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战争
警告
警告
孩子们
警告
世界末日极其危险 千万不要在家尝试
目前已有的宇宙诞生理论称
Current theories on the creation of the universe
如果宇宙真是被创造出来
state that if it were created at all and didn't just start,
而非不明不白地私自诞生
as it were, unofficially,
它在大约140亿年前诞生
it came into being about 14 billion years ago.
地球则大概诞生于约45亿年前
The Earth is generally supposed to be about 4 1/2 billion years old.
这些日期并不正确
These dates are incorrect.
一些中世纪学者认为
Some medieval scholars
宇宙在公元前3760年诞生
put the date of the creation at 3760 BC.
其他学者将其又前推至公元前5508年
Others put creation as far back as 5508 BC.
这些也是不正确的
Also, incorrect.
大主教詹姆斯·亚什声称天堂与地球
Archbishop James Ussher claimed that the Heaven and the Earth
被创造于公元前4004年10月21日
were created on Sunday, the 21st of October,
周日的上午9时
4004 BC, at 9:00 a.M.
这也是错的
This too was incorrect,
大概差了一刻钟吧
by almost a quarter of an hour.
宇宙其实是在上午9时13分创造的
It was created at 9:13 in the morning.
这才是正解
Which was correct.
那些恐龙骨骼化石不过是个玩笑
The whole business with the fossilised dinosaur skeletons was a joke
但古生物学家们至今还没看出来
the palaeontologists haven't seen yet.
这证明了两件事
This proves two things.
第一 上帝从不跟宇宙万物玩骰子
Firstly, that God does not play dice with the universe.
我玩的是一种自己设计的不可言喻的游戏
I play an ineffable game of my own devising.
对其他人而言 就像是在漆黑的房♥间玩牌
For everyone else, it's like playing poker in a pitch-dark room,
无限筹码 荷官不告诉你规则
for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules,
只会一直面带微笑
and who smiles all the time.
第二 地球是天秤座
Secondly, the Earth is a Libra.
在这段历史开始的那天 《塔德菲尔德广♥告♥报》
The entry for Libra in The Tadfield Advertiser
星座专栏对天秤座的预告如下
on the night our history begins reads as follows:
「你或许会觉得精神不振
"You may be feeling rundown
生活一成不变 乏善可陈
and always in the same daily round.
一位朋友对你来说很重要
A friend is important to you.
你今天或许很容易肠胃不适
You may be vulnerable to a stomach upset today,
所以别吃沙拉
so avoid salads.
帮助将来自意想不到的方面」
Help could come from an unexpected quarter."
这则预告完全正确
This was perfectly correct on every count,
除了沙拉那部分
except for the bit about the salads.
要理解这段话的真正含义
To understand the true significance of what that means,
我们要从再早一些说起
we need to begin earlier.
准确地说 要比六千年前再稍早一点
A little more than 6,000 years earlier, to be precise.
就在一切的起源之后
Just after the beginning.
故事往往由花♥园♥而起 也在这里结束
It starts, as it will end, with a garden.
在本片故事中 指的就是伊甸园
In this case, the Garden of Eden.
还有一颗苹果
And with an apple.
去吧
Go on.
这苹果会赋予你
This apple will give you...
那天的天气挺好
It was a nice day.
每天的天气都挺好
All the days had been nice.
到目前为止 也不过就七天多一点
There had been rather more than seven of them so far,
上帝还没有创造雨水
and rain hadn't been invented yet.
不过阴云正在伊甸园东边聚集着
But the storm clouds gathering east of Eden
预示着第一场雷雨即将到来
suggested that the first thunderstorm was on its way.
而且 将会是一场狂风暴雨
And it was going to be a big one.
下场真是凄惨啊
Well, that went down like a lead balloon.
抱歉 你说什么
Sorry, what was that?
我说 「下场真是凄惨啊」
I said, "Well, that went down like a lead balloon."
是啊 的确
Yes, yes, it did, rather.
要我说的话 有点反应过度了
Bit of an overreaction, if you ask me.
毕竟只是初犯而已啊
First offence and everything.
我反正想不通
I can't see what's so bad
能明辨善恶有什么不好的
about knowing the difference between good and evil anyway.
这肯定不太好
Well, it must be bad...
