救援高手（2013）

我叫Nathan Fielder
My name is nathan fielder,
毕业于加拿大最顶尖的商学院之一
and I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools
并且成绩优异
with really good grades.
如今 我运用我的学识
Now, I'm using my knowledge
来帮助挣扎求生的小企业主
to help struggling small business owners
在这个竞争激烈的世界里获得成功
make it in this competitive world.
这
This...
就是救援高手
is nathan for you.
嗷
Aw.
当你的商品是这些小可爱时
When something this cuddly is your product,
你肯定觉得生意不会差
you'd think it would sell itself.
但来自加州伯班克宠物狂热的Jennifer Berardini
But Jennifer Berardini at Pet Mania in Burbank, California,
知道只有一张可爱的小脸蛋并不足以吸引客户
knows that it takes more than just a cute little face to bring in customers.
我们会在网上投放广♥告♥
We advertise online,
印一些邮寄广♥告♥
a little bit of print mail,
张贴告示 发传♥单♥
sign advertising, flyers.
伯班克时报上长♥期♥刊登我们的广♥告♥
In the Burbank Times they run our ad continuously.
但是广♥告♥的有效性不关乎数量
But effective advertising isn't about quantity.
而关乎地点
It's about location.
所以我拜访了Jennifer
So I came to Jennifer
告诉她如何有目标地挖掘潜在客户
with a targeted way to reach potential customers.
当人们养的宠物去世后
When someone has a pet, and the pet dies,
他们会想要养一只新的
they want to get a new one.
确实如此
Absolutely.
Joey
Joey.
所以我认为对你来说打广♥告♥的最佳地点
So I would think the best place for you to advertise
应该是宠物墓地
would be at a pet cemetery.
噢 也许吧
Oh. Could be.
问题在于大多数宠物墓地不允许投放广♥告♥
The problem is most pet cemeteries don't allow advertisements.
没错
Right.
但是法律没有规定你能在墓碑上刻的内容
But there's no law about what you're allowed to put on a gravestone.
什么意思
Pardon?
通过在一块过世宠物的墓碑上刻宠物狂热的广♥告♥
By putting an ad for Pet Mania on a dead pet's tombstone,
Jennifer就相当于在宠物墓地拥有了一块永久广♥告♥牌
Jennifer would have a permanent billboard in a pet cemetery
可以被那些刚失去宠物的人看到
that would be seen by all the people that just lost their pets.
计划是 通过在墓碑上打广♥告♥向悼念者推销
The plan: market to mourners by advertising on a gravestone.
我不太赞同
I'm not sure.
有些人可能会这么理解
Some people are gonna take it one way,
而有些人可能会那么理解
and some people are gonna take it another way.
并且他们会觉得被冒犯了
And they're gonna be offended.
显然 我会将它做得非常得体
Obviously, I would do this very tastefully
与此同时达到宠物店的宣传目标
while, at the same time, meet the advertising goals of the pet store.
好吧
Okay.
为了在宠物墓地得到一块墓碑
In order to get a tombstone in a pet cemetery,
我必须得埋葬一只真的宠物
I'd have to bury a real pet.
所以一天晚上 我在厨房♥里抓了一只苍蝇
So the other night, I caught a fly in my kitchen
并给它取名叫嗡嗡
and named it Buzz.
即便嗡嗡很容易就能被拍死
Even though Buzz would be easy to just swat dead,
但这么做总感觉不太对
something about that felt wrong.
所以我打算竭尽所能地照顾他
So I was going to do my best to care for him
让他自然死亡
and let him die of natural causes.
同时 我开始筹备他的葬礼
In the meantime, I began to make arrangements for his funeral.
因此我联♥系♥了当地最大的宠物墓地之一
So I contacted one of the area's biggest pet cemeteries
预定日期及墓穴
to book a date and a grave plot.
这是你的宠物
This is your pet.
你付出了无条件的爱
It's unconditional love.
我们会将你宠物的葬礼一视同仁的
We'll treat you the same with the burial.
所以明确一点
So just to be clear,
我能在墓碑上刻任何我想刻的东西
I can put whatever I want on my gravestone.
这完全由你做主
It's completely up to you.
确实 我以前从没见过有人埋苍蝇
Granted, I've never seen a fly come in here before,
但我对此持开放态度
but I'm open to it.
完全不成问题
There's not a problem with it.
这边安排妥当后
With the arrangements made,
我找了一位雕刻师一起设计嗡嗡墓碑上要刻的字
I went to an engraver to lay out the text for Buzz's headstone
这将同样作为宠物店的广♥告♥
that would double as the pet store ad.
