大学同学（2017）

为哈佛校友会筹备了几次聚会
for the Harvard Alumni Association in the area.
我们要去跳舞就不奉陪了
We're gonna go dance and leave this.
-很高兴见到大伙 -棒极了
- Yeah. A pleasure to meet you guys. Howie. - Right on.
有些聚会你可能会感兴趣
You know what might be up your alley?
我们即将举♥行♥哈佛黑人校友会爵士早午餐
Our upcoming Jazz Brunch with the Harvard Black Alumni Society.
-爵士 -还有早午餐
- Jazz. - And brunch.
麦克斯很喜欢爵士
Yeah. Max, you know, here, loves jazz.
-跟他们说说 -没人喜欢爵士
- Tell them. - No-one likes jazz.
我得去处理这个
I gotta go work on this.
-这么关键的时刻你真的要走吗 -是啊
- Do you really, this particular moment? - Yeah.
我认为政♥治♥在某种程度上值得一聊
I think politics is good to talk about in a way.
你不能在这儿写吗
You can't write it here?
这是我的果酱
This is my jam!
我们永远坐不到逗趣的一桌
We're never at the fun table!
我得离开一会儿
Would you guys excuse me for one second?
很高兴见到你
It was nice meeting you.
我真的往消防栓上撒尿了
I actually pissed on the fire hydrant.
萨姆 玩的怎么样
Hey, Sam. How's it going?
伊桑 我一直想告诉你
Ethan, I've been actually meaning to tell you,
我读了你写的所有书 太棒了 我很喜欢
I've read all your books and they're incredible, I love them.
我印象很深刻
I'm really impressed.
很感谢你 很高兴听到这个
Thank you very much. That's nice to hear.
你现在在写什么
What are you working on now?
在为年轻点的读者写本书
It's actually for a younger audience.
是关于狼人的 青少年小说 为儿童写的
It's about werewolves. It's YA. It's for children.
没想到啊
I would never have guessed that.
什么 你在写儿童读物
What? You're writing kids' books?
其实狼人有很多隐喻意义
Yeah, there's actually a lot of metaphorical aspects
我觉得这些方面非常有趣
about werewolves that I find extremely interesting.
比如
Yeah? Like what?
比如
Like...
我... 我实际上还在摸索中
I'm... Actually, I'm still figuring it out, so...
你会摸索出来的
You'll get it.
女士们先生们 我认为现在是
Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it is time
派对狗进食的时间了
for the Party Dog to eat!
我得尿尿了
I've got to go!
我很抱歉 我得在婚礼上这么做
I'm so sorry. I have to do it at weddings
不然大家会失望的
or people are disappointed.
看看这个
Check this out.
看我这个
Check this out!
真棒 派对狗
Yeah, Party Dog!
-需要香槟来敬酒吗 -好
- Champagne for the toast? - Yeah, yes.
各位 敬里奇和艾希莉
Hey, everybody, to Rich and to Ashley!
愿他们百年好合
May their marriage be a smashing success!
别在这儿走动 有碎玻璃
Do not walk here. Broken glass.
-有碎玻璃 -搞什么鬼 伊桑
- Broken glass. - What the fuck, Ethan?
-你流血很严重 -看来不该那么做
- You're bleeding really bad. - It was a bad idea.
他被割伤了 别怕 我是医生
He's cut. It's okay, I'm a doctor.
我一直想那么做
I've always wanted to do that.
很抱歉 我弄碎了杯子 刚刚太糟了
I'm so sorry. I smashed it. That was a disaster.
没事 我也一直想那么做
It's cool. I've always wanted to do that, too.
-但我绝不会那么做了 -这可是你说的
- Now I'm never going to. - Yeah, I hear you.
-你总是带着医药箱吗 -是的
- Do you always bring a case with you? - I do.
-不管去哪儿 -是的
- Everywhere you go? -Yeah.
如果可以的话我去哪儿都会
I'd wear a stethoscope
带着听诊器穿上白大褂
and a white lab coat everywhere if I could.
真的吗 为什么要这样
Really? Why?
如果你穿上制♥服♥ 女人就会更想睡你
If you wear a uniform, women wanna fuck you more.
得了 那其实不是真的
Come on, that's not really true.
那其实不是真的 不是吗
That's not really true, is it?
绝对是真的
100% true.
-真的吗 -是的
- Really? - Yes.
当一个狗是已婚的
When the dog was a married dog,
那个狗只能和其他已婚狗一起
the dog just hung out with other married dogs.
