游侠笑传（2015）

?各色肌肉秀色可餐?
?Drink in those lats and traps and delts?
?精彩过后还留神秘?
?And after that, who knows what else??
?留足胃口品尝甜点?
?So save some room, boys, for dessert?
?快扒下他的上衣?
?Off with his shirt?
?真棒?
?Yeah!?
把衣服穿上 可别冻死了
Put this back on. You'll catch your death.
我可是兴致盎然
Well, I have had a blast.
我以前没来过这种地方
You know, I've never been to one of these places before.
什么 酒馆吗 别犯傻了
What, a pub? Oh, don't be stupid.
你去过酒馆的
You've been to a pub before.
总之 我先走了
Anyway, uh, I'm gonna head out.
得把他送回他的王国
Got to get him back to his kingdom.
我还得回去拯救我的真爱
I've got to return to saving my one true love.
她...
She's, uh --
没错 是个女的 在等着我 感谢盛情款待
Yeah, she's waiting for me, but thank you for everything.
感谢大家没拿我们喂熊
And thank you for not feeding us to the bear.
再见 壮熊
Goodbye, Bear.
回见
Laters.
-理查德 我们走 -好
- Richard, Vamos. - Sí.
你们以为能跑去哪儿呢
Where do you think you're going?
刚刚是我们多年来最精彩的一夜
We just had our best night in years.
你们永远别想走
You'll be staying here forever.
至少你那六块腹肌软下来之前没可能
Or at least until those abs go soft.
-不过 -守卫
- But -- - Guards!
至少壮熊开心了
At least Bear seems happy.
天啊 大猩猩
Geez, gorilla!
握紧拳头往门上砸好不好 那叫敲门
Make a fist! Pound the door! It's called knocking!
听着 女老大觉得她能主宰我的一切
Listen, the boss lady thinks she's the boss of me,
我想搞清楚现实情况是不是这样
and I'm trying to figure out if she is.
你想要个角色
Now, you wanted a position.
我就给你一个 我的助理
Here it is -- be my assistant.
这是本国宪♥章♥
This is the kingdom's charter.
里面说明了国王被罢黜时的权力交替问题
It outlines the changes of power when a king is deposed.
但是我不识字
But I can't read.
加瑞斯 你是让我叫你识字吗
Aww, Gareth, are you asking me to teach you to read?
不是 看不懂画的白♥痴♥才认字
No. Reading's for morons who can't understand pictures.
赶紧给我念
Just read it!
公主殿下 放风时间还有十分钟
10 more minutes of outside time, my lady.
是啊 真是一点都不像监狱啊 娘亲
Yeah. Not a prison at all, mom.
我美艳动人的准新娘在那儿呢
There's my beautiful bride-to-be!
小丑 小丑 来给公主表演一个
Jester, Jester, do it for the princess.
每次都能笑死我
Every time, he gets me.
别逗我了 我快要笑尿了
Stop! I'm gonna pee myself!
不好 真尿裤子了 放我下来
Oops. I did. Let me down.
真是个好孩子
Great kid.
你表弟是绝世好夫君的料
Oh, he's gonna make a wonderful husband, your cousin.
我是说 等他不尿裤子之后
I mean, once he stops peeing himself.
我感觉像灌了疯狂烈酒一样
I feel like I've been drinking crazy grog.
-你怎么能对这一切如此开心呢 -你在开玩笑吗
- How can you be happy about this? - You kidding?
这是我这辈子最轻松的一份工作
This is the easiest gig I've ever had.
假装放屁 讲点便便笑话哄孩子玩就行
It's all fart noises and poop jokes with this kid.
我几个月都不用写新段子了
I haven't had to write new material for months.
说实话 现在我有时间为梦想而努力了
And truth be told, it's given me time to work on my real passion.
我要努力进军戏剧界
I'm trying to break into drama.
实在对不起
So sorry.
我一秒钟也静不下来
I can't handle a moment's silence.
我这是什么毛病
What's wrong with me?
-厨师长 格温 -公主殿下
- Chef. Gwynne. - Milady.
你们得帮我逃跑 然后找到格莱凡特
You two have to help me escape and find Galavant.
你们必须看清楚这有多疯狂
You must see how insane this all is.
