救援高手（2013）

He's walking to the residence right now,
现在看不到他了
and now, he's out of view.
任务完成
Mission accomplished.
背啤酒的把戏确实把Brian糊弄过去了
The beer-on-shoulder trick actually fooled Brian,
但当时我还不知道
but, at the time, I didn't know that.
于是我来到Dan家
So I headed to Dan's house.
在路上 我稍微停了一下
And on my way, I made a quick stop.
嗨 你 你这里有卖♥♥避孕套吗 - 有的 先生
Hi, do you-- do you sell any condoms at all? - Yes, sir.
我不知道到了Dan家之后会发生什么
I didn't know what was gonna happen once I got to Dan's house...
你有小一点的型号♥吗
Do you have anything that's smaller?
但我想做好充分准备
But I wanted to be prepared for everything...
这就是最小的了吗 - 是的
This is the smallest? - Yes.
但当我抵达的时候
But when I arrived,
我的计划立刻泡汤了
my plan immediately started to crumble.
嗨 - 嗨
Hey. - Hi.
他给我发消息说有人要过来
He left me a message that someone was coming over,
但我没想到会是这样的情况
but I wasn't expecting all this.
宝贝 呃 你说的那个人来了
Babe, um, so this guy showed up,
他一直管自己叫"Dan"
and he keeps calling himself "Dan,"
他还给我带了花和葡萄酒
and he brought me flowers and some Malbec.
Dan的未婚妻被我吓坏了
Dan's fiancee was creeped out by me,
我不知该怎么办
and I didn't know what to do.
我是说 如果你离开的话我会感觉好点儿
I mean, I'd feel better if you, you know, left.
然后 等Dan回来之后 你可以再来拜访
And then, when Dan gets back, you can come back.
我的全部计划泡汤了
My whole plan was falling apart.
我很疲倦 除了放弃我别无选择
I was tired, and I had nothing left to do but give up.
Nathan - 嗨
Nathan. - Hey.
你怎么样
How are you doing?
好吧 我放弃了 你找到我了
All right, I give up. You got me.
你在打心理战 我跟不上你
You're playing mind games. I can't keep up.
你太没挑战性了 孩子
You're an easy prey, kid.
好吧 你是 你是专家 我能说什么呢
Well, you're the--you're a pro, so what can I say?
谢谢你
Thank you.
你要去喝点啤酒什么的吗
Do you wanna go grab a beer or something?
我知道街区里有个好地方
I know a great place down the block.
没问题啊 上车吧 - 你想去吗
Let's do it, jump in. - Do you wanna?
好吧 来 快上车
Yeah, let's go. Come on.
好嘞
Okay.
你♥他♥妈♥谁啊
Who the f**k are you?
什么 - 你听到我说什么了
What? - You heard what I said.
你♥他♥妈♥谁啊
Who the f**k are you?
我是Nathan - 不 你不是
I'm Nathan. - You're not Nathan.
我三秒钟前还在和你说话
I just talked to you three seconds ago.
你猜怎么着 别耍花招了
You know what? Enough shenanigans.
立刻滚下我的车子
Get the f**k out of my truck now.
"那天我学到了一个重要的道理"
"I learned an important lesson that day-- "
"无论我在哪儿"
"That no matter where I was"
"无论我在一个地方呆了多久"
"or how long I stayed in one place..."
你♥他♥妈♥是谁 滚出去
What the f**k are you? Get out!
"我会一直逃下去"
"I'd always be running."
"只要Brian在追踪我 我永远都无家可归"
"I'd always have no home while Brian hunted me down."
"但我学会的最重要的事情是"
"But the most important thing I learned of all"
"Brian S. Wolfe"
"is that Brian S. Wolfe"
"是一个出色的私♥家♥侦♥探♥"
"is an amazing private investigator."
"四星"
"Four stars."
"但他话有点多"
"He's a little talkative,"
"因为这点减了一星"
"so that's where he lost the one star."
"Nathan F."
"Nathan F."
这就是给你的评价
That's your review.
你知道吗
You know what?
这只是你的看法
That's your opinion.
一般来说 我都会得到五颗星
Typically, I get five stars.
这个嘛 一般来说 根本没人给你留评价
Well, typically, you have no reviews.
我他妈一点也不在乎什么Yelp 知道了吗
I don't give a flying f**k about Yelp, okay?
我得给你做个背景调查了
I ought to do a background check on you,
看看你是哪种人
see what type of fellow you are.
你知道你是什么样的人吗
You know what you are?
你让我想到了孤独男巫
You remind me of the wizard of loneliness
因为你就是独自一人 孤零零地干着蠢事
'cause you your own self, your own wizard.
那就是你
That's what you are.
