游侠笑传（2015）

-?真的? -?真的?
- ?Really? - ?really?
?希望你赶快消失?
?Want you gone?
?这不会让你感到惊讶?
?This won't surprise you?
?但我鄙视你?
?But I despise you?
?你想见识下 就靠近一点 战火烧起来?
?You want to see, step to me, 'cause it's on?
?我比你瘦 比你酷 比你残忍♥?
?I'm thinner, cooler, clearly much crueler?
?睁眼瞧瞧现实吧?
?And check out the bling?
?我是你们王国新的统治者?
?I'm your kingdom's new ruler?
?请了个珠宝匠 把你们的凤冠变得更美?
?Got a jeweler to pimp out your crown?
?农奴翻身做王后 但我依然鄙视你?
?The serf may be up but I'm taking you down?
?不开玩笑了 你现在是王后?
?Enough pleasantry, you're queen presently?
?但是亲爱的 你改变不了农奴身份?
?But, hon, you're just one of the peasantry?
?像培根一样清洁 假冒恐怖艺术?
?Kosher as bacon and fakin' the funk?
?你也只能乖乖面对了?
?You'll just have to deal?
?我会对付你的 恶女?
?Oh, I'll deal with you, punk?
?我比你机智 比你强悍?
?I'm smarter, tougher?
?我的肌肉更健壮?
?My biceps are buffer?
?你比我聪明 又怎么样?
?You're clever, whatever?
?我也够聪明了?
?I'm clever enough-er?
?但我听说你的吻技是全世界最糟糕的?
?Except as a kisser, I've heard you're the worst?
-?那个男人依然属于我? --?但是我先占有的他?
- ?I still got the guy? - ?but I had him first?
?你可不是只有他一个 不是吗?
?That's not all you've had, now, is it??
?整个封建制度都上过你?
?The whole feudal system has paid you a visit?
?但现在被♥干♥翻的人却是你?
?Yet it's you who's now royally screwed?
-?你这么认为 是吗? -?我知道事实如此 假正经?
- ?You think so, ho?? - ?I know so, prude?
?来瞧瞧看?
?Let's see?
-?我的武器更锋利? -好吧
- ?I've got the sharper weapons? - Yeah, right.
-?我的战士更犀利? -好吧 但是..
- ?I've got the fiercer horde? - Right, but --
?我已经把你逼得无路可退?
?I've got your booty pinned against the wall?
-我有... -?你什么都没有?
- I've got the -- - You've got nothing.
我有...英雄剑
I've got the -- the hero sword!
?没错 真正的可以一统王国的王者?
?That's right, the one king to unite them all?
你才没有真正...
You don't have the bearer of the one true --
我当然有 不是吗 小丑
Oh, I most certainly do. Don't I, jester?
是啊
Uh, yeah.
说得对
Word up?
?我不喜欢你?
?I don't like you?
?我真的不喜欢你?
?I really don't like you?
?你这次真的真的过分了?
?You really, really, really, really crossed the line?
?很快你的城♥堡♥和你的小命都是我的?
?And soon your castle and your ass'll be mine?
?我不喜欢你?
?I don't like you?
我们战场见
I will see you on the battlefield.
你跟这支庞大的军队约战了
You challenged this giant army to a fight,
你还跟他们说
And you told them
你这边有英雄剑的持有人
you have the bearer of the sword
那是真王者才能提起来的剑
of the one true king,
我必须多嘴一句 我们根本没有
Which, I might add, we don't.
没人知道真正的王者是谁
No one knows who it is.
别唠叨个不停了
Don't get your bells in a bunch.
我没控制住脾气
I lost my temper.
你也听到玛德丽娜的条件了
You heard Madalena's terms.
我们必须战斗 我们一定会获胜的
We have to fight. And we will win.
怎么赢啊 我们的军队连武器都没有
How, exactly? Our army has no weapons.
我们临时凑些武器吧
We'll improvise.
告诉人♥民♥ 把任何可以当武器的东西都收集起来
Tell the people to gather anything we can use as weapons.
-我们要坚定地守卫国家 -好吧
- And we will make our stand. - All right.
我只是希望你没有跟玛德丽娜作对
I just wish you hadn't riled up Madalena.
她似乎真的气炸了
She seemed really pissed.
王后 放松 一切都没问题的
Queenie, relax. Everything's fine.
放松
Relax?
如果真王者真的站在她那边
If the one true king is really on her Side,
那可是糟透了
That's bad news.
预言说 能够将剑从树桩中拔起来的那个人
The prophecy says he who pulls the sword from the stump
将会一统各大王国
Will unite the kingdoms under his glorious rule.
