高玩救未来

我们造成数百万人死亡
we cause the death of millions of people.
不是有几十亿吗
Mm, wasn't it billions?
好吧 几十亿
Right, billions.
谢谢你 猎虎
Thank you, Tiger.
这就是报应
And this is payback.
我不知道你们为什么还要抗争
I don't know why you guys are fighting it.
因为这是我们的天性
Because we fight.
我们的确可能会死在那里
And, yes, we probably are gonna die out there,
但你想让我们怎么样 放弃吗
but what do you want us to do, give up?
那这就是史上最烂的一集
That'd be the worst episode ever.
是啊 暴狼说得对 我们死了就没下文了
Yeah, Wolf's right, if we die, we die.
这不再是什么拯救世界的故事了
I mean, this isn't about saving the world anymore.
这不是任务
There's no mission.
而是为了生存
This is about survival,
是我们最擅长的东西
something we are pretty damn good at.
对 我们作为一个团队 已经通过了终极测试
Yeah, and we've already passed the ultimate test as a team.
我们之前本可以干掉对方的
We could have offed each other back there.
尽管背叛如此诱人 我们却没那么做
But as tempting as that was, we didn't,
现在那些无可救药的未来混♥蛋♥们
and now those pencil-neck future fucks
永远不会知道是什么击中了他们
are never gonna know what hit them.
而且 加上龙虾的虚张声势
Plus, with Lobster's Bluff,
我们还可能有一线生机
we just might have a pincher's chance.
-真聪明 -谢谢
- That was clever. - Thank you.
好吧
All right.
如果我们的最后战役是在死亡竞技场上
If our last stand's gonna be in the Death Arena,
就让我们给他们一场精彩的表演吧
let's give them a hell of a show.
-大家准备好了吗 -一血
- Who's ready for... - First blood!
一血 一血
First blood! First blood!
他们来了 来赴死了
Here they are, ready to die!
我们可以的
We got this.
高玩救未来
第三季 第一集
勇敢的真正意义
The true measure of bravery
第27章
昨日险境
不是没有恐惧
isn't the absence of fear.
而是克服恐惧
It is the overcoming of it.
十项死亡全能医疗缸
不 怎么又是黏液
Oh, no, not goo again!
不 太酸了
No! That's sour!
太酸了
It's sour!
不要绝望
Do not despair,
因为你并不孤单 我的朋友
for you are not alone, my friend.
-是谁 -你会成功的
- Who's that? - You will triumph
因为你真的很特别
because you are truly special.
不 不 不 不
No, no, no, no, no!
滚出我的脑袋
Get out of my head.
滚出我的脑袋
Get out of my head!
走开 我不特别
Go away! I'm not special.
我是无名小卒 我只是快被黏液呛死的小人物
I'm a no one. I'm just a guy gagging on goo!
不 不 你可不止这样
No, no, you are so much more than that.
你是救世主
You are a savior.
-不 -是的
- No! - Yes.
是的 你是
Yes, you are,
正因为如此
and because of that,
-我会帮你逃跑 -砰 莎卡拉卡
- I will help you escape. - Boom shaka-laka!
独角兽就应该这样杀
And that is how you kill a unicorn.
只要把它的魔幻小角
You just rip its magic little horn off
从它愚蠢的小马头上扯下来就好
its stupid little horse head
然后只用看着它流出彩虹色的血
and then you just watch it-- it bleed rainbows,
笑就完事了
and you just laugh.
看
Look.
你知道这是什么吗
Hey, you know what that is?
北海巨妖蛋
It's a kraken ball!
它们只有一个 单数
Yeah, they only have one, singular.
当我从它身上夺走它的时候
When I took that from him, he, uh--
它基本上失去了生的意志
he basically lost the will to live.
每个生物都有弱点 乔西
Every creature has a weakness, Josh.
往往是鸡鸡区
It's usually the dick zone.
所以你们赢了 结束了
Oh, so that's it. You guys won. It's over.
我不知道最快胜利的纪录是什么
I don't know what the record is for fastest victory,
但看看记分员可怜的脸
but, uh, looking at the score keeper's poor face,
我想我们碾碎了纪录
I'd say we pretty much shattered it.
