救援高手（2013）

All I could do at this point was upload the video
然后让公众来判断
and let the public decide.
"山羊掉水里了"
"Goat in the water!"
当我第二天早上醒来
When I woke up the next morning,
我很惊讶地看到视频已经被发在
I was astounded to see that the video had been posted
掴克网 伯姆世界和一个健身信息板上
on Gawker, eBaum's World, and a bodybuilding message board.
它已经有了三千多播放量
It had over 3,000 views,
这比我期望中的多多了
and that was way more than I ever expected.
然后我看到它爬上了Reddit热门
Then I saw it was climbing the charts on reddit.
过了一小时我又查看了一下播放量
Then I checked the view count an hour later.
卧♥槽♥
Holy s**t.
接下来 这可能听起来像海上救援
By the way, this may sound like a sea rescue,
但是一只山羊 一只小山羊
but a goat-- a baby goat--
被困在了水里
gets stuck in water.
这头猪可真了不起 你一定得看看
This is some pig. You have to see it.
一只爱畜动物园的山羊被困在了湖里
A goat at a petting zoo got stuck in a lake.
这真的发生了 - 真是太酷了
This really happened. - That was cool!
别害怕 那有一只猪
Have no fear, there's a pig there.
你在华纳公♥司♥都拍不出这种效果
I mean, you couldn't do this at Warner Brothers
做成动画片都没法让它看起来更逼真
as a cartoon and make it seem more realistic.
我们有义务传播这个视频
We're wayward duty-bound to pass this on.
这是今日最热门的网络视频
It's the leading web video today.
虽然我们也没法知道它是不是真的
While we have no way of knowing if it's real,
这据悉是在一家爱畜动物园拍的
this was apparently shot at a petting zoo.
"山羊掉水里了"
"Goat in the water!"
那是一只掉入深水区的小山羊
That's a baby goat who got out into too deep water.
开始呼喊求助
begins crying for help.
这只猪登场了
Enter this pig.
就好像全世界都在谈论我的视频
It seemed like the whole world was talking about my video.
有那么一会儿 我感觉很糟 因为它不是真的
For a moment, I felt bad because it wasn't real.
但是后来我明白那不重要
But then I realized that that didn't matter.
即使是不同物种 他还是去帮助
Interspecies, he went and helped--
学着点吧 人类
Learn from it, humans.
在这个愤世嫉俗的时代
In these cynical times,
人们渴望去相信一些东西
People are desperate for something to believe in.
而我提醒了人们 单纯去相信完全没有问题
And I gave people a reminder that it's okay just to believe.
那只猪是怎么解救那只山羊的
How did the pig free the goat?
就是引导它 推着它
Just kinda guided it, just pushed him.
每天Elizabeth都是 "这怎么做到的"
Every day with Elizabeth is like "How did this happen?"
我一直知道这个视频很特殊
I always knew this video was something special.
这就是为什么 最后
And that's why, in the end,
我决定不在上面标出宠物动物园的名字
I decided not to put the name of the petting zoo on it.
我不想让它成为一个广♥告♥
I didn't want it to come across like an ad,
你懂的 给爱畜动物园打广♥告♥ - 嗯哼 好吧
you know, for the petting zoo. - Mm-hmm, right.
我觉得那太容易被识破了
I thought it would be a bit transparent.
但是如果人们知道它是橡树村的话
But if people would've known that it was Oak Tree Village--
但是我说 你不能这么自私
But I mean, you can't be so selfish.
自私吗
Selfish?
我的意思是 如果人们喜欢这个视频
Well, I mean, if people love the video,
就像
It's like--
不能全是生意上的事
can't just be all about the business.
但这本来就是应该关于生意的啊
But that's what it was supposed to be about,
从你一开始提出来的时候
when you first came up.
它就应该是关于生意啊
It was supposed to be about the business.
Terry看上去并不明白
Terry just didn't seem to understand.
但是我不能让我帮助的人空手而归
but I don't leave those that I help empty-handed.
所以我为她做了这个标志
That's why I made her this sign.
随着我继续等待年轻的破坏公物者的出现
As my stakeout for a young vandal continued,
我开始感到沮丧
I was starting to get frustrated.
我已经监视那张海报四个多小时了
I'd been monitoring the poster for over four hours,
可并没有人在上面乱涂乱画
And no one had defaced it.
有那么一会儿 我以为这行不通了
For a moment, I thought this wasn't going to work.
但是很快就证明我错了
But I was quickly proven wrong.
噢 他在拿那支笔
Oh, he's taking the pen.
