燃情克利夫兰

Hot in Cleveland S05E24

Part 1 May 4, 2020, 1:38 p.m.

《燃情克利夫兰》于摄影棚观众前现场录制
Hot in cleveland is recorded in front of a live studio audience.
终于到了大家焦急等待的时刻
The moment we've all been waiting for is finally here.
今晚本节目历史上
Tonight, on the most dramatic episode
情节最曲折的一集
in the history of this series--
你不用说得这么大声我就在这里
You don't have to shout. I'm right here.
对不起乔依
I'm sorry, Joy. Um, look...
你要开始不可思议的旅程了
You're about to embark on an incredible journey.
跟我们说说
Tell us about it.
每一年我们的假生日时
Well, every year, for our fake birthdays,
我和朋友们会互相安排约会
my friends and I fix each other up.
四个女人四场约会很有可能
Four women, four dates. There's a chance no one's heart
没人心碎嘛这有什么好玩的
is gonna be broken here. Where's the fun in that?
总是会有很多心碎的
Oh, there's always plenty of heartbreak.
但今年会不同
But this year's going to be different.
这话你每年都说吗
Do you say that every year?
是的
Yes.
但今年真的会不同
But this year really is going to be different.
这话你也是每年都说吗
Do you also say that every year?
是的
Yes.
跟我说说约会对象吧
Just tell me about the dates.
爱尔卡要找到斯坦她的初恋
Well, Elka wanted us to track down Stan, her first love,
70年前她在波兰与他分别
who she left behind in Poland 70 years ago.
他是酸奶油先生我是土豆小姐
He was Mr. Sour cream when I was Miss teen potato.
村民们让他睡在我身上
When the villagers laid him on top of me
把我们用锡纸包起来
and wrapped us in tinfoil...
这事又引出了其它事
Well, one thing led to another.
这是什么仪式啊
So, what kind of ritual is that?
本来是要挡住德国人的
Well, it was supposed to keep the Germans away.
现在想想我们应该投资坦克的
In hindsight, we should've invested in tanks.
维多利亚要我们帮她安排一位男模
Victoria wanted us to set her up with a male model
她在克利夫兰杂♥志♥上看到的
she saw in cleveland magazine.
我才不要什么浪漫我只要美貌
Well, I don't care about romance. All I want is beauty.
你每年都这么说
You say that every year.
我这不是一直没如愿吗
Yeah, well, I have yet to get it.
我得忍♥受男人咪♥咪♥ 连体双胞胎
I have put up with man boobs, conjoined twins...
手蹼尾巴
Webbing, and tails.
男人有尾巴有什么奇怪的
What's so weird about a guy with a tail?
许多优秀性感的大牌艺人
You know, many prominent, sexy entertainment personalities
-都有尾巴 -老天你是说你...
- have tails. - Oh, my god, do you mean you--
这样吧不如你跟我说说
Hey, you know, uh, why don't you just tell me about
梅兰妮的对象
the date with Melanie.
她要那个打电♥话♥到她电台节目的人
Well, she wanted a guy who called into her radio show,
他和女人在一起很羞怯打去问意见
looking for advice for his shyness with women.
我叫他去做咨♥询♥
So, I told him to see a counselor.
一周后他在节目后打电♥话♥来
And then, a week later, he calls back off the air
他很感谢我人又好
and he was just so grateful and sweet,
而且相当地有眼力
and incredibly perceptive.
他到底说了什么
What exactly did he say?
他说我美丽又聪明
He said I was beautiful and smart.
我祝福你们绝望的
Well, I wish you luck with your desperate
约会闹剧好运
little dating capers.
我当然会和米奇一起
I, of course, will be with Mitch,
我爱他而他和平常不同的逆袭是
the man I love, and who, in an unusual twist,
也爱我
loves me back.
你们不用祝我好运
So, don't even bother wishing me luck,
因为我人生仅此一次不需要好运
because, for once in my life, I don't need it.
你当面狠狠打击你的朋友们
So you rubbed it in your friends' faces
说你有完美的约会对象
by saying you had the perfect date.
而且你不怕遭天谴你说
And then you tempted fate by saying
不可能有坏事降临在你身上
nothing could possibly go wrong for you.
检讨一下你应该希望你没这样说吧
In retrospect, you wish you hadn't done that?
是的真心希望
I do. I really do.
你真的是一个火箭专家吗
So you're an actual rocket scientist?
