燃情克利夫兰

Hot in Cleveland S03E17

Part 1 May 5, 2020, 9:46 a.m.

《燃情克利夫兰》
第三季第十七集
《燃情克利夫兰》是在
Hot in Cleveland is recorded
摄影棚观众前现场录制
in front of a live studio audience.
我有罪求神父宽恕我
Bless me father, for I have sinned.
离我上一次忏悔已有3个月之久
It's been three months since my last confession.
你犯了什么罪呢我的孩子
And what is your sin, my child?
我撒了谎
Well, I--I lied.
我骗了我的朋友乔依
I told my friend Joy
说我帮她找到了一个好男人
that I had a great guy to fix her up with,
可其实我根本没找到
but, really, I have no one.
你应该对她老实坦白这件事
Well, you should be honest with her.
如果她真心和你做朋友她会原谅你的
If she's truly a friend, she'll forgive you.
不神父你不明白
No, father, you don't understand.
我们每年都要举办"生日约会"活动
Instead of celebrating our birthdays,
帮对方物色约会对象
we have this annual thing called birth dates,
以此取代庆祝真正的生日
where my friends and I set each other up.
这已成为我们之间的习俗了
It's kind of a tradition for us.
听起来挺好玩的
Well, that sounds enjoyable.
听起来是不错
Yeah, it does.
可其实不好玩
But it's not.
通常每次约会都是一场灾难
The dates are usually disasters.
什么连体双胞胎啊大胸男啊
Between the conjoined twins, the guy with breasts,
还有人长得跟耶稣一个样呢
and the man I thought was Jesus.
我是说那个男人可优质了呢
I--I mean, that-- that one was great.
很多人的生日
Well, a lot of people experience sadness
都过得挺悲催的
on their birthdays.
我就注意到好多老修女
I've noticed that the older nuns
在我们带她们去沙县小吃
often experience a certain melancholy
庆祝生日时都闷闷不乐的
when we take them to Arby's on their special day.
我不想让我朋友和沙县小吃的修女一样悲惨
See, I don't want my friend to feel like the nuns at Arby's.
可她自己也太挑剔了
But she's not making this easy.
她特别要求对方不能有过去的包袱
She's been very specific about not wanting
也不能经历过什么怪事
anyone with baggage or-- or weird stuff in their past.
那个我说
Say, listen, uh...
你有带你朋友的照片吗
Do you happen to have a picture of her?
你帮我找了一个神父吗
You set me up with a priest?
不不是的
No, no. No, no, no.
他正准备放弃神职
He's giving up the priesthood.
他不再相信那是他的使命了
He no longer believes it's his calling.
神之所失彼之所得啊
So...God's loss is your gain.
所以乔依是他的首次约会了
Wow, so his first date ever will be with Joy?
他不是该先去坐坐儿童摇摇车吗
Shouldn't he go on one of the kiddie rides first?
你会喜欢他的
You're gonna love him.
他真的是个好人
He's a really great guy.
他会神定气若地把圣饼
He puts the communion wafer on your tongue
放在你舌头上
with such assurance.
强壮有力却也温柔似水
So strong, yet so tender.
我想只有天主教♥徒♥才会觉得
I think you might have to be Catholic
这算是帅吧
for that to be hot.
不过如果他完全没有恋爱的经验
Although...with no prior romantic experience,
那么他一定需要有人帮助了
he's gonna need someone to help him...
指引他塑造他打造成她希望的样子
Guide him, mold him into exactly what she wants.
这也太简单了
It's almost too easy.
我的约会对象找得如何啊
And how's the hunt for my date going?
相信我维多利亚
Oh, trust me, Victoria,
我帮你挑到了一个完美对象
I have found the perfect person for you.
是外形完美的那种对吧
Physically perfect, right?
心灵美什么的我才不要呢
