冒牌牧师（2015）

I forgive you.
我原谅你
On the plus side, it did make me realize
不过话说回来 你也让我明白了
why I've never found love.
我为什么一直单身
I always go after unattainable men.
我总是追求一些搞不到手的男人
I get it.
我明白了
A beautiful lady like you can have
像你这么漂亮的女人 要什么样的男人没有
any guy she wants, needs a challenge.
你就是喜欢挑战一下自己
See, it's talk like that
你看 你这么善解人意
that makes me want to go after you again.
我又想追你了
But there's this guy Dave. He's a handyman.
不过 我有个备胎 叫戴维
He's always asking me out.
老是想约我出去玩
Maybe I'll take him up on it.
也许我会给他一个机会了
Well, he does sound attainable.
额 听起来是很备胎
Ooh.
欧
Another emergency council meeting.
另一个紧急会议
Should we head over? You know, you go ahead.
－咱们一块儿过去吧？ －你先去吧
I got something I gotta do first. Oh, okay.
－我还有别的事要先去做一下 －欧 好吧
First, a congregant.
首先 是一个教会成员
Then our very own pastor!
然后是我们的牧师!
They are targeting Lutherans.
他们是在针对我们路德教
This is a hate crime and our church is right
这是一起仇恨犯罪
in the center of it. We must respond.
而我们教会就身处于暴风眼 我们必须反击
Shouldn't we just let the police do their thing?
我们难道不应该放着让警♥察♥来吗？
The community is looking to us for leadership,
整个教区都指望着我们来领导呢
Russell, and by gum, we're gonna lead or die trying!
拉塞尔 我向上帝发誓 我们要么站起来领导 要么就不懈努力至死方休
What the hell does that mean?
你说了个撒？
I'm down with the leading, not so much the dying.
我比较支持领导那部分 跟不上你要去死的节奏啊
All right, too far, but we must act like Dora.
好吧 我太激动了 但是我们要像朵拉一样行动起来
You proved yourself a heroine.
你证明了自己是个英雄
Oh, I just did what any
欧 我只是做了任何一个
prodigy-level archeress would do.
神级的弓箭手都会做的事
Well, tomorrow, when people arrive for Sunday service,
好 明天 等所有人都来做礼拜的时候
I want you to stand outside that church
我要你拿着你的弓和箭
with your bow and arrow.
站在教堂外面
We'll show that hooligan he's messed
我们会让那个小瘪三知道
with the wrong denomination.
我们教派可不是好惹的
You'll be our symbol.
你会成为我们的象征
That we're mad as hell, and we're not gonna take it anymore.
告诉他我们已经出离愤怒了 而且绝对不会再忍♥下去了
Exactly.
就是
I... that's my daughter. I'll, um...
我...这是我女儿 我要 额...
you just keep chewing on this now.
你们继续先消化着我说的
You know what she needs? A catchy nickname.
你知道她现在需要的是什么吗？ 一个朗朗上口的别称
Guys, come on, let's not get carried away.
同志们 拜托 克制一下自己好吗
What's about Dor-Rambo?
多兰博怎么样？(Rambo是电影第一滴血的男主角)
Yes, that is totally kick ass.
好啊 听起来好牛逼
You!
你！
Oh.
欧
Hey, I was just, uh...
嘿 我只是 额...
You told my daughter to have sex with Gunter?
你叫我女儿去跟甘特滚床单？
No, no, no.
不不不
I just said it was insane that they hadn't.
我只是说 他们还没滚过真是疯了
Well, they did, and it went very poorly.
好吧 他们现在滚了 然后发现一点都不性福
You were there? No.
－你去现场观摩了？ －不
Lisa's so upset, she's calling off the wedding.
丽莎伐开心 她不想结婚了
This is your fault and you are gonna fix it now.
这都怪你 你给我把这事儿处理好
Me?
我？
Well, I guess I could show 'em a few moves.
好吧 我想我可以给他们展示几个动作
Just understand something, sir.
你给我搞搞清楚 先生
This is Lisa's one chance to get the status and respect
这是丽莎从婚姻中获得地位和尊重的
that comes with marriage, and I will not let you ruin it.
唯一机会 我不会让你毁了它的
Now, you tell her that the sex will get better.
