燃情克利夫兰

Hot in Cleveland S05E21

Part 1 May 4, 2020, 1:38 p.m.

《燃情克利夫兰》于摄影棚观众前现场录制
Hot in cleveland is recorded in front of a live studio audience.
好了各位
All right, people.
三周后就是奥斯卡颁奖典礼了
The academy awards are three weeks away,
我们要动员起来了
and we need to mobilize.
首先我需要艳惊四座的致谢辞
Now first, I need a killer speech--
能够令我那些被提名的同行们更恨我
One that will make my fellow nominees hate me even more,
因为我是那么的亲切优雅
because I come off so gracious.
幸运的是咱们中间有位作家
Now, luckily, we have a writer in our midst.
我才不觉得自己是作家呢
Oh, I wouldn't call myself a writer.
我也不觉得
Neither would I.
所以我让爱尔卡来写
That's why I want Elka to do it.
她现在可火了她写的剧
She has more sizzle now that that play she wrote
已经进军百老汇了
is going to Broadway.
克利夫兰的百老汇不是纽约的
The Broadway theatre in Cleveland, not New York.
请问你写的戏剧在哪里上演
And where is your play being performed?
对哦你没有写过
Oh, that's right, you don't have a play.
下一项乔依和梅兰妮我需要决定
Next, Joy and Melanie, I need to decide
哪一位是我参加奥斯卡颁奖礼的同伴
who will be my plus-one for the academy awards.
我压根没想过你会带谁去
Oh, I hadn't even thought about who you would take.
我也没想过
Neither had I.
当然了你需要有人陪你一起在加长轿车上
But of course you are gonna need someone to sit in the limo
在去颁奖礼的途中一起喝香槟
and drink champagne with you on the way to the show.
之后是州长舞会
And afterwards the governor's ball,
名利场派对等等等等
the vanity fair party, et cetera, et cetera.
如果你选择一位女性做你的同伴
And if you do choose a woman as your plus-one,
她会需要一件礼服
she's gonna need a gown.
对礼服
Yes, a gown!
她会需要一件礼服
She'll need a gown.
我想带你们一起去
Well, I would like to take both of you--
老天我们要去参加奥斯卡颁奖礼了
Oh, my god, we're going to the oscars!
我知道我好激动
I know, I'm so excited!
但不行我只能带一个人去
But I can't. I can only take one of you.
无论你选谁我都高兴
Oh, well, you know, whomever you choose, I'll be happy.
我也一样
I feel the same way.
当然了如果有需要我帮忙的
And of course, if there's anything that I can do for you
在颁奖前叫我就行
in the meantime, you just ask me.
当然你有任何需要我也都会帮忙
And of course, I will do anything you need as well too.
如果你选择乔依
And if you do happen to choose Joy, you know,
我会为她高兴的
I'm gonna just be so happy for her.
如果你选梅兰妮我也会为她高兴的
And I'll be so happy for Melanie if you choose her.
你笑什么
Why are you smiling?
这下有得乐了
This is gonna be fun.
关于致谢辞我有些想法
So I've had some thoughts about my speech.
我想用笑话开场
I'd like to open with a joke.
不
No.
"不"是什么意思
What do you mean "no"?
你很搞笑写个笑话没问题
You're funny. You can write a joke.
我是搞笑没错
I'm funny. Yes.
你意思是我不搞笑咯
Wait, are you saying that I'm not funny?
有这说法
It's been said.
-给你的 -礼物吗
- For you. - A gift?
谢谢
Oh, thank you.
梵克的等等
Van cleef--wait, wait.
你开车去芝加哥买♥♥的吗
You drove all the way to Chicago for this?
送最好的朋友根本算不上远
Oh, it's not that far for a best friend.
老天
Oh, my god.
乔依你看梅兰妮刚送我的这么漂亮的项链
Joy, look at this gorgeous necklace Melanie just gave me.
真的没什么
Oh, it's nothing, really.
没错我得开车去芝加哥才买♥♥到的
I mean, yes, I had drive all the way to Chicago for it,
但没什么的
but it's no big deal.
芝加哥老天
Chicago, gosh.
我给维多利亚买♥♥了这个只是开车去了趟纽约而已
I bought Victoria this, but I only drove to New York.
纽约远多了
New York is further away.
