冒牌牧师（2015）

Impastor S01E05

Part 2 March 31, 2021, 2:55 p.m.

Sorry, I'm just a little jumpy today.
不好意思我今天心不在焉的
That have anything to do with your visitor?
和那个来看你的男人有关吗？
Kenny? No. He's just an old friend.
肯尼? 不他只是个老朋友
He didn't seem too friendly to me.
他看上去不太友好
Alexa, is he hassling you?
亚莉克莎他有骚扰你吗?
Because if he is, tell me.
他有的话告诉我
Let me help.
我会帮你的
There's nothing you can do.
你没办法帮我
Maybe I could talk to him.
也许我可以和他谈谈
You have no idea the kind of guy he is.
你不清楚他是哪路货色
I know exactly the kind of guy he is.
他是哪路货色我清清楚楚
My mother had a lot of Kennys in her life.
我老妈一辈子吃了不少这种人的苦
Please. Just stay out of it.
拜托别掺和这事
Okay?
好吗?
I probably should have stayed out of it...
我也许应该不应该插手的...
But I didn't.
但我做不到
A little early for Scotch, isn't it?
这么早喝威士忌不太好吧
Bite me, asshole.
关你屁事衰人
That's Pastor Asshole to you.
再衰我也是个牧师
Look, I don't know what your deal is,
听着我不知道你打什么算盘
but Alexa is a member of my flock,
但亚莉克莎是我教区的一位教友
and it's my job to look out for her.
我有责任保护她
You know what you should be looking out for?
你知道你需要保护什么吗?
Oh!
啊!
That.
你的蛋
Good tip.
说的不错
Hey!
嘿!
I'm not done with you.
我们还没完
Sounds like somebody wants some more.
你好像还没被抽够啊
You ** with the wrong pastor!
我这牧师可不是吃素的!
The good feeling I had from cold-cocking this prick
把这货揍晕让我感觉真爽但很快
soon gave way to a much more sobering thought.
我就发现我有麻烦了
What the hell do I do now?
我现在该怎么办?
I threw Kenny in my car and bought some duct tape
我把肯尼扔进了我车里还趁他醒来之前
to tie him up before he came to.
用胶带把他五花大绑
I needed time to think.
我需要时间想想
Pastor Barlow.
巴罗牧师
Hey. Funny meeting you here.
嘿看到你真高兴
I-I need your input on something.
我我需要你给点建议
Yeah, now is not really the best--
嗯现在真的不太--
Here's a--all my adult life, I have
是这样的自从我成人以来
eaten oatmeal for breakfast.
每天早上是吃的都是燕麦
Day in, day out, year after year,
日复一日年复一年
and it's kept me secure and regular,
我感到这样很有规律让我安心
but it's bland.
但口味真的很淡
And frankly, I am bored of it.
坦白的说我已经感到厌倦了
Fascinating stuff, Alden.
真有意的故事奥尔登
I have been thinking about exploring something sweeter,
我在考虑要不要试试其它口味更甜更重的食品
like a hot, glazed doughnut,
比如光滑诱人的甜甜圈
but I know it would be bad for me.
虽然我知道这样对我不好
Oh, Pastor, how does a man resist temptation?
哦神父一个凡人该如何抗拒诱惑呢?
Well, in breakfast, as in life--
嗯早饭么就和生活--
What--who is in your car there?
什么你车里怎么有个人?
Oh, that's, uh...
哦那是嗯...
that's one of Alexa's mannequins.
亚莉克莎的一个人体模型
She's letting me use it
我问她借的
so I could drive in the carpool lane.
为了能使用拼车道（车内有两人或以上才能使用）
Shh.
嘘
But, as for your problem,
至于你的问题呢
did you ever hear of the story of Jesus and the, uh...
你有听过一个故事讲的是耶稣和停车标吗?
Stop sign? No.
有吗? 没有
As he told his disciples,
他是这样和他的门徒说的
if you look at it this way,
从这边看这标志
it tells you to stop.
叫你停下
But if you look at it this way,
但你从这边看的话
