救援高手（2013）

所以你不用自己拿钱了
so you don't handle your own money.
噢 是吗
Oh, really?
但人们对付钱这个环节有点不爽
But people were a bit annoyed with the money handling part.
能把钱包还给我了吗
Can I have my wallet back?
而这个解放双手的撒洋葱粒装置也是毛病百出
And the hands-free onion dispenser proved to be problematic as well.
所以你得 往上一次 往下一次
So you have to up-- one up, one down.
当它撞到桌子的时候 洋葱粒就会掉下来
When it hits the table, the onions will fall.
踩它 继续踩
And drop it. Keep dropping it.
一上一下地踩
Up and down, drop it.
多快啊
Fast.
这根本行不通 不可能行得通
This is not gonna work. It's not gonna work.
这跟我的装置可没有关系
That's nothing to do with the contraption.
热狗掉了就是掉了
If you drop a hot dog, you drop a hot dog.
大家还没有准备好接受这种无菌热狗消费体验
The public just wasn't ready for the germ-free hot dog experience,
所以这个想法暂时搁浅了
so I laid the concept to rest.
接下来的点子是 如何在不弄哭孩子的情况下
Next, I had an idea for a tearless way
告诉他他养的宠物死了
to tell a child that their pet has died,
这可以成为动物医院的追加服务
to be an up-sell service for an animal hospital.
我的想法是在宠物还活着的时候录制一个视频
The concept was to make a video of the pet while it's still alive,
告诉孩子现在它到了动物的天堂
telling the child it's in animal heaven now.
我雇了唯一一个回复我的Craiglist网站广♥告♥的配音演员
I hired the only voice actor that responded to my Craigslist ad
来为狗狗配音
to be the dog.
但当我们把视频展示给主人的孩子看时
But when we showed it to the owner's child...
嘿 是我 Madi
Oh, it's me, Madi.
我现在在天堂了
I'm in heaven now.
很抱歉我死了
So sorry I died.
我好想你
I miss you so much.
我在这儿很开心 所以我不会回家了
I'm happy here, so I'm not coming home.
是啊 她确实不是 - 没错
No, she doesn't. - No.
没关系的
It's okay.
他讨厌狗狗的声音
He hated his dog's voice.
又一个计划泡汤了
Another flubbed idea.
最后 我最喜欢的点子不仅对生意有益
And lastly, my favorite ideas don't just help with business.
还能为社区带来好处
They're good for the community as well.
我带着一个新颖的设想来到一家酒吧
So I approached a bar with an innovative way
这个方法可以防止醉酒者酒驾
to stop drunks from getting behind the wheel.
具体内容是找一个街头魔术师守候在酒吧门口
The concept was to have a street magician stationed outside the bar,
表演魔术的时候趁机测量顾客的血液酒精浓度
performing a magic trick that allows him to secretly test the blood alcohol levels of patrons
就在他们要离开的时候
as they leave.
鉴于我有魔术方面的背景 我主动请缨进行试验
And with my background in magic, I offered to test it out.
我最后的表演需要用到你的钥匙
For my final trick, I'm going to need your keys.
我的钥匙吗 - 是的
My keys? - Yes.
好极了 吹一下这根魔杖
Great. Give the wand a blow.
好 再使劲点吹 对准最上面
Okay, a little bit harder, right into the top.
好吧 你超过了法定标准
Okay, and you are over the legal limit.
好吧 - 血液酒精浓度
Okay. - Blood alcohol.
所以你的钥匙消失了
So your keys are gone.
真牛 - 而且我不能把它们还给你
Oh! - And I cannot give them back to you.
行吧 - 对不起
Okay. - Sorry.
但就在那时我意识到了我计划的缺陷
But that's when I realized the flaw in my idea.
如果我拿走他的钥匙 然后他打车回家的话
If I held on to his keys and he took a cab,
这哥们就进不了家门了
the guy couldn't get into his apartment.
请问我能拿回我的钥匙了吗
Could I get my keys, please?
我不能给你 因为你喝醉了
I can't, because you're drunk.
请把我的钥匙还给我
Please give me my keys.
那种情况下唯一的解决办法就是开车送他回家了
And the only solution at that point was to drive him home.
你住得挺远的
You live far.
我知道啊
I know I do.
然后 把他送到家后
Also, once I got him home,
我又意识到在他睡着之前不能就这样把钥匙给他
I realized I couldn't just give him his keys until he was asleep,
否则他可能会再次开车出门
or else he might go out and drive again.
你要看着我睡觉吗
You need to see me sleeping?
我得看着你睡着了才能把钥匙安心还给你
I need to see you fall asleep before I leave your keys,
不然你可能会拿着钥匙再出门
or else you might take them and go out again.
