游侠笑传（2015）

瞧瞧我
Look at me go,
率领一支活死人僵尸战士
Leading an army of half-dead zombie warriors
前去拯救一位公主
On a quest to save a princess.
那必须是英雄式的行为
Now, that is solid hero stuff.
简直是你最具英雄气概的壮举之一 爵士
One of your most heroic scenarios, sir.
-传奇性的 -绝对的
- Legendary. - Totally.
不过必须承认
Though you have to admit,
当这些行尸走肉上路时
When the flesh hits the road,
感觉有点应付不来 不是吗
It is feeling just a bit challenging, is it not?
不对 各位 要绕过那棵树
No, guys. Guys, go around the tree.
绕过去
Go around.
真不知道我为什么还要多费口舌
I don't know why I bother.
他们基本上是没用的废物 对吧
I mean, they're basically useless, aren't they?
是啊 差不多吧
Yeah, pretty much.
不过我注意到 他们完全被你吸引了 爵士
Although I have noticed they are quite drawn to you, sir.
或许是因为你曾短暂死亡过一段时间吧
Maybe it's because you were briefly dead.
是啊 那是谁造成的呢 希德
Oh, yes, and why was that, Sid?
我为什么会短暂死亡来着
Why was I briefly dead?
我已经跟你说过我有多愧疚了
I told you how bad I feel about that.
你打算一辈子揪着这事不放吗
You ever gonna let it go?
你是说 就像你放开那把剑
Oh, you mean like when you let go of the sword
它在空中划出一条完美的弧线
and it flew through the air,
直插♥我♥的胸腔 短暂地杀死了我那样吗
Sticking into my chest, temporarily killing me?
看来你的确打算揪着不放了
So I'll take that as a "No," then.
好了 我们就快到瓦伦西亚了
Right. We're almost to Valencia.
我打算先潜入那座城♥堡♥
I'm gonna scout ahead to that castle,
看里面是不是真的空无一人
See if it's truly empty.
瓦伦西亚
Valencia.
似乎就在昨天
Seems like just yesterday,
我还是这片土地上有史以来最残暴的暴君
I was the worst tyrant this land has ever seen.
那可真古怪
That was weird.
小疯子 你跟洛波塔一起待在这里
Cuckoo bananas. You stay here with Roberta.
我觉得这是个好主意
I think that's a great idea.
你说呢 理查德
Don't you, Richard?
等下 格莱凡特 我想快速跟你说个事
Hey, Galavant, quick story I want to tell you.
我需要你的建议
I need your advice.
我真的很想亲吻洛波塔 再做些别的事
I really want to kiss Roberta, and stuff,
我觉得现在时机已经到了
And I think the timing is right.
但是她说她喜欢我了吗
But did she say she likes me?
直接说重点
Get to the point.
我 我要先问下她吗
Do -- do I ask her?
还是该直接抓住她就强吻呢
Do I just grab her and kiss her?
或者穿着夜行衣躲到她身后 然后跳出来吓她
Sneak up behind her in dark clothing, shout "Boo,"
趁着她尖叫时狂吻她
And kiss her when she's screaming?
-到底该怎样 -听着 我很想帮你
- What? - Look, I would love to help you.
但我还有更重要的事要做 好吗
I've sort of got more important things to do, okay?
不过 绝对不要采用吓她那一招
But, no, no, definitely don't do the "Boo" Version.
那是被人鄙视的 明白吗
It's sort of frowned upon, okay?
我得走了
I've got to go.
不要吓人 好的 知道了
No "Boo" Version. Good to know.
听着 各位 各位
Look, guys, guys, guys!
打住
Stop!
你们不能跟我一起去 我是要偷偷潜入
You can't go with me! I'm sneaking.
不行 说真的
No, seriously!
我是要秘密进入城♥堡♥打探一番 所以...
Just -- I'm trying to do a secret castle scout. Just...
苍天大老爷啊
Oh, for the love of god.
好吧 行吧 来吧
Yeah. Yeah, all right. Come on.
那个...
So...
波比 我一直想问你
Bobby, I meant to ask you...
你最爱的树是哪一种啊
What's your favorite tree?
因为现在的小孩都喜欢橡树
Because kids these days are all into oaks,
但我喜欢云杉树 所以...
But I like a spruce, and --
天啊
Oh, my god.
真是太美妙了
That was wonderful.
所以我们只能站在这里
So, we'll just stand here
听任这秀恩爱的事发生了
And listen to this happen, then, I guess.
