未来总统日记

我理解
No, no. I, I do.
我的性教育
I mean my version of a sex talk
就是和父母一起看了《本能》
was watching Basic Instinct with my parents.
你是个好妈妈
So, you're one of the good moms.
要不我们明晚再去帕蒂家
Maybe we can try Patty's again tomorrow night?
太好了 明晚特色菜应该是洋水饺
Yes, please. I think it's pierogi night.
祝你好运
Good luck.
性教育
罗伯托·卡涅罗·里德版本
天哪 妈妈 你不觉得第一册到第三册就够了吗
God, Mom. Don't you think volumes one through three were enough?
我们先从羊水开始
Let's start with A, amniotic fluid.
天哪 我们进行了眼神交流
Oh, God. We made eye contact.
我妈妈可没教我
Nothing my mom talked to me about
怎么为迈阿密二垒做准备啊
prepared me for Miami second base.
我偷了些辣酱 以防万一
Well, I stole some hot sauce for you just in case.
早上好 我知道我们都很期待
Morning. I realize we're all very excited to see a performance
我们的电子木琴乐队"新手♥机♥ 谁啊"
from our electrifying xylophone group, New 'Phones, Who Dis?
但是在此之前
But before that,
奥兰治湾中学历史上第一次
for the first time in Orange Bay Middle School history,
有两位同学要竞选飓风监测队长
we have two students running for Hurricane Watch Captain.
什么玩意
What's that?
演讲结束后 你们将以掌声决定胜者
After the speeches, you will all decide who wins by applause.
首先 埃琳娜·卡那罗·里德
First up, Elena Canero-Reed.
是卡涅罗·里德
It's Cañero-Reed.
学年 一年级
The year: first grade.
季节 飓风
The season: hurricane.
地点 我阿姨的浴缸
The place: my tía's bathtub.
我们将浴缸灌满 以防缺水
We filled it to its brim just in case the water went out.
那一年是自迈阿密1935年无名的五级飓风以来
That year was the worst hurricane Miami had seen
最严重的飓风
since the unnamed category five in 1935.
直到今天 一想到它我就哆嗦
To this day, just the thought of it makes me... shudder.
但是最后还是缺水断电了
And you know what, the water did go out. And so did the power.
但我们已经准备好了
But we were prepared.
我们做了奶酪通心粉 鸡肉饭 还有牛奶焦糖酱
We made mac n cheese, arroz con pollo, even dulce de leche.
我们也没有脱水 多亏了浴缸里的水
We stayed hydrated too. All with that bathtub water.
如果你们选我当飓风监测队长
If you vote for me for Hurricane Watch Captain,
我会确保大家都准备好的
I will make sure that we are all prepared.
我将成为奥兰治湾中学的私人浴缸
I will be Orange Bay Middle School's personal bathtub.
太棒了
Yes.
干得好 埃琳娜
Wonderful job, Elena.
接下来是瑞安·泰勒
Next up we have Ryan Tyler.
伙计们 我是瑞安
Hey, guys. What up? I'm Ryan.
飓风很糟糕 因为到时候就打不了橄榄球了
Hurricanes suck 'cause then you can't play football,
橄榄球是个好东西
and football doesn't suck.
没错
True.
好了 我说完了 战斗天鹅必胜
All right. I'm outtie. Go Swansbys!
谢谢你 瑞安
Thank you, Ryan.
现在我们要为我们的飓风监测队长鼓掌
Now we will all vote by applause for our Hurricane Watch Captain.
请为埃琳娜·卡涅罗·里德鼓掌
Let's hear it for Elena Cañero-Reed.
埃琳娜加油
Yeah, Elena.
三♥级♥ 很不错 现在为瑞安·泰勒鼓掌
Category three. Very nice. Very nice. And now for Ryan Tyler.
五级飓风 没有幸存者了
Wow, that is hurricane category five. No survivors.
请大家为新飓风监测队长 瑞安·泰勒鼓掌
Let's hear it for our new Hurricane Watch Captain, Ryan Tyler.
现在请欣赏"新手♥机♥ 谁啊"乐队的表演
And now, take it away, New 'Phones, Who Dis?
日记 就在那一刻
And in that very moment, diary,
雷恩飓风摧毁了我的生存意义
Hurricane Ryan demolished my raison.
鲍比
Hi, Bobby.
你看起来挺好啊
You look nice.
这个小棚显得你的眼睛很美
This shed really brings out your eyes.
谢啦
Uh, thanks, I think.
想去迈阿密吗
So... wanna take a trip to Miami?
