游侠笑传（2015）

悬赏通缉
好啊
'sup?
喂 你不是告示上的那个家伙吗
Hey. Aren't you that guy from the poster?
什么 当然不是 那是我表弟
What? N-no. That's m-- that's my cousin.
我们的颧骨长得不太一样
We got different cheekbones.
他的更好看 那个幸运的混♥蛋♥
His are better, the lucky bastard.
我觉得就是你 我要去领赏
Well, I think it's you. I'm getting that reward!
等等 等等
Hold on, hold on!
如果你把我上交 他们就会杀了我
If you hand me over, they'll kill me.
你要是把我害死了 良心上能过得去吗
Do you really want my death on your conscience
何况就为了区区6枚金币
For six lousy gold pieces?
那能买♥♥到什么啊
What could you even buy with that?
一个农场
A farm!
我可以买♥♥个新老婆 我讨厌现在的黄脸婆
I could get a new wife. I hate the old one!
我要把我老婆也换了 我也想要个新老婆
I'm changing mine. I want a new wife, too!
等等 拜托
Wait! Please!
就算你们把我交给国王和王后
Even if you deliver me to the king and queen,
他们也不会付钱的
They'll never pay!
瞧瞧他们对这个曾经骄傲的王国的所为
Look what they've done to this once proud kingdom.
他们将之洗劫 毁灭 也毁了我们所有人的生活
They plundered and destroyed it and ruined all of our lives!
到底是哪里明文规定那些混♥蛋♥
I mean, where's it written that those jerks
可以住城♥堡♥ 吃羊肉
Get to live in the castle and feast on lamb
而我们其他人只能在粪土里煎熬 忍♥饥挨饿
While the rest of us wallow in the muck and starve?!
到底是哪里明文规定了
Where is it written?
《王国宪♥章♥》啊
The kingdom charter.
忘掉是哪里明文规定的
Forget where it's written.
我建议我们袭击城♥堡♥
I say we storm the castle
夺回属于我们的东西
And take back what's rightfully ours.
谁跟我一起
Who's with me?!
*我们前进 我们战斗*
*We will march, and we'll fight*
*为了崇高和正义的大业*
*For the cause of good and right*
*尽管我们能存活的几率*
*Though the odds of us surviving*
*小得可怜*
*Are ridiculously slight*
*我们骄傲地高高屹立*
*And we'll stand proud and tall*
*直到他们来杀光我们*
*Till they come to kill us all*
*然后我们再乞求 恳请 作践自己*
*Then we'll beg and plead and soil ourselves*
*然后一个个倒下*
*As, one by one, we fall*
*他们会砍死一些 劈死一些*
*Some they'll slash, some they'll hack*
*用大棒捶死一些*
*Some they'll bludgeon blue and black*
*从上到下 开膛破肚一些*
*Some they'll gut from top to bottom*
*从前到后剁碎一些*
*Some they'll mangle front to back*
*在他们挖出我们双眼时 我们都将意识到*
*And we'll all realize as they're gouging out our eyes*
*明天我们就会后悔*
*That tomorrow we'll regret it*
*但今天我们要起义*
*But today, we rise*
*我们的尸体将在乡野腐烂*
*And our corpses will rot on the plain*
*只会留下恶心的血淋淋的痕迹*
*Leaving only a gross, bloody stain*
*然后世界会看到*
*Then the world, it will see*
*历史也将见证*
*As will all of history*
*真理站在我们这边*
*We had truth on our side*
*但我们还是白白牺牲*
*But we still died in vain*
*少数勇敢的幸运之人*
*And the brave, lucky few*
*将会渡过这一劫难*
*Who will somehow make it through*
*留下一辈子的疤痕 缺胳膊少腿*
*Scarred for life and missing limbs*
*拉屎撒尿也需要人来帮*
*And needing help to pee and poo*
*他们可以站在这天空下*
*They can stand 'neath these skies*
*向路人讨要零钱*
*Begging change from passerbys*
*是无望了吗 没错 你说的很对*
*Is it hopeless? Yep, you said it*
*我们不如就算了吧*
*We might as well forget it*
*明天我们就会后悔*
*Tomorrow, we'll regret it*
*但今天我们要起义*
*But today, we rise*
*天啊 我们一定会后悔的吧*
*Oh, my god, will we regret it*
*但今天我们要起义*
*But today, we ri-i-i-i-se*
你们这下狠不起来了吧
Not so tough now, are you?!
