救援高手（2013）

这话可不像是圣诞老人应该说的
Just doesn't seem like something santa should be saying,
说什么孩子会被看成婴儿
that kids are gonna look like babies.
好吧 这是你的看法
Well, that's--that's your opinion.
尽管有几个过度紧张的父母上前阻拦
Despite a couple uptight parents,
弹弹乐仍然是当天销量最好的玩具
the doink-it was the top-selling toy of the day.
但当我回去跟Mark汇报这个好消息时
But when I went back to Mark with the good news,
他依然不懂我
he still didn't get it.
这是个可怕的建议 拙劣的画工
That was horrible advice and awful graphics,
糟心的设计 - 不 但它起作用了啊
terrible design... - No, but it did work.
极度不专业 - 你继续
unprofessional... - Okay.
你从来没有证明这个点子有用
You never proved that it worked.
但我们确实有销♥售♥量啊
We did get sales.
现实生活中 不是所有人都能分享你的愿景
In life, not everyone will see your vision.
但是以高姿态应对是极为重要的
But it's important to always take the high road.
而有时候振作起来的最好办法就是送礼
And sometimes the best way to brighten spirits is with a gift.
这就是你
This is you.
但我和Mark之间最大的差别
But the biggest difference between me and Mark
在于当我玩玩具的时候
is that when I play with toys,
我总是赢家
I win.
嗨 我是Marky
Hi, I'm Marky.
我是个胯下雏鸟的二♥逼♥商人
I'm an idiot business man with a small dick.
我不知道我对别人造成了多大的伤害
I have no idea how much I hurt other people's feelings.
而且我就是这个行业的笑柄
And I'm the laughing stock of my industry.
在上一季的节目里
Last season on my show,
我帮助了一个叫Brian Wolfe的私♥家♥侦♥探♥
I helped a private investigator named Brian Wolfe,
办法是在Yelp给了他一条好评
by giving him a positive review on Yelp.
我他妈根本就不在乎Yelp 好吗
I don't give a flying f**k about Yelp, okay?
但最近我去拜访Brian的时候
But when I recently visited Brian,
他告诉了我一个令人震惊的消息
he told me something that came as a shock.
我上完你节目之后 呃
When I was on your show, um,
收到了很多不同制片公♥司♥的电♥话♥
I've received a lot of phone calls from different production companies.
就个人而言 我现在有了自己的真人秀
And--and personally, right now, I have my own reality show.
这是真的
It's true.
在我把他捧红后 Brian在探索频道上有了自己的节目
Brian got his own show on the discovery channel after I made him a star.
但我却什么好处也没捞着
But I got nothing from this deal.
我担心更多参加我节目的人会被挖去开♥发♥自己的真人秀
So, worried that more people from my show would be poached for their own reality series,
于是我把第一季完整地过了一遍
I went through the entire first season
看看有没有其他潜在的候选人
to see if there were any other potential candidates.
就在那时我想起了Simon
And that's when I remembered Simon,
他是个专业的保安 只不过有个致命弱点
a professional security guard, with one major weakness.
所以对你来说双D罩杯是必要条件吗
Double "D" Breasts are essential for you?
必须得是 必须是又大又实的
It's gotta be-- it's gotta be substantial.
他的故事汇集了成为大热真人秀所需的元素
His story had all the ingredients for a reality hit.
于是我把Simon叫来我的办公室
So I called simon into my office,
因为他如果想做自己的真人秀
because if he was gonna get his own series,
我想要成为制♥作♥人
I wanted to produce it.
是这样的 Simon
So, Simon.
你觉得做一个关于你的真人秀怎么样
How do you feel about pitching a reality show about you?
哇哦 这可是件大事
Wow. That's pretty big.
我 我肯定感兴趣啊
I would--I would definitely be interested in that.
对我来说 这是个很好的想法
To me, it's the perfect concept.
你是个很称职的保安
You're a security guard who's very good at his job,
但只有一件事会让你分心
but there's only one thing that distracts you.
对 - 是什么呢
Right. - Which is?
嗯 是啊 就是大 大胸的妹子
Uh, yeah. Girls with uh, big-- big, uh, breasts.
Simon入伙了
Simon was in.
接下来一小时我们为这个节目想了些可能的故事情节
So we spent the next hour coming up with some potential storylines for our series.
比如说我在一家商店做安保工作
Let's say a situation where I was working security in a store,
然后 呃 一个女人走了进来 和平时一样
and, um, a woman walked in, like, almost every day,
她很漂亮 但胸很小
who was very pretty, but had small breasts.
然后 过了大概一个星期
And then, like maybe a week later,
她又来了 但她的胸变大了
she walked in, um, and she had uh, larger breasts.
我就能分辨出来她做了乳♥房♥♥植入手术 你懂的
And I could tell that she'd had implants, you know.
这 这可以拍成一♥期♥ 一♥期♥
That could be, that could be, like one--th--one--
这可以拍成一♥期♥节目
That could be one show.