看看你 还他妈穿着粉色衬衫 一副傻屌♥样
Look at you in a fucking pink shirt and everything else.
我去 真是让人受不了 你 你没有朋友
Oh, you're killing me. You--you have no friends.
这就是你是孤独男巫的原因
That's why you're the wizard of loneliness.
本季前面某集 我伪造了一个相亲节目
Earlier this season, I faked a dating show
来帮助我克服对女性的恐惧
to help me overcome my fear of women.
这让我开始思索
And it got me thinking--
或许我可以用这个办法来帮助别人
maybe I could use this strategy to help someone else.
这个节目的幕后工作人员里有这么个人
One of the guys that works on my show behind the scenes,
Solomon 他是个安静而努力的人
Solomon, is a quiet, hard worker,
但他在很多地方都和我很像
but he reminded me a lot of myself.
而且在这季节目制♥作♥过程中 我们得以彼此熟悉
And over the course of the season, we bonded.
我喜欢那部电影 <人生遥控器>
Well, I like the movie Click.
亚当·桑德勒演的吗 - 对 他演的
With Adam Sandler? - Yes, with Adam Sandler.
挺有意思的
That's funny.
但当我发现他也有女人方面的烦恼时
But when I found out he had issues with women as well...
你有女朋友吗
Do you have a girlfriend?
呃 目前没有
Uh, at this time, no.
我决定帮他安排一次相亲
I decided to help him out by setting him up on a blind date
作为本次节目的一部分
as part of my show.
我想给你安排个相亲
I wanna set you up on a blind date.
那 那太好了
That--that's good.
你看起来不是很兴奋啊 - 不 我 我很兴奋
You don't seem that excited. - No, I-I am.
没有啊 嗯 那表现在脸上吧
No, well-- show it on your face, then.
呃 我的兴奋吗 - 是啊
Uh, excitement? - Yeah.
是啊 我很兴奋
Yes, I'm excited!
噢 太好了 你看起来很兴奋
Oh, great. You look excited.
的确如此 - 好极了
Yes, yes, I am. - Great.
但当我把这个想法告知喜剧中心台时
But when I pitched the idea to Comedy Central,
他们只看到了发财致富的机会
all they saw was an opportunity to cash in.
但现在挺为难的 - 什么意思
There's a catch. - What's the catch?
这个节目的赞助商之一是酷食热
One of the sponsors of the show is Quiznos.
呃 我不是在跟你开玩笑
Um, this isn't a joke,
但对方要求我们在他们的一家餐厅里录节目
but they are making us do this at one of their restaurants.
好啊
Okay.
所以你愿意在一家酷食热里相亲吗
So would you be willing to do your date at a Quiznos?
没关系啊 酷食热挺不错的
It's okay. The Quiznos is good.
Solomon很好地消化了这个消息
Solomon took the news well,
尽管我比较排斥在节目里植入广♥告♥
and even though I wasn't thrilled with having product placement in my show,
我们待会再来看Solomon相亲的情景
we'll see Solomon's date in a bit.
但首先 当我坐进一辆出租车时
But first, when I get into a taxicab,
我想要的只是一段温馨静谧的旅途
all I hope for is a nice, quiet ride...
到列克星敦和威尔希尔路口 谢谢
Lexington and Wilshire, please.
但并没有什么简单的方法让我如愿
But there really is no easy way to ask for that.
呃 Nathan
Uh, Nathan.
呃 不好意思
Um, sorry,
我现在不太想聊天
I don't really wanna have a conversation right now.
对我来说这种情况一直很让人尴尬
It's always been an awkward situation for me.
所以我设计了一个解决方案
That's why I devised a solution
并带着它来到了岌岌可危的洛杉矶出租车公♥司♥ 独♥立♥出租
and brought it to struggling Los Angeles taxi company Independent Cab,
在那里我会见了董事长Nettabi Ahmed
where I met with President Nettabi Ahmed.
我的建议就是你给出一种能让乘客
All I'm suggesting is you make it easy for the customer
轻松无负担地选择自己想不想聊天
to decide if he wants a conversation or not
以及具体想聊什么的方法
and exactly what he wants to talk about.
但你不能就这么问别人
But you cannot ask somebody,
"你要不要 你想不想要聊天啊"
"Do you have--do you wanna have a conversation or not?"
现在可以了 计划是
Until now. The plan--
安装一个触屏系统 让乘客能够
A touch screen system that will allow the customer
悄无声息地告诉司机自己是否想要聊天
to discreetly communicate to the driver whether or not he wants a conversation.
如果他想的话 他可以选择自己想要聊的话题
And if he does, he'll actually be able to select the topic he wants to talk about.
这个想法我现在就可以接受
The idea, I accept it right now.
好 - 但我需要测试一下