冒牌牧师（2015）

Aren't you gonna invite us in?
你不邀请我们进去吗?
Well, I would, but the place is a mess.
呃 我也想让你们进来 但是我家实在太乱了
But since we're all friends...
但是既然我们都是好朋友
Oh, come on.
噢 进来吧
Hey, moving up in the world now, Buddy.
现在发迹了是吗 巴迪
How'd you, uh... how'd you guys find me?
你们怎么... 怎么找到我的?
You called your girlfriend from a landline...
你用固话给你女朋友打的电♥话♥...
easy to trace.
很容易查到
Oh, I'm glad you did,
非常高兴你查到了
because I just came into 12,000 bucks,
因为我刚好入账一万二
and I want to pay you some of the money I owe.
我想把我欠你们的钱还一点
Is that right? Yeah.
是吗? 恩
I'll get it to you as soon as the bank opens tomorrow.
只要明早银行一开门我就给你们钱
In the meantime, you guys should spend the night.
而今晚 你们就在这过夜吧
I'll throw on a movie,have some popcorn.
咱们可以一起看个电影 吃点爆米花
Butter? See, Buddy.
黄油味怎么样? 巴迪 我跟你说
You fool me once, shame on me.
你耍我一次 蠢的是我
See, you fool me twice, I [bleep] you up.
你要是耍我两次 我TM就把你弄死
I don't think that's how the saying goes.
这俗语不是这么讲的吧
Shut up!
闭嘴!
Let's do it. Whoa, whoa.
咱们下手吧 喂喂喂
"It"? W-what's "it"?
下手? 下什么手?
Wait! Wait, are you gonna kill me?
等等! 等等 你们是要杀了我吗?
Nah, first we're gonna split your nut sack.
当然不 我们要先把你的蛋蛋撕碎
Then we're gonna kill you.
然后我们才会杀了你
More fun.
这样更好玩
Wait! No, wait!
别啊 不行啊 别介啊!
Yeah? We found him.
说 我们找到他了
Good. Now you call me back when he's dead.
好的 他死了以后再给我回电♥话♥
When you're about to die,
当你即将死去的时候
you think about your biggest regrets in life.
你会开始回想生命中留下的最大遗憾
Mine is not jumping off that god damn birdge.
我的遗憾是没有跳下那个天杀的桥
Buddy, it's Alexa.
巴迪我是亚莉克莎
I'm at your front door. Where are you?
我在你家门口 你在哪里?
It wasn't fair.
这不公平
Things had finally started to go right for me,
我的生活刚刚步上正轨
and now the universe was taking it all away.
但是上帝现在却要夺走这一切
Can't you give me one more chance?
就不能再给我一次机会吗?
God!
上帝啊!
Really? All I had to do was ask?
真的应验了? 只要向上帝请求就行了?
My life had been saved by a miracle,
一个奇迹拯救了我
and I tried to figure out why...
我想知道这是为什么...
then gave up and got totally wasted on weed and tequila.
但是后来我放弃寻找答案了 沉溺于大♥麻♥和龙舌兰的世界
Good morning.
早上好
What's, uh...what's all this?
这些... 这些都是什么东西?
Uh, all-night prayer fest.
呃... 通宵祈祷仪式
A prayer fest? Yeah, yeah.
这是一个祈祷仪式? 对 对啊
I, uh... first, I pig out on some snacks,
我...先是吃很多零食
then I pig out on the Bible.
然后再研究很久圣经
One of my guilty pleasures.
这是我的羞耻享受之一
Well, it certainly is a messy pleasure.
这确实是个乱七八糟的享受
And you know what they say, cleanliness is next to...
你知道人们都怎么说 保持清洁...
Impossible.
几乎不可能
That's not how it...
这句话不是这么...
Oh, I love having a pastor with a sense of humor.
哦 我真喜欢你这种有幽默感的牧师
Lord, forgive me, but when Reverend Willis was here,
上帝请原谅我说这话 但是当威利斯牧师在这的时候
he was so unhappy.
他特别不开心
You know, I used to call him "The Complainer."
我过去一直叫他"吐槽君"
You're really good with nicknames.
你挺擅长给别人起外号♥的
Thanks, Mr. Messy Pants.
谢谢你啦 脏裤子先生
Let's work on that one.
咱们还是再想个更好的吧
I kept thinking about LeeAnne and how much I missed her.
我一直惦记着莉安 我非常想念她
The question was, did she miss me too?
问题是 她有没有想我呢?
Here was the perfect chance to find out.
现在有个绝佳的机会去探知答案了
I was going to my own funeral.
