黑暗之心（2018）

孩子 或者父母
..or parent.
我们已经向所有巡警发布了通缉
We've also passed out obs to all patrols.
好的 有情况随时通知我
OK. Keep me posted.
特瑞莎和我们一起待了十周
Theresa was with us for ten weeks in total.
我猜应该不是特瑞莎付的钱吧
And I'm guessing it wasn't Theresa who paid this bill,
都快要两万镑了
nearly ￡20,000?
不是 是她女儿付的钱
Oh, it wasn't. Her daughter paid it.
后来她来探访几次 我也慢慢对她有所了解
I got to know her a little over the weeks during her visits,
我知道她和她妈妈疏远了好几年 但是
and I know she and her mum had been estranged a few years, but
她显然还是很爱她
she clearly adored her.
苏茜
Suzy?
我只是做了我认为最应该做的事
I was only doing what I thought was best
真♥相♥就是苏茜和两个小子的妈妈
cos telling Suzy and the two boys the truth,
只是离开了家
that their mother had just walked out,
她对他们的爱不足以让她留下来
that she didn't love them enough to stay,
告诉他们的话实在太残忍♥了
that just seemed so cruel.
于是我一直等待
And I waited and waited,
一直告诉孩子们她身体不好
all the time telling the children that she was unwell
进了医院 希望有一天
and in hospital and that hopefully, one day soon,
她能康复回家
she'd get better and come home.
就算我内心深处知道
Even though I knew in my heart
她永远不会康复
she was never gonna get better...
因为她一开始就不对
..because she was never right in the first place.
她本来就很脆弱
She was born fragile.
然后宗教剥夺了她仅存的一点力量
And then, religion took whatever strength she did have
囚禁起来并用道德进行压♥迫♥
and imprisoned it and dulled it with morality,
特瑞莎根本无法逃脱
and Theresa was never able to escape that.
后来有一天
And then one day...
那是在她离开后三个月
It was about three months after she'd gone...
我终于告诉他们 她死了
..I finally told them that she'd died.
我知道我骗了他们 我知道这样不对
I know it was a lie, and I know it was wrong,
但我知道这对孩子们来说最好
but I knew it was best for the kids.
我们没有她会更好
That we'd be better off without her.
你知道最悲惨的是什么吗
Do you know what the tragedy is?
我们真的更好
We were.
天啊 没有她的时候我们快乐多了
God, we were so much happier without her.
特瑞莎在他们文件批下来之前就离开了
Theresa walked out before they could get the paperwork done,
但他们本来是想留住她 监禁她的
but they actually tried to keep her, to section her.
为什么呢
Because?
他们觉得她对自己和他人都有危险
They felt she was a danger to herself and a danger to others.
我们得赶紧找到她
We need to find her, fast.
那个和我聊过的苏茜的邻居刚打电♥话♥来
Well, that neighbour I spoke to at Suzy's flat just called.
她说她看到一个女人在苏茜的阳台上
Said she's just seen a woman on Suzy's balcony.
我正要去那里
I'm on my way there now.
特瑞莎
Theresa.
我希望你知道我很爱她
I want you to know that I loved her very much.
我第一次在教堂后排看到她时
And when I first saw her sitting at the back of the church...
我的内心简直充满了狂喜
..my heart could have burst with happiness.
还好她没有认出我
She didn't recognise me, luckily.
所以我有时间...想办法怎么告诉她
So I had some time to... to work out how to tell her,
我的确这么做了
which I did.
几个星期后
A few weeks later.
当我...
And then when I...
我终于告诉了她
When I finally did,
她震惊了 一开始肯定会的 但是
she was shocked, of course, at first, but
她看上去也是那么开心
she seemed so happy, too.
发自内心
Genuinely.
我们一起度过了非常愉快的时光
We spent such a lovely time together.
聊天 互相了解
Just talking and getting to know each other,
然后她帮我进了诊所
and then she helped me into the clinic.
她人那么好
She was so kind.
