大门奖（2023）

No, I think I get it.
你们饮醉后会去看仔女的篮球赛
You guys all get drunk and go to your kids' basketball games.
对
Yes.
其实今晚我是以旧生的身份出席
Actually, I'm going as an alumnus this evening.
我旧时也有打篮球,还有曲棍球和田...
I played a little hoop back in my day, on top of hockey and track--
我也是校队成员
I was on the team too.
卡珊也在场,经常为我打气
And Cass was there. Always cheering me on.
我是啦啦队成员,要为所有人打气
I was a cheerleader, so I cheered on everyone.
我只为积逊罗德里格斯打气
(说故事者)
- Ah. - I just cheered for Jason Rodriguez.
记得吗?他的盆骨有个飞鹰纹身
Remember? He had that tattoo of an eagle on his pelvic mound.
天啊 - 在他的盆骨?
Oh, God. - On his pelvic mound?
我不怕讲,我锺意纹身男
I'll admit. I love a man with a tattoo.
你锺意纹身男?
You love a guy with a tattoo?
好吧,卡珊,我会记住,记得高中时...
Okay, Cassie. Note to self. Hey, remember senior year, uh--
鲁宾神父你当时不在场
Father Reuben, you weren't there.
所以你或者想知道传闻是否真实 而那确实是真的
So, you might like to know that legend has it, and the legend is true
你老友我完场前在中圈射入篮
that your boy scored a half-court buzzer-beater.
对,直插球篮
Yeah, nothing but net.
听似值得讲几十年的威水史
Mmm. Sounds like something worth holding on to decades later.
我们那次不是输了吗? - 没错,是惨败
Didn't we lose that game? - Yes, we did. By a lot.
对,德斯提坐冷板櫈,清楚看到分数板
Yeah. Dusty had a clear view of the scoreboard from the bench.
我有时间...
Oh. - I got some time--
但无人记得分数,德爷
But nobody remembers the score, Big D.
他们只记得我那球有多出色
They just remember the man and the ball.
算了,别再讲我的威水史
Anyway. Enough about my triumphs.
我想估一下各位的闪蝶卡
I wanna guess everybody's MORPHO card.
别那样做吧,我们不想
Mmm. - Let's not do that. We don't wanna.
好吧,我要清走酒杯 - 你肯定是“扫兴专家”
Okay, I'm gonna clear these glasses. - Well, obviously yours is "Party Pooper."
但是认真的,老友,让我猜猜,你抽到...
But no, seriously, let me guess, bro. Yours is...
你的潜能是“男人”,或者“平凡男人”
Your potential is "Man." Or "Generic Man."
我抽到“教师口哨音乐家”
I got "Teacher Whistler."
对,依我所见
Yes. And in my opinion,
是全镇最好的教师口哨音乐家
the best teacher whistler in town. - Hmm.
闷到爆,好吧,小奈,轮到你
Boring. Okay. Nat, you're next.
肯定是“说故事者”
Definitely got "Storyteller."
谁跟你说的?
Oh. Who told you?
鲁宾神父,肯定是“神父”
Father Reuben. "Priest," obviously.
其实我没玩过那部机,亦无打算玩
Actually, I haven't used the machine, and I don't plan to.
真是聪明
That's probably smart.
因为若你抽不到“神父”,大家就不会信你
Because if you don't get "Priest," people won't trust you.
因为这部机似乎无所不知
Because the machine knows everything apparently.
神父,你肯定会抽到“神父”
I bet you'd get "Priest," Father.
留那两美元做其他事吧
Save those two bucks for something else.
轮到卡珊了
Now, Cass.
卡珊...我的卡珊
Mm-hmm. - Cass, Cass, Cassie, Cass. My Cass.
好吧,初步估计是“模特儿”或“电影明星”
Okay. My initial thought is something like "Model" or "Movie Star."
或者甚至是“女神”,但应该会更具体
Maybe even "Goddess." But I feel like it might be more specific.
直接估吧,我们要去球赛了
Can you just guess, so we can go to the game?
等等,我要点时间猜猜
Hold on. It's gonna take me a second to figure out
本镇最聪明美丽的女子抽到甚麽
what the smartest, most beautiful woman in town got.
但我不知该说甚麽,“完美”算是潜能吗?
But I'm stumped. Is "Perfection" a potential?
不,但我开估吧
No, but let me help you out.
因为我抽到“贵族”
Because I got "Royalty." - Yay!
当然,老友,我觉得合情合理
Of course, dude. That makes complete and total sense to me.
而且我很锺意这款衫
Also, I would really like one of those.
我製作一件给你吧,是我的作品 - 好啊,但我那件要写“巨星”
I can make you one. I made that one. - Yes, but mine is gonna say "Superstar,"
想深一层,其实跟“贵族”很登对
which actually pairs very well with "Royalty," if you think about it.
但是,我有疑问
But... ...what I'm confused about, though,
“教师”和“贵族”相衬吗?
is how "Teacher" and "Royalty" make sense together?
是“教师或口哨音乐家”
Oh, "Teacher/Whistler."
当然很相衬,因为我们很相衬
They make sense together because we make sense together, which is why
所以我们一起23年了 - 3...没错
we've been together for 23 years. - Three... Yeah.
而且那些卡不反映一切,知道吗?