现在只要等嗡嗡死掉就好了
Now it was just a matter of waiting until Buzz died.
在接下来的一周里
Over the next week,
我试着让他最后的日子过得稍微开心些
I tried to make his remaining days somewhat enjoyable.
我给了他一些腐烂的食物 甚至还有一只瓢虫女士
I gave him some rotting food and even a ladybug
以防他想有些性生活
in case he wanted something to have sex with.
他也很快成为了办公室的掌上明珠
He quickly became a favorite around the office, too.
你好 嗡嗡
Hello, Buzz.
有时他甚至会停在我的手指上
Sometimes he would even stay on my finger
而不是飞走
without flying away.
真不知道他为什么这么做
I wonder why he did that.
然后有一天我去上班的时候 嗡嗡没有在动
Then one day, when I came into work, Buzz wasn't moving.
我想他应该是死了
I assumed he was dead,
但为了保险起见我还是带他看了兽医
but I took him to a vet just to be sure.
这只苍蝇已经去世了
So this fly has passed away.
嗡嗡被正式宣告死亡后
With Buzz officially declared dead,
我终于能够继续推进我的计划了
I was finally able to move forward with my plan.
于是我们前往那个宠物墓地
So we headed down to the pet cemetery
参加嗡嗡的告别式
for Buzz's final send-off.
为了防止我为墓碑揭幕时受到任何阻拦
To avoid any pushback when I unveiled the gravestone,
我想让整个仪式看上去尽可能正式
I wanted the service to look as legitimate as possible.
而且因为我是犹太人 我雇了一个拉比来主持仪式
And since I'm jewish, I hired a rabbi to conduct the service
并在开始前和他简单交流了几句
and had a few words with him before.
给我讲讲我们今天要悼念的东西 呃 对象吧
Tell me a little bit about what-- who we are honoring.
嗡嗡
Buzz.
嗡嗡 - 他是我的宠物苍蝇
Buzz? - Who is my pet fly.
好吧
Okay.
我很抱歉
I'm sorry.
你笑了 - 是的
You laughed. - Yeah.
你不觉得这样有点麻木不仁吗
Don't you think that's a little insensitive?
额
Um...
重要的是你们之间拥有的羁绊
What is important is the connection that you have.
和拉比交流完之后
After consulting with the rabbi,
我问候了唯一的吊唁者 Salomon
I greeted my only guest, Salomon,
他在我们的制片办公室工作
who works in our production office
并且似乎对嗡嗡产生了好感
and seemed to take a liking to Buzz.
你以前参加过犹太式葬礼吗
Have you ever been to a jewish funeral before?
没有 - 噢
No. - Oh.
那你对犹太教了解多少
What do you know about judaism?
嗯 我知道他们经常
Well, I know that they always...
他们会戴那种小帽子
They put on this little hat.
还有别的吗
And what else?
我就知道这么多
That's all I know.
好吧 你今天会了解到更多犹太教相关的东西
Well, you're gonna learn a lot more about judaism today.
好耶
Yeah.
虽然我所做的这一切都是为了帮助一家宠物店
Even though I was doing all this to help a pet store,
但我发现自己不禁感慨于这位袖珍朋友的离世
I found myself actually feeling a sense of loss for my little friend.
而当拉比走到棺材旁时
And as the rabbi approached the casket,
我真的感觉到了一丝平静
I really did feel at peace.
今天早上 我们在这里纪念一位至爱
This morning, we're here to memorialize a loved one,
嗡嗡 你的苍蝇
Buzz, your fly.
你是有福的 主啊 众生的创造者
Blessed are you, Adonai, creator of us all.
有人愿意上来分享一些关于嗡嗡的生平吗
Would there be anyone that would like to share a little bit about Buzz?
你想上去说点什么吗
Do you want to go up and say something?
我走到那个前面吗
I go in front right there?
对
Yeah.
额
Uh...
我见到嗡嗡
Well, I met Buzz--
不 不 向这边
No, no, like this way.
转过身 面朝我
Turn. Face me.
哦 比如在这里 - 可以啊
Oh, like right here. - Yeah.
随便你站哪 - 好的
You stand wherever you want. - Okay.
我见到嗡嗡 然后 嗯
I met Buzz, and, um,
他是一个友好的宠物
he was a friendly pet.
某种程度上来说这有点滑稽 因为嗡嗡是一只苍蝇
In a way, it's kind of--it's funny because Buzz was a fly.