然后她在这里告诉了我
And then she told me, here.
她告诉了我她真正的营生
She told me what she really did.
那天晚上 我就去找她
So that night, I went to find her.
我想和她谈谈
I went to try to talk to her.
我们...
We just...
我们吵了起来 因为她...
We started rowing because she just...
她不听我的
She wouldn't listen to me.
她不听我想和她说的话
She wouldn't listen to what I was trying to tell her,
不听我作为她的妈妈
wouldn't listen to what I had to say,
要说的话 这样不对
as her mother, that this was wrong.
她就不停和我说她喜欢这样做
And she just kept on telling me that she liked doing it
这让她很快乐
and that she was happy,
我问她上帝看到她做如此罪孽的事
and I asked her what she thought God would think
会怎么想
about her performing such sinful acts
她说上帝根本不存在
and she said that God didn't exist.
就算存在
Even if he did,
我们俩之间应该受到谴责的也是我
if he was gonna judge either of us, then it would be me
我是最糟糕的母亲
for being the worst mother a child could ever have.
她一直不肯闭嘴
And she wouldn't stop saying it,
尖叫着 说如果有地狱
screaming, if there was a hell,
我肯定会坠入其中
that I was going there for what I did.
然后她突然停了下来
Then she just stopped...
往下看 已经插了进去
..and looked down and it was stuck in her,
我的手握着刀柄
and my hand was round the handle,
我不记得我拿了起来
and I don't remember picking it up,
我只记得
I just remember...
插了进去
..it being in her.
她眼中的神情...
And the look in her eyes of...
仿佛遭到了背叛
..betrayal.
再一次
Again.
那是个意外 特瑞莎
It was an accident, Theresa.
你现在必须要努力原谅你自己 就像上帝那样
And now, you must try to forgive yourself, like God will,
因为我知道 我知道你爱她
because I know, I know you loved her.
我很爱护她
And I looked after her.
之后
Afterwards.
我给她洗干净
I washed her,
给她穿上了好看的衣服 带她去教堂
and I put her in some nice clothes and I took her to church,
祈祷 让她能和圣母一起
to pray, so she could be with the Good Mother.
你的儿子们呢
What about your boys?
你为他们祈祷吗
Do you pray for them?
他们不知道我 对吗
They don't know about me, do they?
-不 -你不会告诉他们的 对吗
- No. - You won't tell them, will you?
-不要告诉他们 -你不觉得
- Don't tell them. - Don't you think...?
你不觉得他们要是知道你还活着
Don't you think they'd wanna see you,
肯定会想见你 我想肯定是的
know you're alive? I think they would.
-不 -不 真的 我觉得会的
- No. - No, I do, I do, I think so.
我妈妈在我16岁时死了
My mother died when I was 16,
如果我能和她待上
and I would do anything...
五分钟 我什么都愿意做
..to spend even five minutes with her.
如果他们的妈妈回来了
So what a gift that would be for them...
那将是多大的惊喜啊
..to have their mum back.
那会是多么巨大的惊喜啊
What a huge gift that would be!
对吗
Yeah?
不
No.
我想她说得没错
I think maybe she was right.
我觉得在我内心深处
I think, in my heart...
我知道我不配
..I know I'm no good.
我对你失去母亲而非常遗憾
I'm so sorry for your loss.
不
No!
我真的很抱歉
I'm really sorry.
她五分钟前才决定的 我刚要给你打电♥话♥
She only decided five minutes ago and I was about to call you.
打个招呼也不行吗
What, not even to say hello?
她就说她还没有准备好
She just said that she wasn't up to it,
我们显然需要尊重她的意愿
and obviously, we have to respect her wishes.
我很抱歉 这
I'm so sorry. It's...
你...
Just...
她有没有说什么时候愿意见面
Did she say when she would be able to?
我觉得等她觉得自己可以了 就会见你了
I think as soon as she feels she can cope, she'll see him.
我相信你能理解很多病人
I'm sure you understand it's hard for lots of patients