燃情克利夫兰

Hot in Cleveland S05E18

Part 1 May 4, 2020, 1:37 p.m.

真不敢相信到今天为止
I can't believe it's been four years to the day
我们迫降在克利夫兰已经有四年了
since we crash-landed in Cleveland.
我们应该庆祝
We should celebrate.
慢着没有爱尔卡可不行
Oh, wait. We can't do this without Elka.
知道什么很奇怪吗
You know what's really strange?
四年了我们没进过爱尔卡的房♥间
In four years, we've never been inside Elka's house.
她总是有借口
Yeah, she always has some excuse.
别进来里面一团糟
"Oh, don't come in. The place is a mess."
别进来我这里有男人
"Don't come in. I have a man in here."
别进来我不喜欢你
"Don't come in. I don't like you."
真是太傻了
You know what? This is silly.
我们得过去
We should just go over there.
就是
Yeah.
别进来
Don't come in.
我不喜欢你
I don't like you.
爱尔卡拜托
Elka, come on.
我们想和你一起庆祝
We want to celebrate with you.
今天是我们搬到克利夫兰的纪念日
Today is the anniversary of when we moved to Cleveland.
我知道
I know.
你们来了勒布朗走了
You arrived, Lebron left.
史上最亏的交换
Worst trade ever.
让我们进去行吗
Will you just let us in?
好吧
All right.
不过别害怕
But don't freak out.
搞什么
What the--
我的天
Oh, my god.
好啦
All right.
进来吧
Come on in.
这怎么可能
How is this possible?
简单的解释就是这个房♥子建在
The short explanation is the house is built
通往另一宇宙的入口上
over a portal to another universe.
怎么可能
But how does--
我可以跟你们详述一个来龙去脉
I could go into the exact whys and hows,
但你们得先读这本《弦理论》
but you'd need to read this book on string theory first.
-没事了 -不用解释
- It's fine. - We're good.
我们也不知道肉毒杆菌的原理
We don't really know how botox works either.
老天有访客
Oh, my god. We have visitors.
对了这里狗可以说话
Oh, yeah, and the dog talks.
为什么乔治·克鲁尼穿着袜子和拖鞋
Why is George Clooney wearing socks and sandals?
它是德国狗
He's german.
确切来说在下是博美犬
Technically, ich bin pomeranian.
我不知道其他人怎样
I don't know about anyone else,
我可以来段开车兜风蒙太奇
but I could go for a driving montage.
梅兰妮你的礼貌呢
Melanie, where are your manners?
得先播片头
Opening credits first.
看那边
Look over there.
美丽的凯霍加河
It's the beautiful cuyahoga river.
凯霍加河自1969年起再无火灾
克利夫兰印第安人队主场
And there's the Cleveland indians' stadium.
进步球场自1948年起再无冠军
那一定是赛佛伦斯音乐厅
And that must be severance hall,
世界著名的克利夫兰管弦乐队演出的地方
where the world-renowned Cleveland orchestra plays.
从来没有年轻人进去过
摇滚名人堂
没错就是在克利夫兰不服来战
不
Oh, no.
摇滚名人堂关门了
The rock and roll hall of fame is closed.
我想我有东西可以打开
I think I have something that can open that.
随身携带式撬锁工具
我也有
So do I.
女士们想进摇滚名人堂
And that, ladies, is how you get inside
就得这样
the rock and roll hall of fame.
放我出去
Hey, get me out of here.
史蒂文·泰勒
Steven Tyler?
泰勒先生我是你的铁杆粉丝
Mr. Tyler, I'm a huge fan.
看这双手
Aah! Look at those hands.
这女的看起来像爷们儿
Lady looks like a dude.
你在珍妮丝·贾普林的保时捷后备箱里做什么
What were you doing in the trunk of Janis Joplin's porsche?
我和史蒂薇·尼克斯争论
I got in an argument with Stevie Nicks
谁戴丝巾更好看
about who wears scarves better.
我还没反应过来她向我施了咒语
Before I knew it, she cast a spell on me
把我锁进了后备箱
and locked me in a trunk.
该死现在我要么满足你们
And damn it, now I either have to grant you
三个愿望要么一辈子做你们的管家
three wishes or be your butler for life.
愿望我们要愿望
Wishes. We want wishes.
好啦好啦
Okay, okay.
我知道所有人第一个愿望都会是世界和平所以
I know everybody's first wish is world peace, so...
永远年轻美丽
Eternal youth and beauty.
你们都要这个吗
You all want in?
-是的 -不用算我了
- Yes. - I'll left out.
我快乐的秘密就是
The secret to my happiness is doing
这三个傻子做什么我就反着来
the opposite of these three loons.
没问题
No problem.
你和我会一起打发时光对吗美女
You and I will pass the time together, right, cutie?
-做梦去 -哇
- Dream on. - Wow!
原来被女人拒绝是这种感觉
So that's what rejection from a woman feels like.
三位点的是永远年轻美丽马上就来
Eternal youth and beauty for three coming right up.
老天
Oh, my god.
我们到巴黎了
We're in Paris.
但我们为什么来这里
But why are we here?
这不是我们的愿望
This isn't what we wished for.
也许我们像四年前打算的那样终于到了巴黎
Maybe we're finally going to Paris like we intended four years ago,
当时我们迫降在了克利夫兰
when we crash-landed in Cleveland.
我们以为克利夫兰是通往
Hey, we thought Cleveland was the ticket
永远年轻美丽的门票
to eternal youth and beauty,
但看来我们在巴黎也是美人啊
but we seem to be hot in Paris too.
模特们排成两行走出来
The models came out in two straight lines.
最矮小的一个身高为1米75
The smallest one was 5'9".
我们需要永远年轻美丽
We need eternal youth and beauty.
金券
这是什么券
What are these tickets?
女士们
Ladies,
跟我去永远年轻美丽的所在之地
follow me to the institute of eternal youth and beauty.
你不是他们出品的样品吧对吗
You're not an example of the work that they do, are you?
美丽是内在的
Beauty is in the soul.
这最好不是我们要学的东西
That better not be the lesson we're learning.
这样走[这边走]
Walk this way.
"这样走"听不懂吗
What didn't you understand about "walk this way"?
祝你们好运
Bonne chance.
旺卡
轻轻松松
Nailed it.
爱尔卡
Elka?
我是威莉米娜·旺卡
Wilhelmina wonka.
我是你们通往年轻美丽的门票
I'm your ticket to youth and beauty.
谁可以将你们的皱纹
who can take your wrinkles
全部掸走
whisk them all away?
令你们的肌肤娇嫩
make your skin as smooth
如同沐浴在维甲酸之中
as if you've bathed in retin-a
这些全靠我花样美男
the beauty man can
其实你不是男人
you're really not a man
说"美女"不够看
But "woman" wouldn't scan.
欢迎来到我的世界
Welcome to my world,
纯洁的永葆青春之地
a world of pure rejuvenation.
丝芙兰研发的纯天然化妆品
Fauna and flora designed by sephora.
树上长驳发
Hair extensions growing in the trees.
你会找到机会来个微晶换肤术
And should you find occasion for microdermabrasion...
微风中飘荡着氯化纳晶体
there's sodium chloride crystals on the breeze
这是真的吗
is this real?
换肤治疗只要把我的头
a skin peel just by dunking
栽进这个喷泉就成
my head in this fountain
不仅如此要想去脂
not just that, lose your fat
只需站在脂肪山上
at the top of lipo mountain
天空中的小鸟
the birdies in the skies
眼中能射出激光
have lasers in their eyes to zap