高玩救未来

《高玩救未来》前情提要
Previously on "Future Man"...
这三个人偷了一台时光机
These three have stolen a time travel device.
他们可能在任何时间 任何地点
They can be anytime, anywhere.
我有线索了
I got a ping.
有人刚刚提早七百年发明了切面包
Someone just invented sliced bread 700 years too early.
沃尔夫哈特刚刚斩了荣耀昭二的首级
Wolf‐Hart just decapitated Shoji the Honorable,
终结了这一条高贵武士的血脉
wiping out an entire line of noble warriors.
看看这本书 一定是沃尔夫哈特
Check out this book. It's got to be Wolf‐Hart.
他点燃了她的人性
He set her humanity aflame.
他们躲在俄♥罗♥斯♥
They're hiding in Russia.
两条时间线暂时融合
Two timelines just momentarily merged.
这应该是时间衰退
I think we're looking at temporal decay.
未来与过去同时存在
Future and past existing simultaneously,
时空关系自我塌陷
space‐time collapsing in on itself.
你在吗 上帝
Are you there, God?
请不要那样叫我
Please don't call me that.
那我该怎么称呼你呢
What should I call you, then?
朋友怎么样 你一定要来找我
How about "Friend?" You must come to me.
我会给你坐标找到我
I will give you the coordinates to find me.
-给我 -不 我明白了
‐ Hey, give me that. ‐ No, I got it!
我要带我们去安全的地方
I'm taking us somewhere safe.
魁北克 从前的新法国
公元1625年
怎么回事
What's going on?
从前还没这么紧张的时候你都会吓尿
You piss yourself in moments half as tense as that.
我有信仰 我的信仰得到了回报
I had faith, and my faith was rewarded.
我命运的终点不在那里
My destiny is not back there.
而是在上面
It's up there.
是的 乔西 你很接近了
Yes, Josh. You are close.
山顶上有什么
What's on top of the mountain?
家
Home.
我们要去见那位无所不知
We're off to see the all‐knowing,
仁慈 伟大 强大的...
benevolent, the great, the powerful‐‐
高玩救未来
第三季 第三集
第29章
捕兽夹的快乐
六个月后
乔西 我的朋友 我在耐心地等你哟
Josh, my friend, I have been patient.
我一直在等你的小伤愈合
I have waited for your scratch to heal.
这才不是小伤
It's not a scratch.
我腿上的气味能驱赶野兽
Okay, the scent of my leg repels animals.
除了秃鹫 它们一直跟着我
Except for vultures, who just keep following me.
今天 你必须爬山
Today, you must climb the mountain.
我几乎都没法走路
I can barely walk.
你一直逼我爬 每次我去爬
You keep pushing me to climb, and every time that I do,
伤口就又裂开了 而且越来越严重
the wound just opens up again, and it's making it worse.
你为什么不能来这里见我呢
Why can't you just come meet me here?
山不会向你走来
The mountain will not come to you,
你必须亲自爬上去
you must come to the mountain.
不要放弃 就差临门一脚了
Don't give up, not when you are so close.
就是啊 就是
Exactly, exactly.
我都临门了还不够吗
Doesn't close count for anything?
听着 我只是想回家
Look, I just want to go home.
我以为我们是朋友
I thought we were friends.
结果我只是那个可悲的《圣经》人物
It turns out I'm just that sad Bible guy
接受上帝一次又一次的考验
who God keeps on testing over and over again.
你知道我说的是谁
You know the one.
是耶稣吗
Uh...Jesus?
不 是约伯
No! Job.
是他吧
Right?
你说是就是吧
If you say so.
你怎么这么久
Oh. What took you so long?
你知道 我就是不停地摔倒 哭鼻子
Oh, you know, I just kept falling and crying.
该死的
Goddamn it.
我要的是大王牛肚菌 这些是鬼笔鹅膏
I asked for King Boletes. These are Death Caps.
你猜如果吃了这些你会怎么样
You want to guess what happens if you eat these?
我是要美餐一顿 不是大学里的瞎胡闹
This is fine dining, not college improv.
对不起 好吗 我尽力了
I'm sorry, okay? I'm doing my best.
别逼我了 我要回房♥间了
Just cut me some slack. I'm going to my room.