你睡前都不刷牙的吗
You don't brush your teeth before bed?
一般不刷
Usually not.
我一般早上刷牙
I usually brush my teeth in the morning.
真的吗 - 是啊
Really? - Yep.
我知道这听起来有点儿恶心
I know it's kind of gross,
但并没有人关心我的口气闻起来如何
but nobody else is really paying attention to the way my breath smells.
就这样 我不得不让他上♥床♥睡下
So I had to put him to bed
并确保他睡着了
and make sure he went to sleep...
*如果镜子打碎了*
*And if that looking glass gets broke*
*妈妈会去给你买♥♥一只雄山羊*
*Mama's gonna get you a billy goat*
然后我才把钥匙留下
before I left his keys.
所以 你们可以看到
So, as you can see,
即便是最伟大的思想家有时也会失败
even the greatest minds fail sometimes.
但今晚没有失败这个选项
But failing tonight is not an option.
除了我自身承受的风险外
Besides the risk to me,
还有十个纯真的孩子参加今晚的活动
there are ten innocent children participating in tonight's event,
这对我来说可不是件小事
and I don't take that lightly.
所以今天早些时候 我和他们的家长谈了谈
So earlier today, I spoke with their parents
告诉他们没什么需要担心的
to assure them they had nothing to worry about.
嘿 各位 你们好吗
Hey, guys. How's everyone doing?
很好 谢谢你 - 挺好的
Great, thank you. - Great.
那就好
Good.
所以 在我们开始之前
So, before we begin,
我想先让你们放宽心
I just wanted to give you some assurances.
呃 我们会给你们的面部打码
Uh, we're gonna be blurring all your faces,
这样你们就不必担心 呃 同事们来问
so you don't have to worry about, you know, coworkers being like,
"你为什么为了一百美元让你的孩子做这种事"
"Why did you let your kid do that for $100?"
或者 呃 比如被社区里的人问东问西啊
You know, or questions like that from, you know, the community or anything.
这个你们不用担心
You don't have to worry about that.
就这样 祝我好运吧
Okay, great. Wish me luck.
好吧
Okay.
现在我已经穿上了这件即将被机器人脱去的特制裤子
So I now have on the custom-made pants that the robot will be removing.
呃 我们会让这些孩子们
Um, you know, we're gonna give these kids
在表演开始前去趟洗手间
a bit of a bathroom break before I begin,
稍事休息 手铐逃生马上开始
but when we return, it will be the escape.
好的 我们现在准备开始
All right, so we're about ready to begin.
所有人都已撤出逃脱场地
Everyone has been cleared out of the escape area
只留下必要人员
besides the necessary people.
到场的有Billy Smalling警官
Officer Billy Smalling is here,
当然还有孩子们
obviously the children,
而Anthony Filosa法官也会做一些最后的检查
and Judge Anthony Filosa to do some final checks.
我现在将把现场交给
I'm now going to hand over the reins
国家级体育比赛解说员 点♥金♥手Matt Smith
to Matt "Money" Smith, national sportscaster,
他将实况讲解今天的表演
who'll be calling the event.
Matt 感谢你的参与
Matt, thanks for doing this.
感谢你的邀请 Nathan
Well, thanks for having me, Nathan.
那你有什么想问我的吗
And do you have any questions for me?
我觉得再明显不过的一个问题是
Well, I think the obvious one is,
你为什么要这么做
why are you doing this?
你懂的 为了我的节目之类的
You know, for-- for the show and stuff.
嗯哼
Yeah.
好吧 我只是以为也许
Well, I-I just get the sense that perhaps--
我是说 你知道这件事会引起争议的 对吗
I mean, you know this is controversial, right?
是的 我明白
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
好吧 祝你好运 - 谢谢
Okay. Good luck. - All right.
不客气 - 谢了 Matt
All right. - Thanks, Matt.
现在 逃脱表演的序幕即将拉开
And with that, the escape is just moments away,
让我们再来了解一下Nathan Fielder其人
so let's learn a little more about Nathan Fielder.
Nathan生于1983年
Nathan was born in 1983,
是两名加拿大公务员Eric和Deborah的独生子
the only son of two Canadian civil servants, Eric and Deborah.
话说回今天晚上
Which brings us to tonight.
我们距离最终的大逃脱只剩几分钟了
And we are minutes away from the big escape,
而现在
and right now,
Nathan似乎正在和荣誉法官Filosa进行最后的交谈
it looks like Nathan is having some final words with the honorable Judge Filosa,
让我们听听他们的谈话
so let's listen in.
设置方面没有什么问题吧
So does everything look good in terms of the setup