鸟姐妹（2019）

好吧 这是我十多年来第一次做心理咨♥询♥
Okay, so, I know this is my first time
好吧 这是我十多年来第一次做心理咨♥询♥
doing therapy in decades,
而且你看 我很紧张
and, look, I'm nervous,
但是 这个刺鼻的味道
but, uh, there's a strong aroma...
呃…我是正在回忆起一段被压抑的记忆吗？
Eh, am I recalling a repressed memory?
这是放弃与谨慎的希望
That's Resignation and Cautious Hope.
是这个香薰灯的精油
Essential oils.
是这个香薰灯的精油
I have a diffuser.
好吧 罗伯塔·欧歌♥鸫
So, Roberta Songthrush...
- 是贝蒂 - 贝蒂
- It's Bertie. - Bertie.
你今年31岁 在杂♥志♥社上班
You're 31, you work at a magazine publisher
同时在公♥寓♥里做烘焙生意
but run a baking business out of your apartment.
你为没有做厨余垃圾堆肥而内疚
You feel guilty for not composting your kitchen scraps.
你因为焦虑和创伤引起恐慌症
You want therapy because you suffer severe panic attacks
所以来进行心理咨♥询♥
brought on by crippling anxiety and lingering trauma.
很普通 跟我说说你最亲近的人吧
Standard stuff. Tell me about the people closest to you.
嗯 图卡是我最好的朋友
Well, Tuca's my best friend.
我们经常一起玩
We hang out constantly.
她知道我所有的三个秘密
She knows all three of my secrets.
她是我的精神领袖
She's my socialist elected president.
我们就像这个 你懂吗？
We're just like this, you know?
图卡…知道了 还有其他人吗？
Tuca. Got it. Anyone else?
呃…对了
Hmm. Oh, yeah.
我男朋友 斑斑 我们在一起五年了
Oh, my boyfriend of five years. Speckle.
我们住在一起
We live together.
很明显 图卡是你生活里的毒素
It's clear that Tuca is a toxic element in your life
你得把她清除掉
and you need to cut her out.
而且 你们俩的名字凑在一起怪怪的
Plus, your names sound wrong together.
图卡和贝蒂 图卡和贝蒂
Tuca and Bertie. Tuca and Bertie.
贝蒂和图卡？
Bertie and Tuca?
不 这样凑也不行
No, that doesn't work either.
图卡和……
Tuca and...
♪ 图卡和贝蒂 图卡和贝蒂 ♪
♪ Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie ♪
♪ 贝蒂和图卡和图卡和贝蒂 ♪
♪ Bertie & Tuca And Tuca & Bertie ♪
♪ 图卡和贝蒂 ♪
♪ Tuca & Bertie ♪
♪ 图卡 ♪ 贝蒂 ♪
♪ Tuca ♪ Bertie ♪
你要我把图卡清除掉？
You want me to cut Tuca?
对的 从你的生活里
Out of your life, yes.
还有你男朋友 一样清除掉
And ditch the boyfriend, too.
我建议你来一套人际关系大排毒
I suggest a full relationship detox.
这建议也太可怕了吧！
That's terrible advice!
你这算什么心理咨♥询♥师？
What kind of therapist are you?
我专攻断绝依赖关系
I specialize in severing attachments.
你同事克劳黛向你推荐我的时候 没有告诉你吗？
Didn't your co-worker Claudette tell you
你同事克劳黛向你推荐我的时候 没有告诉你吗？
when she gave you the referral?
呃…她没说过这事
Uh, Claudette didn't
而且…我想起来 她已经有三年没跟我说过话了
and, now that I'm thinking about it,
而且…我想起来 她已经有三年没跟我说过话了
hasn't otherwise spoken to me in three years.
嗯哼 我们觉得你的能量对她的成长没有好处
Mm-hmm. We felt your energy was negative to her growth.
行吧 我要走了
I'm gonna take off.
对的！就是要这种精神！
Aah! That's the spirit!
把我也清理掉！重新开始！
Cut me out of your life! Start fresh!
什么怪人
What a loon!
对吧！我是说 谁知道
Right? I mean, who knew
要找一个靠谱的心理咨♥询♥师竟然会这么难
finding a good therapist would be this hard?
你找心理咨♥询♥师干嘛？
What do you need a therapist for?
像我一样就好了
Just do what I do.
把不好的情绪都吼到杯子里
Spew all those bad feelings into a cup,
倒扣过来 然后放到马桶边上去
turn it over, and push it behind the toilet.
愤怒
（我的帽子丢了）
难过的心情
难过的心情
2019夏天
嫉妒
狗狗
愤怒
（我的帽子丢了）
难过的心情
难过的心情
2019夏天
嫉妒
狗狗
看了一个
悲伤
的广♥告♥
感觉好极了！
I feel great!
