肯医生（2015）
Dr. Ken
第一季
剧集 | 肯医生（2015） | 导航列表
肯医生（2015）
Dr. Ken S01E01
Part 1
Sept. 7, 2020, 10:29 a.m.
肯恩医生
第一季 第一集
我在网上查了 是痔疮
I looked it up online. It's hemorrhoids.
这就是你的诊断吗
That's your diagnosis?
我们该听谁的呢
Who should we listen to?
医生还是肿着屁♥股♥
The doctor or the guy with the inflamed ass
还上网查资料的人
and the internet connection?
好了 健康在线忠实用户
All right, WebMD-bag.
根据你的状况 我推荐结肠镜检查
Based on your symptoms, I'm recommending a colonoscopy.
什么 结肠镜
What? Colonoscopy?!
不要搞追加销♥售♥ 哥们
Hey, relax with the upsell, buddy.
这只是个小痔疮
It's a hemorrhoid.
「介只系个小痔疮」
"It's a hemorrhoid." Duh.
你把头对着自己屁♥股♥看看就明白了
You would know since your head's up your ass.
这个梗不错 等一下
That was a good one. Hold on a second.
去死吧
Go to hell!
这只是个小痔疮
It's just a little hemorrhoid!
「去洗吧 介只系个小痔疮 」
"Go to hell! It's just a little hemorrhoid!"
我真喜欢这哥们
Man, I love that guy.
天哪
Oh, my God.
我压力好大
I'm so stressed out.
那些病人都是满嘴牢骚不停抱怨的小婊砸
These patients are such whiny, complaining bitches.
你懂我的意思吗
You know what I mean?
我完全懂你的意思
Yes, I know exactly what you mean.
你觉得怎样才能缓解你的压力呢
Um, what do you think might alleviate your stress?
首先 我的老婆可以帮我
Well, for starters, my wife could help.
以何种方式
In what way?
她可以在接下来的诊疗中
Well, she could conduct
把上衣脱掉
the rest of this session with her top off.
我们可以看看效果如何
We could see where it goes.
我只为付钱的客户做
I only do that for paying customers.
五块找得开么
You have change for a $5?
-朴医生 -怎么了
- Dr. Park? - Yes?
十五号♥病人时间到了
Your 15 is running late.
谢了 尼娜
Thank you, Nina.
肯恩 你怎么回事
Ken, what is wrong with you?
莫莉今天要进行驾照考试
You know, Molly's got her driver's test today,
我好紧张
and I'm, like, so nervous.
她要是不挂怎么办
What if she doesn't fail?
看看她
Look at her.
她是我们的宝贝女儿 而车是死亡机器
She's our baby girl, and cars are death machines.
你也是这么说三轮车跷跷板和小狗的
You said the same thing about tricycles, seesaws, and puppies.
小狗会长成狗狗 狗狗会死掉
Puppies grow up to be dogs, dogs eventually die.
会伤心 会嗑药 会卖♥♥淫 死翘翘
Broken heart, drug abuse, prostitution, death.
我拿到驾照那天特别兴奋
The day I got my license, I was so excited.
我跟一个小伙伴招手
I was waving to a buddy,
然后就径直撞上了一辆停好的车
and I drove straight into a parked car.
但她不是你
But she's not you.
我知道
I know.
她是受欢迎版的我
She's like me but popular.
我们都有两只手
We have the same number of hands,
但她要打招呼的人更多
but she has way more people to wave to.
她长大了 我们要给她一些自♥由♥
She's growing up. We got to give her some freedom.
孩子不需要自♥由♥ 他们需要
Kids don't need freedom. They need --
自♥由♥的对立面是啥
What's the opposite of freedom?
胶带
Duct tape.
他们需要 被胶带 束缚起来
They need... to be taped...down.
天哪
Oh, my God.
你口气真像你♥爸♥爸
You sound like your father.
才没有
No, I don't.
我爸爸是这样的
My father sounds like this.
那是啥意思
Which means...?
「束缚起来 孩子不能乱跑」
"Tape down. Child cannot run!"
