大学同学（2017）

I am.
我不渣 我没出轨
I'm not a cheater. I don't cheat.
我也不渣
Yeah, I'm not a cheater, either.
你明白吗 听着
You see that. Well, listen,
在开曼发生的就留在开曼
what happens in Cayman stays in Cayman.
-他们没这么说吧 -没有 他们说过了
- I don't think they say that. - No, I think they do.
-你在下面的时候 -我得走了 但你
- When you're down here, you do. - Okay, I gotta go, but you...
-好的 -你和我 是一样的
- Yes. - You and me are, like, the same.
我和你的区别 是我有一根四英寸长的丁丁
The only thing that separates me and you four inches of dick.
回见了 朋友
See ya, dog.
你是对的
Boy, you're right.
这人简直神经病
That guy is a psychopath.
怎么了
What's up?
我...我要去...
I am... I'm gonna go...
去健身房♥
to the gym.
什么 我们才刚点了那么多吃的
What? We just ordered all that food.
-好多店都没了 -我知道
- So much isn't here anymore. - I know.
美味屋
The Tasty.
-汤米家 -乌诺披萨屋 24号♥店
- Tommy's. - Pizzeria Uno. Store 24.
好吃的连锁店都没了 简直了
I mean, all the good chains. Come on!
但你猜有什么一定还在
But you know what I bet still is here?
拜托了 我保证 我们的签名肯定没了
Please, no. I promise you, our initials aren't still there.
我们要去看一看 邓斯特已经在路上了
Yes, we have to go look! Dunster's on the way.
邓斯特已经在路上了 这不是你的宿舍了
Dunster's on the way? It's not your dorm anymore.
-不是你宿舍了 -永远都是我的宿舍
- It's not your dorm anymore. - It's forever my dorm.
你都二十年没住了
It hasn't been your dorm in over 20 years.
但我们试试看能不能进去
But let's just take a look and see if we can get in.
你在干什么 你是个海豚宝宝吗
What are you doing? Are you a baby dolphin? What's that?
好吧 你高兴就好
Okay, alright, cool.
你知道下船后就会感觉自己克服了晕船吗
You know when you get off a boat, you feel like you have sea legs?
现在我觉得自己有抽♥插♥腰
Right now, I feel like I have hump waist.
忍♥不住来回抽♥插♥
Can't stop humping.
我们做了很多次 是不是
We did it a lot of times, right?
-对了 你的鞋呢 -我没事
- By the way, shouldn't you be wearing shoes? - I'm fine.
-感觉 光着脚不好 -我没事
- I feel like... barefoot is not good. - I'm fine.
我觉得他们没给这传送带啥的消毒
I don't think they disinfect the wheel thing.
你能不能去别的地方健身
You know, could you just go work out somewhere else?
我不知道你为什么要健身
I don't know why you're working out.
我们刚才运动了7个小时
We just got a seven-hour workout.
-你懂的 -我知道的 太让我困扰了
- You know, like... - I know, it's just distracting. So...
-这样会困扰你吗 -尼克 别这样
- Is this distracting? - Nick, come on. Stop.
太棒了 这些绳子太棒了
Yes! These rope things are awesome!
我就像《蜘蛛侠里》的阿尔弗雷德·莫里纳
I feel like Alfred Molina in, like, Spider-Man.
在《蜘蛛侠》里演的章鱼博士一样
I'm Doc Ock!
丽莎 你快看
Lisa, look.
丽莎 你快看
Lisa, look.
丽莎 你快看
Lisa, look.
-丽莎 你快看 -看什么
- Lisa, look! - What?
看
Look!
我的天呐
Holy shit!
-你还好吗 -离我远点
- Are you alright? - Get away from me!
-感觉你摔得挺重 -天呐
- I think you really hurt yourself there. - Oh, God.
没事的
It's fine.
-你这只脚不能再使力了 -没事的
- No, you can barely put any weight on it. - It's okay.
不 我会带你去医院的
No, I'll take you to the hospital.
不用 你已经做得够多了 好吗
No, you've done enough already, okay?
-你这话什么意思 -我不用去医院
- What does that mean? - I don't have to go to the hospital.
没事的
It's fine.
丽莎
Lisa.
高个子
Tall guy.
穿卫衣背双肩包的高个子
Tall guy with the hoodie and the backpack.
