乌托邦(美版)（2020）

我们能不谈《乌托邦》吗
Can we not talk Utopia?
或者等会再谈
Or not yet?
谢谢
Thank you.
-干杯 -干杯
- Cheers. - Cheers.
砰砰
Pow, boom.
你好
Hi.
最高出价是多少
What's your highest bid?
5000美元
$5,000.
我给你六千
I can get you six.
别卖♥♥
Don't sell.
我玩竞争版《征服世界》 完全不一样
I play competitive Risk. It's totally different.
-竞争版《征服世界》 -对 是竞争类
- Competitive Risk? - Yes, it's competitive, okay?
-有什么区别 -这是种棋牌游戏
- How is that better? - It is a board game
讲究战略征服
of strategic conquest.
-天啊 -很难掌握
- Oh, my God. - Takes a lifetime to master.
总有一天我会教你的 但也不是这样
I'll teach you one day, but that's not it, either.
这是我的工作
It's my job.
-你不是作家 -不是 我...
- You're not a writer. - No, I...
没有报酬的
Well, not a paid one.
我 我主要做同人小说之类的...
No, I, uh, I do mostly fanfic sort of stuff, so...
你没工作
So, you're unemployed.
-不 我有工作 -没关系我不会...
- No, I have a job. - That's okay, I don't hold...
我有工作 我卖♥♥保险给那些
I've got a job, but it's, uh, I sell gap insurance
可能会也可能不会患上莱姆病的人
to people who may or may not develop Lyme disease.
我基本上整天都在打电♥话♥
I basically spend all day on the phone
听别人抱怨自己的病 所以...
listening to people tell me about their ailments, so...
有时候感觉世上的每个人都病了
Sometimes it feels like everyone in the world is sick.
实际上 有点沮丧
It's kind of depressing, actually.
好吧 两只猫...
So, yeah. Two cats, uh...
工作很烂 和奶奶住一起
shitty job, lives with grandma.
那你呢
So, uh, what about you?
这样才公平 你有什么秘密
It's only fair. What's your secret?
你会吓坏的
You're gonna freak.
我觉得《征服世界》无聊透顶
I think Risk is boring as hell.
收回这句话
Take it back.
你们出价了吗 我们见见吧
《人间炼狱》交流站
论♥坛♥上的内容不重要
It's not about what's on the forums, you've been
你们在论♥坛♥太久了 主要是事件的顺序
on the forums too long. It's about the sequence
它在哪 哪里就是论♥坛♥
of events. The forums are where it's at.
杰西卡·海德会空手道
Jessica Hyde does karate.
她受过柔术训练
She's trained in jiujitsu.
欢迎
Welcome.
你们好
Hello.
我是吉米 很明显我打扮的是杰西卡·海德
I'm Jimmy. I'm dressed as Jessica Hyde, clearly.
她爸爸是个天才科学家
Her dad was a genius scientist.
但是兔子先生让他制♥造♥可怕的病毒...
But Mr. Rabbit forced him to make unspeakable diseases...
-我... -否则兔子先生就杀了杰西卡
- Well, I... - ...or else Mr. Rabbit would kill Jessica.
现在他们在逃亡 被收割追赶
Yeah, so now they're on the run being chased by the Harvest.
-我是阿蒂米斯 -不该穿紫色
- I'm Artemis. - Not supposed to be purple.
-是紫罗兰 -随便
- It's violet. - Whatever.
埃博拉
Ebola.
中东呼吸综合症
Mers.
寨卡病毒
Zika.
有人携带病毒 并把它们当武器
Someone is taking diseases and weaponizing them.
向我们散播疾病
Loosing them upon us,
而你们却沉迷于故事传说
and you guys are obsessing over stories?
各位 杰西卡·海德不是真实存在的
Guys, Jessica Hyde isn't real.
但你知道什么是真的吗 藏在《人间炼狱》里的疾病
But you know what is real? The diseases hidden in Dystopia.
天啊 你是那种人对吧
Oh, God, you're one of those, huh?
"迹象和预兆"
-"Signs and portents."
"一定都有某种意义"
"It all has to mean something."
那的确意味着某些事
It does mean something.
这看起来像什么
What does this look like?
谁知道
Anyone?
乌干达
Uganda.