预言从来都不会错的 那是科学
The prophecy's never wrong. That's just science.
听着 我亲自训练的这支军队
Look, I trained this army.
他们完全有能力对付
And they're more than capable of handling
某个拿着一把好剑的愚蠢的国王
some stupid king with some fancy sword.
-别担心 -你应该担心才对
- Don't worry. - Oh, you should worry.
但幸运的是 我们这边也有个秘密武器
But luckily, we have a secret weapon on our side,
那个秘密武器就是...
And that secret weapon is...
俺
Moi.
-什么 -蠢货
- What? - Prat.
我不仅是全国最受推崇的婚礼策划人
Not only am I the most respected wedding planner in the land,
同时也是黑魔法的从业者
I'm also a practitioner of the dark arts.
黑黑邪魔大♥师♥
A master of the d'dew.
那是什么
What's that?
"黑暗黑暗邪恶魔法" 黑黑邪魔
"Dark, dark evil way" -- the d'dew.
闭嘴 巴里
Shut up, Barry.
但他说的是对的
But what he said is right.
你为什么要称之为"黑黑邪魔"
Why do you call it "The d'dew"?
直接说"黑邪魔"不是更简单吗
Wouldn't it be simpler just to say "The dew"?
说得好
Good point.
不不不 这魔法可不仅是黑暗的
No, no, no. The way isn't just dark.
而是黑暗又黑暗的
It's dark dark.
"黑暗邪魔"是有史以来最强大的力量
D'dew is the most powerful force to ever exist.
一旦有了它 你可以控制很多东西
With it, you can control events,
使之为你所用
Bend them to your will,
将一切都变得如你随心所愿
And turn everything to your favor.
它甚至帮我减掉了苦恼多年的小肚子呢
It's also helped me with my stubborn tummy fat.
所以我们只需要吃了这个 就有魔法了吗
So, all we have to do is eat this, and we have magic?
不 不是 抱歉
No, no. Oh, sorry.
我明白你们为什么搞糊涂了
I see where the confusion lies.
这是樱桃火焰冰激凌
This is cherries jubilee.
我希望把这用在你们可能举办的婚礼上
Something I was thinking about for your potential wedding, hmm?
想象一个黑暗的大厅
Imagine a darkened hall, hmm?
数百个火焰冰激凌一起端上来
Hundreds of these coming in at once.
-我同意了 -很好 巴里 快去订碗
- I'm in. - Oh, good. Barry, order the bowls.
我是说黑黑邪魔
I meant with d'dew.
等等
Hold on a minute.
我说了我可以应付的
I said I can handle this.
拜托 加瑞斯 我们用黑黑邪魔吧
Come on, Gareth. Let's do d'dew.
-我能跟你稍微谈下吗 -什么 为什么
- Can I have a word with you for a minute? - What? Why?
听着 我们现在的情势很好
Look, we've got a good thing going.
你真的想把黑魔法扯进来吗
Do you want to bring dark magic into this?
我不知道
I don't know.
来点黑黑邪魔可能激动人心哦
A little d'dew might be exciting.
增加点火花
Spice things up.
-这让你很心烦 是吧 -是的
- This really bugs you, doesn't it? - Yes.
你确定你不用黑魔法也能打胜仗吗
And you're sure you can win the battle without it?
确定
Positive.
好吧
Okay.
就当为了你
For you.
不好意思 沃姆沃德先生 不能用黑黑邪魔
Sorry, Mr. Wormwood. No d'dew.
我待会儿去找你
I'll find you later.
黑黑邪魔
D'dew!
你确定他们都走了吗
Are you sure they're gone?
从山顶看 城♥堡♥已经空了
Well, it looked empty from the top of the hill.
那里有张字条
There's a note.
"出门进攻霍坦西亚去了 很快就回"
"Off to invade Hortensia. Back in a jiffy."
似乎这地方现在完全属于我们了 对吧
Looks like we definitely have the place to ourselves, huh, guys?
-他们两个是怎么了 -别问
- What's going on with them? - Don't ask.
说什么来着
What's that?
你们想知道我们昨晚是怎么度过的吗
You want to hear how we spent our evening?
-不 他不想知道 -不 我不想知道
- No, he really doesn't. - No, I don't.
?我们去了湖边?
?We went to the lake?
?气氛慢慢变得暧昧?
?Things got kind of snuggly?
?她领我去到一棵树后?
?She led me behind a tree?
?他开始发抖?
?He began to shake?
?场面相当难堪?
?It was pretty ugly?