未来总统日记

Or used to, before she, like, became one of the Brits.
她都不是英国人 也不叫布列塔尼
She's not even British or named Brittany.
我听说是因为她的中间名好像是布列塔
I heard they let her in because her middle name was almost Britta
虽然她妈妈后来改成了乔安妮
before her mom decided on Joanne.
这也行吗
How is that a qualification?
但是算了 我不在乎
But whatever. I don't care.
天哪 那是草莓蕉吗
Oh, my God. Is that Strawnana?
是的 你三年级不是吃过这个管子吗
Yeah. Didn't you used to eat tubes of this in third grade?
基本上就是棒冰嘛
It's basically a Popsicle.
借给你去参加商场比赛吧
Here. You can borrow it for your mall thing.
你可以抹
To wear.
谢谢 杰西 我是说
Thanks, Jessie. Oh, I know-- I mean--
没事
No problem.
山姆
山姆
Hey, Sam.
你去哪了 乔伊给大家买♥♥了玉米粉蒸肉
Where'd you go? Joey got tamales for everyone.
赶紧过来 不然只剩素的了
You gotta get here before it's just the vegan ones left.
我刚才有急事
I, um... I had a quick errand to run,
我在回办公室的路上了
but I'm on my way back to the office now.
这样吧 我给你留一份
You know what? I'm gonna save you a tamale.
不管克雷格说什么 我要拿四个
I don't care what Craig says. I'm taking four.
加比 你在吗
Gabi, you there?
我能马上给你回电♥话♥吗
Can I call you right back?
-当然 爱你 -我也爱你
- Sure. Love you. - Yeah, I love you too.
我刚给你的东西 我都要回来
All the stuff that I just gave you, I need it all back.
抱歉 已经扔掉了
Sorry. It's already been dumped.
唯一能拿回的方法就是
Well, the only way to get anything back would be if you...
那样
...did that.
通常 我躲避失物招领处就像躲避
Normally, I avoid the lost and found like the plague
迪诺·斯塔纳诺波利斯六周的运动袜引发的瘟疫一样
growing in it from Dino Stananopolis's six-week-old gym sock.
但今天不行
But not today.
失物招领处
今天我要大翻特翻
Today, I dove right in
找到了进化优势的宝库
and found a treasure trove of evolutionary advantages.
日记 放学了
Diary, the school day was over,
我的转变完成了
and my transformation was complete.
我变成了一个看起来像八年级的女生
I had become a girl who looks like she's in eighth grade.
乔伊看到我肯定会邀请我参加舞会的
And once Joey saw me, he would definitely ask me to the dance.
日记 是时候了
Diary, it was time.
-草莓 -谢谢 谢谢
- Strawberry? Yeah? - Thanks. Thanks.
-你没事吧 -没毛病啦
- Are you okay? - Totally kiwi.
这个词不是这么用的
That's not how you use that word.
那是我的挂带吗
Is that my lanyard?
现在轮到我们第三位也是最后一个参赛者
And now, our third and final contestant,
萨沙·卡斯蒂略
Sasha Castillo.
诗歌♥比赛
埃琳娜专座
我叫萨沙
I'm Sasha and...
我要朗诵的诗名叫《商场 我的人生》
and this is a poem entitled, Mall, My Life.
*我喜欢商场 这就是为什么*
*I love the mall and this is why*
*没有商场 我肯定会死*
*Without the mall, I'd surely die*
*肯定是缓慢而痛苦的死亡*
*A slow and painful death for sure*
*没有商场 我的人生将会变得模糊*
*Without the mall, my life's a blur*
*我在自动扶梯上感觉活力四射*
*I feel so alive on the escalator*
乘坐扶梯时 我会说"一楼 再见"
As I go up, I say, "First floor, see you later"
谢谢 我是埃琳娜
Thanks. I'm Elena.
我知道 你想把橘子汁泼到弗兰克·加拉纳里身上
I know. You tried to pour OJ on Frank Galanari.
我是斯泰西
I'm Stacy.
八年级学生 斯泰西·玛丽·琼斯 我知道
Eighth grader Stacy Marie Jones. I know.
你为什么要拿我的挂带
So, why'd you take my lanyard?
我喜欢一个男生
Well... I like this guy.
真的很喜欢
Like, really like this guy.
他很喜欢八年级的女生
And he really likes eighth grade girls,
所以我想着如果扮成一个八年级的女生
so I thought that if I looked and acted like an eighth grade girl,
他就会邀请我去舞会
he'd ask me to the dance.
这是有科学根据的
It was rooted in science.