不是 是穿卫衣背双肩包的矮个子
No, short guy with the hoodie and the back...
是女孩 穿卫衣背双肩包的女孩
Girl, girl with the hoodie and the backpack.
卫衣女孩
Hoodie girl.
卫衣女孩
Hoodie girl!
萨姆
Sam.
我的天呐
My God.
老古董的亲亲
Old-timey people kissing.
占领这面墙已经二十年了
Been owning walls for 20 years.
我还是忘不了这些床
I can't get over these beds.
他们是儿童床
I mean, they're children's beds.
我们居然
Can you believe we would sleep
就在这上面一起睡了一晚
through the night together in one of these?
太不可思议了 你看 什么都没变
Unbelievable. Look, everything's the same.
挂毯还是悬在床上
The tapestries over the beds.
烂透了的卤素灯
The shitty halogen lamp.
哪里都是头发 所以明显这是女孩子的房♥间
There's hair everywhere, so clearly this room belongs to a girl.
确实没错
True fact.
我还想再给锦上添一朵花
And, well, I want to spread a little more cheese upon this moment.
你还是像我第一次见你那天那么美
You're as beautiful as the day I met you.
更美了
Even more.
虽然不是真的
That's not true,
但我会把你的称赞转达给我的造型团队的
but I will pass the compliment along to my beauty team.
来吧 过来
Alright, come here.
果然在
There it is.
看这个
Look at that.
太奇怪了 这么多年了 我们还在这里
It's so weird, after all these years and we're still there.
SD和ET
SD and ET.
就是他们 就是他们闯进来的
That's them. That's the intruders.
天呐
Oh, my...
没有强♥奸♥这回事 这里没有发生强♥奸♥案
No rape. There's no rape happening here.
没有强♥奸♥这回事 你看的出我没有用强的
No rape! You can clearly see I'm not raping!
我拿到你的可乐了
I got your Coke, man!
谢谢
Thanks.
抱歉害你摔伤了腿
So sorry about your leg.
但愿没有毁了你的出差旅行
I hope this didn't, like, ruin your work trip.
你不必道歉 不是你的错
You don't have to apologize. It's not your fault.
但愿你不会把我俩的事
I hope you don't think this whole thing was,
当作是个错误
like, a mistake, you know.
因为我很享受我们的...
Because I really enjoyed our...
不知道你想怎么说 经历吧
I don't know, whatever you want to call it, experience.
你是我生命中很重要的人
You are one of, like, if not the most...
也许甚至是最重要的
important person in my life,
女人 男人
you know, female or... male.
-反正就是人 -我懂 我懂
- I mean, just any, you know. - I get it. I get it.
我只是不想再谈这事了
I just, I don't want to talk about it.
相信你能理解我
I'm sure you can understand that.
理解 当然理解
Yeah. No, I do, I definitely do.
我还是想说一句
I just want to add, like...
我很在乎你
I really care about you.
你对我来说很特别
You are like so special to me
我从来没有那么在乎过
and I don't have more than I care about.
我不知道你怎么做到的
I don't know how you do this.
真的是...
I know, it's so...
我不知道你怎么做到的
I don't know how you do this.
你怎么做到这样毫无意义的睡一个是一个
How do you just have random, meaningless hook-ups?
你这样太伤人心了
I mean, it's soul crushing.
事后只会让我感到恐惧
I mean, you just feel terrible after.
好吧 你腿怎么样了
Alright, well, how's your leg?
-非常疼 -好
- Really hurts. - Good.
我把这个
I'm gonna put this...
放在你够不到的这里
right over here, just out of reach.
但愿你瘸着腿过来拿的时候
I hope you don't accidentally fuck some stranger
不会碰巧操上一个陌生人
on the way to hobble over and get it.
得了吧 你来只有一个目的
Come on! You came here for one reason.
-又不是我想的 -那你跟过来干什么
- What? I didn't plan this! - Why else would you come here?
我本来还想去西海岸玩
I was excited to go to Coolio and then
然后你就送炮上门了
you fucked my dick off!
我所有大学同窗都邀请了啊
I invited the whole friend group!
我有证据 我有证据 邮件里都写着
I have proof! I have proof! It's all on an email.
这他妈又不是水门事件 哪有书面记录