And also, those cards, they do not tell you everything, okay?
因为“教师口哨音乐家”未必是 德斯提现在只能够做到的事
Because "Teacher Whistler" is not necessarily all that Dusty is or can be.
没错 - 真的吗?
So, there. - Oh, really?
那就做其他事吧,德爷
Then be something else, Big D.
不如点些鸡翼? - 好啊
Can we get some wings? - Yeah.
好啊,点鸡翼,好主意
Yes, wings. That's a good idea.
鹿蹄队粉丝,晚上好
Good evening, Hooves fans,
或者我应该说“鹿蹄队,欢迎各位”
or should I say, "Welcome, Hoovers!"
好吧,欢迎你们回来
Now, as we welcome you back
观赏新一季的精彩赛事
to another great season...
我很骄傲地宣佈今晚的赛事
...I am proud to announce that tonight's game
是要怀缅哥尔顿高华克
is dedicated to the memory of Kolton Kovac.
哥尔顿不仅是球队队长
Kolton wasn't just the captain of our team,
也是我们心目中的队长
he was the captain of our hearts.
他简直是天使
He was quite simply, an angel.
所以今晚鹿原高中步操乐队
Which is why, tonight, the Deerfield High Marching Band
将演奏夏奇和雷方的歌♥曲《天使》
will be performing "Angel" by Shaggy, featuring Rayvon.
可恶
Oh, fuck.
好,我们要走了,谁吃剩下的香辣鸡翼?
Okay. We gotta go. Who's gonna finish the hot wings?
我吃吧
I'll get in on it.
小心啊,卡珊,鸡翼很辣
Oh. No, careful, Cassie. They're hot wings.
那又如何?
So?
你几时开始锺意吃香辣鸡翼?
Well, since when do you like hot wings?
一直都锺意
Since always.
甚麽?我们向来都点蜜糖香蒜味
What? We always get honey garlic.
因为你锺意蜜糖香蒜味
Because you like honey garlic.
天啊,我无意挑起纷争 求求你们不要吵架
Oh, no. I didn't mean to start something. Please don't fight, you guys.
是这样的,我向来锺意吃辣 但是老实讲,你...
Look, I've always liked spicy stuff. It was just, you know, you really, um--
有次我们点错中辣番茄酱,你真的很反感
you really went off the deep end that time we ordered medium salsa by accident.
因为我差点喷火,所以... - 所以我们总是点蜜糖香蒜味
Well, my tongue nearly burned off, so... - Which is why we always get honey garlic.
你们再不走就会错过争球了
You guys are gonna miss the tip-off.
由我埋单,你们走吧
I will get the check. You should go.
神父,你不去吗?
Aren't you coming, Father?
我不是体育迷,所以...
I'm not much of a sports fan, so...
谢谢 - 愿主保佑你
Oh. Thank you. - Bless you.
现在整间酒吧属于你了,神父
You're gonna have the bar to yourself, Father.
甚至是整个镇都属于你了
You might even have the whole town to yourself.
要乖啊,神父
Be a good boy, Father.
来吧,鹿蹄队,球赛开始了,宝贝
Come on, Hoovers! Game time, baby!
我们要赢啊,鹿蹄队,加油...
Let's get this! Go, Hooves, go!
鹿蹄队,加油... - 哗
Go, Hooves, go!
鹿蹄队,加油... - 哗
Go, Hooves, go! - Wow.
谢谢 - 你应该有此需要
Thank you. - Figured you need this.
谁跟佐治奥共处五分钟都需要
After five minutes with Giorgio, anyone would.
其实我很锺意他,他超踏实和谦虚
Oh, I actually like him. He's super grounded and humble.
说话声量适中
Speaks at the appropriate volume.
他启迪人心
He's an inspiration.
正到爆
Just incredible. - Mmm.
唏
Hey.
跟你♥爸♥练习得如何?
How'd practice with your dad go?
差到他应该决定不来了
Bad enough that I guess he decided not to come.
我们约好在这里会合,但是...
We were supposed to meet here, but...
太可惜了
That sucks.
这样说或会令你好受一点
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
我爸妈应该错过了我的大苏沙号♥演出
I think my parents missed my big sousaphone performance.
顺带一提,刚才很精彩
Uh, that was amazing, by the way.
大苏沙号♥绝对是我最锺意的部分
The, um-- the big sousaphone was, you know, definitely my favorite part.
过奖了
Thanks.
这个苏沙号♥不算大
It's not a "bigger" sousaphone.
明白,但是“大”演出,普通苏沙号♥
Got it. It's a "big" performance. Normal sousaphone.
伊高逊教练原本想我们演奏《不是我》
Coach Eagleson originally wanted us to play "It Wasn't Me."
但我说服他改选《天使》
Then I managed to talk him down to "Angel,"
仍然毫不合理
which still doesn't make any sense.
歌♥中主角无法一心一意
It's about this guy who has trouble being monogamous.
不能怪责伊高逊教练 老实讲,哥尔顿是夏奇的铁粉
You can't blame Coach Eagleson. I mean, Kolton was a huge Shaggy fan.
对,大夏奇粉
Yeah. Total Shag head.
你不是要起身演奏吗?
Shouldn't you be playing right now?
你知道这东西有多重吗?
You know how heavy this thing is?