游侠笑传（2015）

?拿起这玩意 敲打那玩意?
?I would hit the thing with the other thing?
?直到变成新玩意?
?Till I made a different thing?
?如果我是快乐的铁匠?
?If I were a jolly blacksmith?
不行 我没感觉
No, I'm not feeling it.
况且 打铁好脏呢
Besides, I'd get filthy.
一定有更好的职业
There must be something better.
?如果我是友善的农夫?
?If I were a friendly farmer?
?那不也是极好的?
?Wouldn't that be so sweet?
?种植绿色蔬菜和豆子?
?I'd be planting greens and lots of beans?
?还有其他好吃的?
?And other things to eat?
?我再种点蛋 我再种点猪?
?Then I'd plant some eggs, then a couple pigs?
?再种美味巧克力蛋糕?
?Then a yummy chocolate cake?
不 这个也不行
No, that's not right.
况且 连傻子都会种蛋糕
Besides, any moron can plant a cake.
我要与众不同 受人欢迎 惹人喜爱
I want to be special, needed, liked.
我想到了
I've got it!
供应啤酒
?如果我是欢乐的酿酒师?
?If I were a merry brewer?
?那可是个了不起的职业?
?That would be a grand career?
?我摘完葡萄剥葡萄?
?I would pick the grapes and peel the grapes?
?再把它们踩成啤酒?
?And stomp them into beer?
该死的
Damn it!
除了当国王 我什么都不会
I don't know how to do anything except be a king.
可惜没人想让我当国王
No one wants me to be a king.
?如果我是快乐的...废人?
?If I'm just a jolly nothing?
?我到底该做什么?
?What am I supposed to do?
?没有一技之长 没有一席之地?
?I don't have a skill, no niche to fill?
?没有家人等我归?
?No one to come home to?
?不知何处去?
?Don't know where to go?
?不知怎么活?
?Don't know how to fit?
?不知能够成为谁?
?Don't know who to even be?
?如果我是快乐的...?
?If I were a jolly?
?裁缝师?
?Tailor?
?杂耍师?
?Juggler?
?理发师?
?Barber?
?奶妈?
?Wet nurse?
?掏粪工?
?Cesspool worker?
算了 能有什么不同
Ugh, what difference does it make?
?我依然是我自己?
?I would still be me?
感谢
Ah, thank you.
巴里 公主就要来了
Ah, Barry, the princess is on her way.
记住 不能透露我的计划
Now, remember, not a word about my plan.
婚礼计划吗
The wedding plan?
我以为她就是来商量这个的
I thought that's why she's coming.
不对 是邪恶计划 白♥痴♥
No, the evil plan, you idiot --
用这个魔法皇冠控制她的心智
The one to control her mind with this enchanted tiara
然后夺走整个王国
And take over the kingdom.
我以为这个是"方案"
I thought that was the scheme.
不 方案指的是色彩方案
No, the scheme is the colors.
我糊涂了
I'm confused.
巴里 我对天发誓...
Barry, I swear to god...
好吧 为简单起见 从现在起
Okay, for clarity's sake, from now on,
我们称之为 "婚礼计划"
We'll call it "The wedding plan,"
"邪恶阴谋"和"色彩方案"
"The evil plot," And "The color scheme."
懂了吗 很好
Got it? Good.
她来了 淡定
Oh, she's here. Be cool.
伊莎贝拉公主
Princess Isabella!
大驾光临 有失远迎
How delightful. Welcome.
我们赶紧完事吧
Let's just get this over with.
我不在乎 不在乎 不在乎
I don't care, I don't care, and I don't care.
选好了 我们走
Decisions made. Let's go.
伊莎贝拉
Isabella.
母亲 我也许答应了结婚
Mother, I may have agreed to get married,
但我不会对此快乐以对的
But I'm not going to be happy about it.
可是 亲爱的 我为你煞费苦心呢
Oh, but, my dear, I have so much planned for you.
相信我 会很有趣的
Trust me, this is going to be fun.
?首先 要选择请柬?
?First, we get to choose invitations?
?把远方亲戚全都写上?
?Make a list of distant relations?
