冒牌牧师（2015）

I don't know... dinner with your family.
我不知道... 跟你家人吃饭
Please, you are exactly what they need to see right now...
求你了 他们现在最想见的就是你...
a respected Christian leader with flawless skin.
一个皮肤细腻且受人尊敬的牧师
of a Camelot-era Kennedy.
一个肯尼迪般风度翩翩的帅哥
Seriously?
你开玩笑吧?
They had no idea?
他们完全不知道?
Well, now, who are those for...
哎 你花儿是为谁呀...
one of your birds?
送给你的小鸟么?
No, and,
不是 而且
you know, it's really none of your beeswax.
告诉你 这根本和你木有关系
Now, I was just joking. I was just
开个玩笑嘛 我刚才
making sport of the fact that you never seem to have a date, so...
逗你一下 因为你好像从来都没有约会来着 所以...
I do have a date... tonight,
我的确有个约会... 就是今晚
in fact, and I am very excited about it.
而且 我还非常兴奋呢
Well, then good for you.
好吧 不错不错
You know, Hilva threw her back out moving a coffin,
知道不 希尔瓦抬棺材的时候把腰闪了
so I've got to pick up the flowers
所以我要买♥♥点花
for the Davenport funeral.
去达文波特参加葬礼了
You're welcome to bring your date if you like.
你可以带你的男朋友一起去啊
They're having cannolis.
他们那有奶油煎饼卷
Oh, okay.
哦 知道了
I do like a cannoli.
我倒是喜欢煎饼卷
Oh, is that what you're wearing.
啊 你就穿这个么
I got to wear pink now?
我还得穿粉红套装吗?
Dad, you look fine.
老爸 这样不错了
Mom, olive pits go in the little bowl, please.
妈 橄榄核放到小碗里好么
Hey. Thank you for doing this.
嘿 你能来太好了
Come in.
请进
Hi.
嗨
Sorry about before.
之前的事不好意思
No, no, us.
不 不好意思的是我们
Roger and I were just
罗杰和我只是
a little caught off guard. A little?
有点猝不及防 有点?
It was a jolt in the shorts.
简直是当场吓尿
Who wants wine?
谁想喝酒?
All right, here we go.
好的 来
Thank you.
谢谢
Thanks.
谢谢
Maybe we should have a toast.
我们还是来个祝酒词吧
Roger?
罗杰?
Well, it's not like I prepared anything, but...
呃 我什么也没准备 但是...
here's to Russell and his friend.
致拉塞尔和他的朋友
Oh, Roger, they're more than friends.
罗杰 他们可不止是朋友
They're sharing their lives together.
他们现在生活在一起
To the happy couple.
致幸福美满的一对伴侣
The what? I told them, honey.
致什么? 我已经告诉他们了 亲爱的
Please, go with it.
拜托 往下演
Wow, Russy.
喔 拉塞
I thought we weren't going to use tongue in front of the parents?
我们不是说好不在你父母面前舌吻吗?
What the hell was that?
你搞什么鬼?
In my defense, they were going on and on
听我解释 他们喋喋不休的
about how worried they are that gay men are promiscuous,
絮叨他们有多担心 因为同性恋太滥交了
so I lied and said we are in a monogamous relationship.
所以我撒谎了 说我跟你是固定的关系
And then jammed your tongue down my throat.
然后你就把舌头伸进我嘴里了
Let's not forget that part. I know I won't.
这一幕我们最好记住 反正我是忘不掉
Aw, that's sweet.
啊 你真会说话
Look, can't you please just go along with this?
你就不能接着演下去吗?
It would really make up for you outing me in public
那样的话 我就原谅你让我公开的"被出柜"了
against my will.
违背了我的意愿
I don't know. It's only two days.
我不知道 就两天而已
We don't even have to do anything...
我们其实什么都不用做...
unless you want to.
除非你想做
Okay.
好吧
"Okay" you want to? Or...
"好吧"意思是你想那个? 还是...
Don't push it. Okay.
别逼我 好吧
No kablammo.
没到高♥潮♥
Really?
不会吧?
We may have to go another way.
我们要换个方式
Have you ever considered a vibrator.
你想有没有想过振动器
Shh.
嘘
Keep your voice down.
