鸟姐妹（2019）

Ooh! What kind of paradise is this?
这是什么天堂啊
What? Where am I?
什么 我在哪里
You're in the hood.
你在区里
The adulthood.
成年区
Hello!
你好
Are you here for our "Buy 40, get one free" Goldfish sale?
你是来参加我们"买♥♥40送1"的金鱼促销吗
Nah.
不是
How about our "Buy one, get 40 free" Goldfish sale?
那"买♥♥1送40"的金鱼促销呢
Not today, dude.
今天没兴趣
We have a lot of goldfish!
我们有很多金鱼
I'm actually here to make a high-commitment purchase.
我是来买♥♥高投入东西的
A "Forever friend."
一个"永远的朋友"
Oh. Fuck, yeah!
太棒了
Let me show you our longer-lifespan animals.
我给你看看我们更长寿的动物
No.
不
No!
不
Maybe.
也许
Yes!
可以
Once your loan is approved,
贷款一旦批下来
you'll be one step closer to home ownership.
你们就离买♥♥♥房♥♥更近一步了
Great. Thank you.
棒 谢谢
There are just a few more things we need to go over.
我们还要说几个事
I assume the two of you are married.
我猜二位已经结婚了
Actually, no.
没有
Maybe someday, but right now,
或许以后会结 但现在
the thought of planning a wedding is like, bleh!
一想到筹备婚礼 我就
Someone put me in a corset
有人给我穿紧身胸衣
and pull it tight until my lungs explode.
一直收紧直到我的肺爆♥炸♥
I see. The paperwork for you will be a bit more complicated.
这样 那你们要填的文件就会复杂一点
Your co-ownership agreement should answer questions like, mm...
你们的共有权协议需要回答这些问题
"What happens to the property if, uh, one of you drops dead?"
"如果你们中一人去世 房♥产归谁"
Dying?
死亡
Who's dying?
谁要死
All of us, from the moment we're born.
我们所有人 从出生那一刻开始
True.
没错
Thirty years? Fixed?
30年 固定利率
If both of you are killed, your house will go to your murderer.
如果你们都被杀 那房♥子就归凶手
And if your murderer gets murdered,
如果你们的凶手被杀
your house goes to the bank. What?
那房♥子就归银行 什么
Now let's get into what happens if neither of you get murdered,
我们现在来谈谈如果都没被杀
and both of you live together in this house for a very long time.
并且在这所房♥子里生活了很长一段时间的情况
Great. Listen, our credit scores are excellent,
很好 听着 我们的信用评分很好
and we have savings for a down payment.
我们的积蓄可以支付首♥付♥
Bertie and I are committed to this process.
伯蒂和我下定决心要买♥♥♥房♥♥
Right, Bertie? Yep.
是吧 伯蒂 嗯
I like you two.
我喜欢你们俩
You're prepared.
你们准备充分
A lot of young people
很多年轻人
get caught up in the fantasy of buying a house
光顾着想买♥♥♥房♥♥
and aren't prepared to do the work, financially, psychologically,
但是根本没准备好 无论是经济上 心理上
or sexually.
还是性♥爱♥上
Good thing that's not us.
还好我们不是那样的
All this talk about mortgages, and 30 years, and early death...
刚才她一直说房♥贷 三十年 还有早死的事
It's a lot, don't you think? No way.
你不觉得很压抑吗 完全不会
Just because our loan is 30 years
虽然我们的贷款是三十年
doesn't mean we need to live in the house for that long.
但这并不代表我们必须在房♥子里住那么久
Oh, okay.
好吧
This is just a starter house.
这只是我们的起步房♥
After five to seven years, we can upgrade to another home
五到七年之后 我们可以升级到另外一个家
or build our dream home from scratch.
甚至可以自己造我们的梦想之家
We've got years and years to explore all the possibilities.
我们有很多年可以探索无限可能
But I hate possibilities.
但是我很讨厌可能性
If a restaurant has too many options, I end up ordering napkins.
如果一个餐厅有太多菜 我最后会点餐巾纸
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, girl!
跑慢点 小妞
A little for you, mm, but more for me.
给你一点 给我更多
And right on time.
刚好准时
Bertie, make room on the counter for these hot trays.
