未来总统日记

- We should get shoes. - Oh, my gosh.
-买♥♥鞋去 -韦克斯勒老师
- Let's do shoe-- - Mrs. Wexler!
萨沙 埃琳娜
Sasha. Elena.
-你好 韦克斯勒老师 -韦克斯勒老师 你好
- Hello, Mrs. Wexler. - Hi, Miss Wexler. Hi.
你们俩这个岁数可以单独来这里吗
Are you girls old enough to be in here alone?
我们正准备走呢
We were just leaving.
-再见 -走吧
- Goodbye. - Let's go.
快点脱下来 我们得走了
Hurry, take it off. We gotta go right now.
我在脱 但是这玩意纽扣太多了
I'm trying but there's, like, a thousand buttons on this thing.
-就像一个蕾丝小监狱 -快点 好吧
- It's like a tiny, lacy prison. - Come on. Okay.
埃琳娜
Elena!
我一直以为《菜鸟和孩子》是说棒球的
I always thought Rookie and the Kid was about baseball.
不 是警♥匪♥片
Nah. Cops.
太酷了
That's so cool.
很经典
It's a classic.
我站累了
I'm tired from standing.
总之
So... anyway.
很高兴再次见到你 名字里有Y的莫妮卡
Good to see you again, Monyca with a Y.
提醒一下 卡涅罗·里德家不能关门
Little reminder: open-door policy here at the Cañero-Reed house.
是的 我知道 对不起
Yeah. Yeah, I know. Sorry.
你们家好温馨
You have a lovely home.
我在洗衣服
I'm doing some laundry.
鲍比 你有什么网球用具要洗吗
Bobby, do you have any tennis gear you wanna throw in here?
没有 妈妈 没啥要洗的
No, Ma. You know, I think I'm good.
这个得好好洗一下了
This looks like it probably needs a good washing, huh?
好的 拜
'Kay, bye.
我们小点声
Okay. Let's just be really quiet.
好的
Okay.
熟食来啦
Charcuterie!
我还真的挺喜欢吃火腿
I do love prosciutto.
熟食
Charcuterie.
我不吃了
No. I don't want it.
-刚才太刺♥激♥了 -天啊 天啊
- I can't believe that just happened. - OMG, OMG, OMG. Oh, my gosh.
韦克斯勒老师居然买♥♥了条丁字裤
Okay, I can't believe Mrs. Wexler was buying a thong.
难道她每天都穿丁字裤吗
Do you think she wears thongs, like, every day?
看来老师也很在意内♥裤♥痕
I guess teachers care about panty lines, too.
埃琳娜 照镜子
Elena. Look in the mirror.
-完了 -完了
- Holy crap. - Holy crap.
我们走得太急 我忘了一个
We were in such a rush to leave, I must've missed one.
我偷了一个文胸
I stole a bra!
我这辈子从没偷过东西
I've never stolen anything in my life.
不只是文胸 还是"纹胸"斑马文胸
Not just any bra. The Bra-zé-Bra Zebra Bra.
我们得把它还回去
Come on. We need to return it.
等等
Wait.
所以你要对你妈妈说
So, you're just gonna say to your mom,
"带我回商场 我在你不让我去的商店
"Take me back to the mall to return a giant bra that I stole
偷了一个大文胸"吗
from a store that you forbade me from going to in the first place"?
你说得对 那她就不会相信我了
You're right. She'd never trust me again.
说不定到时候连美食广场都去不了了
We could lose food court privileges.
我不想再回到
I am not going back to
去基米家都有人看着的日子了
the days of supervised Kimmy visits.
绝对不行
No way.
就当这件事没有发生过
This never happened.
这件事不能告诉任何人
We tell no one that I committed this crime.
我以西蒙的坟墓发誓
I swear on Simon's grave...
我想念西蒙
Oh, I miss Simon.
它真是条好狗
Oh, he was such a good dog.
不告诉任何人
...To never tell a soul.
日记 我怎么变成这样了
Oh, Diary. Who had I become?
在我追求青春期的旅途中 我错过了目的地
In my pursuit of womanhood, I sailed clear past my destination
驶入商店行窃的阴影中
and into the shady seas of shoplifting.
我不是女人 我是个罪犯
I was no woman. I was a criminal.
埃琳娜
Elena.
韦克斯勒老师
Mrs. Wexler.
萨沙 她好像知道了 我
Sasha, I think she knows. I--
-什么 -你知道的 我偷了文胸
- What? - You know. That I... stole a bra.
她可能只是因为你看到她的内♥裤♥感到尴尬
She's probably just embarrassed that you saw her underwear.
看到她的内♥裤♥我都很尴尬
I'm embarrassed that we saw her underwear.