Not that "Beautiful on the inside" nonsense.
我保证你会高兴死的
I promise, you're gonna be thrilled.
最好如此
I better be.
爱尔卡你想让我
So, Elka, what kind of a man
帮你找什么样的男人呢
would you like me to find for you?
你还记得去年
You know how last year
我唯一的要求就是亿万富翁吗
all I wanted was a billionaire?
然后你学到教训了吧
And you learned your lesson, hmm?
是的我汲取了教训
Yes, I learned my lesson.
我要另外再找一个亿万富翁
I want another billionaire.
我的对象已经找好了
Well, I'm all set.
记得我们去看《泽西男孩》时
Remember when we saw Jersey Boys,
我觉得演法兰基·维力的演员
and I thought the guy that played Frankie Valli
很可爱吗
was so cute.
爱尔卡不知如何帮我约到了他
Well, Elka somehow got me a date with him.
我不过是给他发了一张裸照
I just emailed him a naked picture.
-谁的 -你的
- Of... - You.
趁你睡觉时偷♥拍♥的
I--I took it while you were asleep.
我从不裸睡啊
I don't sleep naked.
我帮你"解放"了一下
I took some liberties.
不
Oh, no.
爱尔卡我接到你那位亿万富翁的短♥信♥
Elka, I just got a text from your billionaire.
他来不了了
He--he can't make it.
为什么啊
Really? Why?
我想他可能是卷入什么
Well, I guess he was somewhat involved
贩毒集团里了
in a drug cartel.
贩毒集团
Drug cartel?
你都不查查背景的吗
Did you do any research at all?
你搞笑吧要找肯和90岁老妇约会的亿万富翁
Seriously? A billionaire who wants to date a 90-year-old?
别人愿意答应我就谢天谢地了
First "Yes" you get, you go, "Okay."
不过爱尔卡我发誓
But, Elka, this I vow:
不帮你找到完美的对象我决不罢休
I will not rest until I find you the perfect date.
这里有人已经超过80岁了吗
Hey, is anybody here over 80?
很好
Oh! Well...
找到了
There you go.
算你走运我中意大胡子
Lucky for you I like facial hair.
男人的大胡子
I mean on men.
那边出什么事了
Hey, what's going on over there?
我知道出什么事
Oh, I think I know what's happening.
船长
Oh, captain!
勒邦船长
Captain Lebeau?
维多利亚看看你
Victoria...look at you.
你不管在海上陆地上都是完美的十分啊
You're a ten if by land and a ten if by sea.
你真好
Oh, well.
这话说得通吗
Does that make any sense?
对她来说无所谓
Does it matter?
那个
So, uh,
你从哪里来啊
where are you from?
我来自北边
Oh, up north.
加拿大
Canada?
比加拿大还北一点
A little farther north than that.
我在那里有个大型的玩具分配中心
I have a rather large toy distribution center up there.
是季节性的生意
It's a seasonal business.
布莱恩神父
Father Brian!
-他挺可爱的 -没错
- Oh, he's cute. - Yeah.
乔依这位是布莱恩神父
Joy, this is Father Brian.
叫我布莱恩就好
Oh, it's just Brian.
我不做神父已经2小时了
As of two hours ago!
我带了这个送给你
Here, I got this for you.
是个手腕花环啊
Oh, a--a wrist corsage.
我送错了是吧
Oh, it's wrong, isn't it?
抱歉我上次约会还是在高三舞会上
I'm sorry. My last date was junior prom.
季节性玩具商先生你有太太吗
Is there a Mrs. Seasonally-based toymaker?
原来有不过我俩分手了
There was, but we're taking a break.
哦我懂了
Oh, I get it.
我家迈克斯和我谈的是
My Max and I have what we call a...
"区号♥限定之恋"
an area code relationship.
什么意思
What's that?
当我们身处使用同一区号♥的地方时
Well, when we're in the same area code,
我们忠于彼此
we're faithful.
当他在博卡和那些骚货浪里浪荡时
But if he's off gallivanting with those whores in Boca...
我也不能亏待了自己
I get to have my fun.
[圣诞老人经典笑声]
你可真是个顽皮的小精灵不是吗