游侠笑传（2015）

A scar.
每年我生日时
Every year, on my birthday,
我们都会去酒馆 痛快地打一架
We used to go down the pub and get in a good old scrap.
我9岁生日那天
When I was 9 years old,
跑去酒馆 落下了这个疤
I went to the pub and got this one.
那简直是一个孩子能得到的最好的礼物
Greatest gift a kid could ever want.
这道疤 是14岁时留下的
This one, I was 14.
我让一个大男人在锯屑堆里流血而亡
I left a man bleeding to death in the sawdust.
他想让我给他一刀痛快的 但我不肯
He wanted me to finish him off, but I wouldn't.
那我们就这么办吧
That's what we're going to do.
我要带你去瓦伦西亚最低廉的酒馆
I'm taking you to the sleaziest tavern in Valencia...
去给你留下一道新的生日伤疤
To get you a new birthday scar.
真的吗
Really?
沃姆伍德在哪儿
Where's Wormwood?
婚礼事项
我的计划已经差不多准备好了 巴里
My plan is almost ready, Barry.
你的婚礼计划吗
Your wedding plan?
是啊 以及我的邪恶计划
Yes, and my evil plan.
-那不是叫"邪恶阴谋"吗 -天啊
- I thought that was a plot. - Oh, for --
其实 说老实话 我自己也记不清了
Actually, if I'm being honest, I'm losing track myself.
沃姆伍德先生 我们该好好谈谈了
Mr. Wormwood, we need to talk.
公主殿下 此事有一个非常合理的解释
My lady, there's a perfectly good explanation.
你原本打算用这个来控制我的心智
You were using it to control my mind
然后控制我们的王国 那都是你邪恶阴谋的一部分
And take over our kingdom as part of some nefarious scheme.
好吧 解释起来就是这样的
Okay, yes, that is the explanation.
我的守卫没有因此把你杀了 算你走运
You're lucky I don't have my guards strike you down just for that.
公主殿下 我可是黑魔法大♥师♥
Oh, princess, I'm a master of the dark arts, yes.
唯一能杀死我的就是
And the only thing to kill me is the sword
一统天下的真正国王所挥舞的王者之剑
Wielded by the one true king to unite them all.
没人知道那把剑在哪儿
And no one knows where that is.
妈的
Damn it!
好了
There we go.
我还是可以叫他们砍掉你的手臂的
I can still have them chop off your arms.
你可以吗 她可以吗
Can you*Can she?
对哦 我之前没想到这一点呢
Yes. Hadn't thought of that.
滚吧 切斯特·沃姆伍德
Begone, Chester Wormwood.
霍坦西亚从此禁止你入内
You are banished from Hortensia.
好吧
Fine.
暂时算你赢了
You win -- for now.
但是记住我的话
But mark my words,
我还会再回来的 用武力征服这个王国
I will return to take this kingdom by force,
你和你的家人们
And you and your family
将用你们的脑袋 装饰我最高的宝塔
will decorate my highest tower -- with your heads!
不过别忘了 婚礼就快到了
Oh, but don't forget -- the wedding is fast approaching,
所以务必让伴郎们在礼物上
So have the groomsmen's gifts
都刻上他们的姓名首字母
engraved with their initials.
那可是很有格调的
It's a classy move.
但你一定会没命的 我保证
But you will die, I swear.
也别忘了婚礼当天要给服务生小费
Oh, and don't forget to tip the waiters on the day.
他们工作超刻苦的
Oh, they work so hard.
在地狱腐烂吧 猪
Rot in hell, swine!
巴里
Barry.
我们到了 听着
We're here. Now, look --
你们确定你们不宁愿饿死吗
Are you sure you wouldn't rather face starvation?
我愿意
I would.
我真搞不懂
You know, I do not understand it.
我小时候我爸就死了
My father died when I was just a boy.
我愿意付出一切代价见他一面
I would do anything to see him again.
-好饿哦 -是啊
- So hungry. - Yeah.
你♥爸♥可能不是一个花♥花♥公♥子♥
Well, your dad probably wasn't a serial philanderer
从来不在你身边 还抛弃了你妈
Who was never around and left your mum.
真是个悲伤的故事
That is so sad.
那也没爸爸直接死了悲伤吧 不是吗
Not as sad as having a dead dad, right?
显然我的经历更加悲伤
I mean, my story's sadder.
