冒牌牧师（2015）

Impastor S01E03

Part 2 March 31, 2021, 2:55 p.m.

很高兴见到你
Uh... you too.
呃... 你也是
"Great to meet you."
"很高兴认识你"
Well played, Steve.
演技好啊斯蒂夫
'Scuse me, hey, can I steal you for just two seconds?
过一下嘿我能跟你说句话吗?
Okay, Buddy...
那啥巴迪...
meet...
这位就是
Scrunchie.
小发圈
What the f... Oh, you know.
我了个草... 你也知道
He's sick. I told you.
他生病了我跟你说过
He can't keep any of his seed down.
他吃不下东西
He has lost almost 4 ounces.
还瘦了几乎4盎司
That's why I'm so grateful to you
这就是为什么我非常感激
for blessing him in your service today.
你能在布道的时候赐福于他
As per our emails.
就像在咱们的邮件里说过的一样
Yeah!
行!
Hey, Scrunchie, I'll see you upstairs.
小发圈你好咱们楼上见
Ow! God damn it! Oh, I'm so sorry!
我了个草不好意思!对不起!
"Prelude.
开始
Let us pray."
咱们开始祈祷吧
Blessed be the Holy Trinity.
保佑圣三一
A mighty fortress
无所不能无坚不摧的
A bulwark never failing ?
一个永远不会倒塌的保护墙
that we may gain wisdom of heart.
我们得到了心灵的智慧
Thank you, Alexa,
谢谢你阿莉克莎
for that inspiring reading of psalm
谢谢你读的旧约
90 colon one dash twelve.
<诗篇>第90篇1-12
Next up, the homily.
下面训诫
Who's gonna read that?
谁要读?
Uh, it's time for your sermon, Pastor.
你布道的时间到了牧师
It was bound to happen. Roll the dice enough times,
悲剧还是发生了老是碰运气时间长了
sooner or later, it comes up snake eyes.
再好的运气也会变霉的
It was all going up in smoke.
一切都将化为乌有了
I had to say something anything, and quick.
我得说些什么随便说点什么而且要快
Oh, right.
对了
We have a...
今天我们...
a sick member of our congregation here today.
这里有一位生病的教友
Dora's bird Scrunchie.
朵拉的小鸟小发圈
Thank you!
谢谢!
He needs some healing.
他需要治疗
And suddenly, I flash back
一瞬间我回想起了
to this crazy-ass preacher I used to watch
以前晚上嗑药嗑嗨以后在电视上
on late night TV when I was stoned:
看到的一个疯狂传道者:
Reverend Keeler, Nashville's Healer.
纳什维尔的治疗者奇乐牧师
But first
但首先
we must understand
我们必须了解
why Scrunchie is sick.
小发圈生病的原因
Because he believes he's sick.
因为他认为自己有病
Oh, yes, brothers and sisters, it is true.
哦是的那就是原因兄弟姐♥妹♥们♥
And a lot of you are sick too.
你们在座的很多也有病
But the sickness
但这疾病
The sickness is not of the body.
并非身体上的疾病
It is of the mind!
而是心灵上的
Let me ask you... who here
让我来问一个问题...在座的有谁
has ever said the words, "Lord,
曾说过 "上帝啊
I am not worthy"?
我不配得到你的赐福"?
You, sir?
你先生?
You said that?
这么说过吗?
Well, you're wrong!
好吧你错了!
You are worthy,
上帝会赐福于你
and you can have everything you want.
你可以心想事成
Now, I can see from your faces
现在我能看到你们脸上
you're askin...
困惑的表情...
"How, Pastor Buddy?
"怎么做巴迪神父?
How can we possibly have everything we want?"
怎么做才能心想事成?"
Well, listen closely.
好了仔细听好
Because this is the most important thing
因为这将是你所听到过的
you're ever gonna hear.
最重要的话
All you have to do...
你所需要做的...
Is believe.
就是相信上帝
Oh... Ah...
哦... 嗯...
You wanna be thin?
想变苗条吗?
Say... "I am thin!"
大声说 "我要变苗条!"
You wanna be happy?
想要快乐吗?
Say, "I am happy!"
大声说 "我要快乐!"
You want money? Then say it with me.
想发财吗? 跟我念
I... am... money!
我...要...发财!
I am money.
我要发财
Louder! Believe it!
大声点! 用心去念!
I am money!
我会发财!
Yes!
对了!
Whoo!
耶!
Oh!
哦!
Say you are what you want,
大声说出你想要的
and it will be yours.
就能心想事成
I am Buddy. I am Buddy.
我要巴迪我要巴迪
Now, why would God
为什么上帝
bestow these blessings upon you?
会赐福与你们?
Because you are worthy.
因为就像小发圈
Just like Scrunchie.
你们值得上帝的恩赐
Whoo!
耶!
So dear Lord...
所以亲爱的上帝...
bless this animal
请赐福给这个小动物
and make him better.
让他好起来吧
Amen! Hallelujah.
阿门! 哈利路亚
Pastor Buddy out
我就说到这里!
Pastor Buddy, because of you,
巴迪牧师听了你的一席话
I'm gonna buy a jet ski.
我决定去买♥♥喷气雪橇
You can't afford that.
你买♥♥不起的
I am the jet ski!
我要喷气雪橇!
Right on, brother. Pastor Buddy.
说得好兄弟巴迪牧师
Yes?
嗯?
Are you homeless?
你无家可归吗?
No, little dude.
没有啊小朋友
Why would you ask that?
你怎么会问这个问题的?
Cause my daddy says
因为我爸爸说
you're the poorest preacher he's ever seen.
你是他见过的最穷的神父
Oh, look.
哦看呐
You dropped your doughnut.
你甜甜圈掉了
Dick!
坏蛋!
Pastor Barlow.
巴罗牧师
A word, please.
能说两句吗
As president of this congregation,
作为这个教区的主席
I must say what you did in my church today was...
我认为你刚才在我教堂里的表现...
an abomination.
不成体统
So it's an abomination to bring people together
把大家召集在一起治愈他们的心灵
to heal one of their own?
也算有错?
No. What was all that "I am money" Poppycock?
并不是但"我想发财" 演的是哪一出?
You sounded like some sort of cheap carnival preacher.
你的做派就像一个廉价的狂欢节上的假牧师
Yes! Nailed it!
被你说对了!
Oh, Alden, wasn't it nice to see some joy in there
欧奥尔登在这里偶尔一次有些欢笑
for once? We're Lutheran.
不好吗? 我们是路德派
We don't do joy.
我们不提倡行乐
We top out at quiet contentment.
我们以内心平静为最高追求
Well, maybe it's time that changed.
也许这传统该改一改了
Or not. Just spit-balling.
算了我随便说说的
I think what we're all saying is it was a good start.
我觉得大家都一致认为这是一个好的开始
No, sir.
不先生
What you did in there was tomfoolery
你刚才的表现
of the highest order.
有违教义
I demand a vote of the congregation