冒牌牧师（2015）

I thought about all that had gone down in the last 24 hours,
我想了想过去24小时里发生的事
and my mind kept coming back to one thing.
我的脑袋里也不停地想到的是一件事情
I had to let LeeAnne know I was all right.
我得让莉安知道我没事
LeeAnne... it's me.
莉安...是我
I'm alive.
我还活着
LeeAnne?
莉安?
I saw your light on.
我看见你家灯还亮着
Hey, how's it going?
嘿 有什么事吗?
Yeah, I'm sorry to bother. I...
是的 我很抱歉打扰你 我...
Are you okay?
你还好吗?
Your eyes are very red.
你的眼睛好红啊
Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm just... I'm tired.
噢 恩 恩 我就是...我很累了
May I come in?
我能进来吗?
Oof, what's that smell?
咳 这是什么味道?
Uh, I think it's a skunk.
呃 我想是只臭鼬吧
Boy, must be right under the house, huh?
好家伙 我想它肯定刚好就在房♥子底下 是吧?
Yeah, why don't you have a seat?
呃 不如你先坐下来吧?
Oh, thanks. What can I do for you?
谢谢 我能为你效劳什么?
Well, it's my daughter Isabella.
这事是关于我的女儿伊莎贝拉
She and her husband have been having terrible
她和他丈夫正在经历着严重的
financial difficulties. It's affecting their marriage.
经济困难 危及了他们的婚姻
She says they fight all the time now.
她说他们总在不停得吵架
Oh, that sucks.
那真是太操蛋了
Well, I am one who believes that in times of crisis
我是一个相信在危机时刻寻求上帝箴言
it's God's word that pulls us through.
能让我们渡过难关的信徒
Yes. And I was hoping
是的 我希望您能
that you could help by giving them some scripture.
通过给他们一些经♥文♥来帮助他们
Some what?
一些神马?
Scripture.
经♥文♥
Oh, scripture.Sure.
噢 经♥文♥ 当然
I love that stuff. It's awesome.
我喜欢那些玩意儿 那东西很牛逼啊
Reverend, could you give Isabella a passage
牧师 请给伊莎贝拉圣经中
from the Bible, please?
的一篇文章吧
Yes, I can do that.
好的 这个可以有
I just... I don't have a Bible.
我只是...我没有圣经啊
Oh, good.There's one.
噢 棒棒哒 那里有一本
I know just the passage.
我恰恰知道有这么一篇文章
Here.
这里
I think she'll find this very helpful.
我想这篇肯定对她很有帮助
All right.
好吧
At... Well... this is...
在...这个...这是...
it's just a list of people who begat other people.
这只是一些给为他人之父人
What has that got to do with Isabella's financial problems?
这和伊莎贝拉的经济问题有什么关系?
I can't do all the work, my son.
我不可能将所有事都道明 吾儿
I had a feeling Schmidt was onto me.
我感觉施密特已经开始怀疑我了
But I couldn't run with no money,
但是我没钱不能跑路
and I still hadn't cracked Barlow's password.
而且我还没有试出巴罗的密♥码♥
So I thought I'd take one of his credit cards for a test run.
所以我想我先拿他的信♥用♥卡♥测试一下
I'm sorry, I can't swipe a credit card
抱歉 没有身份证 信♥用♥卡♥
without a picture ID.
就不能用
It's okay, Chelsea,
没事的 切尔西
you can make an exception in this case.
这次你可以破例一下
This is Reverend Barlow,our new Minister.
这是巴罗牧师 我们的新牧师
I'm sorry, Reverend.Um, I-I didn't know.
牧师 真是对不起 我 我 我不知道
Not a problem.
没事儿
Throw 100 in cash in there too, okay?
再刷出100现金给我 可以?
Thanks, Alexa.
谢谢 亚莉克莎
You remembered.
你记得我的名字
How could I forget?
我怎么能忘记?
Here you go.
给你
Oh, bless you.
噢 保佑你
So, I have to ask,why would a good looking,
额 我很想知道 为什么一个
young Minister choose Ladner of all places?
年轻帅气的牧师会选择来拉德纳这个地方
We're in the middle of nowhere.
我们在这荒郊野外的
Well, let's just say when the man upstairs
是这样 当高高在上的那个人告诉你
tells you where to go,you don't argue.