it doesn't. Understand?
就没事了明白吗?
No, not at all.
完全不明白
Oh, well. You noodle on that a while.
好吧你自己再捉摸捉摸吧
Peace be with you.
愿你安宁
Women really come to places like this to find love?
女人们真的会到这种鬼地方来寻找真爱?
Not dressed like that, they don't.
有但没有穿成你那样的
Stand up so I can assess the damage.
站起来让我来看看有木有挽救的余地
It's all so...
你穿的东西都太有...
Little House On the Prairie.
"草原小屋"的味道了
Thank you. I love that show.
谢谢你我很喜欢那个剧
Shocked.
真让人震惊
Try undoing your cardigan.
把你的针织衫解开来试试看
Let loose a bit.
放松一点
Good. Okay, do a little hair flip.
很好好的试试微撩秀发
We'll work on it.
这个还是得再练一下
Hey. Hey.
嗨嗨
You know before when you told me to stay out of it with Kenny?
你知道你之前不是跟我说要离肯尼远点的?
I kinda didn't.
然而我并没有
Oh, no. Please don't tell me you pissed him off.
哦不千万别告诉我你把他惹毛了
Well, that depends. Does he get pissed off
额这要看情况如果他被瓶子盖了脑袋
when he gets hit in the head with a bottle?
他会被惹毛吗?
What? What are you talking about?
什么?你说什么呢?
He kicked me in the balls, so I clocked him.
他踢了我的蛋蛋所以我盖了他
Okay. Where is he now?
好吧他现在在哪里?
I don't know. I was gonna tie him up,
我不知道我本来打算把他绑了
but he got away.
但是他逃走了
Who are you?
你究竟是什么人?
Just your average, everyday pastor
就是你们普通的天天见的牧师
with really sore nuts.
还有一对又酸又疼的蛋蛋
Buddy, you have no idea what you have done.
巴迪你完全不知道你做了什么
Kenny is a violent, mentally unstable ex-con.
肯尼是精神极不稳定有暴♥力♥倾向的前科犯
Okay, that's some info I could have used an hour ago.
好吧一小时之前我要是知道这个就好了
Neither of us is safe, all right?
我们两个都不安全好吗?
He's gonna come after us.
他会来找我们的
If he's that dangerous,
如果他这么危险
why don't you just go to the police?
你怎么不去找警♥察♥?
Uh... I can't.
呃...我不能
Okay, it's a long story. I'll tell you when we get there.
好吧说来话长到了我再慢慢跟你说
Get where?
到哪?
Wherever we're going that's not here.
去哪都行反正不是这里
Let's go dance.
我们去跳舞吧
No, thank you. I'm just really not a dancer.
不谢谢你我真的不太会跳舞
Dora, come on. Get out of your shell.
朵拉来吧不要再躲在你的壳里了
Okay.
好吧
Go back in your shell, go back in your shell.
回到壳里吧还是回到壳里吧
Whoa, is everything okay?
唔你还好吗?
It is now.
现在好了
Good. I thought you were having a seizure.
那就好我以为你癫痫发作了
All right.
好了
$20 for the hour, 60 for the whole night.
20一小时 60过夜
Uh, we'll take it for the night.
额我们过夜
Ooh, marathon man, huh?
喔哦超长待机的男人呢哈?
Call me when the pill wears off.
药劲过了打我电♥话♥
Creepy.
太奇怪了
Well, that wasn't awkward.
好吧真是太尴尬了
Him thinking we're here for sex.
他觉得我们是来这里啪啪啪的
Yeah. I guess he couldn't tell I'm gay.
是啊我觉得他没看出来我是弯的
You know, you don't really come across that way.
你知道吗在我看起来你真的不像是弯的
No?
不像吗?
Not to me.
对我而言不像
Yeah, so tell me why you can't go to the police about Kenny.
好吧那么跟我讲讲为什么肯尼的事情我们不能去找警♥察♥
If I do, can I trust that you'll keep it between us?
如果我说了你能保证只有我们两个知道这件事吗?
I'm a pastor.
我是个牧师
It's my job to keep secrets.
我的职责就是保守秘密
And to bless crap.
然后说一些祈祷的废话