冒牌牧师（2015）

You're totally safe.
你是安全的
O-M-G... murder at Shepherd Lake.
天了噜 牧人湖谋杀案
What? Yeah. Get this...
什么? 听这个...
Some fisherman hooked a dead body,
渔夫钓起死尸
and when they pulled him out,
当他们把他从湖里钓上来的时候
there was a bullet in his chest.
发现他的胸口中了一弹
Wow. So do they know who it was?
他们调查处死者身份了吗?
Come on, people.
大家都在干嘛
These stickers aren't gonna cut themselves.
这些贴纸可不会自己剪好
Some bank robber named Kenny Banderas.
一个叫做肯尼·班克斯的银行抢劫犯
And just when I thought my biggest problem
我还天真的以为觉得我最大的麻烦
was gonna be a horny 11-year-old with a pecker pic...
是一个饥渴的有我艳照的十一岁小鬼头
Buddy, can I see you in your office, please?
巴迪 能去你的办公室谈谈不?
Yeah.
好啊
Then there were two, huh, Russell?
所以就我们两个了人哈 罗塞尔
For now.
暂时的啊
There is a murderer on the loose, Dora.
现在一个杀人犯正四处逃窜呢 朵拉
No, I did not kill Kenny, all right?
我没有杀肯尼 好吗?
He pulled out a gun, and we struggled.
他拿出了一个枪 我们还搏斗来着
It went off, but he was the one who pulled the trigger.
枪走火了 但是他是那个拉开保险栓的人
Yeah? Then what was that bullshit about the parole officer?
是吗? 那你说的那些保释官的鬼话是什么?
I was just trying to make you feel better.
我就是想让你心情好一点
Well, I don't.
并没有
How did he end up in the lake? And don't lie to me.
他是怎么到了湖里的? 别跟老娘撒谎
I put him there. Okay?
我把他弄到湖里的 好吗?
I figured if there was no body, there'd be no questions.
我觉得如果没有尸体 就没有人问问题
I have a question.
我有问题
What the hell kind of pastor are you?
你算是哪门子的牧师啊?
A man dies and you just toss his body in the water?
一个人死了 你就把他的尸体随便扔进湖里?
Yeah, I should've weighed him down with something.
恩 我应该在他身上绑点什么让尸体沉下去的
That's on me. Buddy,
那是我的错 巴迪
do you realize how bad this is?
你知道这有多严重吗?
If the cops connect me to Kenny, my life is over.
如果警♥察♥把我和肯尼联♥系♥到一起 我的人生就完了
We both have a lot to lose here.
我们两个都输不起啊
So what do we do?
那我们要怎么做?
Nothing. Okay?
什么也不做 知道吗?
As long as we stay quiet, no one can tie us to any of this.
只要我们保持沉默 没有人能把咱俩跟这个联♥系♥起来
I hope you're right.
我希望你是正确的
You couldn't put a few bricks in his pocket?
你就不能在他的口袋里塞几块砖头吗?
Everyone's a Monday morning quarterback.
每个人都是个马后炮
So, just a disposable phone today, Mr. Schmidt?
今天只买♥♥部一次性手♥机♥吗 施密特先生?
None of your fiber wafers?
不要储存卡什么的?
Just the phone, girlie, on the hop.
只要手♥机♥ 小美眉 赶紧的
I'll go ahead and activate that for you.
好吧 我给你激活手♥机♥
Oh, hey, Alden. Hello, there.
嘿 奥尔登 你好啊
Are you getting a new phone?
你在买♥♥新手♥机♥呀?
'Cause if you're changing your number,
如果你要换新号♥码
I'm gonna have to add that to the church directory.
我会把它存到教堂通讯录里
No, this is a private line.
不 这是私人专线
What do you need a private line for?
你要私人专线干嘛?
It's a-a hotline to the pastor
这是我和牧师的一个热♥线♥啦
so that we can talk church business at any time.
这样我们就可以随时谈谈关于教堂的生意了
Okay, you're good to go.
好吧 你可以走了
Oh, I-I see. So you can
哦 我知道了 所以你就可以
conduct your affairs without me knowing.
去和妹子约会而不让我得知是吧
What affair? I don't know what you're talking about.
什么约会? 我不知道你在说什么
Neither does she. No one does.
她也不知道 没有人知道
Good day.
安安
Okay, here comes the little perv.
好啦 我们的小变♥态♥来了
What's she doing here?
她在这儿干什么?
Well, I got to thinking about your problem,
那啥 我考虑到你的烦恼
and I brought you a solution.