讲真的 有时候叶子只是
I mean, sometimes a leaf is just...
乌干达
Uganda.
这片叶子的形状和乌干达完美契合
It is a perfect Uganda-shaped leaf.
看 这根树枝上有八片 这上面有一片
And, look. Eight on this branch, one on this one.
八人感染 一人死于乌干达
Eight infected, one dead in Uganda.
2014年 马尔堡病毒
2014, the Marburg virus.
现在的小妞们也喜欢这东西吗
Are, like, real chicks into this stuff, too, now?
我想是吧
I guess...
看 这些在水里的形状
Okay. And, look, these shapes in the water.
上面在空气里的
Up in the air.
这些看起来像什么
What do these look like?
黄尾蝠
Yellow vesper bats.
在乌干达大爆发中最早的病毒宿主
The primary disease vector in the Uganda outbreak.
正是
Exactly.
我一定得去看看鹿角男展区
I've got to get to the Antlerman panel.
-是啊 -她简直是个阴谋论疯子
- Oh, yeah. - She's just a conspiracy whacko.
-没错 -听着 这些的确很可爱很有趣
- Yeah. - Look, this is all cute and everything,
但我们真的只想过来聊聊漫画故事
but we really wanted to get in and talk about the mythology.
你想听阴谋吗
You want a conspiracy?
几十年前
A few decades ago,
一群你们这样的男混球们
somehow, a group of you fucking boy assholes
不知如何让全世界都相信了你们的鬼话
managed to trick the world into believing that
漫画书是一种正经的文学
comic books were serious fucking literature,
现在你们都可以围在这里
and now you all get to sit around
像约瑟夫·坎贝尔一样消磨这该死的日子
and Joseph Campbell the fucking day away
美国著名文学教授
坐在沾染精♥液♥的懒人椅上
on your spoo-stained papasans,
沉浸于暴♥力♥世界
stewing in the violence,
靠超隐喻去手♥淫♥
masturbating over the meta-metaphors,
用隐喻去谈论隐喻
假装你们有理可循 但你们知道吗
pretending that you're valid, but you know what?
那不会让你变聪明
It doesn't make you smart
或在争论阿蒂米斯表演的是哪种武术时显得更深刻
or deep to debate what kind of martial arts that Artemis performs.
各位 这玩意关系到生命
Guys, this shit is about life.
各位 这玩意关系到我们要怎么做
Guys, this shit is about doing something,
而不是谈论卡♥通♥人物在做什么
not talking about cartoons doing something.
说得好
Exactly.
我的天啊
Oh, my God.
我记得鹿角男
I remember Antlerman.
我一直不喜欢超级英雄那些鬼话
I have never been a fan of the superhero crap.
什么
What?
这个世界上的男强人已经够多了
There's enough alpha males in the world as it is.
但乌托邦
But Utopia, see...
你看 这不一样
See, that's different.
我真的希望我们能拿到它
And I really want us to get that.
我觉得我们能解决
I think we could solve it.
没错 如果有事情需要解决的话
Yeah, if there is anything to solve.
伊恩 你听起来像个怀疑论者
Ian, you sound like a doubter.
你在说什么
What are you talking about?
-不不不 -钩子来了
- No. No, no, no. - Hooks!
当然有事情需要解决
Of course there is something to solve.
我不是怀疑论者 只是
I'm not a doubter, it's just...
我不知道 我很紧张是因为除了小萨
I don't know, I get nervous because after Sam,
你就像是《人间炼狱》专家 所以
you're, like, the Dystopia expert, so...
不 不是这样 还有威尔逊
Oh, no, that's not true. There's Wilson.
他是部百科全书
He's an encyclopedia.
没错 威尔逊他
Yeah. Well, Wilson's just...
-威尔逊 -完全在另一个境界 太夸张了
-Wilson. -...on a whole other level. It's ridicul-
我确定他是台电脑
I'm pretty sure he's a computer.
他在给你他的地址之前
Did he make you submit the background check
有没有让你提交一个背景调查
before he gave you his address?
有啊 有
Yes. Yes.
"因为这是个奇葩世界 而你可能是其中一个奇葩"
"Because it is a weird world and you may be one of the weirdos."
我很欣赏诚实
I appreciated... the honesty.
是我吗
Is it me?
是你
It's you.