燃情克利夫兰

Hot in Cleveland S03E02

Part 1 May 5, 2020, 9:44 a.m.

《燃情克利夫兰》是在
Hot in cleveland is recorded
摄影棚观众前现场录制
in front of a live studio audience.
你觉得我应该再穿上一件毛衣吗
Do you think I should put on another sweater?
-我穿了五件 -五件
- I'm wearing five. - Five?
我现在就跟个俄♥罗♥斯♥套娃似的
I'm like a Russian doll up in here.
我有件超赞的事要宣布
I have got a fantastic announcement.
我已跻身女同名流
Now that I'm a gay celebrity,
因此获邀在仅限女同参加的
I've been invited to give a talk
加勒比海邮轮之旅上发表演讲
on an exclusive lesbian cruise to the Caribbean.
-邮轮的伙食怎么样 -我怎么会知道
- How's the food? - Well, how would I know?
我都不知道咱们这吃的如何
I don't even know how the food is here.
你也是那种上了邮轮
Are you one of those people
就只顾吃的类型吗
that goes crazy for cruise food?
六次邮轮之旅我连海长什么样都没见
I've been on six cruises. Never seen the ocean.
谁在乎有什么吃的呀
Oh, who cares about food?
好莱坞最有权势的女同们会听我
The most powerful gay women in Hollywood will be
讲述我那令人热血沸腾的故事
listening as I share my inspiring story
坠入爱河娶了乔依
of falling in love and marrying Joy.
一派谎言
But it's all a lie.
故事不用是真的也可以感人励志
You know, a story doesn't have to be true to be inspiring.
《泰坦尼克号♥》不就是最好的证明吗
I mean, Titanic proved that.
我的车陷进雪堆里了
My car got stuck in a snowdrift.
那又如何肯定会有英雄飞身来救美
So? There's always some guy that'll help us get it out.
的确有他还挺可爱的
And there was. And he was cute.
他还约我出去
And he asked me out.
但我不得不拒绝他因为我嫁给了你
But I had to say no because I'm married to you.
我要离婚
I want a divorce.
会离的不过离之前我要榨光
And you shall have one after I have squeezed every last drop
这段婚姻所有的油水
of advantage out of this marriage.
为了谢谢你
And to say thank you,
我会带你乘坐加勒比海豪华邮轮
I am taking you on a Caribbean cruise.
真的吗
Really?
我听说邮轮是认识男人的好地方
'cause I've heard cruises are great places to meet men.
通常是这样
They often are,
但这次是女同专场
but this one is gay,
她们想听听我们的幸福生活故事
and they want us to talk about how happy we are.
不行我们说好不搞这种活动了
No, no. We agreed no more functions.
这就是一活动
This is a function.
还是在船上无处可逃
A floating function for which there is no escape.
好吧真不敢相信我要说这个
Okay, I can't believe that I'm saying this,
但是
but...
如果我给你我的
Hey, what if I gave you my...
"杜塞特兄弟"手袋呢
Doucette Freres handbag?
"杜塞特兄弟"手袋真的吗
The Doucette Freres? Really?
什么东西啊
What is it?
人类文明制♥造♥出的
Only the greatest handbag that
最棒的手袋
civilization has ever produced.
真皮如婴儿屁屁一样柔软
Oh, leather as soft as a baby's bottom
而效用却是其两倍
and twice as useful.
是由圣阿莫迪的小镇上
Crafted in a small town of Saint-Amedee
一户小手人家手工制♥造♥的
by a single family with tiny hands.
手超小是当地河流汞污染造成的
The result of mercury poisoning in the local river.
当河流被治理后
When they cleaned up that river,
"杜塞特兄弟"手袋便走到了尽头
that was the end of Doucette Freres.
好吧我去
Okay. I'll do it.
看在手袋的份上
For the bag.
-好的 -太好了欢迎入伙
- All right. - Great. Welcome aboard.
谁说你可以去的
Well, who said you could go?