小点声
There is one called The Silver Secret.
有种玩具叫"淫(银)色恋人"
It's perfect for you.
绝对适合你
It's handsfree.
可以不用动手
You control it with your phone, using Bluetooth.
用手♥机♥通过蓝牙操作
They sell them at Krinsky's Drugstore.
这种玩具在克林斯基的药店有卖♥♥
Well, I was thinking of swinging by there
好 我正好打算路过那边的时候
for some chewable vitamins, anyway.
顺便买♥♥点维生素咀嚼片
Of course, I'll have to wait for a day
当然了 我得过一天再去
when Janice Goggins isn't working the register.
等贾尼斯·戈金斯不在那登记的时候
Do you know that she once sold me Pepto,
你知道吧 上次她卖♥♥我止泻药
and for the next week, the whole town called me...
第二个星期 整个镇的都叫我...
Dora-rhea?
朵拉稀拉
I remember.
我记得
So,
那么
Buddy, tell us...
巴迪 跟我们说说
when was the moment you knew our Russy was right for you?
你是什么时候开始认准我们家拉塞的?
I remember I was in the kitchen.
我记得当时我在厨房♥
Russell was having a dinner party,
在拉塞尔的晚餐聚会上
much like this one,
就跟现在差不多
and the next thing you know,
紧接着你懂的
we are together. Aw.
我们就在一起了 哇哦
I knew the moment we met...in the church, remember?
我还记得我们在...教堂的邂逅 记得吗?
You were wearing a fitted, white V-neck T,
你穿着一件合身的白色V领T恤
a black leather jacket with a lightweight hoodie,
黑色皮夹克里面是一件轻薄的连帽衫
and a medium-wash, cotton-blend jean
还有一条棉混纺的中度水洗牛仔裤
that matched your piercing blue eyes.
跟你的蓝眼睛非常般配
And what was Russy wearing?
那么拉塞尔穿的是什么?
You know, clothes.
你知道 就衣服呗
Isn't he delightful?
他是个可人儿吧?
Right back at you, Russy-poo.
你也是我的宝贝儿 拉宝宝
You know, in addition to being a pastor, Mom,
妈妈 你知道 他除了是个牧师
Buddy is also into sports, Dad.
爸爸 巴迪他还非常热衷运动
A sports guy, huh?
运动男孩 恩?
I don't suppose you're into drag racing, are you?
我就不指望你喜欢直线加速赛了 是吧?
Don't know a thing about it...
完全不了解...
except that Big Daddy Jim Daniels
除了那个大老爹吉姆·丹尼尔斯
is defending his NHRA crown at Judson Raceway tomorrow.
明天会在贾德森赛道捍卫他在NHRA的王者之尊
That's what I'm talking about.
果然没看错人!
You want to check it out?
你想去看吗?
I'm in. How about you, Russy-poo?
我去 你呢 拉宝宝?
Up for a little drag race?
来看场直线加速赛赛吗?
I'll pass.
我还是算了
Now, if it were RuPaul's Drag Race,
那么 如果是"撸姐变装秀"还差不多
then you'd be singing my song.
那才是对我的胃口啦
I can't believe I just said that in front of my parents.
简直不敢相信我在爸妈面前说了这个
I love being out.
出柜棒棒哒
So, Roger, you want to give me a hand?
打断下 罗杰 能来帮我个忙吗?
Excuse us.
失陪一下
Go ahead, hon.
去吧 亲爱的
I think it's going pretty well.
我觉得事情进展的非常棒
I know.
是的
Isn't it weird how right this feels?
这种感觉太正点了 简直让人觉得诡异
Please take your hand off my thigh. Uhhuh.
麻烦你把手从我大腿上挪走 啊哈
Well, this is definitely not the weekend I was expecting.
好吧 这绝对不是我预想的假期的样子
Well, I guess we shouldn't be completely surprised.
可是 我觉得我们也不能一点都没有思想准备
His voice mail was sung to the tune of Candle in the Wind.
他的语♥音♥信箱的提示音改成了"风中之烛"
为纪念戴安娜王妃所创作的歌♥曲
"风中之烛"是英国殿堂级同性恋艺术家Elton John
The main thing is he seems happy.
最重要的事情是 他看上去很开心
He really does.
他确实非常开心