大学同学（2017）

采精杯差不多就一次性纸杯那么大
So, the cup is Dixie-cup sized...
边上的塑料沿儿会比较尖锐
and it's got a sharp, plastic edge.
不知道他们能不能提供一个
I... Perhaps they could provide me with a cup
口径再大点的纸杯
with a larger circumference,
或者是不需要这么精准的容器
or some kind of vessel that just would require less accuracy?
开口有橡胶圈的保温瓶怎么样
What about a Thermos with rubber lips on it?
你们能提供吗
Do you have any of those?
说来好笑 但我第一次确实射偏了
Okay, that's very funny, but I missed the first time, okay?
不好意思 你说你射偏了
I'm sorry, you missed?
-对 但我擦干净了 -行吧
- Yes. I took care of it. - Okay.
如果你还需要什么 再联♥系♥我吧
Alright, well, let me know if you need anything else.
可以的话 还有最后一个问题
If you appreciate, one more thing, if you don't mind.
你们能否提供一些不色情的杂♥志♥
If we could also just have some non-pornographic magazines
比如封面的女性穿着更得体一些的
that have like, more wholesome women on the covers?
非色情类
Non-pornographic?
《好管家》
Good Housekeeping...
-《城市与乡村》 -《城市与乡村》
- Town & Country? - Yeah. Town & Country.
-好吧 -还有 你们的电脑太卡了
- Alright. Okay. - Additionally, the computer is very slow.
很显然 如果一台能联网的电脑
And it seems that an internet-enabled computer,
它的主要功能是浏览黄♥片♥的话
which its primary function is to browse pornography,
那就真的很容易中病毒
is really susceptible to computer viruses,
尤其是微软系统的
especially if you're running Windows.
好
I see.
你有手♥机♥吧
You have a phone, don't you?
好了 谢谢你们的建议
Alright, well, thank you very much.
我会上报给办事处领导的
I will talk to the office manager, okay?
尽力满足你们
We'll do the best we can.
-还有需要再联♥系♥我吧 -好极了
- Thank you. Let me know if you need anything. - Terrific.
麻烦你上报办事处领导了
So you'll talk to the office manager. Thank you.
压根就没办事处领导
There is no office manager.
但我家墙上还有披萨印子
But there is still pizza on my wall.
好了好了
Alright. Okay.
-HCG到手 -没错
- Well, we got our HCG. - Yes, we did.
你没事吧
Are you doing okay?
没事啊 好得很
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm actually really good.
只是想到你这几个月这么煎熬
I just feel like you've been going through hell for months
我不想我这最后一下搞砸了
and I just don't want to screw up my end of the bargain.
所以我有点紧张 仅此而已
I'm just a little nervous about that. That's all.
-那里面是很奇怪 -好吧
- Because it was weird in there. - Okay.
还是有点奇怪
It was a little bit strange.
总感觉你还有别的心事
It seemed like it was about something else.
我保证 没有了
I promise you that it is not, okay?
好
Okay.
-你真帅 -是吗
- You're cute. - Oh, yeah?
-谢谢 -希望孩子能遗传你的长相
- Well, thank you. - I hope our kid gets your looks.
其他就别了
And nothing else.
随便问一句
Let me just ask you,
你到底还想嘲讽我到什么时候
exactly how long is the razzing going to go on?
-什么玩意儿 -手套
- What is that? - It's a glove.
-你干了什么 -我们要有宝宝了
- What did you do? - We're really doing this!
-我们要有宝宝了 -太棒了
- We're really freaking doing this! - It's amazing!
亲爱的 你...
Oh, honey, is that...
-天啊 搞什么呢 -演员庆功派对
- Goodness! What's going on? - A Streetcar cast party.
-今晚 -懂了吧 史黛拉
- That's tonight? - You get it? Stella!
-懂了 -必须的
- Oh, right. - Totally.
我们的那些玩意儿呢
What happened to all of our things?
-对 -我搬到花♥园♥棚屋了
- Yeah. - Oh, I put it in the garden shed.
谢谢
Thank you.
我觉得要是在这打♥针♥
You know what? I think it's gonna be too
实在是压力太大了
stressful to do the shot here, you know.
-我们开间房♥吧 -你是不是小题大做了
- Let's get a hotel room. - Aren't you overreacting?
我刚可听了你一个人
I just listened a ten minute monologue
叨逼了十分钟打飞机时的各种纠结
about your masturbation neuroses.