伯蒂 在柜台上腾出位置放这些热烤盘
Eep! Okay, Bertie, ready to plate.
好的 伯蒂 准备装盘
These are hot little suckers, aren't they?
这些确实很烫
Hi, Bertie!
伯蒂
It's me, Speckle.
是我 斯派克
Uh, is this sanitary?
这样干净吗
Open your mouth, Bertie.
张开嘴 伯蒂
Wha--
什么
Health code violation!
这不符合卫生标准
Wow, that was a deep nap you were having.
你这个觉睡得挺沉啊
Hope I didn't bother you.
但愿我没有打扰到你
Uh, I got so excited about that little house,
一想到我们的小家我就很兴奋
I started sketching some ideas for it.
于是我就开始写写画画
Wanna see? Bertie?
想看看吗 伯蒂
Yeah, house. Cute house.
当然 房♥子 可爱的房♥子
Check this out.
快看
What?
什么
Check out the backyard.
快看后院
See, if we remove the bushes here,
如果我们砍掉这里的木丛
and we expand the patio here...
把露台拓宽到这里
...we can build a deck with a fire pit.
就可以建一个带火炉的露台
We'll use it once to impress our friends,
我们可以用一次 让朋友们羡慕一下
and then, it'll be purely ornamental.
然后就只作为装饰
My own garden. We'd have so much space here.
居然有自己的花♥园♥ 我们在这里会有许多空间
One of the benefits of living farther from the city.
住得离市区比较远就有这个好处
Oh, that's right.
是啊
This house is a little farther out.
这个房♥子离市区很远
I'll have to take the train to work.
我得坐地铁去上班
And probably sit next to
也许坐在我旁边的人
a dude eating the world's smelliest egg salad.
会吃着世界上最臭的鸡蛋沙拉
But just think about how you'll be helping the environment.
但是可以想一想 这样你会为环境做贡献
Mmm, but the more I think about it,
但是我想得越多越觉得
didn't that kitchen look small to you?
这个厨房♥是不是有点小
Nah, that's an easy fix.
没事 这个很好解决
With all of the renovations I've planned...
等做完我计划的这些改造...
Mmm... I keep thinking about Tuca.
我一直在想图卡
We can't just move out and abandon her. She needs me.
我们不能直接抛下她搬出去 她需要我
None of her bills are set up for automatic payment.
她的账单都没有设置成自动扣款
She's welcome to visit anytime.
她可以随时来看我们
Look, I made her a sweet tire swing.
我还给她做了一个轮胎秋千
What?
怎么了
No!
不
Sweetie, could you help me change my diaper?
亲爱的 你能帮我换尿布吗
Because for some reason, this is how you picture old age.
不知为什么 你对于老年的想象是这样的
Oh! Where did Tuca go?
图卡去哪儿了
Oh, you haven't spoken to her since we signed our mortgage...
自从我们五年前还完房♥贷
five years ago.
你就没再跟她说话了
I love that you care about Tuca,
我很喜欢你这么在乎图卡
but she's resourceful and resilient.
不过她很聪明 生命力顽强
She'll be fine if we move out.
我们搬出去她也会过得很好
You'd be so cute in a little house.
你住在小房♥子里会非常可爱的
Ah! I just want to live with you forever! Aah!
我只想跟你永远住一起
You keep saying "Forever," When statistically, men die at 70.
你总是说永远 但是数据显示 男人会在70岁去世
What am I supposed to do until I drop dead at 109,
那我该怎么办 我会活到109岁
after finally trying cocaine for the first time?
死因是第一次尝试可♥卡♥因♥
You'd make such a cute, old widow!
那你一定是最可爱的老寡妇
Man, I love addressing all of your concerns.
我喜欢处理你的这些担心
Boom! Problem solving.
解决问题
But you're not listening.
但你没听我说话
Oh! That's the realtor right now. Exciting!
房♥产经纪人打来了 真令人兴奋
Hi, uh, Rebecca. Did they receive our offer?
你好 丽贝卡 他们收到我们的报价了
Uh, how high should we go if they counter?
如果他们不接受 我们要抬高到多少
Mm-hmm. Okay.
好吧
Hey, I-- I got to run to the bakery. I'll see you later.
我得去烘焙店了 回头见