well, I saw you. You were driving.
是啊 我看见你了 你当时在开车
Did anyone actually see a... fish?
有谁真的看见你钓鱼了吗?
No, I don't believe so.
没 我想没有
So no alibi.
所以没有不在场证明
Well, alibi... wh-what would I need an alibi for?
不在场证明... 我为什么要有不在场证明呢?
I didn't do anything. I believe you,
我啥也没干 我相信你
and I'm not gonna even ask why you purchased one of those
而且我都不准备问你为什么要买♥♥一个
burner phones typically used by criminals
一般是罪犯才使用的一次性电♥话♥
and then lied about it to Dora. It's none of my business.
还对朵拉撒谎了 这都不关我的事
I'm just saying the police might take that and run with it.
我只是说 警♥察♥可能会把这些联♥系♥起来做一下推理
Now... now, wait a minute.
现在... 等一下
I have no involvement in this whatsoever.
不管这是啥事儿 都跟我没关系
I know that, and you know that,
天知地知 你知我知
but others might see you as a suspect.
但是别人可能会把你认定为犯罪嫌疑人
For what... murder?
什么嫌疑人... 谋杀?
I... what possible motive would I have?
我... 可是我有什么动机呢?
Well, let's just say this guy was blackmailing you.
那我们假设一下这个人当时在勒索你
Maybe he found out you're having a little trouble with the wife.
也许他发现你和你的妻子有一点小问题
Uh, that is preposterous.
这真是瞎说八道
Now, Hilda and I are deeply and publicly in love.
听好 希尔达和我深深地 广为人知地相爱着
Of course. Of course, and I'm sure you have nothing to hide.
当然了 当然了 我确定你没啥可以隐瞒的
I'm just saying, if you make yourself a person of interest
我只是说 如果你主动去找警♥察♥
by going to the cops,
却让自己变成了嫌疑人
just be prepared to have your life exposed.
你就准备好把你所有的秘密全部暴露出来
Come in.
请进
Pastor Buddy?
巴迪牧师?
I need to tell you something.
我要跟你说点事情
Oh, hello, Alden.
好啊 奥尔登
Wha... maybe I should leave.
额... 也许我该走了