生活琐逝（2015）

Well, he's not going out with her now, is he?
反正他是不会约她了 对吧
Would you boys like to come in and pay your respects now?
你们几个想现在进来跟遗体告别吗
Oh, no, no, no, no.
不要 不要 不要这样
Be strong.
坚强点
We're all in shock.
我们都很震惊
My strides!
我的裤子
My strides!
我的裤子啊
He can't go down the hole in my strides.
他不能穿着我的裤子下葬啊
Not my turquoise and golds!
我的金绿西裤啊
Turquoise and gold, down the hole
金绿西裤 下葬入土
Turquoise and gold, down the hole
金绿西裤 下葬入土
Turquoise and gold, down the hole
金绿西裤 下葬入土
Turquoise and gold, down the hole...
金绿西裤 下葬入土
So, anyway, there I was, with Colin and Sharon,
总之 我和Colin还有Sharon一起
sitting in the West End,
坐在伦敦西区剧院
waiting for loads of actresses
等着成群的女演员
to start prancing about in the nude.
全♥裸♥在舞台上昂首阔步
This had to go better than the last time,
这必须得好过我上次
I'd attempted to see a female in the state of undress.
尝试看一个姑娘裸体的经历才行
Whenever my nan went on holiday,
每次我奶奶出去度假
it was my job to go round
我都会去她家
and feed her goldfish and her budgie.
帮她喂金鱼和虎皮鹦鹉
In the process,
在这过程中
I worked out that me and my newly acquired girlfriend, Yvonne,
我发现我和我的新女友Yvonne
would have the flat to ourselves for a few hours.
可以独自占有这房♥子几小时
Ain't you going to take these trousers off?
你不想把裤子脱了吗
No way.
才不
What was that?
那是什么声音
It's all right, it's all right.
没事的 没事的
I've got the only key.
唯一的钥匙在我这儿
What I should have added there, were the words "I think."
我当时应该加上一句"我觉得"
You should go.
你该走了
Oh, my God.
我的天哪
Oh, my good God!
我的老天爷呀
Oh, what have I just seen?
我都看见什么了
Oh, I've gone blind.
简直瞎了我的眼啊
Oh! And in me mother's bed.
还是在我妈床上
Oh! Right, you get home NOW, you dirty little bastard!
听着 你现在就给我回家 你个小杂种
I am telling your father right now!
我现在就告诉你老爸
And yours, Yvonne!
还有你♥爸♥爸 Yvonne
You do know my dad is going to have you murdered for this, don't you?
你知道我爸一定会为这事杀了你的吧
It had occurred to me, yeah.
我有想过 明白
And then there's your dad.
然后还有你♥爸♥
Then there's my mum...
还有我妈
My brother...
我哥
Uncle Eddie's a maniac as well...
我叔Eddie也是个疯子
Hello? Hello, Mum? It's me...
喂 喂 妈 是我
I said, "It's me." Danny.
我说了 "是我" Danny
What should I do, Mum?
我应该怎么做 妈
Well, you should get back here.
你该回家
Now.
马上
Your father wants to see you.
你♥爸♥想见你
Ok.
好的
What about Yvonne?
Yvonne怎么办
I haven't said anything to her dad -- I daren't.
我还没和她爸说的 我可不敢
And you've got enough to worry about your father
你老爹已经够你担心的了
so get home. Now.
回家 马上
What did she say?
她怎么说
My dad's going to kill me.
我爸会杀了我
Yeah, what about me?
嗯 那我呢
Oh, she said she's not going to say nothing to your dad.
她说她不打算告诉你爹
So, I'm all right?
所以我没事了
Oh, brilliant.
那太棒了
I tell you what -- I'm never doing anything like that again, OK?
我跟你讲 我再也不会做这种事了 行吧
Great.
棒呆了
More good news.
又一个"好消息"
Danny! Danny! Danny!
Danny Danny Danny
You wait till your father gets home.
你就等着你♥爸♥回家吧
This didn't bear thinking about,
这简直无法想象
I'd recently witnessed what had happened to the last member of our family
我最近刚目睹了最后一位家庭成员
to really upset Mum.
