未来总统日记

- What's wrong? - I sat down to write my essay
我为什么以斯旺斯比骄傲
on why I'm proud to be a Swansby,
然后我发现我对我们学校的吉祥物
when I realized I didn't know anything
一无所知
about the mascot of our school.
奥格登·斯旺斯比 迈阿密林中空地的创始人
Ogden Swansby. Founder of Miami Glades,
简而言之 他是个混♥蛋♥
who, in a word, was a butt.
他是一个靠橘汁发家致富的橘子男爵
He was an orange baron who made his fortune off of orange juice.
听起来还不错
That doesn't sound so bad.
那些橘汁是靠工资低的女人挤出来的
Squeezed by the hands of underpaid women.
斯旺斯比强迫她们不停地工作
Swansby forced them to work with no breaks,
他还强制要求穿紧身胸衣
and he made corsets mandatory.
在博卡战役中 他甚至用一个女人作为肉盾
He even used a woman as a human shield in the Battle of Boca.
肉盾
Human shield?
萨沙 我们得做点什么
Sasha, we need to do something about this, this butt.
我们可以要求换个作文标题
We could ask for a different essay prompt?
不光是作文
This is so much bigger than an essay.
我们要拨乱反正
We need to right this wrong.
橘子湾
Hey, Orange Bay.
提醒 对阵洋边的网球赛是星期六
Reminder: the tennis match against Oceanside is Saturday!
斯旺斯比坚强
Swansby Strong!
斯旺斯比骄傲
Swansby proud!
天啊 我们需要一个新的吉祥物
Oh, my goddess. We need to demand a new mascot.
愚蠢的电子表格程序
Stupid spreadsheet program.
谢谢你抽出时间见我 库珀博士
Thank you for making the time to see me, Dr. Cooper.
我没有
Well, I didn't.
你问我有没有时间 我说没有
You asked me if I had a minute, and when I said no,
你还是进来坐了下来
you came in and sat down anyway.
我发现了一件
I've discovered something
对橘子湾中学很不利的事情
very unfortunate about Orange Bay Middle.
鼠标在动 我都没碰
Now the mouse is moving, and I'm not touching it.
库珀博士 我们的吉祥物 奥格登·斯旺斯比
Dr. Cooper, our mascot, Ogden Swansby--
是个混♥蛋♥ 我知道
Was a real butt. Yeah, I know.
等等 你了解斯旺斯比
Wait? You know about Swansby?
是的 他不是好人
Yeah. Not a great guy.
不好 现在整个预算都消失了
Oh, no. Now the entire budget disappeared.
可能这样最好
Probably for the best.
既然这家伙这么糟糕 为什么会成为我们的吉祥物
If this guy is so awful, why is he our mascot?
因为他是迈阿密林中空地的父亲
Because he's the father of Miami Glades.
没有斯旺斯比 橘子湾中学就不复存在
Without Swansby, Orange Bay Middle wouldn't exist,
你就不会接受教育
and you wouldn't have your education.
其实他不喜欢你接受教育 但他已经死了
Actually, he would've preferred you didn't, but he's dead now.
总之他一直是我们学校的代言人 这是传统
Anyway, he's always been the face of our school. It's tradition.
但这是个坏传统
But it's a bad tradition.
成年人给你一个建议 你必须明白
From one adult to another, you've gotta understand.
我们要尽快更换吉祥物
We need to change the mascot ASAP.
你不能突然做出改变 要有一个过程
You can't just change things. There's a process.
这里 填一份请♥愿♥书
Here. Fill out this petition.
得到一百个支持签名
Get a hundred signatures that show that you have support,
然后我们再谈
and then we'll talk.
对了 同时按住Ctrl和Z 预算就回来了
Control Z should get the budget back, by the way.
既然我有了表格 斯旺斯比就死定了
Now that I had a form, Swansby was going down.
伙计 那是虚构的
Dude, that's a myth.
不 鬣蜥就在我奶奶的马桶里
No, I am telling you the iguana was in my grandma's toilet.
洋边 他们想干什么
Oceanside? What do they want?
有事吗
Can we help you guys?
我刚看到明天比赛的分组
I just saw the brackets for the game tomorrow,
看来我可以在你的主场
and it looks like I get the honor
亲手干掉你了
of destroying you on your own court.
恭喜你 戴维斯 你什么时候学会认字的
Oh, congrats, Davis. When did you learn how to read?
他说你文盲啊
He just called you illiterate.
不 他说我不识字
No. He said I can't read.
你背上的虫子是什么
Hey, what's with the worm on your back?
虫子 你在说什么
Worm? What are you-- What are you talking about?
你的夹克中间有一条愚蠢的曲线
You got that stupid squiggle in the middle of your jacket.
这是我名字的一部分 白♥痴♥
It's a part of my name, idiot.
这是一种读音
It makes the ñ sound.