?然后再选定伴娘?
?Then we can decide on bridesmaids?
?你大概要20位吧?
?You need about 20?
开玩笑吗 请告诉我你在开玩笑
You're joking? Tell me he's joking. Please?
?接下来 再试很多套裙子?
?Next, we'll try on dozens of dresses?
?来和你的长发搭配?
?Settle on a 'do for your tresses?
?然后便能顺利步入?
?And we're well on our way?
?你人生中最幸福的一天?
?To the happiest day of your life?
好吧 能不能... 好
Right, so, if we're just -- yeah.
?给你挑选花匠?
?We'll pick your florist?
?再找个美甲师?
?And then select a manicurist?
?你会爱上那些顶级店铺?
?You'll want to register at all the top stalls?
?都是全城最好的?
?Within the town walls?
-?必须的? -杀了我吧
- ?No doubt? - Kill me now.
?下一件必做的事?
?Next on the checklist?
?要给你戴上手镯和项链?
?We'll get you braceletted and necklaced?
?让我们期待这场婚礼成为?
?Just wait and see it's gonna be like the wedding?
?一场梦中婚礼?
?We've always dreamed about?
老天啊 快停下来吧
Please, god, make it stop.
?然后我们要布置会场?
?Then we'll have to spruce up the venue?
-?选择30道佳肴? -疯了吧
- ?Figure out a 30-course menu? - This is insane.
?找个伙计画点画像?
?Find a guy to draw some pictures?
?你会想要很多婚纱像的?
?You're going to want plenty?
?另外 还要挑个乐队?
?Plus, we must audition some bands, too?
?选首歌♥让你伴着起舞?
?Choose the song you'll do your first dance to?
?烂俗蠢到家?
?The whole stupid cliche?
?在你人生中最幸福的一天?
?On the happiest day of your life?
简直不敢相信
Can't believe this.
?在你的头顶上方?
?And up on your head?
?前额以上闪闪发亮?
?Glowing right above your forehead?
?你会戴上我这个小礼物?
?You will wear this little present from me?
?可以偷走你的灵魂?
?Enchanted to steal your soul?
?等你戴上它时?
?And once it's on you?
?它会对你施咒?
?It will cast a spell upon you?
?你会完全服从我的吩咐?
?You'll do everything I tell you to do?
?借助你统治王国?
?And ruling through you?
?我会下命令?
?I'll seize full command?
?先除掉王子?
?Get rid of the prince?
?再安置我的人?
?Install my own men?
?然后夺走王位?
?Take over the throne?
?直到我完全...?
?Till I'm in complete...?
没什么好看的 继续跳
Nothing to see here. Move along.
?你们还傻站着干什么?
?What are you all standing around for?
?我们还有大事要开工?
?We've got an affair to break ground for?
?还有很多琐事要做?
?There's so much to do?
?猜猜谁要嫁为人♥妻♥?
?Guess who is becoming a wife?
?没错 我丈夫年仅11?
?True, my husband's only 11?
?但婚礼将会宛若天堂?
?Still, the wedding's gonna be heaven?
?去把我的捧花拿来?
?Go and get my bouquet?
?真是我人生中最幸福的一天?
?It's the happiest day of my life?
?全是哈利王子出钱?
?Cousin Harry will pay?
?真是我人生中最幸福的一天?
?It's the happiest day of my life?
?现在你完全受我掌控?
? Now you're under my sway ?
?真是我人生中最幸福的一天?
? It's the happiest day of my life ?
同意将饮用水水井从墓地移走的
And all those in favorous of moving the drinking well away
请说 "同意"
from the graveyard say, "Yea."
同意
Yea!
所以 他们宁愿通过多数人的意见来决定自己的命运
So, they would prefer to decide their fate by majority opinion
也不愿意被我统治
Rather than being ruled by me,
我的王位是从祖上一代代传下来的
whose right to kingship was passed down from ancestors
我们的先祖可是神和美人鱼的结合体
Said to be a god and a mermaid.
蠢货
Fools.
你成什么了 小镇酒鬼吗
What are you? The town drunk?
我倒希望是