未来总统日记

会对其进行审查
at their next meeting in three months.
我讨厌那些会议 他们好像在背后议论我
I hate those meetings. I think they talk about me behind my back.
三个月 但我现在就想换吉祥物
Three months? But I'm trying to change the mascot now.
埃琳娜 我们学校有个程序
Elena, our school has a process.
很多人都会有意见
A lot of people are gonna have feelings about this,
他们的声音也要被听到
and their voices need to be heard too.
这需要时间 一切都需要时间
That takes time. Everything takes time.
对吧 马库斯
Right, Marcus?
斯旺斯比用一个女人作为肉盾 这很重要
Swansby used a woman as a human shield. This is important.
每个文件夹都有一个重要的问题
Each one of these folders is an issue that's important.
增加体育课用球 使用更软的卫生纸
"More balls for P.E." "Softer toilet paper."
减少体育课用球
"Less balls for P.E."
你的问题会被听到的
Look, your issue will get heard.
耐心点 会到你的
Just be patient. Wait your turn.
斯旺斯比 愚蠢的斯旺斯比
Swansby. Stupid, stupid Swansby.
这都是你的错
This is all your fault.
你这个愚蠢的小男人
You silly, silly little man.
我不是男人 我是女人
I'm not a man. I'm a woman.
你穿了裤子 我以为你是男的
Oh, your pants threw me off.
等等 一个女人还想换掉我
Wait, you're a woman who thinks she can get rid of me?
别笑了 你真是个混♥蛋♥
Stop laughing. You're such a butt.
你想和斯旺斯比斗 真可爱 但你赢不了的
You wanna fight Swansby? That's adorable, but you'll never win.
已经有进展了 只是比我想象中
I'm getting somewhere, it's just taking longer
-需要的时间更长 -傻女人 放弃吧
- than I thought, and-- - Give up, silly woman. Just give up.
别笑了
Stop laughing at me.
果肉
Pulpy.
日记 没时间浪费了
Diary, there was no time to waste.
我知道行动的时间了
And I knew just when to make my move.
我太享福了
Oh, I can get used to this.
做了点战士蛋
Made some Warrior Huevos.
加了点藜麦作为可持续的碳水化合物
Mixed in some quinoa for a sustainable carb.
如果要摧毁洋边 肯定用得上
You'll need it if you're gonna demolish Oceanside.
罗伯蒂科 你的夹克呢
Robertico, where's your jacket?
我想给山姆看看 他们终于把你名字写对了
I wanted to show Sam how they finally got your name right.
我落在学校了
I left it at school.
夫人 需要战士蛋吗
Warrior Huevos for you, madame?
我需要他们 现在还不到早上8点
I'm gonna need 'em. It's not even 8:00 a.m.,
我已经和乔伊聊过
and I've already spoken to Joy twice
她姐的新男友两次了
about her sister's new boyfriend.
男方是白羊 她姐是摩羯 成不了的
He's an Aries. She's a Capricorn. It's never gonna work.
加比 如果你和乔伊划清界限
Gabi, if you just set a boundary with Joy,
就可以把老板控扼杀在摇篮里
you can nip this in the bud, you know?
免得你连打九天的壁球
Before you're nursing a torn ACL
不得不护理前交叉韧带撕裂
from nine straight days of racquetball.
我知道 可是太难了
I know. It's just so hard.
她是我的老板 我们处理案子时 一切都很好
She's my boss, and when we're working on the case, it's great.
你能给我倒点咖啡吗
Can you please pour me some coffee?
-我累坏了 -好
- I'm exhausted. - Yes.
我明白 正义的仗真的很难打
I get it. It's hard work to fight the good fight.
说到正义的仗
Speaking of the good fight.
乔伊
Hey, Joy.
橘子湾中学
斯旺斯比
你确定吗
Are you sure about this?
是的 我要让奥格登·斯旺斯比
Yes. Ogden Swansby will bathe in the juice
在他强迫女人榨取数百万的橘子汁里洗澡
of the millions of oranges he forced women to squeeze.
好吧 但吉祥物不是真正的奥格登·斯旺斯比
Okay, yeah, but the mascot isn't actually Ogden Swansby,
是弗兰克·加拉纳里扮的
it's Frank Galanari in a costume.
其他人怎样才能明白你的意思
So, how are people gonna know what you mean, hmm?
还有 请♥愿♥书呢
And, what about the petition?
我们费了好大劲才把它吹干
We worked so hard to blow it dry.
请♥愿♥书没戏了 不知道要等到啥时候呢
The petition's a dead-end. It'll take forever.