我们要拆了这座城♥堡♥
We're gonna tear this castle down!
对吧 乡亲们
Right, everybody?!
我说 对吧 乡亲们
I said, right, everybody?!
告诉我 为什么音乐总是让我亢奋过头
Tell me, why do musicals always get me so worked up?
它又停下了
It stopped.
上一匹马也是这样的
This is what happened to the last one.
好吧 淡定
Okay, okay.
我们来踢一脚试试
Let's just try giving it a kick.
以前都是起作用的
It worked before.
1, 2, 3.
踢踢
Kick.
-"好极了" -根本没用
- Great. - It's useless.
情况怎么恶化得这么快啊
How could things have gone so bad so quickly?
那些该死的蝙蝠吃光了我们的食物
Those stupid bats ate all our food.
我们都患了感冒
We all got the same cold.
-最糟糕的是... -求你别再说了
- Worst of all -- - Please don't say it again.
我们不得不吃了那一家霍比特人
We had to eat that family of hobbits.
我们原本也不必吃人的
We wouldn't have had to
都怪你不允许我们吃掉你那该死的鬣蜥
if you'd let us eat your stupid iguana.
泰德·库珀是条龙 我们绝对不能吃龙
Tad Cooper is a dragon, and we are not eating a dragon.
它就是条蜥蜴 非常华丽的 多肉的蜥蜴
He's a lizard. A very sumptuous, meaty lizard.
理查德 听着 我很抱歉我们不得不吃霍比特人
Richard, look, I'm sorry we had to eat hobbits.
我也很抱歉我们很快就得吃了你的鬣...
I'm sorry we'll soon have to eat your igua--
龙
Dragon.
但我们别无选择 我们快饿死了
But we don't have a choice. We're starving.
等等
Hold on a minute.
"即将进入阿诺德·格莱凡特的领地"
"Entering the property of sir Arnold Galavant."
他是你的亲戚吗
Is he any relation of yours?
呃...不是
Uh...no.
或许吧
Maybe.
好吧 我认了 他是我爸
Okay, fine. Yes, he's my dad.
听着 我知道他住在这附近什么地方
Look, I knew he lived around here somewhere.
我只是不想见他
I just don't want to see him.
你早知道 我们都吃了霍比特人了
You knew*We ate Hobbits.
忘了那些小矮子吧
Oh, forget about them.
我嗅到背景故事的味道 我超爱背景故事的
I smell backstory, and I love backstory.
说真的 我不想谈论那事
Honestly, I don't want to talk about it.
我们能继续前进了吗
Can we just move on?
我相信无论我们向哪个方向走
I'm sure we could find a warm bed and a nice meal
都能找到一顿饱餐和一张暖床
In literally any other direction.
前方20英里内空无一物
前方50英里内空无一物
前方 必死无疑
真讨厌
Oh, fiddlesticks.
众所周知 这是加瑞斯成为国王以来
As you all know, this is the first birthday party
我为他举办的第一个生日派对
I've thrown for Gareth since he became king.
如果你们胆敢毁了惊喜
If you ruin the surprise,
我就用一把钝刀慢慢割了你们的舌头
I'll cut your tongue out with a dull knife.
谢谢各位的辛苦工作 我很珍惜你们
Thanks for your hard work, and I cherish you one and all.
他来了
He's coming!
各就各位
Places, everyone!
惊喜哦
Surprise!
加瑞斯 等等
Gareth! Wait!
这是为你举办的生日派对 你个笨蛋
It's a birthday party for you, you kook.
快来看看你的生日礼物
Come take a look at your gifts.
我猜你一定会喜欢的
I think you're going to love them.
这个看着有点高端啊
This is a bit fancy.
那是个水晶坚果[蛋蛋]碗
It's a crystal nut bowl.
装不下我的蛋
It'll never fit.
不是 是派对上用的
No, for dinner parties.
你不喜欢吗
You don't like it?
不是这个原因
It's not that.
只是...
It's just that,
所有这些高档的国王用品
All this hoity-toity king stuff...
跟我的风格不搭
it's just not me.
噢 好吧
Oh. Okay.
那你的风格是怎样的呢
So, what is you, Gareth?
如果你无论想要什么生日礼物都能得到
I mean, if you could get anything for your birthday,
你会想要什么呢
What would it be?
一道伤疤