我的天哪
Oh, my god.
他真的在画 在镜头前
He's actually doing it. On camera.
就是现在 我们走
Let's go! Let's go!
嗨 哥们 - 嗨
Hey, man. - Hey.
嗨 你好吗 - 你好吗
Hey, how's it going? - How's it going?
挺好的 你在这干什么呢
Cool, what are you doing there?
噢 真好笑啊 你画了个鸡♥巴♥
Oh, that's so funny. You drew a d**k.
是啊 - 嗯 这真的很好笑
Yeah. - Yeah, that's really funny.
我们在做一档关于青年人的节目 酷的年轻人
We're doing a show about teens--cool teens--
叫<青年街> - 嗯哼
Called "Teen street." - Uh-huh.
我们为了节目能问你几个问题吗
Is it cool if we ask you a few questions for the show?
当然 没问题 - 好的 酷
Sure, no problem. - All right, cool.
这个真好笑 超级好笑
That's really funny. That's mega funny.
这不是个好青年
This teen was no good,
他的父母需要知道他做了什么
and his parents needed to know what he did.
所以为了赢得他的信任
So to earn his trust,
我告诉他我们想要做
I told him we wanted to make
关于他的一整集<青年街>
an entire "Teen street" Episode about him.
所以我们用他下午剩下的时间
So we spent the rest of his afternoon
为了一个假的节目拍摄片段
shooting segments for a fake show.
怎样 我是Kyle
What up! I'm Kyle.
19岁 这里是<青年街>
19 years old. And this is "Teen street."
要是你不喜欢 去你的
If you don't like it, f**k you.
我想做什么就做什么
I do whatever the I want,
而且我可以想做什么就做什么
and I can do whatever I want.
我最骄傲的事是我赚了一大堆钱
The thing I'm most proud of is I make a s**tload of money.
不后悔
No regrets.
听听这个
Listen to that!
砰
Bam.
我玩滑板六年 打鼓六年
Yeah, I skated for six years, played the drums for six years,
而且玩过泰拳和巴西柔术
and did Muay Thai and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
你得爱你的妈妈
You have to love your mom.
如果你不爱 玩蛋去吧
If you don't, go f**k yourself.
这个节目是关于城里的最酷年轻人
This show is about the coolest teens in town.
<青年街> 婊♥子♥们
"Teen street," Bitches!
十三岁的时候第一个纹身
First tattoo when I was 13.
这是唯一一个从不跟我抱怨的女孩
This is the only girl that never complains to me.
好了 现在我要给你们看看我住哪
All right, so now I'm gonna show you where I live.
咱们走吧
Let's do this.
这个片段的最后一部分
For the final part of the segment,
我说我们要去他家里转转
I said we had to do a tour of his house.
他不知道
He didn't know it,
但是他是在把我带到他的父母那
but he was leading me right to his parents,
然后我要告诉他们他对我的海报做了什么
and I was going to tell them what he did to my poster.
怎样 这是我家
What up? This is my pad.
这就是我花时间制♥造♥麻烦的地方
This is where I spend my time making trouble.
我带你快速转转
I'm gonna show you a tour real quick.
这个美丽的女士是谁
So who's this lovely lady?
这是我妈妈 Sheri - 太好了 伙计
This is my mom Sheri. - Awesome, man.
很高兴见到你 - 年轻人也有妈妈啊
Nice to meet you. - Guess teens have moms.
可不是吗 - 是啊
Right? - Yeah.
好的 但是我们要稍微严肃一点
All right, but we need to stop laughing for a moment,
因为我们要坐下来 我有些事要说
because we have to sit down. I have something to talk about.
好吧
Okay.
他在这画了两根鸡♥巴♥
He's drawn two penises right there.
你可以看到我正拿着它们
And you can see I'm holding them
就好像我在给这两个男人做手活
As if I'm masturbating these two men.
你的儿 你竟然在笑
Your s--you're laughing.
我没有 - 你是觉得
I don't-- - What do you find--
这对你来说很好笑吗 - 我 不
Is that funny to you? - I--no.
这并不好笑 - 这些鸡♥巴♥
This is not funny. - The penises?
你喜欢这样吗 - 不
Do you like that? - No.
像那样被握着
Being held like that?
那 所以这 好吧
Is that-- so this is--okay.
所以这对你来说很好笑
So this is funny to you.
让我惊讶的是 甚至他的妈妈都没有认真对待这件事
To my surprise, even his mom wasn't taking this seriously.
幸好 我找到了一个洛杉矶警♥察♥帮我纠正他