是吗
Is it?
当你给最好的朋友
Time flies when you're buying
买♥♥鱼子酱早餐时再远的路时间也过得快
breakfast caviar for your best friend.
鱼子酱是我的最爱
Caviar is my favorite.
你最爱的人送你的最爱的食物
Your favorite from your favorite.
你做得真棒
You did a very nice thing.
我们都做得很棒
Now, we both did nice things.
这不是竞赛
It's not a competition.
不是的
No, no, it's not.
只是两位感情一样好的好友
It's just two equally good best friends
对维多利亚好
doing nice things for Victoria.
-不好 -怎么啦
- Oh, no. - What? What is it?
你们知道那个我赞助的"维多利亚·蔡斯高速公路"吗
You know that Victoria Chase stretch of highway I sponsored?
显然你要出钱清洁
Well, apparently you're supposed to pay to clean it,
而不是领了后就让其自生自灭
not just adopt it and leave it to its own devices,
好像对孩子那样
as you would a child.
你会成为优秀的养母的维多利亚
You know, you would make a great adoptive mother, Victoria.
你心灵的宽宏度就和你衣服尺码的苗条度一样大
Yes, your heart is as big as your dress size is small.
见鬼这马屁拍得绝了
Damn it! That was a good one.
我有50小时的社会服务令
Oh, I've got 50 hours community service.
-我帮你做维多利亚 -你确定吗
- I'll do it for you, Victoria. - Are you sure?
乔依你太好了
Oh, Joy, you're amazing.
什么
What? What?
还有50小时
And I got 50 more hours
因为第一次违规警告时没反应
for not responding to the first violation.
我帮你
I'll do it for you.
真不敢相信你们愿意这样帮我
I can't believe you would both do this for me.
我的好友最棒了
I have the best friends.
我们很开心能帮忙
We're happy to help.
一个人能成为奥斯卡提名人的机会能有多少次啊
I mean, how many times is someone nominated for an oscar?
如果这人是维多利亚·蔡斯的话就可能很多次啊
Many times, probably, if that someone is Victoria Chase.
慢着我能说得更好
Wait, I can top that.
洗洗睡吧乔依这回合梅兰妮胜了
Hit the showers, Joy. That round went to Melanie.
我刚和社会服务那边的人通完电♥话♥
I just got off the phone with the community service people.
我必须清洗公园的移♥动♥厕所50小时
I have to spend 50 hours cleaning port-a-potties in the park.
这周是克利夫兰的辣椒酱节
And this week is cleveland's chili fest.
你应该和乔依换工作
You should trade jobs with Joy.
她不会想去洗厕所的
She won't wanna clean toilets.
卖♥♥点在公园上
Sell her on the park.
我碰到了最悲惨的社会服务令
I got the worst community service ever.
他们要我在医院太平间工作
They've got me working in the hospital morgue.
不如跟梅兰妮换吧
Why not trade jobs with Melanie?
我没办法说服她在太平间工作
I could never convince her to work in the morgue.
卖♥♥点在医院上
Sell her on the hospital.
乔依
Hi, Joy.
你知道了社会服务令的内容吗
So did you get your community service?
知道
I did.
我在医院工作
I'm working in a hospital.
是吗为病人服务吗
Really? Working with patients?
主要是前病人
Mostly former patients.
你呢
How about you?
我在公园工作打扫一下
Oh, I'm working in the park. You know, just tidying up.
你真幸运
Oh, lucky you.
我整天就会被那些医生调戏
I'll be stuck with all these doctors flirting with me all day,
他们还那么年轻
and they'll all be so young.
是啊
Oh, yeah.
你知道我运气不好的可能会被
You know, knowing my luck, I'll probably be invited
一堆大学男生邀请去玩飞盘
to play frisbee with a bunch of college boys
真是太丢人了
and totally embarrass myself.
我不介意去户外
You know, I wouldn't mind being outdoors.
我宁愿做些累活
Rather like getting my hands dirty.
我不介意去医院
And I don't mind a hospital.
也许我们应该交换
Maybe we should switch.
我觉得这样能行
I could see that working.
你好梅兰妮
Hello, Melanie.
我恨你
I hate you!
我更恨你
I hate you more.