我确实反对逼婚
I do hate the idea of you being forced into marriage.
我现在是女权主义的坚定拥护者
I'm kind of big into women's rights.
真的
He really is.
他说可以让我留下头生女
He said he's gonna let me keep our first daughter
而非把她们全都扔掉
and not just throw them all out.
那些守卫 他们总叫客房♥服务
The guards -- they ordered a lot of room service.
我看看能不能掺进去几块安眠派
Let me see if I can't slip them some sleepy-time pie
再偷把钥匙给你
and get you a key.
你太善良了
You're so kind.
就留一个女儿
One daughter!
剩下的丢给异鬼
Then we leave the rest to the White Walkers.
男人啊
Men.
不好意思 让一下
Excuse me. Sorry.
劳驾 劳驾
Pardon me. Pardon me.
让一让 让一让
Excuse me. Excuse me.
麻烦再来一轮蜂蜜酒
Need another round of mead lights
菲利普和塞巴斯蒂安点的
for Philip and Sebastian, please.
人呢
Hello?
格莱凡特
Galavant!
格莱凡特
Galavant?
逃跑未遂
Tried to escape.
一路逃到门口
Made it all the way to the door,
结果调冰饮把手冻僵了
but my hands were too cold from mixing slushy drinks.
我们在浪费时间
We are wasting time.
放轻松 好兄弟
Relax, my brother from another.
喝点小酒 感受节拍
Have a drink. Feel the beat.
我突然想起来
Oh, that reminds me.
壮熊给我讲了个好段子
Bear told me a ripper.
一只熊走进酒吧
A bear walks into a bar --
你倒是玩得爽了
Oh, you're having fun.
我可真"开心"啊
I'm so glad
因为我在乎的人都在水深火热之中
because the people I care about are in real trouble.
不好意思
Well, I'm sorry.
我就是想调节一下气氛
I'm just trying to lighten the mood.
别白费力气了
Well, stop trying.
你就是越帮越忙
The more you try, the worse it gets.
离我远点就好
Just stay out of my way.
好吧 但从现在开始 我们的小费要共同管理
Fine, but from now on, we're pooling our tips!
谁会不想听精彩的熊熊笑话呢
Who doesn't like to hear a good bear joke?
熊是很逗的 我很...
Bears are funny. I'm so --
凯斯叔叔
Uncle Keith!
我爸说你进入了魔法森林
Dad said you entered the enchanted forest
就再也没出来[出柜]
And never came out.
是出柜了再来这里的 孩子
The other way 'round, kid.
我属于这里
I belong here.
你父亲 愿他安息
Your father -- god rest his soul --
他也曾属于这里
He belonged here.
难道他也是个酒鬼吗
Was he an alcoholic, too?
但你不属于这里
But you don't belong here.
我会帮助你逃出这里的
I'm going to help you escape.
棒极了
Marvelous!
好吧 或许你也属于这里
Okay. Maybe you do belong here.
一定会超级好玩的
Oh, this is gonna be fun!
为什么她要强迫我们看她吃我们的鸡
Why is she making us watch her eat our chicken?
什么叫"我们的鸡"
What do you mean, "Our chicken"?
一开始是我的蛋啊
It was my egg first.
才不是 本来是我的
It weren't. I had it first.
-是我找到的 -这就是原因
- I found it! - This is why.
这就是我强迫你们看着的原因
This is why you're watching.
女王 我得跟你谈谈我的头衔了
Queenie, I need to talk to you about my title.
我帮助你推♥翻♥了一个国王
Now, I helped you overthrow a king.
你不过是帮助你的朋友脱逃了
You helped your friend escape
然后看着我杀掉了他的继任者
And watched as I killed his replacement.
我受够了得不到同等对待了
I'm sick of not being treated as an equal.
我受够了把我的马
I'm sick of having to park my horse
和那些小助理的马停在一起
In the stable with the assistants!
听着 根据我找人读给我听的宪♥章♥
Look, according to the scrolls I have had read to me,
我流放了国王
I banished the king.
所以严格说来 我现在是瓦伦西亚的国王
So, technically, I am the true king of Valencia.
如果我被当国王对待 那对我将意义重大
And it would really mean a lot to me if I was treated as such.