未来总统日记

I got this strappy dress from Zoey & Till,
上面再穿个开襟羊毛衫
and I'm throwing a cardigan over it.
到了以后 我就把开襟羊毛衫脱了
But when I get to the dance, I'm taking the cardigan off.
给
There you go.
你就偏要今天打坏球拍
Of course, today would be the day you bust your racket.
比赛要开始了
Come on. The tournament's starting.
随便拿一个就走吧
Just grab one and let's go.
我的还能用吧
I think I can still use mine, right?
伙计 别闹了
Dude, come on. Not the time.
什么 你看到鹰迹的人了吗
What? Did you see those kids from Eagle Trace?
有点扯啊 他们胡子都长齐了
Kinda crazy. They both have full beards.
-但我们双打肯定完爆他们 -没错
- But we'll crush them in doubles. - Oh, yeah.
这里
Ooh, here.
-我觉得可以 -好
- Yeah, works for me. - All right.
走吧 比赛要开始了
Come on. It's about to start.
什么 不 不 不
What? No, no, no.
可能卡住了
Maybe it's stuck.
为什么我们一直遇到这种事
Why does this keep happening to us?
不是吧 没信♥号♥♥
Come on! No service.
我训练了几个月
I did not train for months to get locked in a stupid storage room
木星系列赛不能被锁在储物室里
during the Jupiter Series Cup.
你知道我吃了多少碳水化合物吗
Do you know how many carbs I ate?
听起来大家都上场了
It sounds like everyone's already on the court.
没人能听到我们的声音
No one can hear us.
抱歉 伙计
Sorry, man.
不 不 我们不会放弃的 我们要离开这里
No, no. We're not giving up. We're getting outta here.
有人吗
Hello!
有人吗
Hello!
各位
Okay, everybody.
今天我们讨论的是人类的进化
Today we're talking about the evolution of humans,
我一般称之为"地球毁灭者"
or as I like to call us, "destroyers of the earth."
进化的概念是由查尔斯·达尔文提出的
Now, the concept of evolution was brought to us by Charles Darwin.
你们可能听说过达尔文主义
Maybe you've heard of Darwinism?
他写了一本关于物种起源的书
He wrote a book called On the Origin of Species.
而且我们正巧生日也是同一天
And also, we happen to share the same birthday.
记下来
Write it down.
当然了 乔伊想和八年级的女生
Of course, Joey wanted to go to the dance
参加舞会
with an eighth grade girl.
她什么都有 八年级的桌子
They had everything. The eighth grade tables.
年鉴照片下面的语录
Quotes under their yearbook photos.
她们是成熟的象征
They were the picture of maturity.
进化的发生是因为一个叫做自然选择的过程
Evolution occurs because of a process called natural selection.
动物在竞争中
All right, animals acquire
会进化各自的特点
certain characteristics of their competition
以确保它们在不断恶化的生态系统中生存
in order to secure their place in a deteriorating ecosystem.
获取我的优势
Acquire the characteristics of my competition.
你好啊
'Sup.
你听到了吗
Did you hear that?
那是我见过的最浪漫的事
That was the most romantic thing I've ever seen.
达尔文有点东西
Maybe Darwin was onto something.
当我走了台步
When I acquired the walk of my competition,
让乔伊说了句"你好啊"
it yielded a "Sup" from Joey.
日记 我要做一些进化
Diary, I had some evolving to do.
你要在今天结束之前
So, you're just going to magically become an eighth grade girl
使用魔法成为八年级的女生
before the end of the day,
让乔伊邀请你去舞会
and that's what makes Joey ask you to the dance?
不是魔法 是科学
Not magic. Science.
我正在适应我的环境 我将是自然选择
I'm adapting to my environment. I will be a natural selection.
好吧 祝你好运
Okay, well, good luck.
午餐你能去洗手间
Oh, do you wanna meet in the bathroom during lunch
帮我写诗吗
to help me with my poem?
那里的回声能帮我增强信心
Maybe the acoustics will help me with my confidence.
没问题 我在那儿等你
Totally. I'll meet you there.
我要做点实地调查
I just have to do a little field research first.
好的 走廊B
Okay. Oh, hallway B.
伙计
Hey there, buddy.
捐赠
谢谢你的捐赠
Oh, thank you for your donation.
女士 这个你还要吗
Oh, Miss, do you want this back?