我一直回想起那件愚蠢
I just can't stop thinking about how I did a bad,
-不成熟的坏事 希望我可以 -埃琳娜
- stupid, immature thing and I just wish I could-- - Elena.
没有人知道 也不会有人知道
No one knows, and no one will ever know.
这事已经过去了 别想了 好吗
It's over. You gotta move on, okay?
内疚 极度羞愧
Guilt. Crushing shame.
这些是埃德加·爱伦·坡难忘的短篇小说主题
These are the themes of Edgar Allan Poe's haunting short story,
《泄密的心》
The Tell-Tale Heart.
埃琳娜 《泄密的心》与你无关
Come on, Elena. The Tell-Tale Heart is not about you.
说不定是呢
It might as well be.
我谋杀了我的信念 我把它们埋在床下
I murdered my convictions. I buried them under my bed.
可耻
Shame!
可耻
Shame!
沙恩 你的手铃忘在唱诗班了 谢恩
Shane, you forgot your handbell in the choir room. Shane!
埃琳娜 怎么了 你没事吧
Elena? What's wrong? Are you okay?
没什么 没事 我们去上数学课吧
Nothing. No one. Let's go to math.
我不但有事 日记 我要发疯了
But not only was I not okay, Diary, I was going mad.
然后多姆开车越过冰山
And then Dom drives a car over the iceberg,
导弹击中了潜艇
and the missile hits the submarine instead.
这就是《速度与激♥情♥8》的情节
And that's the plot of Fast and Furious 8.
总结得真好 鲍比
That's such a good summary, Bobby.
谢谢
Thanks.
莫妮卡 快来
Monyca, come on.
斯凯勒·扎克森刚刚发布了一个秘密音乐视频
Skyler Zaxton just dropped a secret music video.
我听说还有悬滑板
I hear there's a hoverboard.
再见 鲍比
I'll see you later, Bobby.
再见 名字里有Y的莫妮卡
Bye, Monyca with a Y.
等等 你和名字里有Y的莫妮卡还没亲热过
Wait, so you and Monyca with a Y haven't made out yet?
没有 我们也想 但是没有私人空间啊
No, dude. We want to. We just haven't had any privacy.
我们可以办个派对
You know what? We should throw a kickback.
我以前的学校都是这样亲热上的
Back in my old school, that's where all the hooking up happened.
天才啊
That's genius.
对啊 我们可以玩《两分钟舌战》
Yes. We can play Two Minute Tongue Tank.
我好像有鸡蛋计时器
I think I have an egg timer.
名字里有Y的莫妮卡可以带她的朋友来
Monyca with a Y can bring her friends.
比如卡西 或者佐伊 或者卡西 或者贾达
Maybe Cassie. Or Zoe. Or Cassie. Or Jada.
绝对要请卡西
But definitely Cassie.
我有场地 我的车♥库♥很完美
I can host. My garage is perfect.
我们刚清理了葡萄穗霉
It just got remediated for Stachybotrys chartarum.
那是神奇宝贝角色吗
Is that a Pokémon?
霉菌 伙计 黑色霉菌
Mold, man, black mold.
但现在一切都准备好了 开派对完全没问题
But all clear now and totally kickback ready.
那里又黑又潮湿 储藏室根本没人
It's dark, dank, and the storage closet is private as hell.
就这么定了
This is it.
你肯定能和名字里有Y的莫妮卡亲热的
You're gonna make out with Monyca with a Y for sure.
记得用牙线 鲍比 这事就成了
Get your floss on, Bobby. It's going down.
好嘞
Yes.
亲爱的 太棒了 我们得庆祝一下
Sweetie, that's awesome. Oh, we have to celebrate.
好的 我也爱你 再见
Okay. Love you, too. Bye.
塔莎刚被选为
Tasha just got cast as
《音乐之声》的共♥产♥党员3号♥
Communist Number 3 in "El Sonado de Musica!"
这是在古巴革命期间的《音乐之声》
It's The Sound of Music but during the Cuban Revolution.
她很喜欢戴假胡子
She is very excited about wearing a fake beard.
一定要给我六张票
I'm gonna want tickets to that.
你有几个孩子来着
How many kids do you have again?
四个 如果你算上我丈夫的话 就是五个
Four. Well, five if you count my husband.
你能给我点建议吗
Hey, can I pick your brain about something?
加比的事吗
Trouble with Gabi?
我们都看见你们尴尬地打招呼了
We've all seen the friendly but very awkward hellos.
我们没有分手
We're not broken up.
我只是不确定我是否准备好
I'm just not sure I'm ready to be a...
和她的孩子一起生活
guy-in-her-kids-lives type... figure.
-继父 -我明白
- Dad guy. - I see.
我更像是叔叔