你为什么没告诉我
Why didn't you tell me?
你告诉别人你是火箭专家
Well, when you tell people you're a rocket scientist,
他们会觉得你很聪明压力挺大的
they assume you're brilliant. It's a lot to live up to.
-你非常聪明吗 -是的
- So are you brilliant? - I kind of am, yeah.
布莱恩我好开心
Brian, I'm having such a good time.
我也是这个世界
Oh, me too. The world...
在我看到你时消失了
Disappears when I look at you.
布莱恩
Oh, Brian.
看来某人已经克服羞怯了
Someone's gotten over their shyness, huh?
抱歉我迟到了进展如何
Oh, sorry I'm late. How are things going?
我想很好进展很好对吗
Uh, great, I think. Uh, things are going great, right?
是的布莱恩这位是谁
I--yeah. Um, Brian, who is this?
对不起梅兰妮这是玛西
I'm sorry, Melanie, this is Marcy.
很高兴认识你你摸了她吗
Oh, so nice to meet you. Have you touched her yet?
-我握了她的手 -很好非常好
- I've held her hand. - Good, good, that's very good.
-恭维话呢 -我说了那句
- Any compliments? - Well, I did the one about
-世界消失 -非常好
- the world disappearing. - Oh, excellent.
是的
Yeah.
对不起我还是不知道玛西是谁
Uh, sorry, I still don't know who Marcy is.
你建议我寻求专业帮助时
When you advised me to get professional help,
我找了玛西
Marcy is the person I called.
她是你的心理医生吗
Oh, she's your therapist.
算是吧我是他的代做♥爱♥人
Mm, in a way. I'm his sex surrogate.
-什么 -是的
- What? - Yeah, yeah.
我们做的次数够多了
We've had sex enough times that, uh, I'm...
我已经准备好和约会的女人做♥爱♥了
I'm ready to do it with a woman I'm dating.
如果今晚顺利梅兰妮幸运儿就是你
And if tonight goes well, Melanie, that could be you.
我告诉你这可是道大餐
And let me tell you, you're in for a treat.
-爱尔卡 -是的
- Elka? - Yes?
是我斯坦
It's me, Stan!
你的初恋
Your first love?
-斯坦吗 -我现在是奥尔加了
- Stan? - Well, I'm Olga, now.
但你一点也没用
But you haven't changed a bit.
你则是没什么没变啊
You, on the other hand...
我碰巧在网上看到你的照片
I just happened upon a picture of you on the internet,
你穿着泳裤我得问下
in a bathing suit, and I have to ask...
照片有PS吗
Was there any photoshopping done,
还是说你真的从头到脚都是完美的
or are you actually... Perfect from head to toe?
我真的很完美
I actually am.
但颜控太肤浅我愿意和你约会
But that's so superficial. The thing that made me
是因为我看到报道说你捐了肾
want to go out with you was when I read that you donated a kidney.
这真让我好开心我捐了
That makes me glad I did it.
这事鼓励了我让我有勇气暂时
It inspired me. Gave me the courage to take a break
不做模特帮助他人
from modeling, help someone out.
你要捐肾给别人吗
Are you donating a kidney to someone?
不我哥出了车祸
No, uh, my brother was in a car accident
他的鼻子伤到无法复原了
and his nose was irreparably damaged.
额头皮肤和鼻子的皮肤相当匹配
Well, forehead skin is the best match for nose skin.
那么你要把你完美的
So...You're donating some of your perfect
-额头皮肤捐给你哥吗 -更好的
- forehead skin to your brother? - Even better.
会让你很高兴的
This is really gonna make you happy.
目瞪口呆吧
Impressive, huh?
实在是无法嗤之以鼻
Well, it's nothing to sneeze at.
你太浪漫了包下了整个露台
It was so romantic of you to reserve the whole patio
就我们俩
just for us.
米奇你还好吗
Mitch, are you okay?
乔依我一直在想我们两个
Joy, I've been thinking a lot about the two of us
我们这么相爱还有我们的未来
and about how much we love each other and about our future.
未来你要说的和我想的一样吗
Future? Are you saying what I think you're saying?
拜托我不想出错
Please, I want to get this just right.
对不起继续说
Sorry, go ahead.
好的我说到哪里了
Okay, uh, where was I?
想到我们两个
Thinking about the two of us...
深爱对方未来对了
Love each other, future... Oh, uh, yeah.
深呼吸单膝跪下
Deep breath. Take a knee.
乔依我好爱你
Joy, I love you so much.
你愿意你愿意
Will you--will you...