现在 你去告诉她 结婚以后就会越滚越爽了
I'm a pastor. I'm not allowed to lie.
我是个牧师啊 我不能撒谎啊
You'll do whatever it takes. We need to land this plane.
你可以不择手段 不管怎么样我们要把这事儿办妥
And whatever you're doing with that, I don't want to know.
至于你用什么手段 我不想知道
Staying at my place was risky
留在自己家太冒险了
and it was my last night in Ladner
这也是我在拉德纳的最后一晚
so I figured, what the hell?
所以我想 管他呢
Why not go out with a bang?
干嘛不爽一发再走？
Buddy?
巴迪？
Wow, you look great. Thanks.
－哇哦 你看上去棒极了 －谢谢
What are you doing here?
你来这儿干嘛？
Remember last night when you were all,
记得昨天晚上你跟我说
"Let's make out," and stuff and I was like,
“咱们亲热一会儿吧” 那些话 然后我说
"No, I'm super gay." Yeah.
－“不 我是个基佬中的战斗基” －记得
We should get going, Alexa.
我们该走了 亚历克莎
I'm kind of on a date...
我在约会呢...
with that guy Dave I told you about.
就是跟那个我跟你提过的备胎戴维
Oh.
欧
I could reschedule.
我可以重新安排
Alexa deserved a shot at love
亚历克莎值得一段真正的爱
and it wasn't going to come from a one night stand with me.
而不是跟我搞一♥夜♥情♥
No,
不
I just needed to do that.
我只是要做这个事儿
To confirm that I am in fact super gay.
来确认一下我确实 真的 非常 基
And now I have.
现在我确认了
So that kiss wasn't good for you?
所以你觉得那个吻不够好？
It was, it just...
那个吻很好啊 就是...
It just would have been better if you had whiskers and wiener.
如果你有胡须和小香肠的话会更好
All right, good night.
好吧 晚安
Damn it!
卧♥槽♥!
Now what?
现在咋办?
I couldn't go back to my place
我不能回我的家
because that's where Damien would come.
因为达米安会去那里
But who else in Ladner would be cool
但是这里谁会愿意
with me spending the night?
让我在他家住一晚呢?
Hey, Russell. You got something on your face.
嗨拉塞尔 你脸上有点东西
Oh, Douglas and I were just microdermabrasioning.
噢 道格拉斯刚刚在跟我做磨皮面膜
What's up?
怎么啦
Look,
听着
I just can't be alone in my house
我不能在我家呆着了
with that maniac still on the loose.
因为那个变♥态♥杀人狂还逍遥法外
I was gonna ask if I could stay here, but if...
我想说 我能不能住在你这 但是如果...
We'll see you at kickball.
玩游戏的时候再见啦
Come on in.
快进来
So, you're back.
所以 你回来了
Yeah, thanks for letting me crash here.
对啊 谢谢你让我在你这睡
And where do you think you'll be crashing?
你觉得你要在哪里睡?
Couch is good.
沙发就很好啊
Buddy,
巴迪
I don't get this game you're playing.
我不理解你这是在干嘛
My heart is not a yo-yo you can just
我的心不是一个你能随便扔
toss up and down and twist into that thing
随便扭进那个东西的悠悠球
where it dangles between the triangle. Rock the cradle.
然后让它在那个三角形中间晃着 那个技法叫做时钟摇摆
Yes, thank you.
就是那个 谢谢
You're giving me mixed signals and I demand an explanation.
我的爱情不是你想买♥♥ 想买♥♥就能买♥♥ 我要求你解释
Unless you don't feel one is appropriate,
除非你觉得不合适
in which case, I take it all back. Russell,
如果那样的话 就当做我什么也没说 拉塞尔
look.
跟你说
I'm at a place in my life now
我现在处于一个
where I just need a friend,
只需要一个朋友的人生阶段
a good friend,
一个好的朋友
like you.
像你一样
You understand?
明白吗?
Totally. Good.
完全明白 好
You're saying your desire is there,
你的意思是你对我有欲望
but the timing isn't right.
但是时间不对
Okay.
行吧
Son of a bitch.
婊♥子♥养♥的♥
Buddy!
巴迪!
Ooh!
哦!