我要去参加我自己的葬礼
Didn't I say he was charming?
我早就告诉过你们他很讨人喜欢了吧?
Buddy, I would like you to meet Sean and Jeffrey,
巴迪 我想让你认识一下 这个是肖恩 这个是杰弗瑞
two of the members of our church.
他们俩都是我们教会的成员
Russell's told us all about you.
拉塞尔跟我们说过关于你的很多事了
We're very excited to have one of our own as the new pastor.
我们很高兴有一位我们当中的人来做律师
He's mentioned that... a few times.
他以前提起过...几次
Nice to meet you both. Oh, do you have to run?
很高兴见到你们俩 你现在要离开了吗?
We'd love to sit and chat
我们特别想跟你坐下来聊一聊
about how you're going to change things around here.
你将会怎么改变这里
I'd love to do that, but I'm in a bit of a hurry.
我也特别想跟你们聊 但是我现在急着走
You know, God stuff.
你懂的 上帝什么的
Well, is there any message you have for the gay community?
好吧 你有什么想跟同性恋协会说的话吗?
Dude-on-dude action...
男男运动...
it's the best.
是最棒的
That was... interesting.
挺...有趣的啊
Didn't I tell you he was different?
不是跟你们说他很与众不同了吗?
But so cute.
他真可爱
Whatever you're thinking, stop it.
无论你在想什么 别想了
I called dibs. I didn't hear you...
我先说 我看中了 风太大我听不清...
Dibs.
我先占咯
My baby stroller accidentally bumped your car door.
我的婴儿车不小心撞到了你的车门
If you see any damage,please call me,
如果有什么损坏的话请给我打电♥话♥
and I'll take care of it.
我会赔偿的
I don't get it, people in this town are honest,
我就不理解了 这个小镇里的所有人都很诚实
even when no one's watching.
即使旁边没有人看着
It's just weird.
真太奇怪了
Buddy?
巴迪?
Hey, Alexa.
你好 亚莉克莎
Is everything okay? What do you mean?
你还好么? 怎么啦?
What happened last night?
昨天晚上发生了什么事?
You told me to come over, and then you weren't there.
你让我过去 然后你却不在家
Oh, I didn't know you meant you were coming right over.
哦 我不知道你说的过来是马上就来
I thought you meant generally.
我以为你就是说会来而已
Like, "Sometime I'd like to come over."
就像 "哪天我去你那坐坐"
Oh, good.
哦 这样啊
When you didn't answer the door,
当时按门铃你没有应
I thought something happened to you.
我还以为你出什么事了呢
No, no, I'm fine.
没没没 我很好
I just... I went out for a while.
我就是…出门了一会儿
But your car was still in the driveway.
但是你的车还在车道停着
I went for a walk.
我出去散步了
But in the middle of a thunderstorm?
暴风雨的时候去散步?
As Jesus said...
耶稣说过...
When you walk with God,
当你与上帝同行时
he becomes the umbrella.
他会做你的雨伞
I'm paraphrasing, of course. Oh, okay.
当然了 原话不是这样说的 就是这个意思 好吧
Well, I'm... I'm glad you're okay.
没事 你...你没事就好了
Nice to see you. Yeah.
很高兴见到你 恩
Bye. Okay. See ya.
拜拜 好哒 再见咯
Oh, what a mess, huh?
简直是一团乱哈?
I've never seen anything like it.
我从没见过任何类似的情况
Ugh, what a day for Otis to call in sick.
哎 奥蒂斯偏偏今天请病假
And by sick, I assume you mean sleeping it off.
生病才怪 肯定是因为睡懒觉
Now, now...judge not that ye be judged.
看看你...莫去评判他人 以免遭他人评判
Yeah, I believe that's judge not, lest ye be judged.
额 我那句话是莫去评判他人 而让他人来评判
Actually, it's judge not that ye be judged,
其实 原句是 莫去评判他人 以免糟他人评判
for with what judgment ye judge,ye shall be judged.
因为不论你评判他人什么 你都会被同样的评判
Do you really want to get into a Bible throwdown with me?
你真的想跟我PK一下 比谁圣经吃的透?
I didn't think so.
谅你也不想
Morning. Hey.
早上好 嗨
Michael. Good morning, sir.
迈克尔 早上好 先生
Is Pastor Barlow here?
巴罗牧师在吗?
Oh, no, he had to go to a funeral.
哦 不在 他去参加一个葬礼了
Why?
找他有事?
Did you hear about the two men who were killed
你们听说昨天晚上有两个男人被掉下来的