你的去处时 你不能违背
Well, I'm so glad you listened.
我非常高兴你聆听进去了
So am I.
我也是
Oh, hey... you.
噢 嗨...你
Funny we should run into each other.
好好笑噢 我们偶遇到啦
I was just gonna invite you to dinner.
我正准备邀请共进晚餐
Dinner? You eat, don't you?
晚餐? 你要吃饭的 是吧?
And I cook.So, kismet.
我要做饭的 所以说 这就是命中注定啦
It'll be a great way for you to meet
对你来说 这是了解我们
some members of our community.
社区的一些成员的很好的方式
Oh, so there's gonna be other people there?
噢 所以还有一些其他人要来?
Yes, silly, I'm not asking you on a date.
当然 小傻瓜 我没有要和你约会的意思啦
And we should get together too.
那我们也应该一起聚聚
As Head of the Welcoming Committee, it is my job
作为欢迎会的主席
to make sure youfeel at home here.
我的职责就是让你宾至如归
I thought Dora was Chairman of the Welcoming Committee.
我以为朵拉才是欢迎会的主席
We're Co-chairs.
我们都是主席
Well, I should get going.
呃 我应该走了
I'll, um, see you around.
我 嗯...回见
Bye.
拜
What are you doing?
你在搞什么鬼?
He plays for my team.
他是基佬好吗
I am not so sure about that.
这个我不敢苟同
I'm not so sure about those shoes.
我对你的鞋子才是不敢苟同
I'm telling you, there is something off with this guy.
我跟你说 这个家伙有点问题
We all know that you were against hiring a gay pastor.
你反对我们聘用一个同性恋牧师 这是众所周知的
No, it's not that.
不 不是那样的
He didn't even seem to know what scripture was.
他甚至似乎连经♥文♥都不知道是什么
Or maybe you're just looking for any excuse
或者也许是你只是想随便找个理由
to find fault with him. Excuse me.
挑他的刺 麻烦让一下
Or maybe hiring someone sight unseen over the Internet
或者可能是在网路上聘用一个看不见的牧师
was a bad idea.
是个坏主意
Do you wanna spend another year looking for a new pastor?
你想再花一年时间去找一个新牧师吗?
Because I don't.
我反正是不想
Now, I have been corresponding with Reverend Barlow
现在 我已经和巴罗牧师相处了
for weeks and all of my instincts tell me
几个星期了 我直觉告诉我
that he is a good man.
他是一个好人
Yes, and we all know how good your instincts about men are.
是的 我们都知道你看男人的直觉
Alden Schmidt,for a Christian,
作为基♥督♥教♥徒♥ 奥尔登·施密特
you can be very hurtful.
你真是太伤人了
Oh, Dora.
朵拉
You make a fine three bean salad.
你做的豆汁沙拉很好吃
Yes, I do.
是的 是的
Jasper, Reverend Barlow's here.
贾斯伯 巴罗牧师来了
Didn't you hear me?
你听不到我说话吗?
You see,he just ignores me.
你看 他就是故意不理我
Why don't you give us a minute alone?
让我和他独处一下吧
Hello, Jasper.
你好 贾斯伯
So you're the new homo pastor
所以你是那个每个人看到你
everyone's got such a hard-on for?
都渴望（硬）到不行的同性恋牧师?
It's nice to meet you, too.
见到你我也很高兴
Your mom came to me because she's concerned about you.
你妈来找我是因为她担心你
You mean concerned I'm banging cantaloupes, right?
你是说担心我♥操♥哈密瓜?
Among other things.
还有其他的一些事
Why do you think you do that?
你为什么想这么做?
'Cause mangoes are too small
因为芒果太小
and watermelons fall apart too easy.
西瓜又太容易散
But why fruit?
但是为什么搞水果呢?
This may shock you, Rev,
这可能吓到你 牧师
but despite my movie star looks,I don't get a lot of ass.
但是虽然我有张电影明星的脸 我却搞不到很多屁♥股♥操
So why not?
所以 为什么不呢?
Because it's freaking out your mother
因为这吓坏了你妈
and she seems like a decent lady.
她看起来是一位得体的女士
Yeah, well, she's a controlling, neurotic bitch!
是吗 她其实是一个控制狂 有神经病的婊砸
You have any idea how lucky you are to have
你知道你有多幸运