休战旗 没什么好担心的
Flag of truce! Nothing to worry about!
绝对的安全通行
Guaranteed safe passage!
要杀我们实在是太可耻了
Super poor form to kill us!
你能闭嘴吗
Will you stop it?
你让我们显得像傻♥逼♥一样[工具]
You're making us look like tools.
我们本来就是工具 他们将通过杀害
We are tools -- tools that will be used
我们这种工具 来让瓦伦西亚的剑变钝
To make the Valencian swords dull -- with murder!
不好意思 我一紧张 说出的笑话也变得怪怪的
Sorry. When I'm nervous, my jokes get kind of weird.
我们会没事的
We'll be fine.
当然 依靠我表弟的玩具军队
Sure, we can't beat the Valencians
我们无法打败瓦伦西亚军
with my cousin's toy army,
但是在战前 总是可以签订投降条件的
But terms of surrender are always offered before a battle.
轻松简单 小菜一碟
Easy-peasy, pudding and pie.
我们只会命丧刀下 去见阎王
We're gonna pudding and die.
我会尽量振作起来的
I'll try and pull it together.
这真是个好主意
This was such a good idea.
我觉得走出城♥堡♥对我们很有好处
I think getting out of the castle was great for us, you know?
没什么比战场扎营更棒了
There's nothing like a good old war camp.
呼吸新鲜的空气 听着自然的声音
Fresh air, sounds of nature.
以及确定可以杀人的心安
And the promise of getting to kill people.
真的让一个男人血液沸腾 你明白我的意思吗
It just really gives a man a lift, you know what I mean?
是啊 真好
Yeah. It's nice.
什么
What?
休战旗
Flag of truce?
不不不 不要啊
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
她到这儿来干什么
What is she doing here?
她估计是来商讨投降条件的
She's probably come to discuss terms of surrender.
我不希望她投降 我想杀了她
I don't want her to surrender. I want to kill her!
加瑞斯 玛德丽娜
Gareth, Madalena.
公主 和小丑
Princess. And the fool?
不好意思 这里气氛太紧张了
Sorry. It's pretty tense in here.
我想我们可以商讨下条件
I thought we might discuss terms,
以避免不必要的流血牺牲
Avoid unnecessary bloodshed.
我就是为了不必要的流血牺牲才来的
Well, I kind of am here for the unnecessary bloodshed.
《战争法》规定...
The rules of war dictate that --
天啊 你要扯那烦死人的一套了 是吧
God, you're going to be lame about this, aren't you?
好吧 我的条件有以下几点
Fine. Here are my terms.
一是彻底的投降
Complete surrender.
把你们的城♥堡♥ 黄金
Hand over your castle, your gold,
珠宝和牲畜都交出来
Your jewels, your livestock.
-我觉得这有点太过分了 -没说完呢
- I think that's a bit extreme. - Not done.
所有处于战斗年纪的男丁都将加入我们的军队
All the men of fighting age will be conscripted into our army.
所有的孩子都要把玩具堆在一起
Oh, and I want all the children to put their toys in a pile.
然后我会付之一炬
Then I'm going to light it on fire.
耶 我还是可以享受到乐趣的嘛
Yay! I'm having fun after all.
稍等一下
If I could have a moment.
这些条件我们是不可能接受的
These terms are impossible!
我们还有什么选择呢
What choice do we have?
你说得对
You're right.
你的条件太过分了 但我觉得...
Your terms are monstrous, but I think --
还有最后一点
Oh, and one last thing.
我要你来做我的新女仆
I want you to be my new handmaiden.
你的主要职责 就是擦拭干净我的凤冠
Your main duty will be cleaning my crown.
那可不是你的凤冠
That is not your crown.
那是瓦伦西亚王后的正式凤冠
That is the official crown of the queen of Valencia,
我母亲才是它的合法持有者
And my mother is its rightful owner.
闭嘴 小不点
Settle down, tiny tot.
是你非要过来投降的
You're the one who came here to surrender.
你一定会为叫我"小不点"而后悔的
You're gonna regret calling me "Tiny tot."
好棒 猫斗啦
Yes! Catfight!
终于啊 我等了两季终于等到这精彩的一幕了
Finally. I've been waiting two seasons for this.
?我不喜欢你?
?I don't like you?
?我真的很不喜欢你?
?I really don't like you?
-?我真的? -?真的?
- ?I really? -?really?