大学同学（2017）

主角不是狗 而是这个人
This is not about the dog. This is about this man.
这个我能骄傲称之为
The man I am proud to call
挚友的男人
my best friend.
晚上好
Good evening.
我是麦克斯
My name is Max.
我是里奇的前室友
I am a former roommate of Rich's,
但很奇怪的是 我居然不是婚礼派对的一员
but surprisingly, not a member of the wedding party.
真无法相信你居然没邀请我当你的伴郎
I can't believe you didn't ask me to be a groomsman!
或至少告诉我为什么吧
Or at least tell me why.
但我觉得这又让我深刻理解了里奇的政策
But I think this does give me some insight into Rich's politics.
不问不说
Don't ask, don't tell.
不谈政♥治♥
No politics.
不谈政♥治♥
No politics, alright.
看来宗教笑话也不能说了
I guess I'll throw out my religion jokes, too.
那我就说说这个会场吧
Let me just go right to the room.
这个会场
The room!
能为这个会场欢呼一下吗 太漂亮了
Can we get a hand for the room, because it's beautiful.
这儿是不是太壮观了
Is this spectacular or what out here?
这都让我不禁思考
It kind of makes you wonder
里奇的三婚婚礼会办得怎么样
what Rich's third wedding is gonna look like.
那次我可一定要当伴郎
I'm gonna be a groomsman at that one!
里奇 我还能说什么 里奇[富有]
Rich, what can I say, Rich?
那是你的名字
That's your name...
同时也是你最好的品质
and it also is your most redeeming quality.
操 我都没想到这个双关
Oh, shit! I didn't see that coming!
漂亮新娘 她是为了你的长相而嫁给你的吗
This beautiful woman, is she marrying you for your looks?
作为一个基佬 我可以很负责地说她不是
As a gay man, I think I can safely say she is not.
操
Shit!
这桌
This table...
我喜欢那一桌
I love that table.
有派对狗在 乐趣无穷
Party Dog's in the house! That's the fun table.
派对狗
Party Dog!
还有伴娘们 瞧瞧这些伴娘
And the bridesmaids, look at those bridesmaids!
太特么性感了
They're so fucking hot!
你们看起来太美了
You look so beautiful.
皮肤晒得太赞了
And you're so tanned!
比起《五十度灰》
I mean, 50 Shades Of Grey,
五十度橙才对 对吧
more like 50 shades of orange, am I right?
看来伴娘橙才是最新时尚
I guess orange is the new bridesmaids.
Orange is the new black指《女子监狱》
伴娘橙才是最新时尚
Orange is the new bridesmaids?
伴娘可不是一种颜色
Bridesmaids isn't a color.
太糟糕了 但是我就是为他感到高兴
This is terrible, but I'm just so happy for him!
今晚的讲话就到此为止了
That's all I have time for tonight.
我都没懂他讲的这些笑话
I don't get the anatomy of the joke.
我就在十八桌如果你还没尽兴的话
I'm at table 18 if you want more.
晚安
Good night!
麻烦不要再把麦克风丢地上了 超级贵的
Please nobody else don't drop the mic, it's super expensive.
-麦克斯 刚发挥得不错 -就说是吧
- Max, that was so good! - I told you guys!
-太完美了 -对吧 太赞
- Somebody killed it. -Right? Amazing!
-不可思议 -我给了最棒的祝福
- Unbelievable! - I give great toasts!
我认错
I stand corrected.
我充满自信的上台
I went in confident
但没想到会搞成这样 你们拍下来没有
but I had no idea it would be like that. Did you film me?
伴娘橙才是最新时尚 是什么鬼
Orange is the new bridesmaids? What the hell is that?
-灵光闪现 -那不好笑
- It just came to me. - That's nothing!
就像呕吐一样脱口而出了
It just came out like vomit.
搞笑梗就是止不住地往外喷
It was like the best vomit, like funny vomit.
让我过一下
I gotta get out!
各位 看好了
Hey, everybody, check this out!
逗趣伊桑 逗趣伊桑
Fun Ethan! Fun Ethan! Fun Ethan!
从方块上下来 那只是装饰用的
Hey, get off the cube. It's just decorative.
到方块上来
Get up on this cube!
到方块上去
Get up on that cube!
到方块上去 逗趣伊桑
Get up on that cube! Fun Ethan!
到方块上去
Get up on that cube!
当心蛋糕
Not the cake!