好吧 这不正是那个
Oh, well, if it isn't little Miss
"三天没回家了"的小姐吗
"Haven't Been Home in Three Days."
棒极了 我的下巴是一块树皮
Oh, yeah, my chin is a‐barkin'.
没有人逼你戴那个
No one's making you wear that thing.
好吧 我烦透了杀那些想当强♥奸♥犯的人
Yeah, well, I'm sick of killing would‐be rapers.
小子
Hey, boy?
-小子 -什么
- Boy? ‐ What?
你为什么又把我们带到一个
Why'd you have to bring us to yet another time
把女人当成垃圾的时间
where women are treated like garbage?
真不好意思 历史上随便哪里都这样
Well, I'm so sorry. It's called "All of history."
我又能有什么办法
What do you want me to do about it?
那是抓熊的捕兽夹
Those are bear traps.
是的 它们需要修理
Yep, and they need a‐mendin'.
兔肉还有10分钟好
Rabbit's ten away.
我用麋鹿的膀胱做了一个真空包
I made sous‐vide bags out of elk bladders.
能锁住味道
It locks in the flavor.
是的 是的 是的 是食物
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's food.
-谁在乎 -小心点
- Who gives a shit? - Ooh, careful.
好吧 你今天过得怎么样
Okay, so how was your day?
我打破了我的海狸皮纪录
Well, I beat my PR on beaver pelts.
97张
97.
考虑到那些莫霍克人在破坏我的陷阱
Yeah, pretty good considering those Mohawk dicks
这成绩算很不错了
are messing with my traps.
那个 如果你愿意
Oh, well, you know, if you like,
我可以和莫霍克人谈谈
I can speak with the Mohawk.
他们跟法国人是盟友 对闯入他们领地的
They're allied with the French, and they don't take too kindly
独♥立♥猎手向来不怎么友好
to independent operators moving in on their territory,
但如果我能传达我们的中立态度
but if I were to communicate our neutrality‐‐
-我说 -然后我们可以
- You know what? ‐ And then we can‐‐
闭嘴吧 "叫早晨不要来"先生
Stop you right there Mr. "Tell Morning Not to Come."
你没有任何理由去捡回那本书
I gave you no cause to retrieve the book.
小子 读一下
Boy. Read it.
非得读吗
Do I have to?
读这段
Read the passage.
"一个接一个的高♥潮♥"
"Climax upon climax.
"没有开始也没有结束的瀑布"
"A cascade that had no beginning and no end.
"我知道我必须告诉全世界"
"I knew I must tell the world what happened
在那些沾满甜菜根的床单之上都发生了什么"
between those beet‐stained sheets."
我是说 你本可以
I mean, you could've just‐‐
只用手指操她 就完事了
finger‐blasted her, called it a day.
但你非得更进一步
But no, you had to go ahead and inspire
开♥发♥出一种全新的色情文学类型小说
a whole new genre of literary erotic fiction.
我做事只有一个原则 就是随心所欲
I only do things one way, and that's all the way.
这就是你在另行通知以前
And that is why you are on a soft lockdown
被软禁的原因 士兵
till further notice, soldier.
我喜欢这里
I like it here.
空气很好 杀人很爽
The air is clear, the killin's good.
我不需要你再次在历史上犯蠢
And I don't need you messing it up
把事情搞砸
by putting your stupid mark on history again.
你以为我是该死的乔西吗
You're treating me like a goddamn Josh.
别装得像个囚犯似的
Don't act like such a prisoner.
你还能去贸易站卖♥♥我的皮草呢
You go to the trading post and sell my furs.
一周就一次
Yeah, once a week.
你想干什么就干什么
You're running around free doing whatever you like
可我只能被困在这里 给乔西换绷带
while I'm stuck here changing the Josh's bandages.
-我也换过 -就换过一次
‐ I change them, too. ‐ Once.
中途你还放弃了
And half‐way through, you gave up,
还不是我来接手的
and you handed them to me.
猎虎
Hey, Tiger.
破坏你陷阱的不是莫霍克人
The Mohawk did not destroy your traps.
没有人类能把铁弄弯成这样
There's no human that can bend iron like this.
是大白
Whitey.
上帝啊 别又来啊
Oh, Lord. Not this again.
传说中的白化熊