我得找个专业人士 图卡
I need a professional, Tuca.
如果你的车坏了 你得去找汽修工
You know, if your car's broken, you go to a mechanic.
而我 我的脑子坏掉了
Well, my brains are broken.
斑斑已经计划好了
Speckle planned this nice
明晚的周年纪念日高级晚餐
anniversary dinner tomorrow night
本来根本不是什么大问题
and it should be no big deal,
但只要一想起来 我就胃痛和鸟嘴冒汗
but even that's giving me gut cramps and beak sweats!
我只是要找个好点的心理巫医
I just need to see a good shrink
Shrink：心理咨♥询♥师/咨♥询♥师的俚语
聊个一次两次 然后 嚯
for like a session or two, then boom!
恐慌症再也不会发作了！简单！
No more panic attacks! Easy!
嗷 我还以为我是你的恐慌应对专员呢
Aw, I thought I was your panic mechanic!
我不能总是依赖你
I can't always rely on you.
而且 你还有好多约会要忙呢
Plus, you're busy going on all your dates!
网上约会太垃圾了
Online dating sucks.
我没法把我强烈又神秘的魅力
I can't encapsulate my raw,
全压缩进一段个人简介里
enigmatic allure in a profile.
我不需要更多爱
I don't need more love!
我的心就像青春期内衣
My heart is like a training bra.
只能装下这么点奶♥子♥
You can only fit so much titty in there.
我对你的爱已经足够了
I already love you so much,
我心里没有空间再爱其他人了
I don't have space in my heart for anyone else.
你到现在还穿着青春期内衣吗
You're still wearing training bras?
我还在适应呢
I'm still learning!
我不是埃丝特·鸸鹋咨♥询♥师
I'm no Dr. Esther Emu
但听起来你在否认你的情感需求
but sounds like you're denying your emotional needs.
埃丝特·鸸鹋咨♥询♥师？
Dr. Esther Emu?
就是你在听的那个傻傻的心理播客吗？
Is that that stupid podcast shrink you're stupid for?
当他管你叫小鸟宝宝时
And when he calls you a little baby bird-child,
你感觉如何？
how do you feel?
-就像一个小鸟宝宝 -就像一个小鸟宝宝
- Like a little baby bird-child. - Like a little baby bird-child.
天啊贝蒂 我们在十字路口好不好！
Aw, shit, Bertie! We're in an intersection!
我想约她 但她档期全满了
I'd see her, but she's all booked up.
现在我要怎么搞清楚
Now how am I supposed to know
这些心理巫医哪个好一些
which of these other shrinks are any good?
就像这些约会网站
Same deal with these dating sites.
这些人不是看起来太户外了
These people either look too outdoorsy
喜欢- 赤♥裸♥全身，内衣，肚脐
不喜欢- 衣服，花，披萨和洗衣机
喜欢- 登山，骑车，户外活动，背包
不喜欢- 宅家，猫，洗澡，书和烘培
喜欢- 盆栽，室内栽培和电视
不喜欢- 交朋友，混酒吧，噪音
就是看起来太宅了
or way too indoorsy.
喜欢- 赤♥裸♥全身，内衣，肚脐
不喜欢- 衣服，花，披萨和洗衣机
喜欢- 登山，骑车，户外活动，背包
不喜欢- 宅家，猫，洗澡，书和烘培
喜欢- 盆栽，室内栽培和电视
不喜欢- 交朋友，混酒吧，噪音
真希望我能一次约一群人
I wish I could date a group of people all at once
然后一个个淘汰他们
and eliminate them one by one...
像真人秀节目一样
Like a reality show.
我也希望我可以约一群心理咨♥询♥师
Yeah, I wish I could date a bunch of therapists
然后再挑一个出来
and then just choose one.
噢 你当然可以
Oh, you can.
你想看多少心理咨♥询♥师都行
You're free to see as many therapists as you'd like.
做一个认知行为治疗的海王
Be a cognitive behavioral slut!
噢 你不想我选你吗？
Oh, don't you want me to choose you?
我可以是世界上最好的心理咨♥询♥师
I could be the best therapist in the world
但仍然不是你的最佳选择
and still not be right for you.
所以 最近是什么让你焦虑呢？
So what's making you anxious lately?
没什么 都是些平常的东西
Oh, you know, just the usual stuff.
而且 斑斑和我打算
Also, Speckle and I
明天晚上庆祝我们的周年纪念日
are celebrating our anniversary tomorrow night.
听起来这事你们可以低调一些
That seems like something you could keep low key.
为时已晚
Too late.
呃 贝蒂
Uh, Bertie.