什么 我们就在迈阿密啊
What? We're in Miami.
不是 我是说迈阿密的棒球场
Oh, no. You know, like, a baseball field in Miami.
你是邀请我去马林鱼公园么
Are you asking me to go to Marlins Park?
不是 是迈阿密二垒
No, no. Miami second base.
所有人都会在垃圾箱后面做的事情
You know, what everyone does behind the dumpster.
我是说
I mean...that's
那就是你叫我来的原因吧
what you wanted to do when you asked me here, right?
我真傻 对不起 我破坏了气氛
I'm an idiot. I'm... I'm sorry I ruined the mood.
不 没有
No, you didn't.
我选择这个地方 是因为
I honestly just picked this spot because...
鲍比 我想悄悄告诉你 我喜欢你
I wanted some privacy to tell you that I like you, Bobby.
真的吗
Really?
是的
Yeah.
我也喜欢你 名字里有Y的莫妮卡
Well, I like you too, Monyca with a Y.
真好
So cool.
真好
Cool.
所以你是我的女朋友了
So, I guess this means you're my girlfriend, right?
嗯 是的
Uh, yeah. I think so.
对了 我真的不知道
Also, I don't really know
也不想知道迈阿密二垒是什么
or care about whatever Miami second base is.
那套系统过时了 而且重男轻女
The base system is outdated and patriarchal anyway.
没错
Yeah, totally.
我也是这样认为的
I also came to that conclusion separately.
埃莉妮塔
Okay, Elenita.
我是一个丢了吉娃娃的老人
I'm a little old man who lost his Chihuahua,
我来到你的门前寻求帮助
and I'm coming to your door to ask for your help.
我不会开门的
I won't open the door.
埃琳娜 你还好吗
Elena, you okay?
说说吧 亲爱的
Oh, talk to me, mi amor.
每个人都有生存意义 但我没有
Everyone has a raison, AKA a reason for being, except me.
我想让飓风监测队长成为我的理由
So I tried to make Hurricane Watch Captain my raison,
我很用心准备了演讲 但我还是输了
and I worked hard on my speech, but I lost anyway.
现在我就像一碗没有葡萄干[理由]的麦片
And now I'm just a big bowl of bran with no raisins.
埃琳娜 埃琳娜 慢着 深呼吸
Elena, Elena, slow down. Take a deep breath.
告诉我
Now, dime.
什么时候飓风成为你的生存意义了
Since when are hurricanes your reason for being?
我只是觉得其他人都活得很明白
I just felt like everyone else had everything all figured out.
埃琳娜 没有人能活得很明白
Elena, no one has everything figured out.
你啊
You do.
我当然没有
Of course I don't.
人们需要很多年寻找生存意义
It takes years for people to figure out what their raison is,
在寻找的路上也会遇到许多困难
and there will be many stops on the road to finding it.
现在是玩乐的时间
This is a time to play around, hmm?
发现感兴趣的事情
And discover the things you find fun.
演讲的确很有趣
It was fun to give a speech.
你想听听吗 我用了个人经历
Do you want to hear it? I used an anecdote.
学年 一年级
The year: first grade.
季节 飓风
The season: hurricane.
听起来很棒 但我得走了
This sounds so good but I have to run.
我和山姆约了晚餐 要迟到了
I am late for dinner with Sam.
好吧 记得帮我带面包布丁
Okay. Bring me home some bread pudding.
那上面有葡萄干[理由]
It has raisins.
你也一起来吧
You know what? Why don't you come?
好啊 我喜欢吃洋水饺
Yes. I love pierogi night.
鲍比 我们要出去吃晚餐
Bobby, we're leaving for dinner.
电♥话♥号♥码都在冰箱上
All the numbers are on the fridge.
好的
Okay.
你是哪位
Who are you?
我是莫妮卡 名字里有个Y
I'm Monyca. It's with a Y.
我是鲍比的女朋友
Um, I'm Bobby's girlfriend.
你是他妈妈吧 但他说你们不在家
You must be his mom. But he said you weren't gonna be home.
不 不
No, no.
是的
Oh, yeah.
我只能这样过来
It's the only way I could come.
我们遇到了很多重要时刻
We're just having pivotal life moments all over the place here.
好的 没问题
Oh, okay. No problem.
我给你带了花
I got you these flowers.
-多谢 -真棒
- Thank you. - Oh, sweet.
名字中有Y的莫妮卡 这是送你的
Monyca with a Y, these are for you.
谢谢
Aw, thank you.