嗯 还有他的脸 其实没必要
Yeah, and his face, which, that was unnecessary,
但一旦肾上腺素开始增加
but once the adrenaline starts pumping,
我就分不清参赛选手和官员了
I am not distinguishing between participant and official.
全是啊
It's all just, ah!
你刚才展示了惊人的暴行
Oh, you displayed a shocking brutality in there.
打住 我被锁在里面
Stop it, I was-I was locked in.
我不知道你想要我说什么
I don't know what you want me to say.
我看到了
I saw that.
我很难过我没看到你们的好戏
Yeah, I'm really sad that I missed it.
我真希望自己有见证
I wish I would have seen it.
对了 我没事 所以谢谢
I'm fine, by the way, so thank you,
过问
you know, for asking.
有个问题
Um, question, though.
他们有没有...
Did they put, like, a-- a little, like,
在你们脑子里放入一种声音
voice in your head that just zeroes in
瞄准你们所有的弱点 还是
on all your weaknesses, or...
你吞了多少黏液
How much of that, uh, that goo have you swallowed?
算了 当我没问 我没事
Never mind. Uh, never mind. I'm fine.
我只是在确保我们三个人
I was just making sure that all three of us
脑子里没有声音
didn't have a voice in our heads.
我脑子里有个声音
I got a voice in my head,
那个声音在叫着
and that voice is screaming,
啾啾啾卿卿
"Choo-choo-choo ching-ching,"
也就是收银机的声音
which is how cash registers sound now.
你们太出色了 无与伦比
You guys were spectacular. Phenomenal.
精彩绝伦 不包括你 你屁事没做 先生
What a show. Not you. You did jack shit, sir.
那我们有什么奖励
So what do we get for winning?
你们将获得返回《十项死亡全能》的
You guys get an all-expense-paid luxury trip
包括一切费用的旅程
back to The DieCathlon!
你们要回去
You go back in. You're going back.
之前那是很多级里的一级而已
That was level one of many.
真是好消息
That's great news.
我们就希望你能有更多挑战呢
We were hoping you'd have more to throw at us
而不是破旧的表演马
than some rinky-dink show pony
和一条只有一个蛋的胖金鱼
and a fat goldfish with one ball.
是啊 逃离和文斯·尼尔以及陶妮·基坦
Yeah, getting out of a long-promised threesome
承诺已久的3P
with Vince Neil and Tawny Kitaen
比这个给《威龙猛将》的狗屁借口
was much harder than this bullshit excuse
难多了 顺便说下
for The Running Man, which, by the way,
我参与了改写 不过没被承认
I did an uncredited rewrite on.
第一稿完全是灾难
The first draft was a disaster with a capital D.
完全说不通 这整件事...
It made no sense. Really, this whole thing was...
-你恢复得很好 -我全身都麻木了
- You're healing nicely. - My whole body is numb!
那就说明黏液起到作用了
That means the goo is doing what the goo is supposed to do.
这黏液很不可思议
This goo is incredible goo.
这是我们目前为止最好的黏液
It's our best goo yet.
黏液太多 你会得癌症
Too much of the goo, you get cancer.
黏液太少 你会得癌症
Too little of the goo, you get cancer.
分量刚刚好的黏液能治好几乎所有疾病
The exact right amount of goo will heal almost anything
除了跟黏液有关的癌症
except goo-related cancers.
药物
Medicine.
-拜托 -总是 你们好好休息
- Come on. - Anyway, you guys rest up.
明天任务繁重 你们要去挑战恐龙
You've got a big day tomorrow. You're fighting dinosaurs.
咆哮
Roar.
等等
Wait.
-如果我吞下太多了呢 -你不会有事的
- What if I swallow too much? - Ah, you'll be fine.
《十项死亡全能》康复动物园
-天 -肩膀怎么样 孩子
- God. - How's the shoulder, kid?
感觉像是被一百万把小刀刺中
It feels like being stabbed by a million tiny little knives.
实际上是25亿把小刀
It's actually being stabbed by 2.5 billion little knives.