看起来像只虫子 我就叫你"虫子"吧
Yeah, well, it looks like a worm, so I'm gonna call you "Worm."
鸟吃虫子 伙计们 球场上见
Birds eat worms, dudes. See you on the court.
换吉祥物
-谢谢 -不客气
- Thanks. - No problem.
奥格登·斯旺斯比是个混♥蛋♥
Ogden Swansby was a butt.
我们的学校是建立在他女员工的柑橘眼泪之上
Our school is built on the citrusy tears of his female employees!
请在换吉祥物的请♥愿♥书签名
Sign the petition to change the mascot?
感谢你们这么做
I'm so glad you're doing this.
斯旺斯比因为我曾祖母穿裤子 就让她坐牢了
Swansby had my great-grandmother jailed for wearing pants.
谢谢 名字里有Y的莫妮卡
Thanks, Monyca with a Y.
我们得到了40个签名 只剩60%了
We have 40 signatures, only 60% to go.
韦德老师说得对 平时真的会用到数学
Mr. Wade's right. We do use math in the real world.
请在换吉祥物的请♥愿♥书签名
Sign the petition to change the mascot?
不可能 现在是精神周
Not a chance. It's spirit week.
我们一直在练习网球赛中场休息的表演
We've worked super hard on our tennis halftime show,
我们将围绕战斗斯旺斯比
and it centers around the Fighting Swansby.
换掉吉祥物会毁掉一切
If we change the mascot, it will ruin everything.
而且没有斯旺斯比 我们就不是斯旺斯宝贝了
Plus, without Swansby, we wouldn't be Swansbabes.
但你们在庆祝一个怪异的老家伙
But you're celebrating a creepy, weird, old guy
他对女人非常刻薄
who was really mean to women.
你们这样就像在给他洗白
It's like saying what he did was okay.
但事实并非如此
And it wasn't.
随便了 他已经死了 对吧
Oh, whatever. He's dead now, right?
他对我们并不刻薄 谁会在意呢
He's not being mean to us, so who cares?
等等 没有人在意
Oh, wait. No one.
我的辣摩卡混合洒了
My spicy mocha blend whip slipped.
走吧 梅丽莎
Come on, Melissa.
埃琳娜 不知道还能不能挽救
Elena, I don't know if we can salvage this.
这样的战斗肯定很艰苦
Hey, fights like these are an uphill battle.
黏糊糊的签名也是签名
Sticky signatures are still signatures.
只剩60个了
Only 60 more to go.
还差61个 有人签了"雅克皮带"
Nope. 61. Someone signed it "Jacques Strap."
什么鬼
What the hell?
准备受死吧
虫子
戴维斯
Davis.
你明早第一件事就提交这些动议
Okay, so you'll file these motions first thing in the morning?
-没问题 早上见 -好吗
- Sounds good. See you in the morning. - Yes?
太好了 加比 听着
Okay, great. Gabi, listen.
你能再帮我看一下吗
Can I get your eyes on one more thing?
当然
Sure.
我正在重制我的恋爱档案 我的朋友都无法决定
I'm redoing my dating profile, and none of my friends can decide
哪张照片让我看起来最神秘
which of these photos makes me look the most mysterious.
这张 还是这张 还是这张
Is it this one? Or this one? Or this one?
还是这张 还是这张
Or this one? Or this one?
我忘了我在特克斯和凯科斯群岛的自♥拍♥集了
I forgot about that selfie series I took of me in Turks and Caicos!
最好再拿点酒
We better get some more wine.
-是的 得再拿点酒 -这里有一张
- Yeah, we better get some more wine. - Here's one here.
-看看这张 -这张
- Look at this one. - Wow, that's--
这张我打扮成双胞胎了
That's me dressed as twins.
再次感谢你抽出时间见我 库珀博士
Thanks again for making the time to see me, Dr. Cooper.
我还是没有
Again, I didn't.
是你在厕所外面堵我
You cornered me outside the bathroom,
然后跟着我进来的
and then followed me in here.
我还没喝咖啡呢 马库斯
I haven't even had my coffee yet. Marcus!
我很荣幸向你们展示100个签名
So, I am proud to present to you 100 signatures,
白纸黑字
all there in black and white.
还有一些人用薰衣草胶笔 希望没关系
And a few in lavender gel pen, I hope that's okay.
这么快啊
Surprisingly fast turnaround.
我的咖啡就没这么快
Unlike my coffee request.
我觉得新吉祥物 可以是橘子湾蝴蝶
So, for the new mascot, I was thinking, Orange Bay Butterflies?
海龟 雪貂 雪貂还是算了
Sea Turtles? Ferrets? Probably not ferrets.
别急[牵住马]
Oh, h-h-hold your horses.
马也可以
Or maybe horses.
我可以提交这份请♥愿♥书
Look, I can file this petition,
学校董事会在三个月后的会议上
and the school board will review it