在惹怒了妈妈之后的惨状
Tom the tortoise.
乌龟Tom
Dad adored Tom, even though they seemed to be constantly arguing.
爸可喜欢Tom了 尽管他俩看起来总是在吵架
Now, I won't tell you again,
听着 这话我不会说第二遍
stop fucking eating my chrysanths.
你别再他妈吃我的菊花了
Listen to me,
听着啊
that's your side of the garden and that's mine.
那边才是你的花♥园♥ 那边是我的
Stay away from my side, do you understand?
离我这边远点 听明白了没
Dad he's a tortoise. He can't understand, can he?
爸 他是只乌龟 听不懂人话的 好吗
He understands all right.
他肯定听得懂
And another thing, stay out the front room, got it?
还有一点 离客厅远点 记住了吗
This is how dad spoke to everything,
爸跟所有东西都这么说话
from blue bottles...
无论是青头苍蝇
Go on. Land on my leg. See what you fucking get!
来啊 停在我腿上啊 看我不打死你
.. to my brother's disappointing lizard...
还是我哥养的令人失望的变色龙
Oi, liven your ideas up!
能乐呵点吗
Don't you look at me like that!
不准你用这样的眼神看我
.. but Tom, in particular, just wouldn't be told,
但Tom尤其死不悔改
which led to the great teapot disaster of 1973.
这就导致了1973年的茶壶大灾难
He's thick.
这人傻的
My mum's absolute pride and joy
我妈最引以为豪的爱好
was her collection of novelty teapots.
就是她收藏的各式新奇茶壶
He's not got one right yet.
他一题都没答对
Fred?
Fred
This is all set up before it's even started, this.
这都是节目组安排好的套路
What?
咋了
My teapots just moved.
我的茶壶刚刚动了
Moved, what do you mean moved?
动了 什么意思 动了
Well, have a look. They're moving. Bollocks!
你看看 他们在动 胡说
Is it the trains doing it?
是有火车经过吗
They did, they just moved.
真的 刚又动了
Danny, go and have a look.
Danny 你过去看看
Four eyes, look at four eyes here.
四眼 看这个四眼
Oh, Bamber. Oh, yeah!
Bamber 是诶
It's Tom, he's stuck underneath.
是Tom 他卡在架子下面了
What, the tortoise? Yeah.
什么 乌龟吗 对
Well, get him out before the whole thing...
赶紧把它弄出来在这整个架子
Oh, my God. You naughty bastard.
我的天 你这个小杂种
Look at my teapots.
看看我的茶壶呀
What am I going to do -- Sellotape them?
我要怎么办 胶带粘回去吗
Yeah I'd run away and all if I was you!
对啦 我要是你我也赶紧跑
We had to hide Tom away for two weeks
我们不得不把Tom藏了两个星期
after Dad swore he was going to turn his shell into a jelly mould.
因为爸发誓说要把它的龟壳做成果冻模具
And I daren't even guess what was going to happen to me.
我简直不敢想我会是个什么下场
Fred, he's in now.
Fred 他现在在了
Right, leave him to me.
行 把他交给我
Well, don't hurt him.
可别伤了他
I know exactly what to do here. Are you all right now?
我知道分寸的 你现在还好吗
Well, I am now, but I shall never get over what I saw.
现在缓过神了 但我估计永远忘不掉那个画面了
Where are you?
兔崽子在哪呢
Your mother's been downstairs crying all day long
你妈在楼下哭了一整天
cos of what she's seen round Nan's.
因为她看见你在奶奶家做的事
She said it was like a fucking knocking shop round there.
她说当时像进了个该死的妓院啊
You had your trousers round your ankles
说你把裤子脱到脚踝
showing all you ain't got --
显摆自己毛都没长齐吗
who the fuck do you think you are,
你♥他♥妈♥以为自己是谁
Joey Hendrix or whoever he's called?
Joey Hendrix吗 还是叫什么来着
Have you gone batchy? I've never heard anything like it
你是傻了吗 我这辈子从没听说过
in ALL MY LIFE!
这种事情
Take no notice, son. It's just for her this.
别往心里去 儿子 我说给她听的