但现在那只狗是单身
But now the dog's a single dog
而且单身狗了解了很多单身狗的生活习惯
and the single dog has learned a lot about the single dog's life.
我学会的一点 实际上也是事实
One of the things I learned, and it's a fact,
如果你穿着制♥服♥ 女人更想跟你啪啪啪
if you're in a uniform, women wanna fuck you more.
-我知道了 -所以你穿着像个警♥察♥
- I see. - So you dress like a policeman.
像个水手 消防员
You dress like a sailor, fireman,
士兵 飞行员
you know, soldier, airplane pilot,
医生 专业运动员
doctor, professional athlete.
-你要穿成那样出去 -好
- You go out in a world dressed like that... - Yeah.
你会有艳遇的
...you will be fucking my friend.
所以 基本上
So, basically,
只要你像小孩那样装扮就行了
you are saying anything that you would have dressed up as as a kid?
-差不多 但不是忍♥者那种 -明白
- Yeah, kinda. Not a ninja, you know. - Right.
操蛋忍♥者 也许在日本是吧
Well, ninjas fuck. Maybe in Japan.
不会的 我明白了
Okay. No, I'm with you now.
理论上说 假如你
But if you, a literary academic,
作为世界上一个单独的个体
were just out there in the world as a single person
而且没穿得像宇航员或者忍♥者那样
and you did not dress like an astronaut or a ninja,
永远没人想跟你滚床单 要是你单身的话
you're never gonna get laid, as a single guy.
你又不是单身 根本不必担心这些屁事
You're not single so don't worry about this shit.
所以根本不重要
so doesn't matter
但假如我穿着花呢夹克衫
But what if I was walking around
和高领毛衣在路上闲晃呢
wearing a tweed jacket and a turtleneck?
那也只是花呢夹克衫 不是制♥服♥
Then you'd be wearing a tweed jacket. That's not a uniform.
不 那就是我的制♥服♥
No, that's my uniform.
你选择这么穿 就不是制♥服♥
It's not a uniform if you choose to wear it.
每个大学教授都会穿成这样
Every college professor just go around and dresses like this,
但那不是制♥服♥
that's not a uniform.
就只是缺少时尚细胞而已
That's just, like, lack of fashion imagination.
-我都不知道他们那算什么鬼 -好吧
- I don't know what the fuck that is. - Okay.
你们为什么都有护肘的
Why do you all have elbow pads?
-我不知道 -你们整天都这样吗
- I don't know. - Are you all like this all day?
相较于传统的讲话
So instead of a traditional speech,
我们决定干些不一样的
we decided to do something a little bit different.
这个是为你准备的 艾希莉
This is for you, Ashley.
太夸张了
So over the top.
我对里奇的感谢溢于言表
I can't thank Rich enough...
他帮我度过了人生中非常黑暗的时段
for helping me through a very dark time.
我就不进去了 我伤了很多人
I won't go into it, but I hurt a lot of people,
既是
both...
比喻义也是字面意思
figuratively and literally,
一旦事情发生了
and when that thing happened,
生活就将永远被改写
lives were changed forever.
艾希莉 我只希望你
And Ashley, I just hope that you
能在里奇最需要你的时候守候着他
can be there for Rich when he needs you the most.
就像当初事情发生在我身上时
The way that he was there for me
他守着我一样
when that thing happened.
我知道你们都在好奇
And those of you who are wondering
我说的是什么
what it is I'm talking about...
发生了什么
What happened?
你们也许会问其他知道的人
...you might be asking other people who know.
致那些知道我在说什么的人
For those of you who do know what I'm talking about,
不要告诉其他人
don't tell anyone.
请尊重我的隐私 谢谢
Respect my privacy, thank you.
当里奇和阿曼达分手的时候
When Rich and Amanda broke up,
我们应该知道很多他的朋友
we should acknowledge that a lot of his friends
都背叛了他
turned their back on him when that happened.
我去了他侄女的成人礼
I went to his niece's bat mitzvahs
他哭的非常厉害
and he was iced very hard.
但如果你愿意为爱经历这些
But if you were willing to go through that for love,
那这份爱一定是真爱
then it must be something real.
你知道都知道我外号♥是派对狗
Now, I know you all know me as the Party Dog,
那只狗 大狗狗
the dog, that big dog!
派对狗
Party Dog!
是派对狗
It's the Party Dog!
讲真 现在不是起哄的时候
Seriously, now is not the time for that.