这个没办法处理
Can't really do anything with it.
我没发现 谢谢
Must've missed it. Thank you.
罗伯特
我只想和你一起 爱你
加比
有人吗
Hello!
他们可能已经进入第三轮了
Yeah, they're probably moving on to round three by now.
伙计 太蠢了
Man, this is so stupid.
我们应该进入第三轮的
We're supposed to be moving on to round three.
-伙计 我明白 -是吗
- Hey, look, man, I get it. - Really?
你在那吃蛋白质棒
Because while you're housing protein bars,
只有我在喊
I'm the only one yelling.
我只吃了四个
Hey, I've only had four.
如果他们现在还没听到我们的话
And if they haven't heard us by now,
结束之前也不会听到我们了
they're not gonna hear us till it's over.
你为什么这么淡定
I don't know why you're so chill.
很显然你并不在意比赛
I mean, clearly you don't care about the tournament.
什么 拜托 这只是一场比赛
What? I mean, come on. It's just a game.
你觉得我能把那个瓶子打翻吗
Think I can knock that bottle over?
我不知道 也许吧
I don't know. Maybe.
不 能还是不能
No, come on. Yes or no?
如果角度合适 应该可以
I mean, if you hit it at an angle you might have a shot.
好 打翻了我就得五分
Okay. Five points if I get it.
太好了 我重新摆好 轮到你了
Yes! Okay, I'm gonna reset. Your turn.
除非 你打不到
Unless, you can't hit it.
好吧
Okay.
*我喜欢商场 这就是为什么*
*I love the mall and this is why*
*没有商场 我肯定会死*
*Without the mall, I would surely die*
埃琳娜 你在哪儿
Elena, where are you?
为了让我的进化产生我所希望的结果
In order for my evolution to yield the results I had hoped for,
我不得不观察八年级的女生
I had to observe the eighth grade girls in the wild.
而且多亏了弗利普和奥杜邦协会的协议
And, thanks to an agreement with Flip and the Audubon Society,
我获得了完美的工具
I had the perfect tools to do it.
冷静点 弗利普 你会吓跑八年级女生的
Cool it, Flip. You'll scare off the eighth grade girls.
受试者以高♥强♥度摆动挂带
The subjects swing the lanyards with high intensity.
这种行为似乎是极度无聊的症状
This behavior appears to be a symptom of severe boredom.
受试者似乎有一致性
The subjects seem to have a uniform:
增加身高的鞋子 暴露表皮的衬衫
shoes to add height, shirts revealing epidermis,
还有闪粉
and a glittery sheen.
受试者的外表
The exterior of the subject
显然不是由实用性决定
is clearly not dictated by practicality.
那次预修代数测验好奇怪哦
I felt, like, so kiwi about that pre-algebra quiz.
你肯定没问题啦
I'm sure you totally kiwi-ed it.
谢啦
Aw, kiwi.
还给我 我刚看到一只黄嘴杜♥鹃♥
Give 'em back. I just saw a yellow-billed cuckoo.
很明显如果我想变得可爱 还有很多东西要学
It was clear that I had much to learn if I wanted to be kiwi,
还是说可爱起来
or if I wanted to kiwi.
我还在调查这个词的正确用法
Still investigating the proper usage of this word.
有人看到我的挂带了吗
Has anyone seen my lanyard?
没有 集美
No, kiwi.
去看看失物招领处吧
Maybe check the lost and found.
恶心的东西都在那里
Ugh, everyone's gross stuff is in there.
失物招领处
The lost and found.
谢谢弗利普 对了 有一只白枕鹊鸭向北飞了
Thanks, Flip. By the way, there's a bufflehead flying north.
这个时候还有
This time of year?
*没有商场 我肯定会死*
*Without the mall, I'd surely die*
缓慢而痛苦的死亡
A slow and painful dea--
你在自言自语吗
Are you talking to yourself?
-不是 -那你在干什么
- No. - Then what are you doing?
你可能会觉得这很愚蠢
You'll probably think this is stupid,
但我进入商场诗歌♥比赛的决赛了
but I'm a finalist in the mall poetry contest.
这不傻啊 我喜欢商场
That's not stupid. I love the mall.
梅丽莎和我几乎每天都去
Melissa and I go almost every day.
那也是以前了 后来她和英国人混在一起了