现在是精神周
It's spirit week now,
斯旺斯比的精神已经在这里待得够久了
and Swansby's spirit has been here long enough.
不好吧 埃琳娜 这有点极端啊
I don't know, Elena. This just seems a little... extreme.
你会惹麻烦的
And you could get in trouble.
我的便笺盒有句劳雷尔·撒切尔·乌尔里希的名言
As Laurel Thatcher Ulrich said, via my pad box,
品行端正的女人很少创造历史
"Well-behaved women seldom make history."
失陪了
Now, if you'll excuse me,
我要把这桶橘子汁拿去网球场
gotta lug this bucket of OJ onto the tennis courts.
看看你
Look at you.
一个孩子说服我买♥♥了全套加油装备
Yeah. A kid talked me into the full pride package.
如果有人感冒 我还能拿一条加油毯
I got a Swansblanket if anyone gets cold.
萨沙 埃琳娜呢
Hey, Sasha, where's Elena?
她很快就过来
Uh, she'll be here soon.
虫子
Hey, Worm.
卡涅罗·里德 到你了
Cañero-Reed, you're up next.
你可以说里德
You can just say Reed.
-什么 -里德比较简单
- What? - It's easier. Just say Reed.
不是吧 他们好不容易写对了
Really? So they finally get it right,
你还要改名字
and now you're changing your name?
好吧 不管你叫什么 上吧
All right, whatever your name is, go get 'em.
接下来 橘子湾的鲍比·卡涅罗·里德对阵戴维斯
Up next, Bobby Cañero-Reed, Orange Bay, versus Davis...
你可以的 伙计
You got this, man.
加油 鲍比
Go, Bobby!
我儿子是队长
My son is the captain!
我男朋友是队长
My boyfriend's the captain.
我把钱都花在装备上了
I spent all my money on swag!
加油 鲍比
Go, Bobby.
虫子
Hey, Worm.
太好了
Yes.
伙计 太辣眼睛了
Dude, this is hard to watch.
鲍比从来没输过
Bobby never loses.
除了输给你的那一次
Well, except to you that one time.
戴维斯影响了他的状态
Davis got in his head.
虫子 虫子
Worm, Worm.
-我有个主意 -好
- I have an idea. - Okay.
加油 鲍比 你可以的
Come on, Bobby. You got this.
乔伊
Hey, Joy.
你姐订婚了 但他是白羊座
Oh, your sister's engaged. But he's an Aries.
对 上升星座 我们怎么没想到呢
Right, the rising sign. Why didn't we think about that?
好 我马上回来
Okay. Um... I'll be right back.
好 婚礼什么时候举♥行♥
Yeah, okay. So, when is the wedding?
鲍比
Yo, Bobby!
-虫子 -到赛点了
- Worm! - This is match point.
比赛结束 橘子湾获胜
Game, set, match. Oranges Bay wins.
看来入土的人是你
Guess you ate my dirt.
随便了
Whatever, dude.
翻得漂亮
Nice comeback.
这是团队合作
Team effort.
我错过了吗 天哪 他赢了
Did I miss it? Oh, God. He won?
是的 大翻盘 我给你录了下来
Yeah, it was quite the comeback. I recorded it for you.
不 这是我的脸
No, that's just my face.
现在请欣赏我们斯旺斯宝贝的表演
And now, a performance by our very own Swansbabes.
萨沙 埃琳娜呢
Sash, where's Elena?
就在附近
Uh, around.
精神周出席者请注意
Attention, spirit week attendees...
天哪 她在干什么
Oh, God. What is she doing?
奥格登·斯旺斯比是个坏人
Ogden Swansby was a terrible man.
他不适合做我们的吉祥物
And he is unfit to be our mascot.
他的反女性统治今天结束了
His anti-woman reign ends today!
尝尝橘子汁吧 斯旺斯比
Juice this, Swansby!
他把她当成肉盾
He used her as a human shield.
经典的斯旺斯比
Classic Swansby.
杰西 我很抱歉 等等
Jessie, I'm so sorry. Wait!
杰西卡 我很抱歉
Jessica, I am so, so sorry.
你在两所学校面前让我难堪
You embarrassed me in front of two schools.
大概有6000人 你想干嘛
That's like 6,000 people. What's your deal?
这不是我的错 奥格登·斯旺斯比用你
It's not my fault. Ogden Swansby used you--
是你泼的橘子汁 不是奥格登·斯旺斯比
You were the one with the juice, not Ogden Swansby.
问题不在他 而是你
He's not the problem, you are.