我就给你带来了解决方案
You didn't say it was gonna be a little kid.
你没有告诉我是一个孩子
I'm 11, and if I wanted fake tits,
我都11啦 如果我想要一对假胸
I'd call my mom.
我会叫我妈妈的
And if I wanted to be insulted, I'd call my mom.
而我要是想被凌♥辱♥ 我也会叫我妈妈
You still owe me for the hour.
你浪费我这一小时要怎么补吧
Come on, Miles. Give me a break.
干嘛呢 迈尔斯 就不能让我消停会儿嘛
How am I supposed to get Dora to let you cop a feel?
我怎么可以让朵拉来给你乱摸?
You'll figure it out.
你会找到万全之策的
F-Y-I, don't bother praying for it.
顺便提一嘴 别介意试试祷告
I tried.
我试过
What about a nice hug?
给你一个爱的抱抱怎么样?
What about I put your picture on the Internet,
把你的照片放到网上怎么样
'cause that's what's gonna happen if these hands
如果我这双小手没有和那对小妹妹交个朋友握握手
don't make friends with the Winston twins.
你知道结果会发生什么
Hello?
你好?
I, um...
人家 呃...
oh, uh, wrong number!
哦 呃 你打错了啦!
Stop calling!
别再打了啦!
So, Alden, as a mystery scribe,
那么 奥尔登 作为一名悬疑作家
what's your take on the big whodunit?
你对那件犯罪案有什么看法?
Who done what?
什么和什么?
The murder at Shepherd Lake...
牧羊人湖旁边的谋杀案
it's all everyone's talking about once I tell them about it.
我告诉大家后 几乎人人都在热议啊
Murder?
谋杀?
Okay.
好吧
Final offer... one hand, side boob,
最后交涉...一只手 一边胸
over the shirt.
隔着衣服
One hand, under the bra, palm to nip.
一只手 解开胸衣 手放在奶头上
Two hands, over the shirt,
两只手 隔着衣服
two layers of clothing.
两层衣服
Two hands, over the shirt, one layer,
两只手 隔着衣服 一层衣服
preferably a silk or silk blend.
最好是丝绸或者夹丝混纺
Deal.
成交
You know, kid, under different circumstances,
要知道 孩子 要是在其他情境下
we could've been very good friends.
或许我们可以成为非常好的朋友
Okay, your costume's in the closet.
好了 你的衣服在衣橱里
I am gonna skedaddle. I will see you at the fair.
我要赶紧走了 展览会上见
I like your blouse. Oh.
我喜欢你的着装 哦
Is that silk?
是丝绸的吗?
It's like a silk-cottony blend.
好像是丝棉混纺
Good enough.
简直赞
You what? It's just so nice,
你说的啥呀? 就是很漂亮嘛
I wouldn't be surprised
我一点都不意外
if people want to come up and... touch it.
如果别人想来... 摸摸它
The...
这...
Oh, hey, Alden. Yeah.
哦 嘿 奥尔登 嗯
Pastor, I just heard some disturbing news.
牧师 我刚听到一些坏消息
Do you know about the murder out there at Shepherd Lake?
你知道牧羊人湖的谋杀案吗?
Yes... tragic.
知道... 悲哀啊
You never know when the man upstairs will call your number.
你永远不知道上帝什么时候会叫你回家吃饭
Well, according to, uh, to reports,
那什么 根据...根据报道
the time of death was the same day that I saw you,
那人的死亡时间就是那天我看见你的时候
remember, baptizing that fellow by the bridge.
记得吗 你在桥下给那小子施洗
Yeah... by the way, who was that man?
是啊...顺便 那个男的是谁?
Who was he?
他是谁?
He was a guy who wanted to be
他就是个小子想要让我
baptized by me that day in the lake.
那天在那个湖给他施洗
Right by the bridge where the body was found.
尸体正是在桥下的那个地点被找到的
Interesting, huh?
有趣吧?
Seems like something you'd want to share with the police.
看起来有些事儿你得跟警♥察♥分享分享啦
Yes, it does, and I plan to, uh,
是啊 我是要去的来着
but I got this darn Reformation Day thing.
但是我现在忙这该死的改革日的事儿
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah, well,
嗯哼 嗯哼 是啊
I trust you'll go as soon as that's over.
我相信你一完事儿就会去的
Yes. I promise I will tell them everything I know.
嗯 我保证我会事无巨细都给他们说
Good, and I'll go with you and tell 'em everything I know.
很好 我会和你一起 并告诉他们我所知道
Off you go.
快去吧
There she goes!
她去了喔!