我倒是也可以待在家电联媒体揭穿你
Well, I could stay home, call the press and out you.
你愿意做女同吗
Are you willing to be gay?
给我温暖我立马变弯
I'm gay for heat.
《燃情克利夫兰》
第三季第二集
看她们标出了我的演讲
Oh, look. They highlighted my talk.
走向欢愉[乔依]的旅程
"A Journey to Joy:
中年蕾丝手
my sexual awakening at the hands
助我性觉醒
of a middle-aged lesbian."
天啊我得再看看那手袋
Oh, god. I need to see the bag again.
不行绝不能暴露在海风中
No, no. Mustn't expose it to the sea air.
我都吃两顿了咱们还没离港呢
I've had two meals already. We haven't even left port.
我有喝葡萄酒哦[港口]
And I had port.
这是穆穆袍吗
Is this a muumuu?
邮轮穆穆袍
It's a cruise muumuu.
最宽大的穆穆袍
The most forgiving of all the muumuus.
真是够大的
It's huge.
现在大
Well, now.
六天之后绝对变成紧身衣
In six days, it'll be skintight.
女士们大家好欢迎登船
Hello, ladies. Welcome aboard.
我是勒邦船长
I'm Captain Lebeau.
你一定就是维多利亚·蔡斯
And you must be Victoria Chase.
没错
Indeed I am.
-你的朋友吗 -谁
- And your friends? - Who?
哦是的这是梅兰妮爱尔卡
Oh, uh, yes. This is, uh, Melanie, Elka,
当然还有我可爱的妻子乔依
and of course, my lovely wife, Joy.
认识你很荣幸
Enchante.
你还真是各种有魅力啊
Aren't you a charming, charming, charming man.
过奖了我们稍后见
I try. I'll see all of you later.
-好的 -那样最好了
- Yes, yes. - I certainly hope so.
常联♥系♥啊
I'll be in touch.
做基做得真"像"啊
Way to be gay, guys.
好吧我们不能泡男人
All right, well, if we can't have a man,
至少能喝杯曼哈顿鸡尾酒吧
we can at least have manhattans.
帮我们拿点酒来吧
Go fetch us some drinks.
梅兰妮
Melanie?
卡罗琳
Caroline.
老天那是我妹妹
Oh, my god. That's my sister.
我真不敢相信
I can't believe this.
我都不知道你是同性恋
I didn't even know you were gay.
真太让我震惊了我们都是同性恋
This is blowing my mind. We're both gay.
是啊
Yeah. Right.
不然我们怎么会在女同邮轮上
Because why else would we be on a gay cruise?
卡罗琳宝贝妈咪渴了
Caroline, baby. Mommy's thirsty.
梅兰妮这是我的女友阿南
Melanie, this is my girlfriend, Nan.
阿南这是我妹妹梅兰妮她是同性恋
Nan, this is my sister, Melanie. She's gay.
是的她也是
Yeah, and she's gay.
如果她不是
If she isn't,
我就得为昨晚的所作所为道歉了
I owe her an apology for last night.
梅兰妮我们一定要好好聊聊
Melanie, we have so much to talk about.
多相处一下
So much time to make up for.
咱们之间终于有共同点了
We finally have something in common.
这真是改变了一切
This changes everything!
勒邦船长
Captain Lebeau.
真是个意外的惊喜呀
What an unexpected pleasure.
过奖了
I try.
我想邀请二位今晚与我
I want to invite both of you to dine with me
在船长专座进餐
at the captain's table tonight.
当然好什么时候
Of course. What time?
2100小时好吗
2100 hours?
从现在开始算吗
From now?
不是
No.
不 2100是军用时间[9点]
No. 2100 is military time.
跟首班中响两遍船钟是一个道理
It is the same as two bells on the first watch.
这解释...可真清楚啊
Well, that clarifies it handsomely.
维多利亚我得跟你谈谈
Victoria, I need to talk to you.
-什么现在吗 -是的拜托
- What, now? - Yes, please.
好的我去去就回
Oh, all right. I--I'll be right back.
只剩我俩了
So, it is just us.
是的[法语]
Oui.
抱歉是只剩我们了
Sorry. Just--just we.
[Oui与We同音]
船长如果我告诉你一件私事
Captain, if I told you something personal,
而且是高度机密