-克蠕利 -克蠕利
- Crawley. - ...Crawley.
否则的话
Otherwise...
你就不会引诱他们这么做
you wouldn't have tempted them into it.
他们就是让我上来 制♥造♥点麻烦
Oh, they just said, "Get up there and make some trouble."
很明显 你是个恶魔
Well, obviously. You're a demon.
你就是做这事的
It's what you do.
不过万能的上帝也挺欠考虑的
Not very subtle of the Almighty, though.
苹果树就在花♥园♥正中间
Fruit tree in the middle of a garden
还挂了个「别碰」的标示
with a "Don't Touch" sign.
干嘛不种在高山的顶上
I mean, why not put it on the top of a high mountain?
种在月亮上也行啊
Or on the moon?
不禁好奇上帝到底在盘算些什么
Makes you wonder what God's really planning.
最好别妄加揣测
Best not to speculate.
这都是伟大计划的一部分
It's all part of the Great Plan.
不是我们能懂的
It's not for us to understand.
不可言喻
It's ineffable.
伟大计划不可言喻吗
The Great Plan's ineffable?
正是
Exactly.
这超乎了理解认知
It is beyond understanding
也无法用言语形容表达
and incapable of being put into words.
你不是有把烈焰之剑吗
Didn't you have a flaming sword?
肯定有的 火焰烧得还挺旺的
You did. It was flaming like anything.
你的剑呢
What happened to it?
弄丢了 是吧
Lost it already, have you?
-送人了 -什么
- Gave it away. - You what?
我把它送人了
I gave it away.
外面可是有很多猛兽的
There are vicious animals.
而且外面会很冷 她又快临产了
It's going to be cold out there. And she's expecting already.
我就说 「拿去吧 烈焰之剑
And I said, "Here you go. Flaming sword.
不用谢我 也不要在这里待到日落」
Don't thank me. And don't let the sun go down on you here."
真希望我没做错
I do hope I didn't do the wrong thing.
你可是天使
Oh, you're an angel.
我觉得天使可犯不了错
I don't think you can do the wrong thing.
真的谢 谢谢你
Oh, oh, thank-- oh, thank you.
我一直在纠结呢
It's been bothering me.
我也一直很担心
I've been worrying, too.
如果我诱使他们吃掉苹果其实并没有做错
What if I did the right thing with the whole "eat the apple" business?
要是做了正确的事
A demon can get into a lot of trouble
恶魔也是会惹祸上身的
for doing the right thing.
要是我俩都做错了 岂不是很可笑
It'd be funny if we both got it wrong, eh?
如果我做了善事 而你做了恶事
If I did the good thing and you did the bad one.
不可能
No.
那就一点都不好笑了
It wouldn't be funny at all.
好兆头 叙述了人类历史
Good Omens, being a narrative of certain events
最后十一年发生的一些事
occurring in the last 11 years of human history,
并与即将登场的
in strict accordance, as shall be shown,
《女巫艾格妮丝·风子的精妙准确预言书》完全吻合
with The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch.
好 兆 头
第一集
那夜并不黑暗 也未落雨
It wasn't a dark and stormy night.
不过 别让天气欺骗了你
But, don't let the weather fool you.
仅仅因为这是个祥和的夜晚
Just because it's a mild night
十一年前
并不代表邪恶势力不会到处肆虐
doesn't mean that the forces of evil aren't abroad.
它们无所不在 四处横行
They are. They are everywhere.
有两个恶魔潜藏在墓地边缘
Two demons lurk at the edge of the graveyard.
他们不紧不慢
They are pacing themselves,
如有必要的话还能潜伏一夜
and can lurk for the rest of the night, if necessary.
即便这样 还能剩下不少阴郁的邪恶
With still enough sullen menace left
足够他们潜伏直至黎明
for a final burst of lurking around dawn.
白等了这傻♥逼♥半天
Bugger this for a lark.
他早该来这等着我们的
He should have been waiting for us.
你信任他吗
Do you trust him?
-不 -那就好
- Nope. - Good.
如果恶魔都开始相互信任的话
It'd be a funny old world if demons went around
这世道就太荒唐了
trusting each other.
他最近在人间管自己叫什么
What's he calling himself up here these days?
克劳利
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