你知道一♥期♥电视节目有半小时长 对吧
You know an episode of TV is a half-an-hour long, right?
知道
Right.
好吧
Okay.
我们经过讨论又想了一些新点子
We brainstormed a few more ideas,
在拍摄了一小段样片用于展示后
and after shooting a short demo presentation,
我在那周晚些时候安排了一场推介会
I set up a pitch meeting with one of the biggest
对方是全国最大牌的真人秀制♥作♥人之一
reality show producers in the country for later that week.
我们过会再来看这边
So we'll check back with this in a bit.
但首先
But first...
电影院的生意现在并不好做
It's a tough time to be in the movie theater biz,
因为大部分票房♥收入都分给了电影制♥作♥团队
with most of the ticket sales going to the people that make the movies,
像加州惠蒂尔的惠蒂尔村电影院
theaters like Whittier Village Cinemas, in Whittier, California,
只得靠卖♥♥零食来勉强维持经营
have to rely on snack sales to scrape by.
卖♥♥品区才是真正能赚到钱的地方
The concession's where you're gonna make money.
我们就是这样 我们是一家大型
That's all we are, is one giant--
一家电影院就是个大型货摊
A movie theater's just one giant concession stand.
于是我去拜访了电影院的经理Erik Chaffino
So I paid theater manager, Erik Chaffino, a visit,
并告诉了他一个可以瞬间让利润翻倍的方法
with a simple way to instantly double his profits.
据我观察通常情况下都是一个人买♥♥爆米花
It seems like, oftentimes, one person will buy popcorn,
嗯哼 - 然后两个人会一起分享
Uh-huh. - and then two people will share it.
是啊 几乎95%的顾客会一起分享
Yeah. Pretty much every-- 95% of the customers will share.
但现在不是了
But not anymore.
计划是 制定一条规则强迫每位顾客自己买♥♥零食
The plan--force each customer to buy their own concession item with a new rule:
那就是不许分享
no sharing allowed.
呃 你觉得顾客会乐意接受吗
Hmm. Do you think the customers are gonna treat-- take that well?
你想啊 如果爱迪生担心失去买♥♥蜡烛的顾客
You know, if Edison was worried about his candle customers,
他就永远不会发明电灯泡
he would have never invented the light bulb.
没错 没错
True, true.
做第一个吃螃蟹的人是需要勇气的 所以
It takes a little bit of courage to be the first one out there to change something, so...
是让你可以和那种人物媲美的创举
And this could be, kind of, of that caliber.
没错 就像你说的 托马斯·杰斐逊如果
Yeah, like you said, uh, Thomas Jefferson would...
如果他顾虑到 呃 他的蜡烛
if he was caring about the-- his candle...
是爱迪生 - 爱迪生 谢谢指正
Edison. - Edison, thank you.
没关系 - 是的 所以
Yeah, it's okay. - Yeah, so, yeah...
爱迪生对待蜡烛的态度 你懂吧
what Edison did with the candles, you know,
如果他担心蜡烛的事 他就不会发明
if he was afraid of that, he wouldn't have invented,
你懂的 电灯泡之类的
you know, light bulbs, and so...
没错
Right.
Erik同意了
Erik was in.
于是第二天 培训完员工后
So the next day, after prepping the staff,
我们开始启用这项新规定
we put the new policy into effect.
我要一份小爆米花 谢谢
Can I have a small popcorn, please?
你们不能分享的 所以要来两份小爆米花吗
You guys can't be sharing, so do you guys want two small popcorns?
呃 行吧
Shhh--uh, sure.
看上去计划起作用了
It seemed to be working,
一些人因此调整了他们的订单 购买♥♥了第二份商品
as some people were adjusting their orders and buying a second item.
一人一份 - 谢谢你
One per each. - Thank you.
拿去吧 请慢用
There you go, enjoy.
但随着顾客越来越多
But as more customers arrived,
我开始担心人们会试图规避这项制度
I became worried that people were trying to get around the policy.
好吧
Okay.
而当我走进影厅查看的时候
And when I looked inside the theater,
我的怀疑被证实了
my suspicions were confirmed.
所以我得小心地提醒人们他们违反了电影院的规定
So I discreetly had to remind people that they were in violation of theater rules.
不好意思 我们 我们规定不能分享零食
I'm sorry, we can't-- we can't have you sharing.
我看到你们分享了
I saw you sharing.
我看到他抓了一把吃
I saw him take some.
你吃了吗
Did you have any?
因为你衣服这块儿全是渣子
'Cause it's all over your shirt, here...
好吧 不好意思 那你介意我闻一下你的手指吗
Okay, can I--j-- I'm sorry, do you mind if I smell your fingers?
好吧 闻起来一股爆米花味
Okay, so it smells like popcorn?
他拿了 所以他是拿了
He did, so he did.
你们这么做就等于是在偷影院的东西
It's basically stealing from the theater, when you do that.
作弊太容易了
It was too easy to cheat,
而且缺乏有效监控影厅内情况的办法
and without a good way to monitor what was going on inside the theater,