-我靠 -天啊
- Oh, fuck me. - My God!
天啊
Oh, my God.
能找你聊一下吗
Can I talk to you a sec?
好
Sure, yeah.
伊桑 你和萨姆熟吗
What... what do you know about Sam, Ethan?
一般吧 我也刚搬来不久
I know a little. I just moved to the city.
-我也好久没见她了 -她老公呢
- I haven't seen her in a long time. - Where's her husband?
不知道 他没来
I don't know. He's not here.
我是问他们俩关系好吗
Yeah, I mean, are they solid, you know?
因为我和她 好像有点来电
Because me and her are vibing, kind of hitting it off.
因为她想搞上派对狗
Maybe she wants a piece of the Party Dog.
萨姆已经实打实地结婚了
Listen, Sam is married married, she's married married
她才不会为了你这种情♥色♥医生
and she's not gonna leave her husband for some
和她老公离婚的 如果你是这么想的话
horny surgeon, okay? If that is what you think.
你好像很担心嘛
You're pretty worked up about this.
你想知道她的情况 我就如实告诉你了
You wanted to know the situ, I'm telling you the situ.
就这样 好吗
That's what's going on, alright?
她不...
She's not...
-什么 -你也喜欢她吗 哥们
- What? - You got a crush on her, big man?
-我不喜欢萨姆 -可看着像
- I do not have a crush on Sam. - Well, it seems like you do.
毕竟你对我跟她很担心
Cos you're getting pretty worked up about this.
我直说了 你就像个傻♥逼♥小屁孩
You know what? You're acting like a fucking baby.
-我什么 -你就像个小屁孩
- I'm doing what? - You're acting like a baby.
-我像小屁孩 -对
- I'm acting like a baby? - Yeah.
派对狗只会汪汪叫
Party Dog is acting like a...
不不 派对狗是条成年狗
No, Party Dog's a big dog.
而你就像是可以骑在我背上的傻♥逼♥小屁孩
You're acting like a fucking baby that could ride on my fucking back.
-你饿吗 -你问我
- You hungry? - Am I hungry?
-想小睡一会吗 -不
- Do you need a nap? - No.
我来逗逗你开心吧
Let me try to cheer you up a bit.
看到啦
Peek-a-boo!
不好笑
That's not funny.
-笑了 我把你逗笑了 -住手
- I got you. I made you laugh there. - Stop. No.
你怎么这么烦人
Why are you being so annoying?
-够了 -懂什么意思吗
- Don't. - You know what that means?
-不懂 -这表示本狗很开心
- I don't know what that means. - It means the dog is happy.
跟你明说了 本狗要去操天操地操空气了
I got news for you. The dog gonna do what the dog gonna do.
你那是强♥奸♥
You know what? That's rape.
一旦主人同意了
Well, the dog will get consent,
本狗就能去狗爬式了
then the dog will do what the dog gonna do.
低俗
That's clunky.
谁会不同意狗狗去撒欢
Who ain't gonna give consent to the dog?
打扰你们一会 我真得找她谈谈
Excuse me for just one moment. I really need to speak to her. Hi.
逗趣伊桑
Hi, Fun Ethan.
-你玩得开心吗 -不开心
- Are you having fun? - No, I am not.
能麻烦你把外套拿上
Would you mind grabbing our coats
然后我俩出去谈谈吗
and just stepping outside for a second?
你肯定在逗我
You gotta be kidding me.
你居然不是专业舞者
You're not a professional dancer?
你居然不是专业撩妹
You're not a professional flirter?
兼♥职♥
Part-time.
不 我是线上人生导师
No, I'm an online lifestyle guru.
-挺酷炫的 -没错
- Oh, that's cool. Awesome. - Yeah.
-你要去哪 -我去抽一根
- Where are you going? - I'm gonna go have a smoke.
-我这有 -不用了 我抽自己的
- Here, I've got some. - No, I've got my own.
母老虎发威了
Wow. I created a monster.
-有点 -有点
- A little bit. - A little bit.
她不该抽烟
She shouldn't smoke.
我刚发文写过 抽烟对皮肤不好
I just posted an article about it and it's really bad for your skin.
对肺也不好
Yeah, or your lungs.
其实 你那是误传
Actually, that has been debunked.
你毁了我整个晚上
You ruined my night.
逗趣伊桑这是怎么了
Whoa. What happened to Fun Ethan?
逗趣伊桑被他的朋友们抛弃了