-行吧 -嗯
- Fair enough. - Yeah.
我这就去订
I will book it now.
好 会很浪漫的
Okay. It'll be romantic.
我们今晚要好好浪漫一番
Yeah, we'll make a night of it, right?
没有炮打的骚浪一夜
Like a sexy night of no sex.
针扎入时达到高♥潮♥
Climaxing by injection.
在这骚浪的气氛下一起睡去
Oh, yeah. This erotic atmosphere just leading right into some sleep.
瞧瞧 给我看你的淤青
Look at you! Let me see those bruises.
-给我看淤青 -你要看淤青吗
- Show me your bruises. - You want to see these bruises?
快看啊 太可怕了
Look at those. Oh, that's horrible!
-让你性趣全无了吗 -一定很疼吧
- Does that turn you off, baby? - That's got to hurt.
-你要插♥进♥来吗 -插到让你怀孕
- Will you put it in me? - Gonna get everything all fertile.
拿个铁锹把种子种进土里
Gonna take a pitchfork and bury it in the soil...
不 说真的 能快点插吗
No, but seriously, can you get it,
我们只剩十分钟了
because we've got ten minutes.
-靠 -怎么了
- Shit! - What?
-针头呢 -在包里啊
- Where is the needle? - It's in the bag.
不 这袋子里全是酱油芥末什么的
No. This is, like, soy sauce, and hot mustard and stuff.
-怎么 -没有
- Why... - There's no...
-我肯定错拿了玛丽安娜的 -什么
- I brought the wrong bag from Marianne's. - What?
她房♥子里为什么有这么多袋子
Why does she have so many bags in her house?
-你找到你要的了吗 -嗯
- Are you finding everything you need? - Yeah.
9点20了 只剩十分钟了
It's 21:20. We've got ten minutes. We've got ten minutes!
-我们得抓紧回了 -对
- We have to go. Right now. - Yeah.
快穿上毛衣
Let's get your sweater on.
-等等 先让我把裤子穿上 -抱歉
- Hold on. Let me get my pants on! - Okay. I'm sorry.
靠 我自己来 自己来
Jesus! Let me do this! Let me do this!
借过一下 借过
Excuse us. Pardon me.
来不及了 赶快找
We don't have time for this. We need to look.
是白色的小袋子
It's a white, small bag.
你们回来了啊
You guys made it!
大伙 他们要有孩子啦
Everyone! They're having a child!
谢谢你
Thank you.
在厨房♥还是在哪
It's in the kitchen or somewhere?
非常感谢 感激不尽
Thank you. Thank you so much. Appreciate it.
好好 你人太好了
Okay, okay, this is so nice.
好了
Okay.
丽莎
Lisa!
她是珊蒂
This is Shanty.
我和你说过的 她就是那个做过试管婴的人
I told you, she's the one that did the IVF.
这是我的双胞胎女儿 克洛诺斯和希瓦
And these are my twins, Cronos and Shiva.
他们39个月大
They're 39 months.
我找到针管了
I got the needle.
-她们很漂亮 -美极了 感谢
- They're beautiful. - They're great. Hi. Thanks. I got it.
失陪一下
Excuse us.
我们需要用厕所
We need... we need this.
谢谢
Please.
-这... -我的天啊
- This is... - Oh, my God.
-这是次历险啊 -需要帮忙吗
- It's an adventure. - You need help?
我能搞定 宝贝 我保证
I got it, babe. I promise you.
-真的吗 -当然
- Sure? - Oh, yeah.
现在是21点37分 所以...
It's 21:37, so...
让我专心准备吧
Just let me do my thing here.
-有人吗 -有 请等我们几分钟
- Hello? - Yeah, just give us a minute.
感激不尽
Thank you very much.
好了 把这个放到这里
Right, just going to get this going here.
-小心旋开 -你不需要看擦洗部分
- Carefully unscrew... - You don't need to watch this swab part.
亲爱的 我觉得这是个新的擦洗方式
Honey, I think it's a new swab part
因为我们从未进行过这个步骤
because we haven't done this procedure yet.
-好吧 -擦干净
- Okay. - Wipe up...
麻烦等我们几分钟 好吗
Can you give us a minute, please?
1.5毫升
1.5 milliliters.
多少
How much?
One, two, three, four, five
Four, three, two, one
伙计 赶紧的啊
Guys! Come on!
我有点搞不清了
Now I don't know.
他妈的给我等一下
Give us a fucking minute!