好吧 来
Okay, come on.
妈妈要工作了
Mama's got to work.
爱你哦
Love you.
抱歉
Oh, I-I'm sorry.
没关系的 坎托斯先生 进来吧
It's all right, Mr. Cantos. Come on in.
多谈你的孩子就行
Just talk about your kids a lot.
她特别感兴趣
Gets her super-turned on.
小伙子
Hey, buddy.
你在干嘛
What you got going on?
我在排练
I'm rehearsing.
对 对 才艺秀
Oh, right, right. Big Talent Show.
给我看看
Lay it on me.
水果姐哦
Oh, Katy Perry.
性感但适合孩子
Sexy yet kid-friendly.
天哪 这是滑稽剧吗
Oh, good god! Is that mime?!
打住 打住 打住
Oh, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!
戴夫...
Dave...
你现在是在盒子里了么 玩真的
And now you're in a box? Really?
戴夫...
Dave...
学校里的孩子都会因某件事被贴上标签
...Every kid does one thing in school that they're defined by,
你不会想要自己的标签是小丑
and you really don't want yours to be mime,
因为那个无形的盒子是永远无法摆脱的
because that is an invisible box that you cannot get out of.
你给爸爸展示了你的滑稽剧
Oh, you showed dad your mime act?
是的 但他觉得很差劲
Yeah, and he thinks it's lame.
戴夫 我不是觉得很差劲
Dave, I don't think it's lame.
那本来就很差劲
I know it's lame.
我为你的独创性感到很骄傲 亲爱的
I am so proud of your originality, honey.
要不你上楼去练习吧
Why don't you go practice upstairs?
忘记拿我的盒子了
Uhp. Forgot my box.
要帮忙吗 哥们
Need a hand with that, buddy?
不用爸爸 这是想象出来的
No, dad. It's imaginary.
拜托 艾莉 我们不能这样任其发展
Come on, Alli. We can't just let this happen.
我们得保护他
We got to protect him.
我们得支持他
We got to support him.
这就是他想要做的
And this is what he wants to do.
那是滑稽剧
It's mime!
你知道观众会想怎么做吗
You know what the audience is gonna want to do?
忍♥着吧 洛杉矶
Suck it, Los Angeles!
你的交通状况要变得更糟了
Your traffic just got a little worse!
你通过了
Oh, you passed!
多谢你为我感到开心哦 爸爸
Thanks for being happy for me, dad.
莫莉 如果我看起来不开心
Oh, Molly, if it seems like I'm not happy,
那是因为我确实不开心
It's only because I'm not.
你♥爸♥爸当然开心
Of course your dad is happy.
我没有 我真没有
I'm not. I'm really not.
好吧 你要是不能开心 那就闭嘴
Okay, if you can't be happy, can you be quiet?
这怎么样
How about that?
总之 我在考虑明天晚上
Anyway, I was thinking tomorrow night
借用爸爸的敞篷车
I should probably take dad's convertible.
谢了 爸
Thanks, dad!
你不能用我的车
You can't have my car.
我要用车
I need it.
妈妈
Mom!
我明晚用你的车行么
Is it cool if I take your car tomorrow night?
当然 我觉得
Sure. I think there's --
不行 我也要用那辆
No. Need that one, too.
你需要两辆车
You need two cars?
是的 我要去参加...游♥行♥
Yeah, I'm having a...parade.
老爸我谢你
Thanks a lot, dad.
咋了
What?
我花了一整天在那张躺椅上
I spend all day listing to those damaged nutjobs
听傻孩子们吐槽
on that couch telling me all the ways
各种爸妈让他们闹心的事
their parents screwed them up.
莫莉长大了 肯恩
Molly's growing up, Ken.
扯掉胶布吧 不然你会失去她的
Rip off the duct tape or you're gonna lose her.
好 我照你说的试试
Fine, I'll try it your way.
你说得对 我爱他们
You're right -- I love these kids.
我绝对不会伤害他们
肯医生（2015）
Dr. Ken
剧集 | 肯医生（2015） | 导航列表