我明白了
I get it.
-我曾经和你一样 -是吗
- I was like you once. - You were?
我想打扮成八年级的女生
I wanted to dress just like an eighth grade girl.
然后你就成了八年级女生
And then you became one.
不 我发现八年级的男生
No. I realized that the eighth grade boys
喜欢九年级的女生
like the ninth grade girls,
所以我开始打扮成九年级的女生
so I started dressing up like a ninth grade girl.
我们都这样
We all do it.
如果身上因为闪粉起疹子了
Yeah, um, and if the body glitter gives you a rash,
只要再加点盖住就行了
you just add more to cover it up.
日记 这更像是熵 而不是进化
Diary, this seems more like entropy than evolution.
如果六年级生想当八年级生
If sixth graders are trying to be eighth graders
八年级生想当九年级生 什么时候才能终止
who are trying to be ninth graders, when would it end?
如果每个人都想成为不同的物种
If everyone wants to become a different species,
我还是做我自己吧
I might as well just be myself.
谢谢你的冰块
Thanks for the ice.
我还是变回六年级生
I think I'm just gonna ask Joey to the dance,
邀请乔伊去舞会吧
as a sixth grader.
天哪
Oh, God.
*你能看见吗*
*Oh, say can you see*
*黎明时分*
*By the dawns early light*
结束了 五分
Hey, that's game. Five points.
什么 不 你没有做忍♥者滚
What, no. You didn't do the ninja roll.
那是第七轮规则 这是第八轮了
That was only a round seven rule. This was round eight.
好吧 你赢了 伙计
Fine, fine. You won, dude.
这是你来这里想赢的奖杯
Here's the trophy you came here to win.
木星系列赛冠军
我尽力了
It's the best I could do.
谢谢 伙计
Thanks, man.
我知道这不是真的 但是
Hey, look, I know it's not the real thing, but--
不 不 我
No, no, I...
我原以为今天会很糟糕 但是居然还行
I thought today would suck, but it was surprisingly pretty chill.
对吧 瓶球特别容易打发时间
Right? Yeah, Bottleball can pass the time for hours.
这是我和我兄弟想出来的游戏
My brothers and I came up with it.
你还有兄弟啊
I... I didn't know you had brothers.
是的 他们年纪比较大
Yeah. Uh, they're older and kinda...
有很多事情要处理
a lot to handle,
所以我父母把我送到这里和奶奶住
so my parents sent me down here to live with my grandma.
-伙计 我很抱歉 -没事
- Man, I'm sorry that-- - Yeah, um...
我刚搬到迈阿密的时候
I actually didn't even want to come to Miami
我其实根本不想来
when I first moved here.
现在呢
What do you think about it now?
居然还行
It's surprisingly chill.
那就好 认识你这个朋友还挺好的
That's good 'cause it's chill having you here.
你在这里啊 我到处找你
There you are. I've been looking all over for you.
是的 我们被困在了这里 错过了比赛
Yeah, we... we got stuck in here and missed the tournament.
不是吧 太倒霉了
Really? That's a bummer.
-是的 -对了 鹰迹队赢了
- Yeah. - Eagle Trace won, by the way.
你知道那些孩子胡子都长齐了吗
Did you know those kids have full beards?
好 我直接问了
This was it. I was going in.
埃琳娜 我这个六年级生拼了
Just me, sixth grader Elena putting it all on the line.
达尔文可能会说"盛宴或饥荒"
"Feast or famine," as Darwin would probably say.
乔伊 我可以买♥♥一支自动铅笔吗
Hi, Joey. May I please buy one mechanical pencil?
好啊 你要0.5还是0.7的笔芯
Sure. You want a point five lead or a point seven?
0.5 你也知道韦克斯勒老师
Point five. You know Mrs. Wexler.
是的 她对铅笔特别严格
Yeah. She's a real hard-ass about pencils.
一致性还挺实用的
Well, uniformity's practical.
我还有一个问题
I also had a question.
我在想 如果你不带别人去舞会
I was just wondering, if you weren't taking anyone to the dance,
我们可以一起去啊
maybe we could go together.
瑞安的爸爸会开车载很多男生过去
Ryan's dad is driving a group of guys,
我们在舞会见吧
but I'll see you there?
好的 到时候见
Okay. Cool. See you there.
再见 乔伊
Well... bye, Joey.
我们在舞会见 我们在舞会见
He'll see me there. He'll see me there.
0.5的铅笔还要吗
Did you want your point five?
你错过了木星系列赛
So, you missed the entire Jupiter tournament?