要让他知道我长途跋涉寻求真爱 不知道会怎样呢
And just wait until he finds out I'm on a quest for love.
他一定会大肆取笑我的
He's gonna make such fun of it.
如果他是在吃饭的时候批评你
Well, if he criticizes you over dinner,
我一点意见都没有 尤其如果吃的是牛排的话
I'm fine with that, especially if dinner is steak.
说得好 同意
Hear, hear.
好吧 准备好见一个
Okay. Well, be prepared to meet
冷若冰山 残酷无情的怪物吧
an ice-cold, loveless monster.
你好啊 儿子 好久不见了
Ah, greetings, son! It's been forever!
进来吧
Come in.
是啊 他看上去真"糟糕"
Oh, yeah. He seems terrible.
孩子们 让开 让开
Boys, make way, make way, make way.
欢迎欢迎
Welcome, welcome.
真是难以置信
I will be damned.
我从未想过我还可以活着见到我的长子
I never thought I'd live to see my oldest son
而且长着这么茂密的胡须呢
With such a bushy beard.
我这不叫茂密 只是时髦而已
It's not bushy. It's correct for the period.
那很适合你 快进来吧
And it suits you. Come, come, come.
你的家真温馨 先生
You have a lovely home, sir.
谢谢
Thank you.
你的孩子可真多啊
You have a lot of children.
你老婆一定痛死了
Your wife must be so sore.
他们不是我的孩子
They're not mine.
我开了个剑术学校 专门面向危机少年
I run a swordsmanship school for at-risk youth.
自从我不当英雄后 就开始干这个了
Have been ever since I retired from the heroics game.
孩子们好啊
Hey, boys!
一个一个来
One at a time.
拜托哦
Oh, please.
杀了他
Kill him!
国王驾到
Crown!
那么 酒吧打架要怎么才能打起来
So, how does this whole bar-fight thing work?
通常 我们会喝一两杯啤酒
Well, usually, we have a pint or two.
然后我会发现某个人在看着我
And then I catch someone looking at me,
我会辱骂他老娘 然后就打起来了
I insult his mother, and then away we go.
很好 那就开始吧
Oh, good. Let's start.
不如就他吧
What about him?
他刚刚瞟了你一眼
He gave you a momentary glance.
是吗
Did he?
你有什么不满吗
You got a problem?
绝对没有 国王陛下
Uh, none at all, uh, your highness.
你应该有不满才对
Well, you should.
加瑞斯国王♥刚♥刚骂你妈是个廉价的荡♥妇♥
King Gareth just called your mother a two-bit hussy.
你骂得太对了 国王陛下
Oh, uh, right you are, my king!
我妈就是个荡♥妇♥
My mother is a hussy.
实际上 她是全国最荡的荡♥妇♥
In fact, she's the biggest hussy in the land.
没错 我就是的 陛下
Indeed, I am, your grace!
我妈也是卖♥♥身的 陛下
My mother sells herself, as well, your majesty.
我妈也是
Mine too!
简直是整个"红蜡烛区"最肮脏下流的妓♥女♥
Filthiest woman in the whole red-candle district.
我爸是个"荡夫"
My father's a hussy!
天啊 巴里 努力跟上我
For god's sake, Barry, try and keep up!
你知道我们这是在哪儿吗
Do you have any idea where we are?
巴里 你是彻底的文盲吗
Barry, are you completely illiterate?
瞧啊 我们现在在"巧合森林"
Look, we're in the Forest of coincidence.
天啊 现在要是有辆车就好了
God, I wish we had a cart right now.
真有辆车啊 不是吧
Free cart! No way.
终于有车了 运气真好
Finally, a stroke of luck.
嘿 你 小伙子
Ah, hey, you there -- little chap.
你从哪儿来啊
Where are you coming from?
瓦伦西亚 我在跑路 现在彻底迷路了
Valencia. I'm escaping, and I couldn't be more lost.
真巧啊
How very strange.
我们也正从霍坦西亚跑路呢
We're escaping from Hortensia.
嘿 或许我们可以互相帮助呢
Hey, maybe we can help each other.
那简直太好了
That'd be brilliant.
我正在拼命地逃离
I'm trying to put as much distance as I can
那疯狂的国王和王后的魔爪
Between myself and an insane king and queen.
相信我 我们懂的
Believe me, we get that.
我们刚被伊莎贝拉公主给赶出来了
We've just been kicked out by princess Isabella.